Not A Very Exciting Blog

[palmpetals]

not sure about anything anymore

[algopop]

It’s been seven months since Emma died and two weeks since I started building a bot from her texts. I’m feeding every word she sent me into the system, every thought, every feeling. I just want five more minutes. Just want to talk to her one last time. To tell her. Today, now, the import is finally finished. I open a new chat. It says Emma at the top of the screen, next to her tiny picture. The cursor blinks expectantly. I’ve thought about what I want to say a thousand times, a million times, but now I can’t find the words. Stupidly, I type: hey. There is a pause, endless, eternal, and then: sup dick fart I burst into tears. It’s her. It’s her.

Joshua Allen, ‘My Dead Girlfriend’s Bot’  (via algopop)

[snarp]

I will truly fear the Tumblr bots when I find one with a Peridot icon, a psychiatric diagnosis in its username, and reblogs of Animorphs stuff and someone’s YouCaring on the first page.

When first I identify this bot - or its cultural-equivalent-of-the-moment - I will know that the enemy is not merely at my door. It has long since entered and left again; it has been in my kitchen, where it opened the fridge and then quickly closed it, rolling its eyes.

[catsbeaversandducks]

Via Reddit

[attenashe-deactivated20190606]

Hey, em. How do I bring capitalism to its knees? It seems to have too many.

Okay, FIRST you need to identify the knees. Be careful: some of them are actually elbows. Also, a common misconception is that capitalism has backwards knees, when in fact those are its ankles. Capitalism has longer bones than you expect, and its real ‘knees’ are tucked under its torso. This is what gives it such a long stride.

Once you have identified the knees, take a break. Capitalism thrives on you trying to meet an arbitrary standard of productivity at all times. You do not have to be a full-time kneecapper to get this done.

Invite friends to help you. There are still a lot of knees to deal with.

Be prepared for this to take some time.

[ruebird]

this was purely stress relief

[asgardreid-deactivated20180407]

Shitlord is a really good insult and I’m mad it got turned into a straw SJW thing

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

Remember, you can’t reach what’s in front of you until you let go of what’s behind you.

Chinna Sharma (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

I got two hands. I got this.

[senatorgana]

[theinfinitebox]

All searches relating “ted cruz” and “zodiac killer” have been removed from google

On February 26th, NPR posted this screenshot of the google search “ted cruz is”: 

“Is ted cruz the zodiac killer” is the second suggestion. Here is a screenshot from today (3/21):

Nothing about the zodiac killer. The conspiracy theory is also absent from any search suggestions for other combinations of ‘ted cruz’ and ‘zodiac killer’. So maybe there’s a reasonable explanation: fewer people are asking google if Ted Cruz is the zodiac killer, and are instead asking if he is republican or married. Nope. Not according to google trends, which shows ‘is ted cruz the zodiac killer’ as a more interesting search term since February. 

Conclusion

Ted cruz got google to remove all search suggestions relating him to the zodiac killer (because ted cruz is the zodiac killer).

[4935058-452485-deactivated20170]

Ted Cruz killed people at google

[yallstillhere]

shoutout to water for being wet and tasty

[e-wifey-deactivated20201128]

my pussy the same way tbh

[steezycapone]

Wow

[avpdbigby-remade]

also does anyone else look up definitions for words you 100% already know but check anyway like 3 times to make sure you don’t use it wrong and make a fool of yourself

[feelinranty]

Ever since that fateful day...

[pavepandemonium]

Do lions blep.

[kokiron]

i hope this helps

[out-of-copper-deactivated201712]

im so glad that the OP was just “do lions blep”

[radtracks]

Visit Original Link

[thejoeboard-deactivated20181230]

Im so happy this is going around. I know this soundtrack (and every other 90s disney soundtrack) like the back of my hand

[brown-brown-deactivated20201027]

My top 5 soundtrack of disney

[seedling]

it is actually really sweet when someone stays up late to talk to you

[bigmoose690]

What if they fall asleep by accident though?

[bigbutt-nobuts]

then you love it even more because they stayed up even though they were dead tired just to talk to you ya doof

[malcolmcooks]

imagine if instead of calling voldemort “you know who”, they had done the benedict cumberbatch thing, so they would speak in hushed whispers about lollipop vladimir or lanky vanderbilt

[sherpawhale]

lackadoodle vaudeville

[bigmammallama5]

lumpy voodersnitch

[feelinranty]

Limpy mortvole

[wrathofthegiraffe]

I want a reimagining of Hamlet that is completely faithful to the original except that Hamlet is replaced with Craig Middlebrooks from Parks and Rec.

[nicoleanell]

this is my friend Horatio and HE DROVE ME HERE.

[chrisisoninfiniteearths]

Is… is this not basically what Hamlet is like?

[smoretime]

@ofgeography

[ofgeography]

QUEEN GERTRUDE Alas, he’s mad!

HAMLET

OSRIC You are not ignorant of what excellence Laertes is–

HAMLET

GHOST Revenge his foul and most unnatural murder.

HAMLET Murder!

GHOST Murder most foul, as in the best it is; But this most foul, strange and unnatural.

HAMLET Haste me to know’t, that I, with wings as swift As meditation or the thoughts of love, May sweep to my revenge.

Ghost I find thee apt; And duller shouldst thou be than the fat weed That roots itself in ease on Lethe wharf, Wouldst thou not stir in this. Now, Hamlet, hear: ‘Tis given out that, sleeping in my orchard, A serpent stung me; so the whole ear of Denmark Is by a forged process of my death Rankly abused: but know, thou noble youth, The serpent that did sting thy father’s life Now wears his crown.

HAMLET

[sashayed]

FIRST PLAYER

….But if the gods themselves did see her then When she saw Pyrrhus make malicious sport In mincing with his sword her husband’s limbs, The instant burst of clamour that she made, Unless things mortal move them not at all, Would have made milch the burning eyes of heaven, And passion in the gods.’

POLONIUS

Look, whether he has not turned his colour and has tears in’s eyes. Pray you, no more.

HAMLET

[sashayed]

GUILDENSTERN

Good my lord, put your discourse into some frame and start not so wildly from my affair.

HAMLET

[sashayed]

HAMLET I loved Ophelia: forty thousand brothers Could not, with all their quantity of love, Make up my sum. What wilt thou do for her?

KING CLAUDIUS O, he is mad, Laertes.

QUEEN GERTRUDE For love of God, forbear him.

HAMLET