Eclipse Reimagined
Takes place in New Moon, after they get back from Volterra and the Cullens return to Forks, the voting scene
Warnings: this is rated 17+ for mild language, suggestive references, sexual tension and mature themes, mentions/references of self-harm and suicide (throughout the entire series, not just this particular chapter, later chapters will feature sex)
Summary: After saving Edward from the Volturi, the Cullens are back in Forks and discussing the promise Alice made to Aro. Bella has something very important to say, and there are some big changes because of it. Bellaās POV and basically what this scene shouldāve been
Side note: Jasper is NOT a C*nfederate in this fic or any of my other ones that I write him in
Edit: I had to heavily edit and repost this as I realized that the timeline of Bella and Jasperās relationship was moving too fast. I want this to be a more accurate representation of recovery from depression because this book does focus more on Bellaās relationships with all of the Cullens rather than a romantic relationship. Iāll still feature it, but everything was moving too fast
It was weird, seeing them all again, once the exhaustion and mortal terror had worn off. They weāre all exactly the same, of course, just as I left them. Well, actually, just as they left me. But I was seeing them with different eyes, the last several months altering my perception of them in ways I never imagined.
They were all still beautiful. So beautiful. Heart-achingly beautiful. Carlisle was still the same golden god-like being he was a year ago. Emmett still the modern-day Hercules Iād known him to be. Rosalie was a bit different. While still the ethereal angel I remembered, there was a new kindness in her ochre eyes that Iād never seen directed at me before.
It was this minuscule change that forced the remainder of the rose-colored glasses I had plastered to my face to finally fall, and I noticed all the small details Iād been blind to before.
Carlisleās innate calm and compassionate aura was compromised, the dark circles under his eyes being his new prominent feature. The golden light that he exuded was dimmed, worry and anxiety coloring him gray. Esme, sweet and motherly, stood at his side, with the unnatural stillness that Iād associated with every vampire but her and Alice.
Speaking of Alice, the waif-like girl was also completely still, but more dazedly, as if recovering from a great shock. So focused on the future when her present was falling apart. Jasper stood a few feet behind her, pointedly not looking at anything at all, but especially not me. It reminded me of the first time Iād ever laid eyes on them on my first day at Forks High. Looking at everything and nothing at all.
Emmett and Rosalie stood closest to me out of them all. Edward was dramatically draped along the stairs parallel from his sire. Emmett had abandoned standing still, practically vibrating with nervous energy, like an oversized puppy. He was wrapped around Rosalie, trying to center himself through her apparent tranquility.
Silent and mostly still as they all were, I took initiative to speak first.
āWe all know why weāre here tonight. You all might not know the specifics or details, but my point remains. Alice told Aro that I would become one of you, even insisting sheād change me herself,ā I paused, gathering the rest of what I wanted to say and preparing myself for the rest. I couldnāt even utter the word āvampireā despite coming to terms with it and accepting the stupid word.
āI either get turned into a-into a vampire, or I am killed,ā I continue, gaining confidence slowly. āI know I have to be turned, but ultimately, itās your choice if you want me in this family. So I say we put it to a vote.ā I already knew the answer but I was hoping Iād be proven wrong.
Both Esme and Emmett looked absolutely shocked, the first real expression Iād seen on either of them. Carlisle audibly sucked in an unneeded breath, but there was no other reaction from him. Alice was seemingly still not paying any mind to the discussion. Jasper looked up suddenly from a very interesting part of the floor and looked directly into my eyes. It occurred to me that Iāve never really made direct eye contact with him. I didnāt bother looking at Edward.
Of course, that didnāt stop him from adding his two cents in anyway.
āNo. No. Absolutely not. There will be no vote because there is nothing to discuss. You will not become one of us, Bella. I forbid tarnishing your soul like that,ā he spat, leaping from the steps to stand in the center of the lopsided circle weād all formed.
āThis isnāt an independent choice, Edward. I want to hear what they have to say,ā I argued, walking around him to stand in front of Carlisle and Esme to make my point. I didnāt say the rest of my thought, that this decision wasnāt really a choice at all anymore, because of Edward.
Emmett didnāt wait for his parents to make their choice before coming up to me and gently taking my hand his huge stony one.
āNo way in hell is my answer ever going to be a no. You will be a vampire and this is your family,ā he insisted, leaning down to convey his sincerity.
Rosalie spoke up after him.
āBella, I donāt want you to assume I donāt want you in this family or that I would be okay with your death. But vampirism isnāt something we chose, and it isnāt something I wanted for myself. Therefore, I wonāt make that choice for you. Iām happy to have you in our family, but I donāt like that vampirism is your only choice,ā Rosalie spoke softly, no trace of her usual malice or contempt. She glared at Edward in her last sentence, obviously blaming him.
I nodded, expecting the ānoā from her and looked to Alice. Still off in her own mind or her visions, I finally eyed what Jasperās gaze had been locked on since Iād arrived.
A wave of embarrassment flooded me as the sparkly shards of glass gleamed on the floor near the entrance. The glass fragments from the window I accidentally broke when returning the money Carlisle and Edward had sent me for college. I didnāt regret doing it, it was just embarrassing to remember that my aim was that bad.
At the suddenly fluctuation in my mood, Jasper looked up at me again, taking the chance to voice his opinion.
āI say yes.ā Simple, concise, giving nothing away. Jasper.
As if those three words were enchanted, Alice finally snapped out of her trance.
āOf course, obviously yes. I already consider you my sister,ā she beamed enthusiastically, a wide smile on her face, as if sheād been part of the conversation all along. I vaguely remembered Edward calling her annoying and couldnāt help but agree for once.
Esme reached out to cradle my face, gaining my attention and pulling me away from Emmett, whoād stood dutifully at my side. She stroked my face lovingly, brushing stray hairs from my eyes and cheeks.
āHow could you ever expect us to say no?ā
This is what broke the dam that had been building up inside me from the moment I realized that theyād all left and that they werenāt coming back for me, not a single one of them.
My eyes reared up and I pushed her hands away from my face. Why was I giving them the chance to burrow their way back into my life? I was miserable and now theyāre here, acting as if nothing happened. Not even an apology. I backed away from all of them, even as Emmett tried to come back to my side, I shoved away, backing up until I hit the foot of the stairs.
Then, I let it all loose. I let myself feel it. After months of telling myself that it was healing. It was gone. Jacob was fixing me. Except he wasnāt. He was taking the edge off, giving me the strength I needed to heal myself, the Sun heating up a frozen tundra of pain. But I was still so cold, still hurting, and I couldnāt turn away from it or ignore it anymore. A sunny day couldnāt change a permanent climate. Iād thought thatās what Iād wanted all along. Itās why I came here tonight, I wanted my family back. But theyād left me. Were they ever my family to begin with?
Jasper gasped and leaned awkwardly away from the onslaught of my emotions, an ocean of everything Iād felt since they left. He seemed physically pained by my mental anguish.
āHow could I expect the people who left me to turn me away? Now thatās an interesting question,ā I began, voice low and overly calm.
Edward turned and opened his mouth.
āShut up. Just shut up. Itās my turn. I am going to say my piece and you are all going to fucking listen to me!ā I was yelling by the end, it was unnecessary, they could all hear me perfectly if I was mouthing my words.
āHow could I assume youād say no? Hmm? Excellent question, Esme. Letās start with you, Edward. How could I assume that you, the guy who took me into the woods to break up with me and left me there, could say he didnāt want me in his family?ā Bitter sarcasm dripped from my tone, and I glared at someone who I once thought was the love of my life.
āBella-ā He tried again.
āNope, still my turn. Nothing to worry about, though, Iām done with you. I only went to Volterra to stop you from doing something stupid, and because I love you. But Iām not in love with you anymore, Edward. I donāt want to be with you. Iām done with your manipulation and controlling,ā I stated, standing firm as I watched his perfect face crumple in confusion and distress.
The rest of the Cullens looked at me shocked, Esme looking between Edward and I in disappointment and shock. I laughed with no humor, narrowing my eyes at all of them.
āYou all left me. You didnāt want the weak, useless human around to play with anymore, so you took off, not even considering what would happen to me.ā I whimpered, letting the sadness over some the rage momentarily, before my gaze landed on Alice, and suddenly, it was back.
āAnd you, my so-called sister. You want to know what the worst part is? I called you and emailed you every single day, begging you to come back. And then I remembered how your visions worked. Decisions. You knew. You knew this whole time. You knew how Iād end up if you left the way you did, and you let it happen,ā I sobbed, the anger triggering my tear ducts.
āEdward, you knew, too. And you did it anyway. You knew Iād end up miserable and basically catatonic and you shattered my heart anyway,ā I cried, waves of tears clouding the guilty expression on his mournful face. I didnāt care about sparing his feelings anymore, not after remembering all the times I purposely hurt myself and almost died just to hear his chiding voice.
āWhat?ā
Emmett came at me again, enraged. His large frame shook with each slow step. His once bright butterscotch eyes were black with anger, but I didnāt have it in me to back away.
āBella, what the hell are you talking about,ā Rosalie questions for him, explains what he was asking. As if she didnāt know.
āAre you fucking serious?ā They stomped on my heart, tore my entire mentality into shreds and abandoned me just when I felt like I was truly being loved and cared for, and had the gall to act as if they didnāt know.
āBella, we left because you broke up with Edward. You said you couldnāt deal with our world anymore, but swore to keep it to yourself,ā Jasper said, ducking farther behind Alice and turning around to look out the large windows. His reflection was distorted by my human eyes and the dimness of the lights. Esme came closer to me, acting as if Edward wasnāt there as she skirted around him. Rosalie stayed where she was, eyes focused on Emmett. Carlisle looked lost, confused and distrustful, expressions Iād never seen on him. Alice moved slightly in Edwardās direction, going to comfort him.
āPlease, tell us what happened,ā Carlisle pleaded, coming out of his stupor.
It never once occurred to me that they didnāt know. Iād always believed that the entire family acted as a unit. I donāt know if it made it more painful for me. As painful as it was to recount it, though, I wanted them to know. I wanted them to know everything I went through and felt. Because even if they were unaware, they still left, never bothered to check in on me or say goodbye. Just because they didnāt have the intention, doesnāt mean theyād hurt me any less. I sighed before retelling the events of the last several months.
āThe day you left, Edward walked me out to the woods, away from the path. He told me that more and more people noticed Carlisleās lack of aging that that you all needed to leave. He made it clear I wasnāt invited along. He said I wasnāt good for him, good enough for him, that vampiresā attentions were so fleeting and that he was sorry he left our relationship go on for so long.
āHe left after making me promise to not do anything reckless and promising that itāll be like he never existed. I tried to follow him at first, but I ended up just getting lost. So I tried to find my way out, but it got dark and I was tired and heartbroken.
āI collapsed, it was cold and I think a part of me hoped to die. Sam Uley found me before pneumonia could really set in. He saved my life,ā I finished, the slight silver lining in it all curbing my anger.
āAt least those mutts are good for something,ā Alice growled, her normally gorgeous face twisted into an ugly grimace.
āDonāt! Donāt call them that. They sacrifice a normal life to protect their tribe and land. They saved my life multiple times, not just when I jumped from that cliff. Remember Laurent and Victoria, who I told you would come back for revenge? Well, I was right. She did come back, and she wants to kill me. The Quileute pack is the only thing that kept me alive. Jacob is the only person who kept me happy and feeling almost complete. It was him, not you. Not any of you. I donāt want to hear a single one of you call those brave boys any sort of derogatory term or insult ever again!ā I never imagined myself resenting Alice for any reason, but this was the last straw. Manipulating my future, using me as a human doll, guilting me, I could deal with that. But the pack were my friends and the only ones who were there for me in my time of need. They werenāt. I couldnāt trust the Cullens anymore.
āYou know what, Iām not even going to give you the opportunity. Iām done. Iām done wasting my breath on you, trying to be good enough for you. Iāll find some other way to avoid being executed by the Volturi.
āAll I wanted was to be loved by someone who didnāt consider me a burden. You said I was family, and familial love is unconditional. But this isnāt love, and Iām tired of having to fight for something I should just receive. I raised my own mother, who neglected me, had me pay the bills and buy our groceries. She completely demolished my room as soon as I left for a craft room. When I met you, I thought āthis is what love is supposed to look and feel likeā but I was wrong. And Iām not sitting around for it any longer. Iām not listening to your lies.
āFunnily enough, Rosalie is the only one of you I consider trustworthy. Because even though she didnāt like me, disproved of my relationship with Edward, at the very least, she didnāt lie about it. She never promised me a lifetime of family and happiness when it would never happen. All of you did. And I deserve better than that. I do. I deserve better,ā I finally finish, having walked to the door. Even to my own ears, my last words sounded untrue. If Iād never received real love, maybe I just didnāt deserve it.
āWait, Bella, just let us give you a ride. Then you donāt ever have to speak to the likes of me again. I promise that my selfishness and evil wonāt ever plague your heart ever again,ā Edward blubbered, of course finding any excuse to make this about him.
āNo. Iād rather take my chances dying out in the woods by walking than ever getting in your car again,ā I answer, not admitting that I was still afraid of his driving. Edward ducked his head shamefully.
I walked out, breathing in the cold night air and trekking down the gravel drive way, happy that it was only cold and not rainy.
It occurred to me not five minutes later that the driveway was a mile long and that Iād be here a while just getting to the main road. Then Iād have to make my way all the way across town just to get to my house. Still, I wouldnāt let go of my pride and call one of them, I meant what I said.
I didnāt care about what they said Edward told them. They still left. I was still miserable and depressed. They automatically believed him, didnāt even question him, or check up on me. Unintentionally or not, it doesnāt change the effect.
Ten minutes later, in the second half of my walk down the driveway and near a thickening in the trees that hid the Cullen mansion, I felt a presence and halted my steps.
āEither you kill me or you fuck off, not many options here and I am not in the mood for anymore bullshit tonight,ā I called out into the darkness, not bothering to turn around. Maybe Laurent was lying and Victoria would let her anger get the best of her and kill me quickly.
āHow about we do neither and I talk to my younger sister. If youāre still alright with me calling you that?ā His hesitant and sad tone made my heart lurch. But I held firm.
āI donāt want a ride, Emmett.ā
āOkay, then Iāll walk with you. If Victoria and Laurent are still after you, I canāt let your friends have all the fun,ā he chirped jovially, his usual good mood restored.
āItās just Victoria, actually. The wolves got Laurent after he tried to kill me,ā I explained. I meant what I said, but most of my anger was targeted at Edward and Alice. While I was still ticked off at the rest, Emmett made it hard to be mad at him.
āAwh! I mean, Iām glad youāre okay, but I hated that I missed out on that!ā I knew what he was doing, but all my suffering would be for nothing if I just forgave him. Even if I was never directly mad a Emmett specifically, he still believed Edwardās lies and left me to suffer.
āDid you really think I was scared of you?ā The million dollar question.
āNo, not really. But everyone was freaked out over your birthday. Jasper was having a vampire aneurysm. And Rosie was eager to leave, explore and get out of high-school. Sheās very happy that you trust her, by the way,ā he stage-whispers. I could hear the guilt in his voice, though.
āEmmett, I would never ask you to choose between Rosalie, your mate, and me. Thatās not fair,ā I assuage. I was still most definitely upset that he left but I canāt blame him for circumstances out of his control.
āI know, but still. Itās not like they couldāve stopped me or forced me to go. I chose to. I left you, a person I love very much, behind because I let everyone get the better of me. Iāll never forgive myself for that.ā
āI canāt forgive you for leaving, for your part in making me feel the way I did. I can say I do, and for a moment, I may even feel like I do. But it wouldnāt be real, and it wouldnāt last. If you want forgiveness, itāll take time, and work. From both of us. But, I can forgive you for conforming to the rest of them, though. I can do that,ā I tell him thickly. I donāt know what I wanted from the Cullens, but if I wanted anything, it had to be a two-way effort, and I wasnāt alone in that anymore.
āThank you.ā The relief in his voice was thick and if he were capable, Iād think he was tearing up a little.
āSo you gonna walk me all the way home?ā We walked in companionable silence for a while before I had to ask.
āThere are definitely faster ways to, but yes. Guarding it, too. Need to keep away Victoria and get away from Edwardās mopey ass,ā he replied, throwing faux punches in the air.
āCould you keep away Edward, too? It creeps me out how he could so easily get into my room when Iām asleep and unaware. I always hated when he would watch me, but when we were dating, I thought it was cute. But itās not. Itās creepy and slightly perverted. Please, donāt let him get into my house,ā I beg. For most of those seven months, I did nothing but replay the memories of my entire relationship with Edward. Over time, the glow of them faded to reveal just how disproportionate and toxic we were to each other.
āWhat?!ā A new voice.
Jasper stalked out of the shadows, an expression of rage painting his heavenly face. It was the same look Emmett had on his face earlier, when I mentioned how I was doing when they were gone. Only much, much scarier.
āEdward did what?ā His voice was much calmer now, sensing and probably misreading my apprehension and fear. Even after everything thatās happened, I wasnāt afraid of Jasper.
āHey, Jas, whereād you come from?ā Emmett proved that most vampires had the attention span of a goldfish.
āI had the same idea as you; make sure Bella got home safe. What did Edward do?ā Jasper disproved that vampires had the attention span of a goldfish.
āBefore and during our relationship, Edward would sneak into my room at night and watch me sleep. Said he was protecting me and thought I was fascinating. Itās a lot creepier to me now than it was then,ā I explain. Emmett and Jasper exchange a look.
āWe knew he went to your house every night but we just thought he was watching out for your property, not inside of it. Thatās all kinds of messed up. Donāt you worry, sugar, no one will be bothering your slumber tonight as long as me and Emmett are around,ā Jasper declared, slapping a hand on Emmettās shoulder.
A strange warmth filled me at the nickname and I shivered, playing it off by acting like I was colder than I was. It was pretty cold, now that I thought about it, and the ice statues on either side of me werenāt helping all that much.
After a few minutes, Emmettās innate impatience got the best of him.
āCanāt we just run you home, Bell? This walking business will take forever,ā he complained, shuffling around and kicking up rocks because of the excess energy.
āI was under the impression that vampires donāt really notice the passage of time,ā I quip, leaning towards Jasper to avoid the dirt Emmett was kicking up.
āWell, those vampires have never been around you. Besides, itās too cold for you to be walking around at this time of night,ā Jasper retorts, leaning away from me. Probably for his own control.
āSpent the last year avoiding gruesome death only to be taken out by hypothermia,ā I deadpanned, rolling my eyes.
The silence after my joke was near deafening and I realized that Iād made that joke in the wrong company. Jacob and Quil wouldāve laughed, but the vampires who were paranoid over my safety might find my dark sense of humor less than amusing. Especially since they got back only months after nearly killing me themselves.
Jasper was flexing his hands, seemingly unconsciously, and had his face turned away from me. Eyes trained on the forest, he probably saw it all perfectly, despite the darkness. Emmett was staring at the stars, a near serene look upon his face. I could tell he didnāt find my joke all that funny, but he wasnāt upset by it. Not like Jasper clearly was, for whatever reason.
Taking a large risk, I swung my hand over to āaccidentallyā brush my fingers along the back of Jasperās hand apologetically. He flexed his fingers once again in response, surprised by the gesture and batting my attempt at reconciliation away. Not entirely forgiven then. I flushed at the reminder that vampires werenāt nearly as physically affectionate as the wolves Iād been keeping company with.
After a pregnant and awkward pause, Jasper spoke.
āIām gonna got back to the house and get my car. Itās too cold out here for you, Bella, and youāre clearly exhausted. Iāll be right back,ā he declared without looking at me. He sprinted off into the trees, headed in the general direction of the house.
Me and Emmett stopped walking but didnāt talk. Jasper was right, though, it was freezing out here and I was so tired, of everything. Mentally and physically. I pulled my thin sweater tighter against me and tried to keep my teeth from chattering now that the initial spurt of adrenaline Iād had had run itās course.
āHe still blames himself, you know. That thing you said, about vampires not feeling the effects of time, it doesnāt apply to Jasper, at least not when it comes to you,ā Emmett commented, staring off into the area where Jasper had disappeared. Heād been waiting to say this and waited until Jasper was out of earshot to do so.
āHe didnāt want to leave, after your birthday. He felt like he owed you an apology and more. He wanted to stay behind, but when Edward had come back the next day, saying that you were afraid and had broken up with him, itās like something had been drained out of him. For the first few months, this awful grief surrounded him constantly, the guilt overwhelmed me and everyone else. Itās why me and Rosie got married again, so that weād have an excuse to leave.
āWe got back to the main family a few days before Edward had taken off to Volterra. We got the news that youād killed yourself and that Edward was going to the brothers to do the same. Oh god, that was the worst feeling! Not only dealing with my own grief, but Jasper was enhancing and emitting everything he was feeling. Sent me flat on my back, it was that painful.ā Emmett winced, apparently caught up in the memory of that day.
Iād never really thought about my relationship with Jasper. He was Edwardās handsome older brother, my best friendās husband, the Cullen I knew the least about. Edward had always insisted that I be cautious around Jasper, or even preferring that I avoided him at all costs. He was new to the vegetarian diet, had the worst control, the most slips, the most dangerous of them all. And Jasper had done nothing to correct these notions, to my understanding. We were hardly ever in the same room, we never spoke outside that time in Phoenix, and while he didnāt hold the same disdain for me that Rosalie had, I could tell that it took him a while to accept my presence in their lives.
āI never knew. I know that night wasnāt his fault, I was never mad at him. I certainly never blamed him for anything that happened after, he has to know that,ā I insist. I thought it was obvious. I was the clumsy little human who got a paper cut in front of a bunch of vampires. And, besides, Edward was the one who threw me into a wall, where I fell onto a glass table. If anything, he did the real damage, not Jasper.
āNope. Jasper couldnāt deal with it at all. He took philosophy classes, forced himself to be around human blood and resist, even got CPR certified. It really ate at him. He became a regular Carlisle. Just a few months after we left, he divorced Alice.ā
āIām sorry, he what?!ā I had no idea. While they werenāt standing as close to each other as Carlisle and Esme or Rosalie and Emmett, Iād never really seen them being particularly affectionate, so I didnāt think anything was amiss. I did know that he loved her very much, that was obvious. It never occurred to me that theyād ever split up, I didnāt think that could happen in vampire relationships.
āAlice was finding out more about herself, her life before vampirism, but she was still so focused on the present and the future. Jasper couldnāt let go of what happened, he couldnāt let go of the past. He couldnāt take her being all over the country, blaming him for us leaving but never addressing the issue. One night on one of her rare visits, heād delivered the papers and took off on a hunting trip. When heās gotten back, she was gone and the papers were all filled in,ā Emmett told me, answering my unspoken question.
I couldnāt help but feel as if this were my fault. They were all together and happy before Iād come along and ruined things with my humanness. Maybe once I became a vampire, everything would right itself. Only difference between this time and the last time Iād had this fantasy was that this time I wouldnāt be with Edward. Everything else would go back to the way it was, and Jasper and Alice would be back together without me ruining it.
There wasnāt much satisfaction in that thought like I hoped there would be.
Bright headlights lit up the path ahead and the purring of an engine filled the air. A black impala pulled up beside Emmett and I, with Jasper inside, fiddling with the controls of the heater. The chilly temperatures combined with the warmth inside the car caused a thick fog of condensation to build up on the windows and windshield.
Emmett went the passenger door and yanked it open, only to have Jasper hold his hand out to stop him.
āHeaterās warmest in the front seat, Bella needs to warm up so youāre sitting in the back,ā he ordered, leaving no room for argument.
āOh, cāmon, man. I was raised better than that. I was just opening the door for her, is all,ā Emmett whined, tugging it open again for me to climb into the seat.
Emmett clambered into the back as I shivered from the rapid shift in temperatures. Jasper frowned and went to once again mess with the heater before a wrapped my hand around his long fingers.
āIām fine, just adjusting. Body regulation is an unfortunate side affect of mortality,ā I joked, this one earning the smallest upward lift of his full lips.
He relaxed back into his seat but didnāt start driving or move his hand away from mine. I didnāt move my hand either, challenging him even though his fingers felt like popsicles. Jasper looked between me and our joined hands rapidly, as if unable to process the contact. Once it dawned on to him that his hand was still in mine, he yanked it away as if on fire and put the car into drive.
Pulling up to my house, I turned to give my goodbyes to Emmett only to see that he wasnāt in the car anymore. My door lurched open and next thing I knew, I was being cradled in Emmettās strong grip and being transported to the tree under my bedroom window. Even from outside, I could hear Charlieās loud snores.
Suddenly a hard force launched itself into us.
Emmett growled and put himself between me and our attacker only for us both to realize it was just Jasper. He had a near feral look on his face and was trying to wrench me from Emmett, if his hands burrowing under Emmettās arms to lock on my arm and hip were anything to go by.
āWhat the shit, Jazz?! What the hell are you doing?ā Emmett exclaimed quietly.
āWhat are you doing. Sheās not a football Emmett, she could get hurt and youāre not careful enough to get her into that room without damaging her or the house,ā he hissed, still trying to gently pry me away from Emmett.
āI am always careful with Bella. Sheās never gotten hurt with me around,ā he boasted. Jasper glared and Emmett realized his mistake but kept his hold on me.
āIf you two want to sit and argue about how to get me into my house without actually getting me into my house, Iām more than happy to let you and just walk through the front door. Iām freezing and sleepy, and you two ice sculptures arenāt helping,ā I stated, getting annoyed.
Emmett relinquished his grasp on me and stepped aside, holding his hands up in surrender with a sheepish expression on his face. He leaned up against the house and watched the darkness for any threats, already taking to his new guardian role. I hoped it would be enough to keep Edward away. At this point, I was more worried about him than Victoria.
Jasper held onto me though, and hauled me closer in his embrace. He then pulled me up against his body so that our fronts were touching and launched us both onto a branch just below my window. I tried to think about gross and dirty things to keep from thinking about how I could feel every part of his hard body pressed tightly against my soft one. Emmett climbed onto the branch closest to the opening and just as I began to worry about the excess weight breaking the tree, he opened the window for me and Jasper to get through.
Jasper carefully deposited me onto my bed and Emmett collected every blanket in my room to tuck me in with. I could barely breathe but didnāt have to heart to criticize his efforts. After kissing my forehead and wishing me goodnight, he sprang from the window to a tree at the edge of my property to keep watch for the night.
Jasper hang back, standing at the farthest end of my room from me. After Emmettās departure, he crept up to my side and shifted the blankets more comfortably around me with a soft smile on his face. He leaned down near my face and brushed a few stray hairs from my cheekbones. An errant thought floated in my mind but I squashed it before I could truly ponder it.
āGoodnight, sugar,ā Jasper breathed before straightening and making his way to my window.
āJasper, hold on,ā I whispered, alert to my fatherās slumber and not wanting to risk him waking up.
Jasper turned around and made a single stride to stand at the edge of my bed.
āI was mad at you, too, when you all left me,ā I started. He nodded forlornly and looked down at my covers.
āI mean, we werenāt close, but you were my family, too. I missed all of you, but I was so mad that you were all so cowardly as to not even say goodbye,ā I continued, needing him to understand.
Jasperās face whipped up in surprise, analyzing every twitch in my expression for any insincerity.
āThat night wasnāt your fault at all. It was nothing to me. I donāt want you to blame yourself for something out of your control,ā I concluded.
āExcept it was. Bella, Iāve been with the Cullens for many decades now. At that point, I shouldāve had a better grasp on my control, at least enough to not ruin your birthday,ā Jasper groaned, running a hand through his hair.
āI donāt know about you, but Iām pretty sure my birthday party was ruined by Edward throwing me into a glass table,ā I remarked, trying to lighten the mood before bitterly adding, āmy birthday itself was ruined by having a birthday party at all.ā Even after all these months, I couldnāt get rid of the ire Iād felt at Alice and Edward for guilting and forcing me into having a birthday party.
āNot me going after you like a rabid dog. Surprising,ā he mumbled flatly.
āJasper, did it ever occur to you that you maybe didnāt attack me because of your lack of control, but Edwardās. He told me once that you can take in his bloodlust as your own. Doing that for months on end, then having to prevent him along with an entire room full of hungry vampires from killing me is quite a feat. No one can rightfully blame you for cracking after trying to protect everyone else. If anything, youāre the reason Iāve survived this long,ā I conclude, resisting the urge to call him closer for a hug I know heās not ready for. The wolves helped a lot with making me more comfortable with physical contact and affection so it became a habit to have a cuddle buddy.
The look of light that covered his features was near blinding. As if seeing the world anew for the first time. It had never once occurred to him that a lapse in control could be anything other than his fault. I doubt having Edward and Rosalie around, two people who actively hated vampirism, helped Jasperās self-esteem much. A wide smile graced his mouth as he processed this. It made me happy to see it, he rarely expressed emotion in my presence, ironically.
Jasper sighed aloud happily and gave my foot a light squeeze. Coming closer he leaned into me, closer than ever before.
āGoodnight, sweet Bella. Have good dreams and thank you,ā he beamed, his nose brushing mine.
I blinked and he was gone. I stayed up the rest of the night with heated cheeks and confused thoughts.
*******
Going to school after not getting any sleep in a week was a self-inflicted punishment that I kicked myself over the entire day. I know that Charlie wouldāve let me stay home to sleep in, but that would mean that heād also stay home to keep an eye on me and I didnāt want to deal with that.
I didnāt see Emmett or Jasper when Iād woken up or on my way to school.
Edward and Alice, as reportedly the only Cullen siblings that were still in school, were reinstated as students and were back in class. The both of them manipulated their schedules to be with me in most of my classes, much to my chagrin.
In almost every class, I had to deal with Aliceās chattering of already planned weekends that I hadnāt agreed to, or worse, Edwardās self-involved āapologiesā and him attempting to get back together with me. It was a migraine to deal with, and I regretted just not dealing with Charlieās staring.
To make matters worse, me clearly being on the outs with Edward stirred up all kinds of shit with my human friends. Except for Angela, the godsend who I was tempted to kiss on the mouth. She was concerned, of course, but because of me looking like roadkill that had been carbon frozen to study.
Mike was particularly talkative to me today, chatting my ear off with a bunch of things I had no interest in, like wrestling and race car driving. As annoying as this was, it was just as irritating to be on the end of Jessicaās third degree, firing question after question about my absence and the Cullens sudden reappearance in Forks. I suspected it was mostly to keep me from talking to Mike. I had no doubt that all of my words would be twisted and recited to Lauren Mallory and then to the entire school. I didnāt care much, but it was more unwanted attention and all I wanted to do was sleep.
Thankfully, due to me zoning out every few minutes, the school day went by somewhat quickly. As I walked to my truck, alone, I was surprised to see a tall presence leaning against the driverās side door. Jasper gazed as me with a new sense of warmth, similar to Rosalieās from last night, and shook his blond hair out from rain that had collected in the strands.
He greeted me with a smile and a nod, taking my backpack and shouldering it himself. His dark navy long-sleeved v-neck stretched out attractively across his broad chest and I realized Iād never seen him in anything other than corduroys and designer pull overs. A pair of heavy duty boots replaced his loafers, I noticed joyfully. For the first time since I had first gotten to Forks, Jasper didnāt look so stiff and uncomfortable. Those classes must have done wonders for him.
āWhatās got you in a good mood all the sudden? You looked like you were about to collapse back there,ā Jasper noted amusedly.
āIād suggest spending a day with nosy teenagers after a week of no sleep but seems like you already do,ā I jested, putting all my weight onto my truck for support. āNew wardrobe?ā
āUh, yeah, needed a change,ā he answered awkwardly. I remembered that he didnāt know I knew about his divorce. āSo, besides the obvious, how was school?ā
āSame old, same old, but worse. After my change, if I ever decide to take up the non-vegetarian diet, Jessica and Mike are at top of my list,ā I muttered darkly, not even having the energy to smile mockingly like I wouldāve done otherwise.
āLuckily for them, weāll probably have to leave after your change. It would be interesting to see you both remember this moment and commit to it long enough to act on it,ā he laughed. He had a nice voice, deep and rich, the slight accent was uncharacteristically warm from what I knew of vampires.
His face shifted into a pissed off frown. He looked at something behind my head, glaring at whatever intrusion that had interrupted our conversation.
āWhat is it?ā I ask, turning to find out about what he was glaring daggers at.
Edward stood across the lot at his Volvo with Alice at his side. How I ever found him and his sedan attractive is something I will forever be ashamed of.
āIt seems like your dear ex isnāt so happy with our little jokes,ā he clarified, leaning down to speak into my ear directly.
This seemed to upset Edward even more and he slammed a hand onto the roof of his vehicle and climbed in. Alice looked over at us critically before following his lead and they sped out the parking lot.
āOh yeah, I had to deal with them tag teaming me all day. I only had one class without them today and that was lunch. Well, they were in the lunch room, but I didnāt sit with then,ā I babbled.
āLunch isnāt technically a period, but Iāll talk to Esme and Carlisle about it. Theyāre more concerned with your safety and happiness at the moment than Edwardās dramatic ass,ā Jasper offered.
āYou all really didnāt know, did you?ā I inquired, peering up at him through my lashes.
āNo. If I had I wouldāve been on my knees, groveling for your forgiveness. After kicking Edwardās ass for hurting you like that. No way to treat a lady, especially not you,ā he drawled, accent thickening with guilt.
I put a hand on his bicep, forcing him to meet my gaze. āJasper Hale, I will tell you this only once. It is not your responsibility to make up for Edwardās actions. Only he can do that, not that Iād ever forgive him, even if he managed it. You have a much higher chance of being forgiven,ā I say teasingly
āYour forgiveness is currently my sole focus in life besides this whole Victoria business,ā he responds sadly. I pursed my lips, trying to alleviate his bad mood, but at the same time, I knew he needed to do what I did. Work through it on his own, with me and others supporting him on the sidelines. It would be hard for Jasper to work through years, decades, of mistrust and over precaution. It wasnāt an overnight process, especially not for a vampire.
Suddenly, his melancholy changed to irritation as he once again peered to a spot behind my head. A quick surveillance revealed all my human friends standing around Tylerās car in a shocked trance. All their eyes were focused on only Jasper and I. With the exception of Angela, who was really living up to her name, they all had expressions of disproval and judgment. Notably, Jessica and Mike looked upset, though Iām sure it was for opposite reasons.
āOh good, I can hear tomorrowās gossip now. āBella Swan, depressed catatonic is now making her way through the Cullen men after their sudden returnā. Ugh,ā I moaned, turning back to Jasper.
āDonāt worry too much about it. Itās just petty high school jealousy, and at most, itāll last for a few more weeks. But if it bothers you that much, then tell them something, Bella,ā Jasper urges kindly before moving to toss my backpack through the open front window of my car. Not surprisingly, I didnāt see Jasperās vehicle around anywhere, he must have ran here.
āI forgot to ask, what are you doing here? Not that Iām not happy, you are most definitely the best part of my awful day, but Iām curious,ā I asserted.
āTaking you home. I was worried Edward would try something so I showed up to ward him off. Iāll ask next time though, I was just really worried,ā he divulged, wiggling his eyebrows goofily.
It pleased me that he was both telling me the truth and letting me decide how I wanted to go about the situation with Edward. It was so different than how Edward himself had treated me in our relationship that it was a relief that Jasper cared about my input. I cringed inwardly thinking about how those standards were scraping the bottom of the barrel and how much they mattered to me because of Edwardās backwards thinking.
āThank you, l appreciate it. I think I can handle him, but today wasnāt in my favor so Iām grateful you showed up,ā I said.
āItās no problem. Letās get you home,ā he suggested, pulling open my door, letting me into the driverās seat without comment. Another thing Edward never did. He always had something to say or criticize and he almost never let me drive. It was infuriating and Iām happy I donāt have to deal with it anymore.
The drive over to my house had initially started off awkwardly before fading off into a more companionable silence as I got over the shock of being in such close proximity of the elusive Hale brother. In my head, I just kept comparing him to Jacob, or Emmett. The two were actually quite similar if I didnāt look at the whole āmortal enemiesā aspect of their biology. They both knew all the best ways to make me laugh and neither of them could stand silence when it came to hanging out with friends. They were both the closest things I had to brothers. While Iāve never exactly seen Jasper a brother, a fact made even more prominent by me breaking things off with Edward, it was obvious that he would become a more involved fixture in my life.
Jasper himself seemed to be lost in thought, looking very out of place in my truck. Edward was just small enough to not be too uncomfortable with the lack of space in the cab, but both Jasper and Emmett are significantly bigger than Edward is. Jacob complains about it all the time. To my own self admonishment, I was hoping that Jasper would focus more on his bodily discomfort rather than torture himself with my scent.
When we pulled up to my driveway, I noticed that Charlieās car was absent from the driveway, thankfully. Maybe if I invited Jasper inside, we can get to know each other as people, rather than my boyfriendās dangerous older brother talking to his little brotherās nuisance human girlfriend. I knew it would be a long road, and I still hadnāt completely forgiven the Cullens for their departure, but learning about what happened on their side of those seven months made me realize something. The Cullens werenāt a single unit. They werenāt angels or gods. They were none of the things I had convinced myself they were as I dealt with my own self-consciousness. They were all each just people. Extraordinary and inhuman, but still people. And I didnāt really know anything about any of them.
Much to my horror, though, as I turned to invite Jasper in, I found him gone. As if heād never been there at all.
