Yes people it's back. If you have never played before, take a recently published work and break it down for me scene by scene
My most recent work is the latest chapter I published of Persephone is Dancing in Hell, my Mass Effect 2 diary-style fic. I know I don't have a lot of a ME followers, so if you're not into it, I understand. See you next time lol.
EDI shut me out of my entire system after that tirade last night. I’ve never been more embarrassed while reading through that. And last night, just like EDI said, Chakwas was at my door wearing that worried mom look. I didn’t know EDI could do that. I nearly tore out of my room to shout at Miranda about the blatant breach of privacy. But the good doctor talked me down because, as much as I hate to admit it, the omnipresent surveillance AI was right. I wasn’t in my right mind. I needed sleep, and I couldn’t really remember the last time I had actually lain down in my bed to attempt it. I doubt I’ve caught anything longer than a catnap since we picked up Grunt. Maybe longer? Either way, I was running on less than empty.
There's a lot of mixed feelings that Kore (my femshep) has about AI, (and synthetic intelligence in general), but this is one of the first times she actually states it aloud. Since Kore is based on my first playthrough of the trilogy, a lot of these insights came from reflecting on some of the choices I ended up making later on. In ME3, EDI became one of my favorite companions, so it's fun to start to set this up here.
Also, Kore's lack of sleep is going to keep catching up with her in terrible ways.
Last I’ve checked, Garrus is still alive, despite my ramblings from before sleeping. Chakwas was doing her best to stitch his face back together, but —
Seeing him go flying, taking the brunt of Blue Sun’s attack head-on, it absolutely broke me. I lost my sense of reality. Once that metal bird was down, I dove for him, cradling his bloody head, and ended up covered in it. My memory isn’t great, but Jacob insisted I let Chambers give me a look over when we get back. I don’t know if I said anything bizarre enough to warrant a psychological evaluation or if he’s just taking care of Cereberus’s asset.
For those who may not have read the previous 11 chapters, Kore waited to recruit Archangel last, mainly because she has an Earthborn background and the amount of gang presence made her uncomfy. When she realizes that she'd left Garrus by himself, abandoned for so long, a lot of her unresolved feelings for being unable to save everyone on the Normandy, and guilt for not truly going down with her ship, finally come to the surface. Kore doesn't like to deal with her emotions... but this absolutely forces her hand.
She also harbors a LOT of distrust for Cerberus and their agents. There's an us vs them mentality that Kore puts up as a shield to keep her from forgetting that her resurrection came with expectations. There's a lot of her that doesn't trust that she, on her own, isn't worth saving, and there must be a more sinister reason the Illusive Man brought her back.
He’s alive. Thank whatever creator deity you want, but I’m grateful he’s mostly fine. He’s even uglier than before, but I think we’re both willing to live with that. After Jacob’s debrief, I caught up with him in the forward battery. Already, the Turian was hard at work, inspecting and calibrating the ship’s guns, and ready with suggestions for how to improve them. Garrus may be the only one on this ship who can appreciate my distaste for rest.
“Shepard, if I’d thought for a second you were still alive—” he tried to say, but I stopped him, motioning for him to shut the battery door so we could have some privacy.
When the door to the battery closed, and I knew we weren’t going to be overheard by any of the Cerberus crew, I filled him in on the full story. Even the parts about our old crew, and where they’d all ended up, (except Alenko, of course).
“I always knew you were something of an outlier when it came to humans, Shepard, but enough of an oddity to bring back to life? It’s hard to believe.”
I nodded, leaning against the control panel, trying to find my bearings again. “Cerberus is either desperate or I’m pretty damn important.”
“Desperate, I’ll bet,” he laughed, clapping me on the back with one of his claw-like talons.
Kore and Garrus were/are besties, and so getting a chance to write a bit of banter between them was a real treat. I thrive on dialogue, so a fic like this where there's little of it is actually really challenging for me. This was a "for me" little moment, I won't lie, and I won't apologize.
But then, there is the complication of working with old comrades. They have a way of bringing up the past, just when you’re learning to move on.
“You really haven’t been able to get word to Alenko? Not even through Admiral Anderson?” Garrus asked, just as I was about to leave.
“Once I realized he was deep in his mission, I stopped trying,” I answered, shrugging. “Why?”
“When everything happened, when you died…” Garrus scratched at the grafted kitin that held his mandible in place, grimacing as he did. “I know the Alliance has stricter rules for fraternization than I’m used to, but the man certainly didn’t react the way you’d expect of just a subordinate. He was broken, Shepard.”
If you're doing the math, leaving Garrus for last means that we're sitting on the precipice of Horizon. Kore is a Shenko girlie, and that whole bubble is about to burst. Having Garrus deliver confirmation that Kaidan was NOT okay after she died, really forces Kore to face something she's been hiding from: what she and Kaidan shared was real, despite what they told themselves. There is a lot of regret that goes along with that, and she's never going to be ready to face those feelings.
I must have given Garrus some indication that what he said had upset me because he immediately started apologizing for overstepping. I hadn’t thought I’d done anything remarkable. If anything, I felt cold, detached. My whole body was freezing like I was put on cryosleep. But I’m almost always cold anymore, some sort of fault in my temperature regulation post-resurrection, I’m sure.
“I just know how grateful I felt seeing you alive. If Alenko was that broken up over losing you, I can only imagine how he’ll feel getting you back,” Garrus finally managed to squawk out.
“There is no getting me back, Garrus,” I explained, punching the door’s lock and opening the battery to leave. “As long as I’m with Cerberus, I might as well still be dead.”
And this is where she leaves it. Kore is concerned that she's not all back, and there's a reason why the fic is tagged "Came back wrong." I plan to keep leaning into that as the ME2 storyline goes onward. However, the real crux of the conversation with Garrus is the fact that Kore knows if Kaidan finds out on his own where she is and what she's doing... he's not going to be happy. If there never was a chance for them before as Alliance soldiers, now as enemies, they're even more doomed.
This was a really fun exercise. It's completely Wednesday now that I've finally completed this, but I'd love to tag some folks to try this out either this week or next. @themontess, @softeasun, and @chalkituptofate
