Capricornkitten

Chaos

[crazy-brazilian]

same bro

[ilovecoelacanths]

went to a new optometrist today wearing my squid facts ‘save our freaks dont mine the deep’ shirt from @sarahmackattack that has a strawberry squid on it. and i wasn’t even thinking about it but the optometrist walked in and he was like ‘oh what does your shirt say’ so i showed him and he was like ‘oh that’s neat!’ and then i thought he might like to know about strawberry squid eyes since they have weird eyes and he is an optometrist and all. so i was like ‘yeah it’s actually a real kind of squid called a strawberry squid, their eyes are really cool because they have one big yellow-green one and one small blue one’ and he kind of gasped and went ‘oh my god that’s so interesting i wonder why they have that. do you know what their retina composition is like?’ and i watched as he minimized my chart on the computer and started looking up images of strawberry squid and then he googled ‘strawberry squid retina composition’ and he was like ‘sorry we’ll get to your eye exam in a moment i just really want to find out’ LMAO 10/10 optometrist experience will be returning

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

sorry to be a broken record every month but christ menstruation is a stupid concept. oooooh excuse me for not getting pregnant, why the fuck is there goo falling out of me about it? grow the fuck up and reabsorb that shit for nutrients.

[lyraisnotonfire]

favorite thing about tumblr is having a fandom in law. no i haven't watched this show and i'm not planning to. but my moot is having fun!! look how much they love it!!! i'm supportive from the sidelines!

[lyraisnotonfire]

it's like, i don't go here! but my friend does! so i know a bit about what's going on there even if i'm in a different school

[palis-delon]

I suddenly have feelings and opinions about a ship on a show I've never watched (I'm only 90% sure I have the names correct).

[targetedknowledge]

[clementine-kesh]

i do think it’s funny when you’ve been into a thing long enough that you’ve done all the serious analysis you can do so now you’re mostly just thinking up looney tunes scenarios to put the characters in

[clementine-kesh]

looney tunes scenarios which are most importantly still impeccably in-character because of all the aforementioned serious analysis

[homunculus-argument]

Okay just in case there's people on tumblr who were too little in 2016 to actually remember it yourself, I cannot stress enough that the clown sightings were a thing. That's not a bit that people just made up like pretending that people in camo are invisible. This is a real tweet from the time:

[ao3org]

AO3 will be down for about 15 hours starting at 08:00 UTC on January 21 (what time is that for me?) while we make some improvements to searching bookmarks and series, including:

adding the ability to search, filter, and sort bookmarks by word count

making sure bookmark search results are correct when you use tags containing letters and numbers

preventing series blurbs from listing tags that were only used on draft works

preventing series blurbs from listing tags used on restricted works for guests

updating series bookmark search so it only searches the tags on works you can access

Please follow our status page for updates.

[punksalmon]

worst part of anxiety/ocd is that sometimes your fears actually do happen and you have to wag your finger at i like this still doesn't prove you're right asshole. it's like having a venom symbiote except you don't even get to have gay alien sex

[heartnosekid]

shyrafilonenko on ig

[homunculus-argument]

Dumbass tabletop rpg character concept:

A character whose weapon is a gun with red dot sight laser, except the gun is just a dummy that's been carved out of wood and sprayed black, with a laser pointer pen taped onto it. It's obviously fake to any character who knows anything about firearms, and it's always a gamble whether anyone who doesn't know anything about guns is going to be fooled by it. But that's the neat part: The gun isn't the weapon.

This character has a familiar, a big cat beast that's been trained to attack on command, attacking whatever the laser is pointed at.

[merelyspecters]

i get all the star trek girlies. i get it now. im watching the original series for the first time, and the heavens above me literally just opened up. it was crazy. mr. spock beamed down and told me he's the greatest character ever made. did this happen to anyone else. im sorry i ever doubted your vision guys he's the best

[sisterofiris]

Hey students, here’s a pro tip: do not write an email to your prof while you’re seriously sick.

Signed, a person who somehow came up with “dear hello, I am sick and not sure if I’ll be alive to come tomorrow and I’m sorry, best slutantions, [name]”.

[yay855]

I mean, if someone wrote that to me, I’d probably believe they were sick.

[rox-and-prose]

“Slutantions” has me crying laughing

[watermite]

i once emailed my professor with a migraine. a mistake.

“I amsick will not to choir because i have a heache. i Hope its very and i am so sorry

love,

blue”

the subject line was “OW”

[xakumi]

THE SUBJECT LINE IS THE BEST PART JSJFJSJDJS JUST IMAGINE GETTING AN EMAIL WITH NO CONTEXT OTHER THAN “OW”

[themodernsouthernpolytheist]

As someone who has taught college, please send those emails because 1) We WILL believe that; no one would write that on purpose and 2) we need a laugh sometimes.

[asortoflight]

On the other side of this, once after getting taken to the ER by ambulance, I got an email from the professor whose class I’d passed out in, and the message had no text, just the subject line “you good?”

[whisky-gerblin]

Reblogging for the last addition

[badgraph1csghost]

Claritin makes me weird, but I have allergies so there’s about a month and a half block of time where I’m taking Claritin and am just weird most of the time.

Anyway, my last year of college, I got the flu or something in late March and was also taking Mucinex. I told my professor I couldn’t come to class one day by email except I couldnt think of what to say, so my medicated ass decided to make a Fry meme. I think it said something like “Not sure if I can go to class with a head the size of Texas, bottom text.” I didn’t think until the next day that it probably wasn’t socially-acceptable to tell your philosophy professor you weren’t coming to class via Tumblr style memes. When i got back to class, i found that she’d printed it out and taped it to the classroom bulletin board.

[badgraph1csghost]

Oh shit you guys i turned on my WinXP laptop that I used to use back then.

IT WAS ON THE DESKTOP. THIS IS WHAT I SENT.

It’s even worse than i remember it

[omnicat]

I laugh myself hoarse every time this post comes around, so here it is again.

[bucketbunny]

Once emailed a professor from my hospital bed high on painkillers after a really bad car crash which my heart actually stopped the email “Dead cant class sory”

[sarumans]

i was very sick over new years and one day i woke up to find i had emailed my manager in the middle of the night:

she said it was the most beautiful sick email she’s ever gotten

[redstonedust]

if vampires existed in real life i think there would be shady companies advertising "organic blood" sourced from "willing donors" who are coincidentally all poor people being paid like $5 per blood donation. and like haughty vegan vampires who only drink a synthetic blood drink thats brewed in a way thats actively worse for the enviroment. and radical traditionalist vampires who go on tiktok and claim that true alpha chads have to drain and kill people and anyone who leaves their victims alive is a liberal cuck. enter the world of hypothetical insufferable vampire politics with me.

[creekfiend]

I identify the most with the woman who has a green velvet ribbon around her neck and keeps being like "DONT untie my neck ribbon or something really bad will happen" and then her husband unties the ribbon and her head falls off. this is extremely real to me. spent my whole life like "please don't do this thing to me or really bad stuff will happen" and everyone around me being like "that sounds fake" and doing it anyway. and then my head fell off!

[infectiouspiss]

predictions are locked in. 2026 is going to be a good one

[whyenn-reader]

''when did we all become so performative'' idk man when the threat of being recorded at any time and posted for milions to see without your knowledge became normalised.