Hi. I'm Fenya :3 | my intro | '92 | my humble SKZ fanfic blog | find me on AO3 | LGBTQIA+ safe space đłď¸âđ | my art blog | ko-fi :3 | request guidelines | i take requests and don't bite :3 | AI is trash
maybe a soft story about Youth Lino being all shy and cute and considerate and Hold My Hand Han being all insecure and anxious and both of them finding comfort and strength in the other and making it through life side by side
finding out that novels are usually >100k words shot me square in the chest because i have all these books collecting dust on my shelf while iâve read 10x that amount in gay porn on phone
I've been reading insane amounts of (mainly MinSung) fanfics on AO3 these past weeks and I was wondering if yall would be interested in a fic rec list?
These are all fics with a happy end that I loved. The ones with the little heart have touched me especially and/or I went back to re-read them at least once. Also, these are all member x member and mlm, so be aware of that.
5k - 15k
Fever Dream by ansel_north (Minchan, explicit, sleep paralysis demon Minho)
Beneath the Neon Rain by MsSmarty (Minsung, explicit, CEO x ânormieâ)
15k - 50k
don't leave me tongue-tied by dawnshine (Minsung, explicit, bsf to lovers) âĄ
LMCat_98 has joined the chat by foxiyeny (Minsung, explicit, strangers to lovers)
Chasing Trouble by hanniesdaddy (Minsung, explicit, professor x student)
heads or tails by liknow (Minsung, explicit, bsf to lovers)
How you love to hate me by strlstt (Minsung, explicit, enemies to lovers)
find me love by Polarstar17 (Minsung, explicit, strangers to lovers) âĄ
hands-on learning by dawnshine (Minsung, explicit, friends to lovers)
stupid by feetslix (Chansung, explicit, stranges to lovers)
above 50k
Who Wouldn't Fuck Minho? by vicioussickle (Minsung, explicit, enemies to lovers)
Devilish by hanjisungie (Minsung, explicit, strangers to lovers)
MFA (Most Fuckable Ass) by hyunnies (Minsung, explicit, professor x student) âĄ
On being consumed by strlstt (Minsung, explicit, CEO x student) âĄ
Proximity Warnings by Lemuggy (Minsung, explicit, strangers to lovers) âĄ
Finger Lickin' by minisungverse (Minsung, explicit, enemies to lovers)
Right in Front of You by Raesan (Minsung, explicit, strangers to lovers)
Bitter Terms by Raesan (Minsung, explicit, one-sided enemies to lovers)
the hazy days by skzinger (thelittlestbug) (Minsung, explicit, strangers to lovers) âĄ
here by me by skzinger (thelittlestbug) (Minsung, explicit, exes to lovers) âĄ
I've been reading insane amounts of (mainly MinSung) fanfics on AO3 these past weeks and I was wondering if yall would be interested in a fic rec list?
blocking serial likers is interesting like... sorry for enjoying your work i guess i'll do it more quietly
I'll try to put this as kindly as I can.
I feel really uncomfortable having to repeat this over and over again, but let's please accept this as a hard fact once and for all: creators depend on feedback to keep creating, otherwise they cannot know if someone is enjoying their work and whether they should keep going.
Case in point: If it weren't for this passive aggressive ask, I would have no idea you were enjoying my work. I wish you had instead sent one to tell me that, or dropped a comment that said, "Hey, I enjoyed this!"
In case you may not be familiar with how Tumblr works, I'll try to explain:
Here, đ does not mean "I like this" like it does on Instagram or TikTok. Tumblr works on reblogs (even if it's blank), which means sharing. In the context of fics, leaving likes may translate into, "This isn't worth sharing, but have a like I guess". People may interpret it as they aren't good enough.
(No one can discern if you read the work or just bookmarked it, which is why it's not advised to like stuff to make a tbr shelf. If you don't wanna reblog with a #tbr tag, here's an idea: hit the reblog button but don't post, save it in your drafts instead. You can find everything you want to read in one place now.)
But when you like everything back to back, you are confusing them because... if it's good enough to binge, can't you spare a reblog to tell them "Kudos! I had a great time"?
There used to be an established feedback culture in the Tumblr fanfiction community. It was the norm to engage with authors about their work (through reblogs, comments, asks...) because everybody knew fandom is cyclical. It's give-and-take. If you give one, the author will very enthusiastically give back two. They knew engagement didn't mean "Part 2?", it meant a genuine conversation and reaction to the stories. There are works that come out of 3-year hiatuses just because someone sent a comment to the author, it's that powerful.
Isn't this why we created blogs here in the first place? To be social?
Then an influx of new users from other social platforms arrived, and that was when the relentless passive consumption started. Because these users thought (some still think, like yourself) Tumblr works just like other social platforms. It doesn't. At the expense of annoying my long-time readers, I frequently shared reminders on what not to do. I genuinely assumed, "I think these people are new and simply don't know. Surely it can't be the same people willingly ignoring what authors are vocally begging for."
So many amazing writers left because of this passive consumption, and they still do. I tried being nice about it; it didn't work. I tried being aggressive about it; it didn't work. I flat-out begged; it didn't work. I got so frustrated with not being heard that I put it on my bio, pinned post, library post, taglist form, member-specific masterlists in large header font, and I still get ignored every day. Every day.
I've run out of ways to deal with it, and I'm exasperated. What will it take for you to please hear me?
So yes, I block serial likers because it is a form of silent reading. Yes, I selfishly want my work to exist for readers who are willing to engage with me. Yes, I criminally want to write for readers who don't treat me like a content machine and remember that I am a human being with feelings.
I can't put out 15k every other day like some do because I write my work myself.
All that is to say, if you were truly enjoying my work, I just wish you'd let me know. If you think it's too much hassle to at least press one (1) button to show appreciation for something you enjoy, I invite you to please reconsider for other authors you may like. This is a rampant issue that is extremely demotivating, and by keeping quiet, you are slowly driving organic writers away from something they love.
And I would prefer it if my flowerbeds didn't turn into a wasteland of ai slop.
This. Literally this. Genuinely what a writing community is supposed to be about.
âIâll enjoy it more quietlyâ
âIâm a silent readerâ
âI was scared to send a messageâ
Then enjoy no more writing from me.
In the start of my being here I watched sooo many talented writers leave this space, and I thought, oh no, is that what happens??? I watched incredible writers leave âcause they feel like âthey suckâ or that what they write isnât good enough. Doubting themselves because of the silence.
You think authors write books from silence?? You think blockbuster movies are created because of silence?? You think any community survives in silence??
Imagine standing in a room full of people, saying something out loud, and everyone gives you a side eye, and ignores you.
It is Not hard to leave the tiniest comment. An emoji. A âloved thisâ. To let us writers know that you were here. That you enjoyed something.
What are you scared of? What are you embarrassed for? You think us authors are going to swat you through the screen?? One simple comment or message I guarantee you (at least personally) will have your author JUMPING for joy and sooo incredibly giddy. You will make their day. You will have them thinking about your message/comment for the rest of the week.
Iâve heard of some readers comments SAVING the story. SAVING the fic. SAVING the writer and pulling them back into their work.
It is NOT that hard. And in a writing community, writers shouldnt have to beg.
Give and Take. Give and fucking Take.
You canât keep taking. Weâll have nothing left to give.
quick update on my part: I went over my request guidelines and renewed them a bit :3 pls check them out if you wanna request a fic - which I'd be so so happy about âĽ
I just wanted to start by saying that I absolutely adore your writing â youâre so talented!
I was wondering if you could write a rlllllly angsty story where member (preferably Lee Know or Seungmin) thinks reader is going to break up with them (maybe they got the wrong end of the stick or they got paranoid about losing reader so they kind of thought themselves into doing it) and then they donât let reader explain and they become all cold with reader but then they eventually realise they made a terrible mistake (maybe one of the other members points out theyâre being an idiot?) and they want reader back desperately but reader makes them GROVEL cos theyâre confused about whether they should even trust member anymore?
Iâm so sorry how detailed that request is, itâs just smth stuck in my head and I love a man grovelling. đđ
I finally made it! You can read it here :)
Thank you so much for the request and I apologize for the ages it took me to get this done - just life happening and all that - but it was a joy to write this and I'm really happy with how it turned out. I really hope you like it, too :3
Summary: Seungmin makes stupid assumptions and tries to fix it after.
Genre: angst, hurt/comfort, established relationship
Content warnings: 'tis quite angsty, so be careful
Word Count: 2,742
A/N: requested by a lovely anon - hope you like it :3
POV Reader
Your eyes are tired as they take in the time on your computer screen. Past 8pm again. You sigh, burying your head in your hands. âFuckâ, you mutter under your breath, cursing the person who kept you at work this late. Again.
It had been like this ever since he started working with you. Jinho had been hired six weeks ago. You started staying late six weeks ago. To clean up after him, to fix his messes, and to get your own shit done on top of that. âHeâs got experienceâ, your boss had said, âhe wonât need much training.â Fuck your boss.
With heavy shoulders, you lift your head again, your unfinished work staring back at you. Just a bit more, maybe 45 minutes, and youâll be free. The thought of coming home to your boyfriend soothes your frazzled nerves. There is nothing better than curling up in Seungminâs arms after a day like this. To get the full force of Seungminâs affection - a privilege only very few people possess.
A chuckle escapes you. Itâs so silly how this man can make you smile without even being around. You love him so much. Heâs the only reason youâre strong enough to endure Jinhoâs incompetence, even if youâre unable to share the burden with him. Determined to finish up quickly, you take a deep breath and get back to work.
âĄâĽď¸âĄ
The door falls shut behind you as you toe off your shoes. âMinnie?â, you shout, encouraged by the soft warm light streaming from the living room. The sound of fabric shifting fills the quiet, followed by the soft tap-tap-tap of socked feet coming closer. âYouâre lateâ, he says, arms crossed where he stands, âagain.â âSorryâ, you mumble, âwork was a lot.â
You canât be more specific. He doesnât know about Jinho and the extra work he puts on your plate every damn day. Itâs not that you donât trust your boyfriend, itâs justâŚhe has so much to deal with already. Video shoots and dance practice and vocal lessons and magazine interviews and recording sessions. It doesnât seem fair to you to put your work troubles on top of that. Not when you got it handled.
âWas it?â He sounds skeptical. You nod, hanging up your coat with shaking fingers. You havenât eaten and itâs coming back to bite you in the ass. âDo we still have leftovers from yesterday?â, you ask when you turn to step towards him. Seungmin shifts on his feet. He seems tense, arms still crossed, eyes wary. âEverything okay, babe?â
He huffs. Thereâs clearly something heâs not saying, but his eyes wander to your shaking hands. âGo sit downâ, he mumbles and stomps off into the kitchen. You end up feeling even more strung out than before you came home. This was supposed to be the antidote to the long, exhausting day youâd just had. What the hell is going on?
Seungmin lets you eat before speaking up again. Heâs restless though, shuffling around on the couch beside you, watching you take one bite after an other of the meal he threw in the microwave for you. When you set down your bowl on the coffee table, thereâs a strange, charged silence between the two of you. It sends an uncomfortable shiver through your bones.
âSoâ, he begins, âwork?â You try to decipher whatever is going on with him, but his face gives you nothing. âWhat about it?â, you ask instead. âYouâve been staying late a lot.â âIâve had a lot to do.â He hums. Pondering. Eyes narrowing.
âItâs like you donât want to come home anymore.â
The accusation punches the air out of your lungs. How the hell did he come to that conclusion? How could he ever think that you donât want to be in the only place that brings you peace? Be with the only person that gets your mind to slow down?
âWhat?!â Itâs more of a gasp than a question. He shrugs in a what else am I supposed to think kind of way. âYouâre never around anymore, you rarely answer your phone throughout the day. Itâs like Iâm an afterthought. Itâs like your donât want to be around me anymore.â
Your eyes sting as they meet his. âMinnieâ, you whisper, reaching out. He pulls his hand back. âWhatâs going on, baby?â, you try, confusion and hurt pooling in your stomach. âI feel like you donât want this anymoreâ, he says. A beat of heavy silence follows.
And then - âlike you donât want me anymore.â
It takes a moment for you to wrap your mind around what he just said. What heâs implying. The horror of it chills you to the bone. âYou think I want to break up?â
It hurts. The realization rips through you like a thunderstorm. Thereâs sadness at first. How lonely must he have felt with your recent absence? How alienated because you didnât want to bother him with your troubles? How shut out because you tried to protect him from your issues?
But then the rage comes. Because how dare he think so little of your love for him? Doesnât he know you at all? How dare he come to conclusions before even talking to you? Havenât you proven to him time and time again that heâs it for you? How in the hells is it this easy for him to think youâd just cast him aside like that?
âWell, itâs kind of obviousâ, he says. He sounds so sad, so broken, but youâre consumed by the unfairness of his assumptions. You canât do this, canât feel sympathy for this man in front of you. This man that you love. This man who thinks so little of you - who just decided youâd leave him by pulling away instead of having a conversation. That youâd leave Iâm at all.
The insult of it grips you by the throat, heart pumping heavy in your chest. Youâve never felt less seen by anyone, never felt less understood. This was supposed to be the man who knew you better than anyone. The man you opened your heart to, who you showed your scars to, who really knew you. You were supposed to be int his together. But somehow, he decided what your intentions were for you. Without your input, without even asking.
You see red.
âGet out.â Your voice is shaking. Itâs a miracle you donât yell. Hot tears roll down your cheeks as you force yourself to stare him down. âWhat?â Heâs the one confused now, eyebrows raised. âThis is my placeâ, you say, âand if you think I donât want you anymore, you can get out. You know the way.â You donât wait for him to move, donât give him chance to argue either. Instead, you get up, take your bowl to the kitchen and disappear to your room without another word.
The pillow is already soaked, muffling your sobs, when you hear the front door close a few minutes later.
âĄâĽď¸âĄ
POV Seungmin
Youâre not answering.
Not to texts. Not to calls. Not to your front door.
Seungminâs been trying for 5 days, heart breaking a little more with each failed attempt to talk to you, to explain, to apologize. To make it right. Fix what he broke.
But youâre unavailable to him and he know heâs done that to himself. He came home crying that night, letting Felix hug him until he fell asleep - a situation so rare that Felix alerted Chan, who consequently came over the next day to figure out what had happened. But Seungmin didnât talk, couldnât spell it out, couldnât speak the words. He just cried some more, sobbing into his bed sheets as his worried friends tried to comfort him.
Chan managed to get him a few days off, claiming heâs sick - which in a way, he was. Lovesick. Heartbroken. Locked in his room for 3 days before he showed up at your place, waiting all day for you to not let him in.
And now, 5 days after the fight, he just feels lost. Cursing himself for his own insecurities, for jumping to conclusions, for being too scared to talk about his fears like he shouldâve done. Heâs out of his depth. All he wants is to be back in your arms, to understand why youâd been so distant lately, because his own assumptions were very obviously wrong.
âĄâĽď¸âĄ
âLix?â Seungminâs fingers play with the hem of his sweater as he stands in his roommateâs bedroom door. The blonde looks up from his phone where he sits on the bed, eyes warm and curious. âWhatâs up?â, he asks with a soft smile. Seungmin takes a deep breath. âI need your help.â Felixâs eyes light up ever so slightly. âWhat do you need?â
âĄâĽď¸âĄ
His hands are sweaty and itâs not because of the steaming cup of tea between his palms. Nervous eyes dart to the clock above the counter of the coffee shop. 3:01pm. Youâre late by one minute. They wonât show up, the voice in the back of his head tells him. A shaky breath escapes his lips. He tries to shake it off, the doubt, the fear. Felix said youâd come and he believes it. Or tries to.
At 3:02pm the bell above the door rings. Seungminâs head snaps up so fast itâs almost dizzying. His heart stops. His mind blanks. There you are, pretty as always, looking around the empty shop. Well, almost empty. Felix sits behind the counter, putting the finishing touches on your favorite drink. He is who your eyes settle on. No words are spoken as Felix pushes the drink over, his signature soft smile on his lips, giving you an encouraging nod before he disappears through the âStaff Onlyâ door in the back.
Seungminâs eyes track your every move, watching you like a starved man. Like just looking at you can satiate him. He notices the way your fingers curl around the mug, the way you take in the sweet scent of your drink. He watches you brace yourself - deep inhale, long exhale - before your eyes finally meet his. His grip around his own mug tightens, the heat of the porcelain grounding him ever so slightly.
You set down your drink before taking a seat opposite him. The cold weather left a soft blush on your cheeks, along with a cute red nose. Pulling off your beanie leaves your hair just a tad messy. In combination with the warm light from he lamp above your table, it softens up your features in the most mesmerizing way. Youâve never been more beautiful to him.
God, how heâs missed you. He envies your mug when you put your lips to it, taking a careful sip.
The air shifts when you put it back down. âTalk.â Your voice is tight, the hurt still present within. Itâs very clear that you only showed up because Felix had begged you to and itâs very nearly impossible to say no to his big round boba eyes. Seungmin was never more thankful to have him as a friend.
âIâŚâ, he starts, but the words die on his tongue. A lump sits in his throat, and he can already feel his eyes sting. No, he has to do this. He needs to do this. Deep breath. âI wanted to apologize.â You just stare at him for a beat, taking another sip of your drink. âWellâ, you say eventually, âgo ahead then.â
He shouldâve know you wouldnât go easy on him. And you shouldnât, either. His fingers press against his mug, tips whitening. âIâm sorry I didnât talk to you before making assumptionsâ, he says then, forcing a steady voice and only messing up slightly. âI was clearly wrong, and I wish I could take it all back.â Suddenly, a dry sob escapes him without permission. âIâm so sorry, Y/Nâ.
You take your time to answer, watching the foam on your drink swirl as you move your mug ever so slightly. âHow did you even come up with that?â Your voice is so quiet, yet so loud in the empty cafĂŠ. âHow could you think Iâd do that to you? Leave you like that?â Seungmin can see your eyes redden and it breaks his heart all over again. âLeave you at all?â, you whisper, finally looking up.
He wants to reach out, wants to hold you, reassure you. But heâs not sure heâs allowed to. If you pulled away, heâs not sure he could take it. âYouâre so amazingâ, he says instead, âso smart and kind and funny. Youâre everything. And Iâm justâŚme. And when you pulled away, I thought youâd finally realized it. That Iâm not enough for you. That I could never be enough for someone like you.â
Your eyes widen with his words, tears rolling down your pretty pink cheeks. âOh Minnieâ, you say, and the softness of it rips right through Seungminâs chest, âyouâre such an idiot.â âI know.â You chuckle. Itâs the best sound heâs ever heard.
But it only lasts a second.
âDidnât you trust me?â âNo, I did. I do. I justâŚI got so in my head about it all. I talked myself into a spiral and thenâŚI fucked it all up, Y/N, Iâm so sorry.â You hum, contemplating, before taking another sip of your drink. Heâs glad he chose to rent out the coffee shop. Glad he gave both of you something to do with your hands. With the silence.
When you set your cup down again, he notices a shift in your posture. Back straight, shoulders relaxing. âYou really hurt me, Minnieâ, you say, âbut Iâm also sorry for shutting you out. I had a lot on my plate and I didnât want to burden you with it.â He nods, turning your words over in his mind. Pondering their deeper meaning. âIâm sorry for pulling awayâ, you add, eyes honest and soft.
A new silence settles between you. This one is a little lighter, almost hopeful. Not quite there yet, though. âI donât want to lose youâ, he admits. You nod, absentmindedly swirling whatâs left of your drink in your cup. âPleaseâ, he whispers when you donât reply. Itâs then that heâs finally unable to keep his hand away anymore. He reaches over with one hand, cautiously, still scared youâll flinch or pull away. His heart is hammering against his rips as his fingers brush yours.
Your eyes snap up at the contact.
âMinnieâ, you whisper, not engaging with his touch, but not moving away either. âLet me fix itâ, he begs, âplease, Y/N.â Fresh tears roll down your cheeks as you consider him. âIf I made you feel like your troubles are a burden to me - like you couldnât talk to meâŚâ, his voice breaks, âplease, baby, let me fix it. Let met make it right.â
He can feel his own tears now, unable to stop them. His other hand leaves his mug to reach out to you. âIâll be better for youâ, he whispers, both hands covering yours now, âI canât lose you, Y/N, please.â
You take a deep, very shaky breath. He feels your fingers flex beneath his palms, and for a split second heâs terrified youâll pull away. But you donât . Instead -
âCome here.â You move where you sit on the bench, making space.
Space for him.
Seungmin has never switched seats this fast in his life. Heâs beside you in a heartbeat, hands cupping your perfect face, lips crashing into yours without hesitation. Heâs so eager, so hungry for you, so relieved that you let him in again. Let him have this second chance.
Heâs resistant when you try to pull away, but gives in eventually. âMinnieâ, you say once more, a bit out of breath, âI love you.â âI love you, tooâ, he breathes, âso much.â âWe need to talk more.â He hums in agreement, thumbs brushing over your cheeks. âI promise.â Itâs you who initiates the next kiss. Itâs much softer, much more gentle. âMe too.â
Just then, the noise of something heavy hitting the floor disrupts the quiet, followed by a loud âFuck!â from behind the âStaff Onlyâ door. You chuckle as Seungmin lets out a long, faux-irritated sigh. âWe better make sure he didnât dieâ, you muse. âHeâll be fineâ, Seungmin mumbles, lips brushing yours. âMinnieâ, you giggle. He huffs, unable to keep the smile off his face. âFine, letâs check on the kitty.â
Content warnings: 18+ MDNI, implied sexual content
Word Count: 1,244
A/N: Part 3 of the request by @vernorica123 - I decided to keep the smut implied because it felt right for this kind of story. This is the final part, I hope you like it!
4 months.
You canât quite believe youâve already been with Changbin for that long. Time flew by, as it often does when you enjoy yourself. When youâre happy.
Heâd told you to wear something comfortable for the date, so you went with your favourite pair of jeans and a pretty blouse, making you feel both pretty and relaxed. With him keeping his plans a mystery, you can only hope itâs an appropriate outfit.
âItâs perfect, bunnyâ, he assures you when he picks you up. You believe him.
âBinnieâ, you whine a while later in the car, trying to get him to spill. He chuckles. âNot yet, princess.â He takes your hand and presses a kiss to the back of it, sending shivers down your spine. It melts the pout on your face immediately, leaving you with a fluttering heart and a red face.
As heâs driving, you let your eyes glide over his form, one hand secure on the steering wheel, the other in yours. Heâs wearing a t-shirt thatâs just a bit too tight around his big arms, fits a little to snug over his chest. His jeans show off his muscled thighs, too.
In a futile attempt, you try to ignore the way it makes heat pool at your core.
Youâre so focused on him that you donât even notice where youâre driving. Some part of your brain vaguely notices you leaving town, notices the grey buildings be replaced by greenery, but youâre attention stays with Changbin, whoâs gently squeezing your hand, a pretty smile on his handsome face.
This is new to you. Sure, Changbin has always been a treat to look at, but it hasnât ever felt like this before. And yet, ever since your shower, youâve found yourself staring at him.
Drooling, even.
Itâs his fault, really. How dare he be this hot? How dare he be so kind and respectful and funny and amazing, and in addition look like that. You never stood a chance.
He squeezes your hand once again as he pulls into a parking spot, bringing you back to reality. âWeâre here, bunny.â You tear your eyes from his pretty face and look out the window. Your mouth opens and closes as you take in the sight. âThe National Park?â Your heart does a little flip in your chest.
Youâd mentioned your desire to come here in a side note on your first date with him. 4 months ago.
And he remembered.
Thereâs a smile playing on his lips when you look at him again, like heâs proud of your reaction. He presses a kiss to your hand before letting go of it and getting out of the car. As always, heâs right there to open your door and help you step out. It makes you giggle a bit, but you allow him to do it - itâs a great excuse to fall into his arms.
About 30 minutes later, after a nice slow walk through the beautiful nature of the park, you find yourself on a picnic blanket overlooking the expanse of the park. âThis is beautifulâ, you say, gasping at the view. âIt really isâ, he says, but when you look up at him, his eyes are lingering on you.
âGorgeous, evenâ, he muses, leaving you to blush heavily.
As it turns out, Changbin has brought all your favourite foods, and he proceeds to happily feed you through giggles and kisses. Once again, you find yourself so comfortable with him, so safe, so happy. But thereâs more now. A heat bubbling under your skin, a tension slowly building in the air between you.
Whenever his fingers touch your lips, it sends a shiver down your spine. You want to lick them clean. You want to be all over him, kissing every inch of him, exploring every curve of his beautiful body.
Youâre so turned on.
Itâs the sweetest torture, doing all of this in public.
As the afternoon air cools down, Changbin drapes his hoodie around your shoulders. âMaybe we should head home, bunnyâ, he says when you shiver beside him. You canât confess that itâs not the cool air, but rather his hands on your shoulders that made you react, but youâre fine with heading home either way.
You want him all to yourself.
You really want him.
âĄâĽâĄ
The door to your apartment shuts violently as you shove Changbin against the cold wood. Itâs fascinating, really, that youâre able to shove him anywhere, but he simply lets you. Lips crash together in a heated exchange, hands grab and explore, breaths turn ragged.
Somewhere in-between kisses and touches and laboured breath, you manage to kick off your shoes.
Youâve never felt like this before. Never acted like this either.
Both of you are panting heavily when his hands find your shoulders and stop your frantic movements. âBunnyâ, he gasps, âwhat is happening?â Thereâs a slight smile on his lips, but his eyes are scanning you carefully, assessing the situation. âTalk to me, loveâ.
Heat floods your face. You let your eyes linger on his lips for a bit, marvelling at how they glisten in the dim light of your entryway, slick with your spit. âIâm readyâ, you say, eyes snapping up to meet his gaze, âI want you.â You watch as several emotions rush over his face.
Surprise, uncertainty, love.
Lust.
âAre you sure?â A calloused thumb runs over your cheek, down to your chaw, softly gripping your chin. âReally sure?â You nod. âYes. I want toâŚgo all the way. With you.â When he leans in to kiss you again, itâs not frantic anymore. Itâs soft and deliberate, careful, passionate. You get so lost in it that you almost donât notice him picking you up and walking towards the bedroom.
Changbin has always been respectful with you, his touch always grounding, his attention always on your safety and happiness. He is no different in the bedroom, undressing you only with your explicit consent, making sure youâre okay with whatever happens.
Heâs guiding you when you feel unsure, showing you how to touch, how to move, until you relax enough to give in to your bodyâs natural responses. Now and then, when it feels right, and you want to take the lead, your boyfriend encourages that too, letting you explore and taste and mark.
Soon enough, all of your insecurities and fears have retreated so far into the back of your mind that they barely matter anymore. All you feel is Changbin, so close, skin on skin, heart to heart, working both of you towards an inevitable peak
Itâs pure bliss when you reach it, fingers digging into skin, muscles contracting, back arching. For a brief moment you wonder if you maybe died and went to heaven.
They do call it the little death for a reason.
Never before has your mind felt this fuzzy, has your body been this satiated. You donât fully notice your boyfriendâs short disappearance, but you register the soft touch of a warm towel cleaning you up. A blanket covering your cooled down body. Strong arms wrapping you into the tightest, yet softest embrace.
Comfortable silence falls around you, as you let yourself melt into Changbinâs body. You let it simmer for a bit, catching your breath and savouring the closeness. You feel so loved, so happy, so safe.
âI love youâ, you whisper eventually. Your boyfriend presses a lingering kiss to your temple.
Summary: You take some steps towards getting more comfortable with intimacy.
Genre: fluff
Content warnings: non-sexual nudity, fear of intimacy
Word Count: 1,668
A/N: Part 2 of the request by @vernorica123 - I love writing boyfriend Binnie and I hope you enjoy!!
The air is cold on your cheeks as Changbin walks you to his car. âMâladyâ, he says with a cheeky grin, opening the door for you. You giggle, getting into the passenger sea. Carefully, you make sure the skirt of your dress doesnât get stuck in the door. Itâs your best dress after all.
Changbin did not hold back for the date, booking a table at that fancy restaurant youâd been gushing about for weeks now. There wasnât even a good reason to go there - no anniversary or birthday or achievement to celebrate.
âI donât need a reason to spoil my princess.â
Back at your place, you quickly agree when he offers to make some tea while you change into more comfortable clothes. The cold had settled in your bones, even though youâd just been outside for the walk from his car to your front door. Tea sounds great. Being cuddled up with your boyfriend sounds even better.
You press a kiss to his cheek and disappear into your bedroom, taking off your jewellery first. Rings and bracelets come off, leaving you feel eerily bare despite the silky fabric thatâs still wrapped around you. The dress is zipped up in the back, but you could reach there just fine when you put it on.
As you try to unzip the dress now, however, the zipper refuses to move.
âDammitâ, you curse, trying your best to convince the stubborn thing to work, but it wonât budge. The realisation of what this means has you swallow, mouth going suddenly dry. You feel your cheeks heat up with an embarrassingly heavy blush.
Heâll have to help you. Unzip the dress.
Thereâs no way he wonât see your underwear if he does. And sure, heâs your boyfriend, but youâve been taking it slow. Being this undressed in front of him would beâŚintimate. Heâd see more of your skin than he ever had. The dress would just fall open and reveal you to him.
You swallow thickly, as you brace yourself. Are you really ready for this? Your heart speeds up in your chest, hammering almost painfully against your ribs. Itâs okay, you tell yourself, itâs Changbin. Heâs safe. He respects you.
He loves you.
With one last deep breath you call for him. âBinnie? Can you come here for a sec?â Your voice isnât as steady as you want it to be, but thereâs nothing you can do about it now. It doesn't even take a full second for him to appear in your doorway. âWhatâs up, bunny?â
âMy zipper is stuckâ, you feel the blush burn even brighter in your cheeks, âcan youâŚuhmâŚâ
Neither of you move. You can see him gulp.
âAre you sure?â, he asks, voice calm, cautious. Your heart warms as you look at him through your mirror. There he stands, your lovely boyfriend, who has never pushed you, has never urged you to go beyond what you felt comfortable with. Who respects you and your boundaries, asking even now, even for something so entirely non-sexual, because he knows you.
âIâm sure.â
He steps closer. Your heart skips a beat. Warm hands touch the back of your dress, fiddling with the zipper. It doesnât take long for him to get it unstuck, sliding it down slowly, just until it sits at the small of your back. âThere you goâ, he almost whispers, close enough for you to feel his breath on the back of your neck.
You shiver as goosebumps spread over every inch of your skin.
When he moves to leave you to it, your hand reaches behind you before you can think about it, grabbing his wrist. âYou canâŚyou can take it offâŚif you want.â The words surprise even yourself, but you mean them. You trust him. You want him to see you.
He freezes behind you, eyes finding your own through the mirror. âYes?â âYes.â
The zipper slides past your butt, the dress falling open at once. Careful fingers brush your shoulders, fabric sliding down your arms. A welcome tension settles in every part of your body, as the dress collects in a puddle of silk and lace at the bottom of your feet.
You take a deep breath, forcing yourself to meet his eyes once again. The depth of his gaze leaves you breathless.
With his hands still heavy on your upper arms, lingering but not gripping, you turn around. His eyes stay on your face, meeting your gaze, soft and warm. âHiâ, you breathe. A smile tugs on his lips. âHi.â You donât give yourself time to overthink it, flinging your arms around his neck and pressing your lips to his.
Itâs a sweet kiss, loving and gentle. His hands move to cup your face when he pulls away, placing a peck your nose. âNow get comfy, bunny. Thereâs tea and cuddles waiting for you.â
âĽâĄâĽ
Waking up next to Changbin is your favourite feeling in the world. His face is all soft and sweet in the mornings, eyes barely open but already smiling. Your head is pillowed on his biceps as you bask in the warmth of your combined bodies under the blanket. You donât think thereâs a better place than in his arms.
âMorning, bunnyâ, he drawls, voice rough with sleep, and presses a kiss to your forehead. âMorning, Bin.â You snuggle in closer, letting him wrap you up in a proper hug. His pajama shirt is soft against your cheek, just like the look in his eyes had been moments before.
You love waking up next to him.
The minutes tick away, lost in each otherâs arms, but unfortunately you canât stay like this forever. âI gotta get upâ, you mumble into his chest. He makes a disapproving noise that vibrates beneath his ribs. âI have to take a showerâ, you say, prying yourself away just enough to speak clearly.
He grumbles again. Cute.
You move back as far as he lets you, looking hat him, all soft skin and strong arms and gorgeous eyes and plush lips. Slowly, you let your fingers trace over his chest, imagining the soft skin beneath, the pretty planes of his pecks, the beautiful curves of his body.
A smirk spreads on your face.
âWhat?â, he asks with raised eyebrows.
âYou could join me.â
His eyes go wide. âJoin you?â
Heâs never seen you naked. You havenât seen him undressed, either. But somehow, in this particular moment, you know that youâre ready to go there. Itâs not fueled by lust or want, either. Thereâs this urge inside you to let him know all of you, no ulterior motives. Besides, you really do need to take a shower. So you nod, grabbing his wrists as you pull away.
âCome onâ, you say, âunless you donât want-â âI want.â
You giggle as you drag him out of bed and into your bathroom. He seems a little shell-shocked, hesitant even, but he lets you guide him, lets you set the pace. His utter trust in you makes your heart flutter, adding to the excitement thatâs brewing in your chest.
âYouâre still sure?â, he asks, watching you turn on the water so it can heat up. âI am.â Before he can reply, your lips are pressed to his, soft and reassuring. Without another word, you start unbuttoning his pajama shirt, slowly, so he can stop you. He doesnât, though. Thereâs a playful glint in his eyes as he watches you turn redder with every button undone.
âPants nowâ, you say as the shirt hits the laundry bin. âSo impatientâ, he hums, but canât hide his smile. âWell, I donât wear anyâ, you say. Ever since he took off your dress a few days back, you found yourself incredibly comfortable sleeping beside him in just a t-shirt. His t-shirt.
Not that he complained.
He makes quick work of his pants, adding it to the pile of laundry. His thighs are thick and smooth and gorgeous. Just like all of him. It takes your breath away a little to see him like this, only in his boxers, allowing you to drink in the vision.
âYour turn, princessâ, he says eventually, fingers running along the neckline of your shirt. You swallow thickly and look up at him, heart beating fast, but steady. This is it. âOnly if youâre sure.â He cups your cheek, presses a soft kiss to your lips. Warmth spreads in your stomach. âIâm sure.â Before you can overthink it, you pull the shirt over your head.
Youâre topless. In front of Changbin. For the first time ever.
Your heart hammers against your rib cage and only for a moment, you hold your breath.
But then it sinks in. This is Changbin. He loves you. Respects you. Heâs safe.
âYou can lookâ, you say when you notice how his eyes are glued to your face. âI am lookingâ, he answers, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. Your heart swells in your chest as you let him pull you in for a short and sweet little kiss.
After the bandaid has been ripped off, getting fully naked doesnât seem so frightening anymore. Underwear is shed quickly, and then he guides you into the shower, letting steam and water envelop the both of you. Soon enough, you find yourself with your back to his front, his hands gently working shampoo through your wet strands.
Itâs peaceful. Comfortable. Any anxiety youâd had left about being naked with him washes away like the foam he rinses from your hair. Afterwards, he lets you do the same for him. You wash each other with soft hands and little giggles, stealing kisses now and then, basking in the love the both of you share.
Maybe Iâm ready, you think as you step out of the shower. Changbin is quick to wrap you in a soft towel, a kiss pressed to your temple. Heâs glowing with happiness, pulling you into a hug as soon as heâs dried himself off.
Summary: Intimacy scares you. But Changbin is safe.
Genre: fluff, hurt/comfort
Content warnings: mentions of SA, brief vague description of an SA encounter (please be safe when reading)
Word Count: 1,322
A/N: This idea was requested by @vernorica123 - I'm sorry it took me this long to get here, but we made it! Also, this story got away form me a little bit so you'll get 3 whole parts :3
âYah!â Changbinâs voice rings down the hallway as he chases you towards your apartmentâs front door. Youâre shaking with laughter, giggles bubbling out of you uncontrollably. Youâd pinched his side the moment the elevator doors opened up and immediately booked it down the empty corridor, almost tripping over your two feet.
In the short time you were dating, youâd found endless ways of having fun with him like this. He always indulges you, always plays along with whatever silliness you come up with, filling your chest with warmth and laughter every single day. You ended up breathless on your couch many times, laughing until your lungs gave out, fingers intertwined with your boyfriendâs.
For you, Changbin is safe. Heâs soft and strong and sweet and silly and safe.
He catches up with you right when you try to unlock your door, still laughing a bit too hard to keep the key still. âYouâre a little menace, you know that?â, he mumbles against your skin, hugging you from behind and pressing soft little kisses to your cheek. It only draws more giggles from you, as you let yourself melt into him.
Against all odds, you eventually manage to unlock the door and let both of you stumble inside. Changbin immediately helps you shrug off your coat, hands carefully brushing over your shoulders and down your arms, before he takes the jacket and puts it on a hanger. Your skin is tingling from the clod. Definitely from the cold.
âYou hungry, bunny?â You nod. âThai?â
Itâs always easy like that.
A few minutes later, you find yourself curled up on the couch. With a content smile, you watch as his fingers flick over his phone, ordering your favourites from your usual Thai delivery service. âItâll be here in 45 minutesâ, he says, putting is phone face down on the couch table.
That should be enough for one episode?â His arms settles around you, fingers lightly brushing your side.
Itâs exactly enough for one episode of the TV show youâd been watching for the past week.
He pauses the rolling credits when the doorbell rings, drops a kiss on your forehead and goes to pick up the food. With a content sigh you let yourself lie down, right into the warmth of where Changbin had been sitting.
Where his strong things had been pressing into the cushions.
Your breath hitches at the thought.
Stop that, you tell yourself with a shudder, right as Changbin walks back into the room. He stops when he sees you, sprawled out on the couch, face pressing into the place heâd occupied a few minutes ago.
You freeze, eyes fixed on him.
Somehow, standing there in your living room with the bags of food and the sweetest little smile on his face, he looks prettier than he ever has. His hair is a curly mess and his t-shirt is a little too tight and his arms are way too strong to only be carrying food.
Heat starts pooling at your core.
You take a deep breath and shake it off. Stop. That.
You know you canât go there. Not yet. Maybe not ever.
⥠⥠âĄ
Changbinâs hands feel heavy on your hips. His warmth seeps through the fabric of your shirt, leaving your skin tingling underneath. He keeps you steady in his lap, grounded, as he presses his lips to yours, moving with you like heâs made for it. Made for you.
You can still taste the Thai food when he licks into your mouth, hands wandering to your back, pressing you closer to his chest. Your mind is cloudy, fuzzy with affection, overloaded on sensations. You can feel his thighs flex beneath you, holding himself back from rolling his hips. Heâs panting into your mouth, mirroring your own laboured breath.
Suddenly, your hips grind down on their own accord.
He responds in kind, a gasp leaving his pretty bruised lips. Gentle hands find purchase on your waist, fingers digging in ever so slightly as heâs guiding you. A soft moan escapes you between kisses. You can feel him underneath you, all of him.
You freeze.
All of a sudden, youâre very aware of the way your heart hammers against your ribs. Of the hands holding on to you, the man between your legs, the state you are in. Your breath catches, air stuck in your throat. Every muscle in your body seems to tense uncomfortably.
Your eyes squeeze shut.
Images flash through your mind. A hand on your ass, wet breath on your neck, the push of fingers past your waistline. Your futile attempts at pushing, shoving, kicking. The heavy weight of an unwelcome body on you.
A knee hitting a crotch. A strangled scream. A shaky escape.
You blink, eyes burning suddenly, desperately trying to rid yourself of the memory. You move backwards a bit, getting off your boyfriendâs crotch.
âBunny?â Changbinâs voice is so soft, it almost doesnât get through to you. His hands are no longer on your hips, no longer keeping you in place. Theyâre cupping your face now, gentle, worried.
âBaby, are you okay?â
His thumbs are hot against your skin as he brushes the tears away. âIâŚâ You try to explain, want to explain, but your brain wonât supply any words. A quiet sob rips through your chest. âItâs okayâ, Changbin whispers, guiding your head to his shoulder, âyouâre okay.â
You let your whole body follow, wrapping yourself around him, head buried in the crook of his neck. His arms hold your tightly, safely, allowing you to hide within his embrace. Tears stream down your face, sobs shaking your body now and then, as you let yourself cry for a while.
He doesnât push, doesnât ask questions, simply lets you cope.
âIâm a virginâ, you whisper eventually, when you find your voice again. Slowly, you sit yourself up, so you can look at him. Heâs so pretty, even when worry has him creasing his brow and pursing his lips. âIâve neverâŚâ âThatâs okay, bunny.â Changbin already runs gentle fingers down your cheek, âwe donât have to do anything until youâre ready.â
You nod, giving him a little sad smile. He looks so honest, so sincere. So safe.
Deep breath.
Eyes closed.
Deep breath.
âMy ex almost forced me.â Your voice is quiet, but steady. A flash of anger runs across Changbinâs features, before eyes grow impossibly soft. He tilts his head, raises an eyebrow. âWhere does he live?â Against all odds, that pulls a stupidly small chuckle from you.
You shake your head and weakly punch his shoulder. âShut upâ, you whisper. Silence falls around you, as he keeps his thumb gently brushing over your cheek. He doesnât look expectant, just patient. Giving you the space you need.
You take another deep breath.
âIt scares meâ, you admit into the space between you, âto get intimate.â Your boyfriend nods, hums.
âIâm so sorry.â
âYahâ, his hold on your face tightens slightly, making sure you keep your eyes on him, âyou have no reason to apologise. Itâs only normal to be scared of it after an experience like that.â You press your cheek into his palm. âI just want to be a good girlfriend for you.â
Changbin huffs.
âBunny, you are the perfect girlfriend for me. Youâre smart and driven and funny, you make me laugh every day, always listen to my stories from the gym, endure my maniac friendsâ - you giggle at that - âand youâre always there for me. You make me so happy. I already told you, we donât need to do anything until youâre ready, okay?â
âOkay.â âPromise to never push yourself to do anything you donât want to, yes?â You canât help but smile at the sincerity in his voice. Sitting up a bit, you lift your fist, pinky stretched out. âPromise.â The cutest little smile spreads across Changbinâs face, as he hooks his pinky into yours.
