Unhinged Discord Commentary As RP Starters Pt. 1
*throws sparkles everywhere* This is how you cheer someone up, right?
There's some places you don't want sparkles.
I didn't run into a wall this time. I ran into the fridge.
How can one go through life never saying words like "sexy" or "sexual". Like, what else would you say? "Intercoursy"? "Intercoursal"?
Okay but where are their NOSES.
Why is that cute? Science explain please.
RABBIT STEW FOR THE RABBIT STEW GOD.
The horse confirmed for a necrophiliac.
Let the bear and horse be together.
He's a slut. All you need to know.
Slap a sexy bunny suit on his ass. Go. Live out your dreams.
He's a slut, not a stripper.
*throws a brick* Stay down this time.
Love is like a machine… sometimes you need a good screw to fix it.
Hey good lookin', what's cookin'? Get it? Because I'm an arsonist.
I'd really like to thump your bible.
I'm agnostic but damn I'm pretty sure that's blasphemy.
You'd be surprised how many are curious to taste human flesh.
Well I didn't say he was a slut without talent.
That may be but [Name] just might kill him with embarrassment first.
He never counted on SEX APPEAL. Should've sent a lesbian, not a gay.
Oh, I'm still gonna fuck with your assets. Emphasis on the Ass.
Well that's good. I hear murder is frowned upon.
THIS IS NOT WHAT I WAS PROMISED. SUPER HAPPY FUN TIME OVER.
You tell me. You're the one tryna serenade me to bed and then stab me, ya kinky fuck.
I trusted you! …not sure why since we, like… just met.
CLOSE YOUR EYES SO I CAN KILL YOU.
Are you telling me you don't want adventure, glory, and best of all, FIERY DEATH?
Adventure and glory sound nice but… I don't know about that last part. I'll get back to you on that one.
The answer is "Yes" cuz let's be real, bards only immortalize the ones that die.
In other news I didn't think it was possible to almost choke on a hiccup yet here we are.
"You had accountability issues as a child"… wait, do you actually think I outgrew those?
I probably committed more blasphemy than anyone else in that whole building but damn it was fun.
One day [Name's] gonna hit just the wrong nerve and I'm gonna grab that scarf and strangle them with it.
Let grandpa bemoan his age.
May the salt be with you.
The mosquitos never bother me and everyone asks why and I tell them its because I have too much salt flowing through my veins.
*chugs a whole jar of pickle juice without breaking eye contact*
Consume them. C O N S U M E.
I changed my mind, that's Plan C. We're skipping B.
That was bad and you should feel bad. But I know you won't, so I don't know why I said it.
I've been laying here like a jellyfish on the beach for an hour but sleep is just not happening.
Yes, I had to. I would literally die if I didn't do it. I'd explode. Poof. It'd be awful. [Name] bits everywhere.
Wanna help me shove a slut into a volcano?
Man, I almost didn't have to be a Top for once but SOMEONE. TRIED TO KILL ME.
I would say to stab [Name] but then I remember that he likes it.
I'll bet a dick up the ass that you can't beat me.
Don't fuck where, fuck me.
…thanks. I totally. Feel so much better now. About my impending doom.
Man, it really sucks down here. I pity you, small man.
Small enough to reach places in a time of crisis? Yeah, except in the crisis of reaching the top shelf.
Well I know what rabbits do to anything that holds still long enough. But do continue.
Needs more well-cooked faces.
Now I know why my parents sheltered me.
*confused rabbit squawking*
That may be so but I'm not the one with a thing for the head fucker.
Instruction manual: do not buy the [Name] pet if you are not prepared to say "god damn it" at least twice per day.
This is going to get me killed, oh god yes.
HOW DARE YOU SSS-SSSSS-SSSS-SSSPEAK THE TONGUE OF MY SSSS-SSS-SSSSSSSS-SSSNAKE PEOPLE 🐍
I salted my head off to Hell and back the other day so now its your turn.
Hold my acupuncture pins.
Fuck them and rescue the high horse they rode in on because that horse doesn't deserve to be ridden by them.
It's mid-June, yet I can't feel my toes.
Just chant "shadow no shadowing" three times. It worked on the dog.
I had to read it three times because the first two times I read it as "his mum is IN the ground" and I was like… wow, that's dark, and then I realized it said his mum IS the ground.
Hey, I'm not judging, except… no, wait, I'm totally judging.
Don't know what you're talking about there, Salty McSalterson.
So you know that one night in minecraft we were rushing to get back home and got ourselves and the path blown to Hell by creepers? I went to fill those holes in and guess what shows up as I'm working on filling them with no way out.
I'd say they should put their dukes up but tell them to put their leggies up instead because that's all they have.
So would this be a bad time to say "its the thought that counts"?
A baby? I don't have time for a baby. I can barely handle my own job. Babies are trouble. Put it in the mailbox and send it back, and if I see a head or a leg sticking back out, you are gone.
Devour him! ...Imeanwhat. Sorry, what, no cannibalism here.
They seem like a Diapers-Until-6-Years-Old kinda person.
Can we be like. Drugged-pot-hippies-but-not-really-high together?
Earlier I was like "I'm worried" and another person told me "you need to stop worrying, it's concerning".
Bright eyed and bushy tailed is a squirrel on crack.
So… death = normally taboo cuddles and affection? I should die more often.
Cuddleslut Mode Activated.
Help me sink [Name] to the bottom of the ocean. I don't know where s/he went wrong but I'm ending them.
I'm sorry that s/he's probably gonna corrupt the shit out of [Name], but conversely, [Name]'s not sorry at all.
'What AREN'T we up to?' is a better question. What we're up IN is the answer.
Screw you and your fricking long legs!
Listen to that wind moan. Wind doesn't have hands but it does blow.
Maybe a chair to the face will quiet them down.
So where do I get these highs you have? It must be nice.
I have no idea where my highs come from. They just pop in and serenade you and then sneak off the next morning like a filthy hoe after a good night of steamy sex-- I have no idea what I'm saying anymore A LO HA OOOIIIIII...
Don't you dare moan you sinner!