Fiercely Femme + Dangerous

26. Canadian. Femme Queer. Avid fangirl. WIP Intersectional Feminist. Always learn. Bisexual.

[atlinmerrick]

Who Wins When You’re Kink Shamed?

It took a long time to get the most recent issue of Spark out.

I asked people to share their kinks via anon, Twitter, to my personal email, by carrier pigeon if necessary. Yet, unlike other Spark issues, a surprising number contacted me personally not with articles, but to say:

‘I can’t write about kinks for the newsletter. I feel ashamed.’

These weren’t messages saying 'I’m a teacher and so can’t write this sort of stuff,’ these were people going on to say they felt that having kinky desires and voicing them was wrong.

I just…who made you feel like that? Who made you feel like your wonderful, earthy, human sexuality is wrong?

Who benefits from you feeling like that?

You know who does. Their desires are all over the media, their kinks are catered to with magazines and movies titled Barely Legal, Rope Slave, Slutty Maid. But your sexuality? From the time you’re a girl your desires are seen as lesser, mockable, or worse: non-existent.

Sweet darlin’, fuck that noise.

Here’s what I wish: I wish that you allow fandom and fic to help you relish your kinks. Take them back. Take them, they’re yours, they’re valid, they’re amazing.

No one has a right to laugh at them, think them second-place, to prioritise their sexual wants over yours.

Forget what the media tells you—that women don’t sexually get, they only give—instead, indulge your kinks, coddle them, fuckin’ name the glorious things. By that I mean say what they are at least to yourself, maybe to a friend, perhaps anon on some fandom group? Whatever, wherever, give your desires existence, priority.

Your favourite kinks to think about, write, read are……

……what?

Whatever you answered? It’s right.

Your desires are never wrong, not so long as there’s consent. And in the sanctity of your fertile imagination even consent isn’t necessary because no one gets hurt inside your head.

The online Puritans, who tell you even thinking about something like non-con is wrong?

They’re wrong.

When they say just thinking about something means you’re more likely to do it ask yourself this: How many actors have gone on to become serial killers?

Because, despite a mind-boggling number of films about such people, no actor playing one has ever gone on to, you know, serial kill people. Despite thinking a lot about it.

So when the new Puritans try to make you feel bad for what you desire? It’s they who’re creating real world pain. Your frisky imagination? It ain’t affecting no one. So let that thing be naked, free, and filthy.

Daydream every sweaty, slick scenario that pleases you. All the Omegaverse and lactation kink, all the rimming and comeplay, all of it. And know, absolutely know you’re not alone, in fandom you’re surrounded by glorious kinky company.

Fandom has given me so, so much, not least of which is a legion kinks. I think half came from reading and writing fic, the other half just appeared one day—possibly via carrier pigeon.

Sherlock Holmes in heels might be the first I giddily wrote about, then I went mad for John nursing on Sherlock, for somnophilia sex, for Holmescest, for the riding crop. Along came Star Wars, and suddenly there wasn’t enough Kylo Ren or General Hux in lingerie, never enough pet play, mpreg, oviposition, or tentacles.

Reading or writing kinky stories where delicious men do kinky things with one another’s bodies brings our bodies joy.

And sweetheart there ain’t nothing, nothing, fucking nothing wrong with that.

Atlin has flown so vigourously off this handle she may now be in space. If you want to give a bit of Ko-Fi kindness to Atlin or Spark, that’d be lovely.

(Spark newsletter) (Pic: Njoy G-spot massager)

[audaciaray]

“1. Trauma permanently changes us. This is the big, scary truth about trauma: there is no such thing as “getting over it.” The five stages of grief model marks universal stages in learning to accept loss, but the reality is in fact much bigger: a major life disruption leaves a new normal in its wake. There is no “back to the old me.” You are different now, full stop. This is not a wholly negative thing. Healing from trauma can also mean finding new strength and joy. The goal of healing is not a papering-over of changes in an effort to preserve or present things as normal. It is to acknowledge and wear your new life — warts, wisdom, and all — with courage. 2. Presence is always better than distance. There is a curious illusion that in times of crisis people “need space.” I don’t know where this assumption originated, but in my experience it is almost always false. Trauma is a disfiguring, lonely time even when surrounded in love; to suffer through trauma alone is unbearable. Do not assume others are reaching out, showing up, or covering all the bases. It is a much lighter burden to say, “Thanks for your love, but please go away,” than to say, “I was hurting and no one cared for me.” If someone says they need space, respect that. Otherwise, err on the side of presence. 3. Healing is seasonal, not linear. It is true that healing happens with time. But in the recovery wilderness, emotional healing looks less like a line and more like a wobbly figure-8. It’s perfectly common to get stuck in one stage for months, only to jump to another end entirely … only to find yourself back in the same old mud again next year. Recovery lasts a long, long time. Expect seasons. 4. Surviving trauma takes “firefighters” and “builders.” Very few people are both. This is a tough one. In times of crisis, we want our family, partner, or dearest friends to be everything for us. But surviving trauma requires at least two types of people: the crisis team — those friends who can drop everything and jump into the fray by your side, and the reconstruction crew — those whose calm, steady care will help nudge you out the door into regaining your footing in the world. In my experience, it is extremely rare for any individual to be both a firefighter and a builder. This is one reason why trauma is a lonely experience. Even if you share suffering with others, no one else will be able to fully walk the road with you the whole way. A hard lesson of trauma is learning to forgive and love your partner, best friend, or family even when they fail at one of these roles. Conversely, one of the deepest joys is finding both kinds of companions beside you on the journey. 5. Grieving is social, and so is healing. For as private a pain as trauma is, for all the healing that time and self-work will bring, we are wired for contact. Just as relationships can hurt us most deeply, it is only through relationship that we can be most fully healed. It’s not easy to know what this looks like — can I trust casual acquaintances with my hurt? If my family is the source of trauma, can they also be the source of healing? How long until this friend walks away? Does communal prayer help or trivialize? Seeking out shelter in one another requires tremendous courage, but it is a matter of life or paralysis. One way to start is to practice giving shelter to others. 6. Do not offer platitudes or comparisons. Do not, do not, do not. “I’m so sorry you lost your son, we lost our dog last year … ” “At least it’s not as bad as … ” “You’ll be stronger when this is over.” “God works in all things for good!” When a loved one is suffering, we want to comfort them. We offer assurances like the ones above when we don’t know what else to say. But from the inside, these often sting as clueless, careless, or just plain false. Trauma is terrible. What we need in the aftermath is a friend who can swallow her own discomfort and fear, sit beside us, and just let it be terrible for a while. 7. Allow those suffering to tell their own stories. Of course, someone who has suffered trauma may say, “This made me stronger,” or “I’m lucky it’s only (x) and not (z).” That is their prerogative. There is an enormous gulf between having someone else thrust his unsolicited or misapplied silver linings onto you, and discovering hope for one’s self. The story may ultimately sound very much like “God works in all things for good,” but there will be a galaxy of disfigurement and longing and disorientation in that confession. Give the person struggling through trauma the dignity of discovering and owning for himself where, and if, hope endures. 8. Love shows up in unexpected ways. This is a mystifying pattern after trauma, particularly for those in broad community: some near-strangers reach out, some close friends fumble to express care. It’s natural for us to weight expressions of love differently: a Hallmark card, while unsatisfying if received from a dear friend, can be deeply touching coming from an old acquaintance. Ultimately every gesture of love, regardless of the sender, becomes a step along the way to healing. If there are beatitudes for trauma, I’d say the first is, “Blessed are those who give love to anyone in times of hurt, regardless of how recently they’ve talked or awkwardly reconnected or visited cross-country or ignored each other on the metro.” It may not look like what you’d request or expect, but there will be days when surprise love will be the sweetest. 9. Whatever doesn’t kill you … In 2011, after a publically humiliating year, comedian Conan O’Brien gave students at Dartmouth College the following warning: “Nietzsche famously said, ‘Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.’ … What he failed to stress is that it almost kills you.” Odd things show up after a serious loss and creep into every corner of life: insatiable anxiety in places that used to bring you joy, detachment or frustration towards your closest companions, a deep distrust of love or presence or vulnerability. There will be days when you feel like a quivering, cowardly shell of yourself, when despair yawns as a terrible chasm, when fear paralyzes any chance for pleasure. This is just a fight that has to be won, over and over and over again. 10. … Doesn’t kill you. Living through trauma may teach you resilience. It may help sustain you and others in times of crisis down the road. It may prompt humility. It may make for deeper seasons of joy. It may even make you stronger. It also may not. In the end, the hope of life after trauma is simply that you have life after trauma. The days, in their weird and varied richness, go on. So will you.”

—

Catherine Woodiwiss, “A New Normal: Ten Things I’ve Learned About Trauma”  (via princesshoneycunt)

Perfect

(via littleprincesswillow)

So good and so needed for me right now.

[badgyal-k-deactivated20190901]

You have to remind men that they don’t have power over you and you don’t owe them attention, emotional investment, love, time, or consideration just because they like you or because he’s a “nice guy”.

[badgyal-k-deactivated20190901]

There are a lot of white women relogging this.

[badgyal-k-deactivated20190901]

You have to remind white people that they don’t have power over you and you don’t owe them attention, emotional investment, free teaching, love, time, or consideration just because they like you/your culture or because they’re an “ally”.

Reblog this too.

[angrygirlcomics]

Here’s my life. My husband and I get up each morning at 7 o’clock and he showers while I make coffee. By the time he’s dressed I’m already sitting at my desk writing. He kisses me goodbye then leaves for the job where he makes good money, draws excellent benefits and gets many perks, such as travel, catered lunches and full reimbursement for the gym where I attend yoga midday. His career has allowed me to work only sporadically, as a consultant, in a field I enjoy. All that disclosure is crass, I know. I’m sorry. Because in this world where women will sit around discussing the various topiary shapes of their bikini waxes, the conversation about money (or privilege) is the one we never have. Why? I think it’s the Marie Antoinette syndrome: Those with privilege and luck don’t want the riffraff knowing the details. After all, if “those people” understood the differences in our lives, they might revolt. Or, God forbid, not see us as somehow more special, talented and/or deserving than them. There’s a special version of this masquerade that we writers put on. Two examples: I attended a packed reading (I’m talking 300+ people) about a year and a half ago. The author was very well-known, a magnificent nonfictionist who has, deservedly, won several big awards. He also happens to be the heir to a mammoth fortune. Mega-millions. In other words he’s a man who has never had to work one job, much less two. He has several children; I know, because they were at the reading with him, all lined up. I heard someone say they were all traveling with him, plus two nannies, on his worldwide tour. None of this takes away from his brilliance. Yet, when an audience member — young, wide-eyed, clearly not clued in — rose to ask him how he’d managed to spend 10 years writing his current masterpiece — What had he done to sustain himself and his family during that time? — he told her in a serious tone that it had been tough but he’d written a number of magazine articles to get by. I heard a titter pass through the half of the audience that knew the truth. But the author, impassive, moved on and left this woman thinking he’d supported his Manhattan life for a decade with a handful of pieces in the Nation and Salon. Example two. A reading in a different city, featuring a 30-ish woman whose debut novel had just appeared on the front page of the New York Times Book Review. I didn’t love the book (a coming-of-age story set among wealthy teenagers) but many people I respect thought it was great, so I defer. The author had herself attended one of the big, East Coast prep schools, while her parents were busy growing their careers on the New York literary scene. These were people — her parents — who traded Christmas cards with William Maxwell and had the Styrons over for dinner. She, the author, was their only beloved child. After prep school, she’d earned two creative writing degrees (Iowa plus an Ivy). Her first book was being heralded by editors and reviewers all over the country, many of whom had watched her grow up. It was a phenomenon even before it hit bookshelves. She was an immediate star. When (again) an audience member, clearly an undergrad, rose to ask this glamorous writer to what she attributed her success, the woman paused, then said that she had worked very, very hard and she’d had some good training, but she thought in looking back it was her decision never to have children that had allowed her to become a true artist. If you have kids, she explained to the group of desperate nubile writers, you have to choose between them and your writing. Keep it pure. Don’t let yourself be distracted by a baby’s cry. I was dumbfounded. I wanted to leap to my feet and shout. “Hello? Alice Munro! Doris Lessing! Joan Didion!” Of course, there are thousands of other extraordinary writers who managed to produce art despite motherhood. But the essential point was that, the quality of her book notwithstanding, this author’s chief advantage had nothing to do with her reproductive decisions. It was about connections. Straight up. She’d had them since birth. In my opinion, we do an enormous “let them eat cake” disservice to our community when we obfuscate the circumstances that help us write, publish and in some way succeed. I can’t claim the wealth of the first author (not even close); nor do I have the connections of the second. I don’t have their fame either. But I do have a huge advantage over the writer who is living paycheck to paycheck, or lonely and isolated, or dealing with a medical condition, or working a full-time job. How can I be so sure? Because I used to be poor, overworked and overwhelmed. And I produced zero books during that time. Throughout my 20s, I was married to an addict who tried valiantly (but failed, over and over) to stay straight. We had three children, one with autism, and lived in poverty for a long, wretched time. In my 30s I divorced the man because it was the only way out of constant crisis. For the next 10 years, I worked two jobs and raised my three kids alone, without child support or the involvement of their dad. I published my first novel at 39, but only after a teaching stint where I met some influential writers and three months living with my parents while I completed the first draft. After turning in that manuscript, I landed a pretty cushy magazine editor’s job. A year later, I met my second husband. For the first time I had a true partner, someone I could rely on who was there in every way for me and our kids. Life got easier. I produced a nonfiction book, a second novel and about 30 essays within a relatively short time. Today, I am essentially “sponsored” by this very loving man who shows up at the end of the day, asks me how the writing went, pours me a glass of wine, then takes me out to eat. He accompanies me when I travel 500 miles to do a 75-minute reading, manages my finances, and never complains that my dark, heady little books have resulted in low advances and rather modest sales. I completed my third novel in eight months flat. I started the book while on a lovely vacation. Then I wrote happily and relatively quickly because I had the time and the funding, as well as help from my husband, my agent and a very talented editor friend. Without all those advantages, I might be on page 52. OK, there’s mine. Now show me yours.

Ann Bauer, ““Sponsored” by my husband: Why it’s a problem that writers never talk about where their money comes from”, http://www.salon.com/2015/01/25/sponsored_by_my_husband_why_its_a_problem_that_writers_never_talk_about_where_their_money_comes_from/ (via angrygirlcomics)

This is so important, especially for people like me, who are always hearing the radio station that plays “but you’re 26 and you are ~*~gifted~*~ and you can write, WHERE IS YOUR NOVEL” on constant loop.

It’s so important because I see younger people who can write going “oh yes, I can write, therefore I will be an English major, and write my book and live on that yes?? then I don’t have to do other jobs yes??” and you’re like “oh, no, honey, at least try to add another string to your bow, please believe that it will not happen quite like that” 

It’s so important not to be overly impressed by Walden because Thoreau’s mother continued to cook him food and wash his laundry while he was doing his self-sufficient wilderness-experiment “sit in a cabin and write” thing.

It’s so important because when you’re impressed by Lord of the Rings, remember that Tolkien had servants, a wife, university scouts and various underlings to do his admin, cook his meals, chase after him, and generally set up his life so that the only thing he had to do was wander around being vague and clever. In fact, the man could barely stand to show up at his own day job.

It’s important when you look at published fiction to remember that it is a non-random sample, and that it’s usually produced by the leisure class, so that most of what you study and consume is essentially wolves in captivity - not wolves in the wild - and does not reflect the experiences of all wolves.

Yeah. Important. Like that.

(via elodieunderglass)

THIS.

[withaliensandrainbows]

To those who are losing a lot of their will to create in the wake of President Tyrant: Don’t let him and his orcs win. People NEED your books, stories, poems, paintings, jewelry, dolls, knitting, tapestries, vases, weaving, dishes, every creation that comes from your hands. Every creation is a punch back at the haters and the heartless. Every word puts hope or thought or dreams or solace or fire into those who read it. You become a different voice from the bullyraggers and the foolish; your ideals, wishes and convictions reach your audience, whether they are reading Dr. Seuss or James Joyce. You convey food for hope and imagination whether you realize it or not, and the most innocuous-seeming work gives those who partake of it something to go on with. Keep soldiering on. Comedian or philosopher, baker or glassblower, writer of tomes or fan fiction, you’re needed now more than ever.

Tamora Pierce (via withaliensandrainbows ) ❤️ (via agent-nemesis)

This!

[logija-deactivated20160411]

i’m reuploading the masterpost I had made a year ago!! please don’t hesitate to use any of these links!! i believe it can be useful to both people with certain issues like me and to normies that have no idea what they’re talking about. xoxo

Anxiety, panic attacks, PTSD, OCD:

Understanding and managing anxiety

Half of us: anxiety

Overview of panic [1] [2]

Calming techniques

Information and advice

How to talk to a friend who is having a panic attack

What anxiety is like

Dealing with panic attacks

Breathing exercises to reduce anxiety

Tips on how to manage anxiety

Social anxiety self help

Anxiety Medication

OCD: symptoms and treatment

Dating with social anxiety

Therapy for anxiety disorder

The 10 rules

How to cope with test anxiety

PTSD explained

PTSD and dissociation

PTSD forum: self care

PTSD symptoms

Depression:

What depression is like

8 tips to help overcome loneliness

Natural antidepressants

How to deal with depression in college

Dealing with depression

Depression Symptoms & Warning Signs

Depression in older adults

Half of us: depression

Helping someone with depression

Info on medication

Selecting the right medication

Depression help guide

Coping with depression

Causes of depression [X]

Cycles of depression

Mood gym

Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance

Depression fact sheet

Mental help and info

Self-harm:

Things to do instead of cutting

Half of us: self-harm

Outreach and support

The butterfly project

Cutting and self-harm info

Self-harm support community

How to care for injuries

How to fade and cover scars

Guidance and support

What to do when people notice

24 ways to avoid self injury

Alternatives for self-harm

Explanation, causes, treatment, support

Info on self-harm.

Suicidal Thoughts/Suicide Prevention:

What to do when somebody is suicidal

American foundation for suicide prevention

Suicide prevention

National suicide prevention hotline

Dealing with suicidal thoughts

International Association for Suicide Prevention

Feeling suicidal?

Suicide: an honest discussion

Suicide hotline masterpost

Suicide hotline by country

Suicide watch

Why you should not kill yourself

Online crisis network

Information on teen suicide

Preventing suicide

Center for suicide prevention

Tips for parents and educators

Suicide prevention

Eating / binge/compensate disorders:

Emotional eating

Bulimia

National eating disorder association

Treatment and recovery

Overeaters Anonymous Meeting Finder

Phases of Recovery From a Restrictive ED

Eating disorder support groups

Gaining weight after anorexia

10 Steps to Bulimia Recovery Workbook

10 signs of overtraining

Dealing with weight gain

Food addicts anonymous

Help someone with an eating disorder

Binge eating disorder

Anorexia: symptoms, treatment

Males and eating disorders

Men with anorexia

Bipolar disorder:

Bipolar Disorder Medication Guide

Help Guide (Self Help)

Sign and symptoms

Treatment

Info on the bipolar disorder

Bipolar disorder explained

Substance Abuse:

Find an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting

About Alcoholics anonymous

Narcotics Anonymous

Overcoming drug addiction

Find a detox center

Substance abuse info

National Alcoholism Abuse Center

Drug Abuse Hotline

AlAnon: Support groups for people who love an addict

LGBTQA:

LGBTQA Support Groups and Services UK/ US/ NZ/ AUS

Gay center

GLAAD

Troye Sivan’s Video

The Trevor project

NOH8

Trans Specific Support Lines (US UK )

Asexual network

Asexuality info

Sexual assault:

Online hotline

RAINN

Support and research for survivors

Support for men and boys

For male survivors

Share your story

Sexual abuse

Abuse:

Dating violance/sexual assault

Physical abuse

Stalking

Sexual abuse

Financial abuse

Verbal/emotional abuse

Digital abuse

USA National Child Abuse Hotline

National safe place

Domestic violence research and literature

Community against violence

Trauma/PTSD/Grief and loss:

Coping with a Breakup or Divorce

The Five Stages of Grief

Emotional & Psychological Trauma

Traumatic Stress

PTSD

Supporting a Grieving Person

Coping with Pet Loss

Coping with Grief & Loss

National center for PTSD

When you need to talk / safe spaces:

BlahTherapy

The Thoughts Room

Comfort Spot

Online Crisis Network

The Dawn Room

The quiet place

7 Cups of Tea

Crisis chat

Message me about anything

Other links//distractions :

1 Hour of Nature Sounds

1 hour rain sounds

Tips to Start Meditating

Make origami

Control a rainstorm

Create your background noise

Make the rocks dissapear

Do nothing for 2 minutes

Be calm

Motivation

Make everything okay

If you need a hug <3

The dog that can’t run

Movies/miniseries about lesbians with happy endings

Education

Documentaries

Play the piano

Watch a dream

Learn a new language

Learn how to embroider

Learn a magic trick

Emergency compliment

10-minute recipes

take a study break

Math problem?

National Geographic

Science News

Feed the hungry

protect wildlife habitat

fund alzheimer’s research

fund diabetes research

Paint a nebula

Build things with sand

[meanwhilepoetry]

When someone with depression or anxiety or any mental illness for that matter tells you they are having a bad week or month and actually trusts you enough to tell you why, they aren’t doing it because they want you to fix them. They are telling you because they believe you are important enough to them to know why they are not feeling a hundred percent that day. Respect them for doing that. Because they clearly respect you.

Nikita Gill (via meanwhilepoetry)

[samcaarter]

Firefly Rewatch: one gifset per episode └ The Train Job

Time for some thrilling heroics

[dragoni]

Donald Trump’s Inauguration Parade Looks to Be Sparsely Attended

Let history show the truth because #FactsMatter

Ben Carson and empty presidential viewing stand

Other Sources:

In photos: President Donald Trump’s Inaugural Parade,  The Globe and Mail 

Trump Inauguration Flops As Thin Crowd And Empty Stands Line Parade Route,  PoliticusUSA

[daggers-drawn]

Entrance Points: Cut off Stands: Empty Bloc: Out

[blvckhermione]

My mom was screaming so loud in the other room.

[blackraystyles]

Good god

[obsessionisaperfume]

WELL THEN.

[boredpanda]

20+ Of The Fluffiest Cats In The World

[fauxfable]

I want to hug them all

[arizonarobbinsgf-deactivated201]

im crying?

[cuntanadien]

“Is this still on” americas dad

[fierce-femme]

I can't even handle this guy right now.

[apocalypticwitchcraft-deactivat]

the one thing that I found a bit off about the women’s march today was all of the people with signs that were just about women’s rights – and the fact that it was called the women’s march to begin with. I heard a woman on the bus describe it to a curious older woman as a ‘feminist march protesting trump’s misogyny’ and I almost blurted out ‘no it’s not’ before realizing that she was describing it that way because that was how it had been branded, and that’s how many people were thinking of it.

don’t get me wrong I saw plenty of stuff protesting fascism, islamaphobia, capitalism, environmental destruction, ableism, homophobia, transphobia, antisemitism… but I was left with the uncomfortable knowledge that for many (white) people attending the march in Toronto and all over the world, it was about white womanhood, about the issues that effect white women, without intersectional thought into the other groups marginalized by him. 

just a reminder, I guess, that white women still need to work harder than ever to context our marginalization within the far greater marginalization of BIPOC. and to remember that white women had a huge hand in putting him into the white house. 

[apocalypticwitchcraft-deactivat]

like, the crowd today was SO white 

and I’m happy to attend protests for things that I believe it because I think showing that you’re willing to put a physical presence to a cause, to show your face and put your whole physical being behind something is a powerful message and a powerful form of protest. and I’m happy to use my privilege as a white person, and my far greater freedom when it comes to protesting, acts of civil disobedience, and legal consequences to be that physical presence where it might be far more dangerous for others to do the same. I’m happy to show up and exist but also to shut up and let BIPOC speak. 

and I know the reasons that I was there. I was there because a rapist was elected on a platform of racism and violence. i was there because we are seeing the rise of fascism in america. because white supremacy and corporations just took control of the us government. because white people NEED to do better and we need to do better NOW, today, ten years ago. because this isn’t normal and there are too many reasons to list why.

I’m just worried that– no, I KNOW that many of the white people were there today because he said crude things about women, which is obviously not okay, but this is about so much more than that and people can NOT allow themselves to think it is about only that

I watched a clip from news coverage from the march where they only talked to white people, and all those white people only talked about the way trump treats women. 

white people can’t do that. we can’t afford to do that. we can’t afford to keep failing BIPOC the way we have so casually done for so long. we need to understand that the ramifications that the trump presidency is going to have on white women is NOTHING to the impact it is going to have on BIPOC and other marginalized groups.

[writingsforwinter]

why you’ll never live in a gorgeous house and do yoga at 6am with the perfect job and quinoa salad for lunch and a glass of wine after dinner, and why that’s okay

So you’re twenty or twenty-something or twenty-five and you’re applying to a dozen or maybe even thirty jobs on Indeed.com or LinkedIn per week but almost no one is calling back, or when they do your social anxiety decides to make you choke in the middle of an important phone interview. And you don’t have a car, or even a fourth of the amount of money you’d need to buy a used car, and breakfast most days is either frozen mozzarella sticks or nothing at all. You work a little at a few part-time jobs or a few jobs that only give you a few hours per week and you try to go out on the weekends and make jello shots and go to clubs but you end up falling asleep with your cat at 8pm instead.

And you want that nice car, one of those cute little boxy ones in mint green, and either a gorgeous house or a nice apartment with sunflower yellow walls and a terrace you can do Blogilates on every morning before work. And you want couscous and quinoa salad for lunch with a glass of water and only a handful or two of nuts at your prestigious attorney job for a snack, the job where you can do ab and leg exercises under your desk without anyone noticing. With the perfect boyfriend and meals you cook yourself every night, a new recipe to try every night, without trans fat or carbs or gluten or the latest thing all the health blogs you follow warn you not to eat. And a hot tub and a huge master bed with cream sheets and silk pillows.

But you can’t have all those things, or maybe even half those things, and you won’t. And that’s okay. Because one night, in the middle of the winter in your tiny little apartment with your cat who’s in the middle of old age, with your rickety heater, you’ll make clam chowder and stand at the window in a wool blanket watching the snow storm out the window beneath the stars. Or you’ll have a friend over after one of your minimum wage jobs and you’ll make popcorn on the stove and watch a movie on your boxspring mattress together, without the silk pillows and cream sheets, but with everything else in place you could possibly want. Or you’ll only be able to manage two or three workouts a week, and you’ll come home to the leaking shower covered in sweat, with your hair stuck in tendrils like Jack’s beanstalk to your neck, but you’ll realize that the last thing you wanted to do that day was work out and you did it anyway.

Or you’ll have to ride the bus to work instead of the mint green boxy car you always wanted, but you’ll meet one of the best friends you’ll ever know on one of the stained polyester seats in the front instead, after you almost fall onto their bookbag after a particularly sharp turn by the driver. And maybe sometimes you’ll order pizza a little too often or get Chinese takeout a little too much, but on the most part even without that quinoa salad or those bagels with salmon and avocado you’ll still do the best you can. You’ll accidentally overboil a pot of pasta onto the floor, or burn your $3 skillet trying to sautee chicken, but you’ll have tried something new and that’s all that matters.

And one day, you’ll wake up in the middle of the night, and have that disorienting feeling that comes to everyone once in awhile where they can’t remember what house they’re in or what direction they’re facing in bed. But then there will be a moment of clarity, and you’ll realize that you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be, not just in bed, not just in the right house and not accidentally in your neighbor’s house, but exactly where you’re supposed to be in life.

[beatonna]

of the cartoon incarnation, I’m told “you’re very kind about my beard.”  Speaking of beards, no one is used to dad’s goatee yet

[fierce-femme]

Thanks for the down home feels!

[neil-gaiman]

If you’ve never seen Princess Mononoke on the big screen, and you are in the USA, this could be your chance.

And if you haven’t ever seen Princess Mononoke, it’s a powerful and brilliant film by Hiyao Miyazaki that’s about magic and forests and people and compromise and love, set in Japan, with giant wolves and boars and people in it.  

 The Sub is showing on January the 5th, the Dub (for which I wrote the script) is on January the 9th. Go to www.PrincessMononoke20.com for ticket info.

[casualdorkpatrol-deactivated201]

Here it is! The first installment of the Fremont Abbey Sessions! Thank you everyone, and I hope you enjoy!

If you like this, consider:

Following me on Instagram

Liking me on Facebook

Buying my Album

[casualdorkpatrol-deactivated201]

Thank you everyone for listening to this! Feedback is appreciated. If you like what you hear consider sharing it, too!

[the-promise-has-been-made]

this whole discussion about a Mulan life-action baffles me. Like… I love the fun with Mushu and all but? Why do we need a Disney remake of the movie when there is

a pretty much epic

beautiful

actually Chinese version

with great characters

and Mulan’s more accurate story

readily available??? 

Since 2009??

[madamdoesnothing]

Well I know what I am watching now

[renefer]

UPDATE: I just watched this and I have so many emotions. Seriously, check this out

[neoyi]

OOH! On my list!

[katsplanet]

i didnt know this existed!!! ok

[scarabsi]

I’ve failed all my followers for not letting them know about this immediately. I’m sorry you guys missed out.

[cosmic-noir]

I NEED IT

[life-b4-death]

http://www.veoh.com/watch/v19697192DZSkejpc

Here is a link to watch it free online with English subtitles.

Just as a warning, it is a little violent, some horses are killed during the battles, and there is a scene where Wentai cuts open his wrist. It is a very good movie, I just finished watching it and would recommend everyone watch it.

[amuseoffyre]

It’s such a good film! So good! Bring tissues!