writing and shitpost blog | requests open

billy/apollo/connor/whatever | real gay | i write!!

[figuresof]

Welcome to the shitshow heres the masterlist of.. something i guess

i write

Character x Character

Character x Male/Gender neutral reader

who i write for

Slashers

Michael Myers

Jason Vorhees

Stu Macher

Billy Loomis

Brahms Heelshire

Billy Lenz

Bo Sinclair

Lester Sinclair

Vincent Sinclair

Leslie Vernon

Herbert West

Thomas Hewitt

Detroit: Become Human

Connor

Hank

Gavin

Rk900/Nines

Luther

Markus

Simon

The Umbrella Academy(tv)

Klaus

Ben

Diego

Luther

Five (i only write general stuff for him i still view him as like,, 12 ok)

[figuresof]

made this in my sleep deprived haze last night and i just found it sbehshsh

[saltwaffle]

full offense but none of you would have ever survived fanfiction.net in 2009

[jetru]

remember when writers had to be all like: “omg omg lemon starts HERE” y’all are lucky that ao3 has tags and filters you can set

[domicileensnared]

Sometimes shit was marked “lemon” and it’d just be them making out, and sometimes they’d just start pissing on each other

No rules, no laws, you took your life into your hands opening fics

[frostyemma]

A/N: this contains SLASH, that means TWO MEN, if that makes you uncomfy, DON’T READ!

A/N: please don’t sue me, o anime overlords, I’m not making any money off of this! I’m just a broke student! I don’t have any money!

A/N: I totally wrote this while high off 10 Red Bulls wheeeeeee!!!!!

A/N: COMMENT if you want me to continue the next chappy!!!

[raimagnolia]

No, no, no

remember when there’d be interactions with the author and the characters?

InuYasha: I don’t get why I have to be here for this

A/N: Because it was in your contract!!1!1 *revs chainsaw*

[figuresof]

this post gave me war flashbacks to when i was on wattpad in like 2014 at age 11 sshsjsj my entire writing style was shaped by those lol random writers even now, its way toned down but its still there, my creative writing teacher hated me

[figuresof]

been thinking about the buzzfeed unsolved umbrella academy AU ill probably never write so here are The Headcanons i have for it

five is shane, ben is ryan

its been a few years since the end of s2(SW i am ignoring bens ghost death) five is now 18, he shot up like a rocket

actual nutrition will do that to you

klaus, diego, vanya, and luther are the camera men(yes vanya is transmasc icon in this <3)

their fans have made a loose connection between this sassy 18 year old and the 13 year old that went missing a few years back

theres a running theory/joke that five has committed famous assasinations, there is "five killed (insert famous person here)"

they also connected ben loosely to the 13 year old kids brother who died 20 something years ago

in this au, allison kind of sort of rumored the whole world into forgetting they were superheroes(oops)

there are sometimes bits where klaus tells his brothers what the ghost/s are saying, its sort of played off as a joke

luther and diego sometimes get into arguments off camera, vanya chipping in every once in a while

they quickly become a fan favorite

they do an episode with famous actor allison hargreeves, casually, like she's a regular on the show, the comments are full of people freaking out

their next upload features her too, this time they adress it though. allison's their sister

so now whenever she isnt filming for a movie or tv series she sometimes features in a video

vanya has to edit out SO MUCH shit, ben appearing and disappearing, five teleporting, klaus making a completely different ghost visible, diego throwing knives at them from off camera, that time he himself broke diegos mug to prove a point

some of it slips through, little things like ben flickering slightly or a split second flash of blue

they, unsurprisingly after so many requests, make a video on the missing 13 year old who somehow stayed unnamed after all these years

five throws in little hints the whole time, he cant help himself, when finally, ben brings up the fan theory, he jokes(well not really) about it

that just adds more coals to the fire

one day five posts a picture of him with his arm around air(really it was an invisible ben) with the caption "hanging with the bro"

he likes to think hes funny

theres a lot of inbetween takes moments of five making fun of ben for being afraid of ghosts when he is one

bens argument is "they can actually touch me", five thinks thats lame

ben is also always complaining that its unfair how tall five got "you used to be at my shoulder" he complains "maybe you should try growing" five snarks back

[figuresof]

i am a weak man i have fallen for the minecraft funnymens charms,,

[mrs-slasher]

I dunno how to call this XD

[figuresof]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25897348

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

There was five, five who had been away from his family so long, five who had to bury all six of his siblings when he jumped too far, found the academy in ruins with them half buried in rubble, five whose only form of solace was delores, the mannequin he’d found partially destroyed in the storefront of Klaus’ favorite shop to sneak out to. Five who stopped talking the third day of trying his damn best to survive, five who only ate once a week if lucky, five who nearly drove himself mad at 13 trying to find a way back to his alive siblings, five who against all odds survived for almost four years until he cracked the code of going back, to the right time, he hoped, no, he needed the code to be right. And so when he landed in the still whole courtyard he couldn't help the tears, what was left of delores tightly in his arms. Then the fear strikes him, what if they're still dead, what if he was still too late. His mouth opens, a strangled attempt at a shout tumbles out. His voice is hoarse and sounds wrong in his ears, but he fights to make the familiar shapes with his mouth. “Ben, Klaus, Vanya-” its filled with sorrow, the mantra he followed to keep himself alive, the names of his family.

maybe check out my five centric series of fixit fics,, i added dbh characters into the second one 🤭

[figuresof]

rebranding is fun

[figuresof]

yes this is a slasher blog but,, i have been thinking about Detroit become human lately and how much i love connor,, thats my boy hes my boy

[figuresof]

not me thinking about turning this into,, a general blog,, anyway

[figuresof]

i did it

from .everyslasherisgay to .figuresof

[figuresof]

yes this is a slasher blog but,, i have been thinking about Detroit become human lately and how much i love connor,, thats my boy hes my boy

[figuresof]

not me thinking about turning this into,, a general blog,, anyway

[figuresof]

yes this is a slasher blog but,, i have been thinking about Detroit become human lately and how much i love connor,, thats my boy hes my boy

[figuresof]

slashers as texts from twitter user texts with threatening auras/@.textauras

Leslie vernon

Michael myers

billy lenz

billy loomis + stu macher

bubba sawyer

brahms Heelshire

Michael myers (rz edition)

[figuresof]

in todays news, i learned how to (kind of) photoshop today so here

if u have any requests for pt2 let me know

[fanofspooky]

Friday The 13th vintage posters

[catgirlmimikyu]

[mukesexts]

REBLOG IF YOU WOULD DATE A TRANS-BOY OR TRANS-GIRL

THIS IS IMPORTANT

[stonecoldrussianheart-deactivat]

Aaand only 18,536 potential dates so far. Sad. 

[overgrowth23]

now only 20,000, sad.

[skeleton-rat]

If i didn’t id be quite the hypocrite

[amethystdarkwolf]

I’ve dated two before so-

[thrown-out-pasta-deactivated201]

Me and my bi ass:

Um

Hell yes?

[tiny-star-clown]

^^^^

[zee87ine]

slides in them dms

[kittyking445]

246,988 potential dates for you trans people out there-

Y'all are lucky :D

[txchiharaz]

hi im either attracted to females or transmales im sorry hhah

[dont-mess-with-nat-deactivated2]

100% would :)

[irrelevant-chicken-wing-deactiv]

I would 🙃

[thetreeturnedoff]

i’m a pan enby, of course i would!

[sprotteslaettberg]

So, short recap of this hell of a week

- starting with the US elections being the most dramatic ones ever

- Trump declares himself winner literal days before we get an official result

- The whole world's waiting for friggin Nevada to count their votes

- Trump wants to stop counting the votes, but at the same time not. He's confused, wants to involve the supreme court. Unclear why.

- with everyone's eyes still glued to Nevada, the CW airs a new episode of Supernatural, casually kicking the entirety of tumblr back into the year 2013

- Destiel becomes canon after 11 seasons / 12 years

- Castiel "dies" and somehow the internet turns it into a mainstream meme

- For about 12 hours everyone is convinced that Canon Destiel caused russian dictator Vladimir Putin to step down

- While all of us are busy freaking out about Destiel, Georgia turns blue, and we all find out via Destiel memes

- We're still waiting for Nevada

- Pennsylvania turns blue as well, and we find out via Destiel memes AGAIN

- Destiel-Antis are getting mad and Destiel-Fans are having an absolute blast after a single-word tweet. "COPE"

- Superwholock is crawling out of its grave and people bring back tumblr code and dashcon

- rumours about Sherlock season 5 to make the Superwholock chaos perfect

- Putin is NOT stepping down but that doesn't stop the memes

- Destiel is trending on Twitter ON TOP OF THE ELECTION, and it's trending in combination with Putin.

- still waiting for Nevada

- Trump declares himself winner again and gets mad at twitter for marking his tweets as incorrect

- Trump still tries to stop the ballot counting with wild accusations of cheating. Also, he really really hates the mail-in ballots.

- we still freak out over Destiel and find out that Dan and Phil dating is confirmed. Suddenly we're all 13 again.

- Trumps son tweets about starting a war

- while the whole world is STILL waiting for Nevada, Trump goes golfing, but not without declaring himself winner once more. Winner "BY A LOT".

- nothing from Nevada

- Trumps team send emails to people asking them for more money

- Biden wins Pennsylvania, now having enought electoral votes to win the presidency, fireworks all around the globe

- about 0.2 seconds after Pennsylvania has made Biden president, Nevada finishes counting.

- Joe Biden becomes the 46th President of the United States and a big bunch of people find out via destiel memes

- Trump lost the election. BY A LOT.

- "JOE IS BIDEN"

- we declare Biden the Destiel president

- Trump does not accept the election results. What a surprise.

- Trump is still golfing but his giant team of lawyers have dug up a bunch of people who claim to have witnessed cheating in the ballot counting

- Trumps lawyer team holds a press conference about their plans to fight against the cheating, leaving everyone confused about 1) their non-existent proof and 2) the very weird venue this conference was held at

- "stop the steal"

- we learn that Trump's press conference was held in the parking lot of Four Seasons Landscaping, not the luxury hotel Four Seasons.

- we also learn that Four Seasons Landscaping is located in-between a crematorium and a sex-toy shop

- Biden makes a speech and Trump finally stops golfing. Trump's fans are very mad at the democracy for being a democracy. They also hate socialism without even knowing what it means.