Queer and in Pain

Joanna | 28 | She/They | Queer, Disabled, Polyamorous, Neurodivirgent, Chronically-ill, Non-Binary Trans-femme | Helenistic Pagan Druid | REGs and TERFs will be blocked. No exceptions.

[beardedmrbean]

[ifitbleedsbiteharder]

i swear to fucking god im a brat magnet i dont know what it is

[ifitbleedsbiteharder]

seriously what the fuck is it besides me being the most easily baitable woman on the fucking planet cuz its not that they know that before they get the chance to why do i just attract the type of girl who makes me want to destroy her

[ifitbleedsbiteharder]

becoming increasingly worried that brat is just my type

[ifitbleedsbiteharder]

i love brats but i hate them but i want to watch them melt under my softest touch but i want to make them bleed and cry and i love the way theyre all talk but when they talk like that i want to rip their clothes off them right then and there and make everyone watch as i teach them some fucking manners and i think i just realised in the process of typing this why im a brat magnet

[ifitbleedsbiteharder]

[physically shaking from being horny] I will fucking throttle you

[bewbin]

you were born in 2006? what are you? a Honda Civic?

[2006-honda-civic]

can i fucking help you?

[1eos]

[mousegirlheart]

[thistoowillpasss]

[thistoowillpasss]

[thistoowillpasss]

[thistoowillpasss]

[kittykittyredcat]

[serioustrannyfaggotwithatail]

[lesbianshepard]

if an archaeologist says an artifact was probably for “ritual purposes” it means “i have no fuckin clue”

but if they say it was for “fertility rituals” they mean “i know exactly what it was for but i dont want to say ‘ancient dildo’”

[thecringeandwincefactory-deacti]

Back in the day I worked at a certain very famous and very high caste art museum in the US as a junior curator. Part of my job was to catalog the objects in the museum database. This includes details like provenance, measurements, and a visual description of what the object looked like.

Like I said, the museum was a pretty snotty institution. It’s got a LOT of objects it’s way famous for possessing, but nobody knew about the absolutely massive collection of Moche erotic pottery it had because the curators were totally embarrassed by this stuff.

Some examples:

Pretty hot shit, right? They never, ever put any of this stuff on public view or published it in any catalogues but - we legit had like several hundred pieces of Moche ceramics in the “dirty pots” category. Anyway, I was left alone to just do my job with regard to the database for several years, ok? And I figured, well, these’re accessioned objects in the museum’s collection - better get down to bidness. 

I catalogued every goddamn bestiality, necrophiliac, cocksucking, buttfucking, detached penis, and giant vulva drinking cup in that collection. I’d be like, 

A drinking vessel in form of a standing man wearing a tunic and cap. He holds an oversized erection in his hands and stares into the distance (note I did not say “like he’s hella-constipated”). The vessel has a hole at both the tip of the penis as well as around the rim of the figure’s head, thus forcing the drinker to drink only from the penis or risk spilling wine all over themselves from the top of the vessel. Red and orange slip covers the surface of the piece.

Pretty straightforward, right? Apparently the deep seated fear of these objects that the curators exhibited was meant to spread to me as well, but - no one ever gave me that memo, because I guess Midwesterners reproduce asexually. When the curators understood that I had catalogued all of these objects in addition to the other, non-sexy pieces in the collection, they were apparently livid, but knew they had no legs to stand on in terms of getting pissed at me for it. 

I visited the museum’s online public access database a few years back and - every single description I wrote of these pieces has been totally neutered to say something like Male figural vase. 

Long story short? Just call a dildo a fucking dildo. It’s all gonna be ok, I swear.

[workfornow]

This is absolutely the MOST unusual reblog I have ever tagged with what is probably my second-favorite tag, “talk to me about your work.”

Plus it’s hilarious.

[cloudfreed]

I love ancient art history !!!!!

[clockshunddachshund]

@lowercasetrashwriter

[scrimblobimblobadimbo-deactivat]

Museums should have sections dedicated to artifacts like these with a warning that says “There’s a lot of private parts in here but we’re dedicated to displaying history so we won’t censor these. Enter at your own risk” or something. It’s prudish to deliberately hide history because of some ding dongs.

[dovewithscales]

Fucking Puritanism.

Unpopular opinion: Sex exists. Making body parts taboo is both psychologically bad for us and kinda stupid.

[dankmemeuniversity]

[iamoutofideas]

[creekfiend]

its so awkward when people ask me why i dropped out and i have to be like "inadequate disability support" bc no one wants to hear this. they're always like i thought they had to provide that though isn't it the law? girl you might want to sit down i have some bad news about the litigation-based enforcement of the americans with disabilities act

then if i do say that theyre like, couldnt you sue? well theoretically maybe but not without spending more money than i have and putting myself through absolute hell. so no. no i can't.

[mabelsguidetolife]

it’s just this

[tf2heritageposts]

millions of american soldiers die every year trying to rocket jump. thankfully their lives are worthless

[yffresbeard]

i think it is important to recognize the ways in which your favorite thing sucks. i think it keeps u normal

[rabbithaver]

prev im so sorry to put you on blast like this but please know this had me in hysterics

[its-funnytwittertweets]

[technicoloryuri]

[orcboxer]

mr migraine. my me a grain

make it the hurtest of my stupid brain

[80slesbiab]

Kate McKinnon getting her hair pulled by THE pornstar Nina Hartley

[rose-chateau]

[bitterkarella]

the flat hand thing works, she’s correct

[lyrifemme]

The flat hand thing is so correct, and I’ve thought about this clip like four times a week since i saw it like ten years ago. That is NOT a noise she intended to make

[an-eccentric-devil]

I think more people need to learn the phrase "I don't know enough about that to have a strong opinion" its literally a cheat code for awkward conversations

[an-eccentric-devil]

its ok if you actually do know a lot about the thing and/or have strong opinions about it btw. you can just lie

[depsidase]