sometimes i feel like hurting myself

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@feministinfp
sometimes i feel like hurting myself
The Dark Side of INFP
Is it just me or are a lot of INFP traits BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) traits as well? Depends on the type on INFP I guess, but the emotional sensitivity is definitely a personality disorder. Being gullible, feeling worthless, being so sensitive that you get hurt easily, feeling a lack of identity.
To those INFPs out there suffering with intense emotions and chaos... just remember that someone is thinking of you. And is possibly in the same boat.
Be kind to yourselves.
when i was a kid i thought i had superpowers. i thought i could see the past and predict the future through my dreams. most INFP superpower ever.
PoC INFP
As a woman of colour dating a man who is a person of colour I finally feel more or less equal in terms of racial power. However I find myself comparing to his exes (who were not the same ethnicity), particularly his most recent ex who is white. A lot of INFP imagery seems to be about white girls - but brown girls can be just as soulful, deep, quiet, sensitive as other INFPs.
Are there any other PoC INFPs around? How do you navigate dating and relationships?
Affirmations
I haven’t posted in a while for several reasons - some good, some not so good.
School has become much busier (not so good)
but I am in a new relationship with an amazing guy (good)
I have had some serious self-esteem, insecurity and jealousy issues (not so good)
Since I am still very much struggling with getting over my boyfriend’s romantic and sexual past, and coming to terms with me myself a beautiful person, I decided I need to give myself some affirmations.
Here are some truths about me:
1. I am beautiful.
2. I am better than anyone in my boyfriend’s past. Including his ex, hook-ups, one night stands, girls he kissed or was interested in. He would not be with me if I weren’t the best he’s ever had.
3. He said I am the most unique, kind, open person he’s met. That he could never find anyone else like me.
4. I am intelligent. I am kind. I am genuine. I am loving. I am funny. I am so much more than my looks.
5. I am my own person. I love me. Anyone is lucky to have me in their life. I deserve the best. I love me.
Beauty in sensitivity
There is a girl in my class whom I’ve always been intimidated by because of her attractiveness, she is a yoga teacher, comes off as very wise/open-minded yet cooler-than-thou.
Today we discussing the Canadian Aboriginal suicide crisis in Attawapiskat and she said some pretty insensitive and patronizing things about the community, without even meaning to. Yet she believed exactly what she said.
Now I don’t find her attractive anymore. Insensitivity is ugly. At least now I am not intimidated by her. I can disagree with her and feel nothing. There is beauty in kindness and sensitivity. I am very beautiful.
M.I.A
I love her. She represents the South Asian and Sri Lankan Tamil communities. She is fearless and beautiful. She makes amazing music and has such a unique style.
She makes me want to change the world. She makes me want to become a cultural leader. I will one day.
Being Alessia Cara at a house party
One time I went to a hosue party where I knew close to no one. I spent half the night pretending to look for my friends. I spent the other half talking to a cute guy and I ended up shaking his hand in the middle of a hot and steamy dance floor because I didn’t know how to say good bye.
The most recent house party I went to, I hugged a wall and chatted up some people and played what was arguably the worst game of beer pong in history.
The song ‘Here’ describes me perfectly, and I would guess describes many INFPs. I love Alessia Cara’s style, voice, and thoughts. She makes introversion cool for once. And I love the idea of an anti-party jam!
I am invited to another house party this weekend. I am going because I know enough people who will be there but I’m starting to feel nervous already. I need to embrace my inner Alessia Cara and make the most of it. Wish me luck.
Dat feel when...
you are not sure if someone is giving you signals so you don’t know whether you should stop fantasizing or not. Must. Stop. Being. Overly. Attached.
straight boys are weak and pathetic, queer girls walk into the ladies changing room and see ten women naked, do they stare? do they say something inappropriate? do they make them uncomfortable? no because they have the common fucking sense to recognise when a situation is sexual and that people deserve the most basic level of respect to not be harassed, yet here we are banning shorts and low cut tops in school because straight boys are weak and pathetic
okay i made this post this morning and it has since had eighty two thousand notes, it’s been featured on reddit, facebook, twitter i’ve been sent multiple death threats and messages that i don’t even want to describe
and i have to apologise
i’ve seen the error of my ways
straight boys are not ’weak and pathetic’
straight boys are weak, pathetic and fucking annoying
I will reblog this every time I see it posted
amazingly worded!
The difference between cat people and dog people, as explained by Tumblr.
yessssssss
DAE feel like a fake humanitarian/feminist/good person?
This is a rhetorical question.
Whether it is through this blog, in imaginary conversations, or in tear-filled rants with frenemies, I am a tireless advocate of marginalized peoples and doing the Right Thing.
But I confess that I often fail to put words to action. For example, in real life I rarely buy hot meals for homeless people even though I constantly talk about how I would love to do it.
In the new year I will actually be taking part in a very humanitarian cause. I will be helping oppressed people directly, in a very practical way. The environment is very feminist, anti-oppressive, anti-poverty, very LGBTQ+, and I am SO excited to be a part of it because it fits so well with my ideals.
And yet, I am nervous. I am scared I won’t be helpful. I am scared I won’t do the right thing. Preparing for this is making me realize that I spend far too much time thinking and talking about doing the right thing, instead of gathering the skills necessary to go out and do it well. Damn you, NF tendencies.
Now I see why INFPs are better at inspiring others rather than following through on plans. I challenge feminist INFPs, or humanitarians/idealists in general, to think about their strengths and to consider whether they want to inspire with words, or try and make a real difference, or both.
Why I think INFPs make good creative writers
A common INFP stereotype is that we have lots of emotions, a wild imagination, and a propensity to write in journals (and write well). Just to warn you, I am not trying to humblebrag about my writing and don’t think that all good writers are INFPs. However I have a hypothesis about natural INFP traits and the depth of emotion needed to write creatively.
Perhaps I am alone in this, in which case you can disregard this entire post, but I suspect that other INFPs also feel more intensity in their emotions at the idea of something depressing or joyous rather than when it is staring us in the eyes. Don’t get me wrong, we are extremely emotional and sensitive creatures in real life, however I think our empathy in that moment comes from a higher level of emotional reasoning - one that picks up not on facts or details, but meanings and themes, some of which are orchestrated by our imaginations. It takes a kind of “perspective” for me to truly feel for someone.
Let me give you an example.
An acquaintance tells you she failed her driving test. You are reasonably sad for her in that moment. But if I told you that she comes from a less financially stable family, she has been practicing for months while paying for lessons, and that she wants the license in order to help out with errands at home, your sadness - regardless of personality type - would find a new depth. You can probably even imagine this girl nervously scanning the street while she was aware of the evaluator watching her.
Viewing a situation through a lens like this is what gives it colour and life and emotion and significance - without this, it is simply a sensory experience, cold and clinical. Every person is capable of framing situations and understanding the context, but what’s special about this is that it is automatic and effortless to the INFP. We look at the world in shades of pink, blue, teal, amber; our imagination revels in tints.
As frustrating as it is at times when an INFP has thought up something that doesn’t actually exist in real life, I think this type of emotional framing is the kind found in good creative writing. So many experiences pass us by in life, but it takes a writer deciding to capture an everyday moment in a certain light in order for others to say, “Wow, that was something special. I never saw it that way.”
Now the interesting part of all this, is “Why writing?”. Why not art or music or a wild concoction of basil-pesto pasta that represents the feeling you got when that poor girl eventually passed her driving test? I am not entirely sure. I think INFPs would be drawn to all kinds of arts, however there is something abstract, complex, yet peacefully low-key about writing. There is no spotlight, no sensory overload, and no complicated physical skills needed for the writer to put her pen to paper (or finger to keyboard).
So INFPs, or other types who are accused of having too many feels, show the world your lens. Get better at your craft. Change the way they look at the world and the beings in it. And have fun.
wow thanks! now I just need to find a post on writer’s block to match with this one :)
I’m glad you liked it :)
A Spiritual Date With An ESFJ
Sometimes the unexpected happens, and tonight I had a date that blew my mind. I had to commute 1.5 hours, didn’t have time to get ready properly, and was certain the date was going to be god-awful for many, many reasons.
Turns out, my date and I have amazingly similar values and opinions. He fits all the criteria for my ideal SO. He is a self-proclaimed ESFJ - I never realized that SFs could gel so well with INFPs (although to be fair he is on the borderline of S and N). We had spiritual conversations and intimate moments; the highlight was when it started drizzling rain on us as we sat in the dark across a full moon-lit man-made pond.
We both wanted more (physically and romantically), and I confessed that I had a lot of feelings rising, but typical of an SJ he reminded me that we are in different places in life as well as geographically. Now that I have had time to reflect and try to curb my overflowing emotions, I realized that perhaps it is more poetic to leave a perfect date untouched by the scars and emotional attachments of entering a relationship. And really, this gives me hope that good, genuine people exist who understand and -gasp- even want me or think I’m sexy & attractive.
I began the night promising myself I would stop trying to find a lover, because it wasn’t worth it and I wasn’t worth it, and this ESFJ changed everything. I have a lot to learn from him on how to be happy in the present moment instead of overthinking and thinking of possibilities. I hope we get to reconnect and share lessons one day.
Black Hermione
I really like black Hermione, I agree with the casting of a black woman as Hermione in a Harry Potter play, and am glad that J.K. Rowling indicated Hermione’s skin colour was never mentioned (but her bushy hair was).
*none of the images in this post are mine nor created by me
However like many tumblr fans have commented, J.K. Rowling can’t just retcon (revise a published work) endlessly like she did with Dumbledore being gay. I love Rowling as much as any other HP fan my age and liked that surprise.. but I swear one day she’s going to say that Neville Longbottom is transgender or Sirius Black has a physical disability or Hagrid has social anxiety disorder, in order to work into our hearts and minds.
This is a good thing (to combat homophobia and discrimination and stereotypes) but it is also a bad thing. I wish diversity and social justice weren’t an afterthought that occurs due to vague descriptions, but rather an active and intentional value embedded in fantasy writing. Especially when it is as visible as being an ethnic minority.
On assholes, assault, and opinions
I recently watched one of my friends (a very intelligent and outspoken POC INTP) get verbally attacked and physically assaulted at a restaurant because of a political opinion he shared, which was overheard by a drunk (white) asshole at the nearby table who ran away after the incident.
I couldn’t stop shaking that night. I felt so powerless and incapable of helping my friend, and I am upset that I was too shocked in the moment to verbally fuck up this douchebag and his cronies.
Here’s what I have to say now to the drunk asshole and his idiotic blonde bimbo friends:
I hope you all get yourself educated and learn to RESPECT OTHERS, regardless of whether you agree with them or not. And don’t you ever dare call a POC a racist without any legitimacy behind it, you white fuckface. Plus the bimbo blonde girls - you disapproved of your criminal friend’s actions but you agreed with his idiotic opinion. You all make me sick. I hope karma bites you in the ass for assaulting my friend and you realize what hypocrites you are.
What do you guys think of Trevor Noah replacing Jon Stewart for the Daily Show?