Hello!

...I have no idea what to write... Nice to meet you! 22, he/him!

[sounddesignerjeans-deactivated2]

I wish kinky sex ed wasn't so stigmatized even among left-leaning "sex positive" circles. Everyone's all "uwu I'm a sub I'll do anything you ask" okay mommy wants you to read The New Bottoming Book so you learn how to sub without hurting yourself since your sex ed up to this point is porn and your ex boyfriend Jared who liked to choke you incorrectly

[sounddesignerjeans-deactivated2]

I’m so glad you asked! Let me list off what I’ve got for you:

Books I personally recommend:

- The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book, by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy

If you’re having kinky sex at all, you need to read at least one of these two books. Point blank. They’ll teach you the very basics of negotiating properly (which is critical!), and help you identify what you are and aren’t into.

- Mindfucking Mindfully, by Sir Ezra Where this book really shines isn’t actually in helping you “mindfuck” people, it’s in taking a close look at how to do so ethically. It’s a great answer to the question “how do I get someone to consent to something and still surprise and shock them with it?”

- Real Service by Raven Kaldera and Joshua Tenpenny This is a slightly niche pick but there simply isn’t a better book on the subject. It’s written from a 24/7 M/s perspective, which is not what I do, but the book itself is an indispensable guide to giving and receiving service. The phrase “if the Master doesn’t want it, it isn’t service” will be burned into my psyche for quite some time. I love this book a lot. Maybe my favorite out of all of these.

- Enough To Make You Blush: Exploring Erotic Humiliation, by Princess Kali This one’s high on my reading list; I’ve heard it recommended by a number of people whose opinions on these things I trust.

- Pretty Much Anything Midori Has Ever Done Midori is a great resource for this stuff - I haven’t personally read much of her work, but she’s a well known sex educator and great at what she does. She’s known for bondage, but has a lot of range beyond that.

- This Negotiations Worksheet from Bex Talks Sex This is what I default to using a lot of the time for negotiations. Forget BDSMtest, you don’t need that, it’s no good. Just look through this worksheet’s wordbank with your partner. Big fan especially of the “how do you want to feel?” section.

Books I can kind of recommend:

- The Ultimate Guide to Kink, edited by Tristan Taormino This book is weird. There’s a lot of good info for experienced players, but some of what’s written here skeeves me out. I think if I had a top that thought the way some of the tops in here think, they would not be topping me for long. But there’s some good techniques and so on to pick up that I wouldn’t have otherwise. I liked the distinction one of the authors makes between being sadistic in the sense of inflicting pain and being sadistic in the sense of doing something your sub doesn’t “enjoy.”

- The Ritual of Dominance and Submission, by David English Man, this book fucking sucks. The writing and editing are garbage, and the fear and protocol play described need way more careful negotiation than he ever lets on, let alone recommends. This is some 50 Shades bullshit. The only time I recommend this book is to tops like me who tend to be very affirming to their partners and need a guide on how to really scare them - when their partner consents and when you negotiate it, which this book sucks at teaching you. Really good content on fear, punishment, and protocol play, really terrible presentation of the topic though. Don’t read this if you don’t already know what you’re doing.

- Paradigms of Power, by Raven Kaldera I love this book. Great book. Very focused on 24/7 M/s play though, and, being an anthology, some chapters are better than others. If you can’t read something and pick out what is and isn’t for you, don’t bother. But some really great inspiration, and generally pretty well written. Big fan of the discussion of leather throughout the book.

Hope some of these are helpful for people ^-^ for the average person reading this I recommend New Bottoming/Topping, but they’re all important parts of my library and I’ve recommended all of them to friends at some point or another.

[sparklefartstheunicorn]

May I also suggest Hell on Wheels and Kneeling in Spirit by Raven Kaldera, d/s companion books that address kink with a disability. They're a should read for everyone, imo. You never know when you or a partner are going to have changes in your body that affect what you can physically do. Temporary illness/injury and even just age can affect your sex life.

[dogspouse]

I'd like to suggest Better Bondage for Every Body! It goes really in depth on anatomy, pain processing, self-tying, and has chapters specifically focusing on how to do rope bondage on/for someone who is disabled or has chronic pain, which was really important to me.

[friendlycoffeefiend]

reblogging specifically for these last additions bc I don't think I've ever seen resources for kink w/ disability

[1311-feral]

Reblogging largely for my own future reference.

[tainbocuailnge]

forget everything anyone has ever told you on the matter the truest marker of adulthood is starting to hear the siren call of high quality kitchenware

[tainbocuailnge]

to be clear you SHOULD buy that cast iron pan and you SHOULD buy that knife set and you SHOULD buy that fancy rice cooker and you SHOULD buy that novelty mug. high quality kitchenware is always worth it you’re literally gonna be using that almost every day

[augustdementhe]

I just need a good pot, a good wok, TWO paring knives, TWO steak knives, and one Santoku style choppitychoppity.

That’s IT.

I ask for SO LITTLE.

[rionsanura]

Very helpfully, there is someone keeping track of which high-quality kitchenware has been enshittified and which hasn’t.

https://ledger.worseonpurpose.com/

[augustdementhe]

Oh HELL yes.

[unfuckyourhabitat]

Emergency cleaning: Unfuck your whole house in the shortest time possible

So, your landlord/parents/home inspector/favorite movie star is dropping by, and your place is a disaster. You don’t have much time to clean it up. You’re in emergency mode. Let’s get started.

Don’t panic. Panic leads to fear, fear leads to procrastination, procrastination leads to the dark side. You can do this, but you have to stay calm.

Unlike maintenance cleaning, we’re not looking to completely unfuck one space at a time. Instead, we want to decrease the overall mess in stages, spread evenly across the whole area that we’re concerned about. If you think your home is at Level 10 filth, we want to bring the whole thing down to a Level 9, and then down from there. One really clean spot in an otherwise messy home is not going to be helpful here.

Get prepared. You’ll want to shut the computer down (or turn the modem off if you need your computer to play music). Trust me. Get your music going. Gather up trash bags, your vacuum and mop, some rags or paper towel, sponges, and other cleaning supplies. Use what you have on hand. Don’t get distracted running to the store and spending an hour browsing cleaning supplies. A multi-purpose cleaning concentrate or a jug of vinegar will be just fine.

Breaks are very important. Depending on your time constraints, work in 20/10s (20 minutes working, 10-minute break) or 45/15s. But take breaks because otherwise you’re marathoning, and marathon cleaning is no one’s friend. Keep hydrated, don’t forget to eat, and check in with yourself frequently to make sure you’re physically doing OK.

Make your bed. This will be your home base if you get overwhelmed or need somewhere clear to take a break.

Start with the garbage. Going from room to room, throw out anything that is obvious trash. Once you fill a bag, take it out. Repeat as many times as necessary.

Move on to dishes. Gather the dishes from all over your house and bring them to the kitchen. If you can, start them soaking in a sink of hot, soapy water or start loading the dishwasher. After the dishes are all in one place, spend one 20/10 getting started getting them under control.

Now it’s time for your flat surfaces. Countertops, tables, dresser tops, etc. Clear them off and wipe them down. Don’t get distracted in too much sorting and organizing. We’re in crisis mode here. There will be time to get in-depth once this is all done. The same applies to cabinets and closets. Unless you have reason to believe people will be opening closed doors, leave these alone for now.

Attack the floordrobe and shoe pile. Get your clothes either put away or in the hamper. Start a load of laundry if you need to, but keep in mind that laundry and dishes have three steps: wash, dry, and put it away, goddammit!

Get random stuff up off the floors. If something is trash-worthy, throw it away now rather than just move it around a bunch of times. Otherwise, put stuff where it belongs.

Take another 20/10 or 45/15 to catch up on more dishes, if needed.

Head into the bathroom. Pour some cleaner in the toilet bowl, fill the sink with hot water and cleaner, and either spray the tub and shower with cleaner, or fill the tub up with some hot water and add cleaner and let it soak. Put everything away that’s out and shouldn’t be, clean the mirror, counters, and toilet seat. Sweep or dry mop the floor. Wipe down the sink and tub/shower, and give the toilet bowl a scrub. Mop the floor.

Sweep and mop the kitchen floor.

Vacuum everything you can, and sweep everything you can’t.

Walk outside of your house (don’t lock yourself out, please). Walk back in and see what catches your eye first. Go and deal with that.

If you’re being inspected or your landlord is coming in for repairs, spend time on whatever area they’ll be focusing on.

Give the whole place one more once-over and pay attention to anything you’ve missed so far.

It’s an old trick, but if your place is a little funky-smelling, put a pan of water on the stove on low heat and add some citrus or cinnamon or vanilla. Don’t leave it unattended or forget about it.

Take a shower, put on something clean, and eat something.

You can do this. It’s overwhelming, yes, but it is not impossible. You just need to do it. You have a list. You have directions. You have a whole bunch of Internet strangers who have been there before and who are cheering you on. You can do this, but you need to get started.

Why are you still here? GO. START. NOW.

[river-b]

the number of times in my past that I desperately wanted/needed someone to sit me down and tell me this stuff. I will never get back the hours and hours lost to headless-chicken mode, but it’s nice to know that in the last year I’ve learned so many coping mechanisms :D

[so-i-did-this-thing]

When the emergency clean is over, borrow or buy yourself a copy of “How to keep house while drowning”. It is a straightforward, compassionate book on how to stay on top of cleaning while dealing with any number of crises.

As a recovering hoarder myself, one of the skills you will need to work on is reducing your “clutter blindness”. OP’s leaving the house and coming back in is a great start. I also suggest, when you are in a room and are triaging cleaning:

If you have to step around something (or you stepped *on* something), put that object away

If you touch a surface with your hands, check for crumbs, dust, grime, etc. Clean it immediately, if possible. Easy spots to be blind to are the pull chain on a fan, or buildup around faucet handles.

Sit/stand where a guest would and pay attention to where your eyes naturally rest. Any clutter, dirt, etc? Pay special attention to spots like toilets, where someone may be lingering.

You’re not aiming for spotless here - just building your awareness in the places you spend the most. As time progresses, you may also get better at seeing the dust bunnies in corners or crumbs stuck beneath a couch cushion.

For a lot of us, this is not an automatic behavior and we have to go through the house with a checklist mentality. But as long as you are aware of your clutter blindness, you can start to work on it.

[strangegutz]

Little Menaces - Bug Tea Party - Star

OOAK handmade art doll

[kittyswitching]

trans men absolutely are in sex work, the majority just present as women for work because it's much harder to make money if you don't. You don't see them because they're forced to detransition for work or you haven't even tried to look for the ones who are presenting masc. They're all over the sex work forums if you know what to look for and how they talk about it.

there is no "trans men aren't pushed into sex work" privilege. It is not a privilege to be forced into it AND have to detransition for it. This isn't a competition

[m4rklol]

I think a lot of "trans men aren't affected by this" stuff boils down to the trans men in question that ARE affected being deminished to not being men at all or being forced to detransition/pretend to be women

A lot of talk about boymoding and how hard it is but trans men do the exact same thing the other way around and a lot of times specifically because they are forced into sex work

The trans community in general would be way healthier if we realized we literally go through the same exact stuff

[st-dionysus]

I highly recommend, infact greatly urge, that everyone read "Working Guys: A Transmasculine Sex Worker Anthology" edited by Jack Parker.

Working Guys: A Transmasculine Sex Worker Anthology

Working Guys is a collection of essays, personal narratives and interviews about the lives of transmasculine sex workers, in our own words.

It has writing by everyone from girlmoding full-service ecorts to medically transitioned porn stars.

It's one of the only published works on the topic (in fact, I think it might be currently he the sole published work on the topic in English).

As a trans man who has done sex work in vairey of context both while girlmoding and after socially and medically transitioning, I found it to be an excellent collection of raw and honest writing by people whose stories are so often erased.

[digitalkiddo]

If you're writing anything involving cons, scams, heists, or morally questionable characters who are very good at lying, here are some free resources I've been using for research. Saving you the "why is this in my search history" anxiety.

1. The FBI's Famous Cases & Criminals archive (fbi.gov/history/famous-cases) has detailed breakdowns of real fraud cases, Ponzi schemes, and confidence operations. The language they use is clinical and precise, which is perfect for getting the procedural details right.

2. The FTC Consumer Sentinel Network publishes annual reports on the most common fraud tactics in the US. Great for understanding how modern scams actually work and what makes people fall for them.

3. The Smithsonian's American Art Museum has a free digital collection of forgery case studies. If your character forges documents or art, this is gold.

4. Court Listener (courtlistener.com) is a free legal database where you can read actual court transcripts from fraud trials. Want to know how a real con artist talks under oath? This is where you find out.

5. The Internet Archive's collection of old newspaper crime sections. Search for "confidence man" or "swindle" in papers from the 1920s through 1960s and you'll find incredible real stories that would feel too dramatic for fiction.

Bonus: The Psychology of Fraud section on the Association for Psychological Science website has accessible articles about why people trust, how deception works cognitively, and what makes someone a convincing liar. Essential reading if you want your con artist characters to feel psychologically real.

Reblog to save for later. Your WIP will thank you.

[ruffboi-mags]

So apparently, over the summer, Quibi (the shortest-lasting streaming service ever lmao) did a quarantine project called “Home Movie: The Princess Bride” where a bunch of celebrities recreated The Princess Bride in tiny chunks at home.

And like there was no permanent cast, all these celebrities seem to have gotten a scene or part of a scene to do (i’m not sure exactly, I did not ever watch Quibi and thus haven’t seen this yet), and then they just… recreated it as best they could. At home. Under quarantine.

So like, you had Jennifer Garner in a blanket cape playing Princess Buttercup AND the Booing Old Woman with a crowd comprised entirely of stuffed animals:

Or Taika Waititi paying Westley off a badly-drawn Inigo on a piece of cardboard held in front of someone’s face:

And it’s all just delightful.

But my absolute favorite part of this thing that I’ve sadly never seen but assume is probably absolutely hilarious and a treasure and I want to find it some day and watch the whole thing… is that Carey Elwes is in it.

As Prince Fucking Humperdink.

[movebackintime]

https://youtu.be/lR8pA_WV9QI

Here ya go

[laziestgirlintown]

In case you need a comfort watch and because Youtube search nowadays sucks rancid farts, I remind you of the Princess Bride Home Movie from the lockdown, starring everybody

[misselaney]

Natural Black Hair Tutorial! Usually Black hair is excluded in the hair tutorials which I have seen so I have gone through it in depth because it’s really not enough to tell someone simply, “Black hair is really curly, draw it really curly.” 

The next part of Black Hair In Depth will feature styles and ideas for designing characters and I will release it around February. If you would like to see certain styles, please shoot me a message!

[smallrevolutionary]

YES! BOOSTINGGGG FOR MY FOLKS WHO WANNA/NEED TO KNOW HOW

[frocio]

i love it when italians argue about italian. like we don’t even know how our language really works we just roll with it

[frocio]

[iphisesque]

Italian is 107 different provincial languages stuck together with spit and half a prayer

[frogcoded]

My bf lives in another region and we are constantly arguing about regional variations of words and we both live in the fucking north of Italy

[putaemo-cional]

one time i saw a map of italy but instead of cities and roads etc it was just covered w different ways you can say the word vagina. it was covered

[frocio]

oh I can think of at least seven ways to say the word vagina right off the top of my head rn. I can’t imagine what I could do if I tried harder

[criptochecca]

Fjgkahfmangksoajufnajejgnanfjakirjvjjs

[fishbizkit]

this is the Italian Vagina Map, reblog to… I’m not sure actually. Can’t hurt though. 

[cannot-think-of-a-cute-name]

reblog to Italian season your pussy

[mentalhellonline]

[tabris-the-seventeenth-angel]

HEARTBREAKING: friends who i should be going to the movies and playing dnd and watching anime and cosplaying and going to the mall and having sleepovers and exploring the woods with live one hundred trillion miles away

[fleshst4r]

.

we're not going to make it

we will make it

it'll take too long to rebuild ourselves

we will make it

but what if we don't wake up in the morning

we will make it

i don't see a future with me in it

we will make it

we'll give up long before then

we will make it

im scared

i love you. we will make it

Voting ended onApr 11

[animnightmare]

The votes on this post. Oh. A poem in poll form, interactive art, the fact we can see how the other people reading it felt. im. this is really good.

[all-my-simpings]

Friend: Don't you want to have a romance?

Me: I'm good, I have romance at home.

Romance I have at home:

[can-i-make-image-descriptions]

[Image ID: Logo and title for AO3/Archive of Our Own /End ID]

[all-my-simpings]

Friend: Don't you want to have a romance?

Me: I'm good, I have romance at home.

Romance I have at home:

[can-i-make-image-descriptions]

[Image ID: Logo and title for AO3/Archive of Our Own /End ID]

[bleekay]

its so shiddy when u have to convince yourself to do your hobbies. like, its fun, you like it, why cant you just do it. do it. do it. but what if.... mindless media consumption instead....

[bleekay]

im so sorry to the seven thousand of you so far who relate

[g1sunstreaker]

upset at the accuracy of these tags

[sandersstudies]

National Theatre is streaming their rendition of The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde this week for free on YouTube. The production is a delight.

This show is one I constantly return to as a theatre educator for middle/high school, and it is MUCH better enjoyed when performed rather than on paper.

[sandersstudies]

Whatever the opposite of rolling in his grave is, Oscar Wilde is doing it

[themirokai]

Link for easy access!

Go watch it!

[hapalopus]

The worst thing that ever happened to LGBT+ discussions was the attempt at creating rigid definitions for diverse experiences that often exist on a sliding scale, or are fluid. Some lesbians experience attraction to men. Some gay men, who were forced to marry women for their own safety, did really love their wives. Some people are man and woman at the same time. Your gender identity and sexual orientation can change over time. In the 70s it was common knowledge that bi women could also be lesbians. Some people defy categorization just by their existence. Some people choose to reject categorization.

[lazygravez]

can someone explain how a lesbian can be attracted to men????? i really dont get it

[hapalopus]

In this line of thinking ‘lesbian’ isn’t an objective pseudo-taxonomic category - it’s a label that people choose to use. Both lines of thinking are valuable, but I think the latter is a lot more useful for community building.

When we view ‘lesbian’ as an opt-in label, rather than a category that one is born into, the main question that pops up is “why do people use this label?” The answer varies, but for most it’s due to an attraction to women and a lack of attraction to men.

However, ‘woman’ and ‘man’ are categories with a lot of variation within themselves, and very few people can say with 100% certainty that they will never experience attraction to one or the other. If a woman has only been attracted to women her whole life and has joined communities centered around this attraction and has advocated for the rights of WLW, is her lesbian identity negated if she (knowing full well that he’s male) finds a male crossdresser hot? What if she’s sexually attracted to a few men, but could never be in a stable relationship with one, so she only dates women?

Labels like this need wiggle-room. If they don’t allow for some fluidity of experience, only a fraction of a fraction of people would ever find them useful, and the communities built around them would be small, weak, and isolated, and full of nothing but echos.

[raemoriendi]

In other words, such a statement presupposes that the “I” exceeds its determination, and even produces that very excess in and by the act which seeks to exhaust the semantic field of that “I.” In the act which would disclose the true and full content of that “I,” a certain radical concealment is thereby produced. For it is always finally unclear what is meant by invoking the lesbian-signifier, since its signification is always to some degree out of one’s control, but also because its specificity can only be demarcated by exclusions that return to disrupt its claim to coherence. What, if anything, can lesbians be said to share? And who will decide this question, and in the name of whom? If I claim to be a lesbian, I “come out” only to produce a different “closet.” The “you” to whom I come out now has access to a different region of opacity. […] For being “out” always depends to some extent on being “in”; it gains its meaning only within that polarity. Hence, being “out” must produce the closet again and again in order to maintain itself as “out.” In this sense, outness can only produce a new opacity; and the closet produces the promise of a disclosure that can, by definition, never come. Is this infinite postponement of the disclosure of “gayness,” produced by the very act of “coming out,” to be lamented? Or is this very deferral of the signified to be valued, a site for the production of values, precisely because the term now takes on a life that cannot be, can never be, permanently controlled? – Judith Butler, “Imitation and Gender Insubordination,” The Gay and Lesbian Studies Reader, 1993, pg. 309.

[fandomsandfeminism]

There is no magical biological marker for identity. You can’t take your DNA and put it in a microscope and zoom way way in to find a little tag for Genderqueer Bisexual woman or Nonbinary Pansexual or Trans Lesbian or Agender He/Him Dyke.

Labels are a linguistic shorthand to try to quickly convey something about our experiences to other people. They are messy and complicated and contradictory and weird because WE are messy and complicated and contradictory and weird.

And “that person is using the wrong label” is almost never a useful way to approach someone using a label in a way that is confusing or unfamiliar to you.