[tonysopranobignaturals-deactiva]

anyone else find boomer comics funny in an ironic way? like, if some kid actually said this I would think it's fucking hilarious

[loumovies]

Romeo + Juliet (1996) dir. Baz Luhrmann

[warplanerubdown]

[redlipstickresurrected]

Svabhu Kohli (Indian, based New Delhi, India) - Ocean Findings from Ocean series, 2015  Digital Arts: Paintings

[jessicacapshaw]

[perhapsarat]

The boy has never had anything nice and the second he gets his hands on some money he tries to buy a fucking solid gold cauldron like started from the bottom now we here I love him so much

[paulrudo]

Honestly Hagrid saved Harry from so much embarrassment. Can you imagine him turning up to his first potions lesson with a fucking solid gold cauldron??? Like Snape already hated Harry think about what he would have said if Harry just plonked that on his desk

[perhapsarat]

I think he would have said fuck it to his promise to dumbledore and murdered Harry on the spot

[perhapsarat]

AGAIN WITH THE SOLID GOLD POSSESSIONS HARRY. I’m surprised he never replaced his glasses with solid gold ones the boy clearly has a taste for the finer things in life. Or when he had his bones removed by Lockhart in second year, he probably had to stop himself from asking Pomfrey to just fill his arm up with gold instead of bones.  

[perhapsarat]

NO WONDER HE CAN SEE THE FUCKIN SNITCH SO WELL HE’S ON THE HUNT FOR GOLD 

[bixgirl1]

Harry Potter: Actual Niffler.

[catchymemes]

[desertfangs]

It’s the How I Met Your Mother Effect. If an ending betrays the viewers and the story badly enough, it actively cancels out the cultural influence of the show. It decreases the rewatch value and diminishes the fondness and relatability of earlier seasons. 

[valtsv]

*walks into a psychology lecture wearing a tshirt with freud’s face on it that says “THIS GUY IS A FUCKING IDIOT” in sparkly bold type*

[valtsv]

well im glad SOMEONE got the implied subtext in this post

[im-god-now-fight-me-deactivated]

I would like to add some of my favorites. 

[averruncusho]

Candace is a state of mind

[im-in-way-2many-fandoms]

Growing up I always thought Candace was an overdramatic version of what being a teenager was like but no. It was dead on and still applies today

[pervocracy]

Me in history class: Wow, humanity has been through some fascinating times!  I wonder if I’ll ever live through major historical events!

Me now: NO NO NO NO NO I WANT TO GET OFF THIS RIDE

[sunmied]

it was supposed to be space travel. it was supposed to be space travel. it was supposed to be space travel. it was supposed to be space travel. it was supposed to be space tr

[bundibird]

I imagine this post sees a significant surge in attention every time something New And Horrible happens, but I’d wager a bet that Covid-19 has caused the biggest surge yet.

[llamabeansforllamas]

This existed BEFORE the Coronavirus?

[midnight-spectrum-again]

Yes

[lindsaychrist]

i put jergens natural glow on one part of my arm to see what would happen and now i regret it

[strawberryzachary]

Wow she really needs to shave her legs

[lindsaychrist]

im a fucking man #whyineedfeminism

[broken-sunbeams]

I just need whatever u put on your arm… I don’t tan at all… Ever.

[lindsaychrist]

i literally said what it was

[troyesivan]

this post is such a fucking mess

[omega-level-negro]

Is no one going to talk about the perfect rectanglular shape this thing makes on her arm

[lindsaychrist]

i literally said i was a man already why is this still happening

[yourpersonalloverboy]

We going to skip how white people trying to be black? Again?

[lindsaychrist]

are you on fucking crack?

[phototoartguy]

[nmpositive]

moist bois

[dr-falcon-fox-and-coyote]

OMG I’ve never seen wet lion manes. I never imagined this. OMG this is so much. I have so many feels. I love them all.

[1000hp]

Lions when it rains:

[meangirlnurse]

my cat Meatball’s hanukkah sweater started kinda coming off, so my girlfriend went to fix it, and as she did so she said to him, in her most tender and maternal voice, “aww, is your shirt coming off? whore”

[dragon-in-a-fez]

the first five words of this post alone contain so much storytelling

[brotherslug-deactivated20190730]

[itberice]

[parasitebestpicture]

[ms-demeanor]

Sometimes I forget that I really am pretty weird and my experiences are fairly far afield from “normal.”

This girl who I vaguely knew from the coffee shop showed up one day and said she thought her mom had died that morning and I figured she was probably overreacting so I said I’d go check with her and it turns out her mom HAD died but we honestly weren’t sure when it had happened so I lifted her off the bed and attempted CPR and then ended up having to talk to cops and this poor girl’s family for HOURS as she called her dad and brothers and the cops wanted to know if the mom was on any medications or if she had been depressed and I was like “I have no idea, I had literally never met the lady and I don’t even know the family’s last name, the first ever full conversation I had with the daughter was this morning.” And apparently THAT was super suspicious or something.

So anyway that was a rough day and the next day I go into the coffee shop and the manager (who is basically never in) comes over and says “Debbie says you had a rough day yesterday.” And I was like “uh, yeah. It was pretty weird.” And then he was like “Debbie says that you handled it really well. And that you filled out an application to work here a couple weeks ago.” And I was like “I guess?” And he was like “Okay you can do a training shift today and you’re on your own tomorrow. We don’t normally hire people under 21 and we don’t normally hire regulars so don’t fuck up.” (I was 18)

So I started working at the cash-only coffee shop that was patronized exclusively by the weirdest people in town (who had all slept with each other, had no money, and had the most drama of any group I’ve ever been part of) and was used to launder money made by the owner’s cocaine sales for the local gang.

The first shift I worked alone was the next night and when I called the manager and told him one of the regulars had been chasing people out of the parking lot to sell meth the manager told me to ban him so I was like “Hey dude, manager says you’re banned” and he was like “You’re a fucking cunt and I’m going to wait until you’re alone and I’m gonna fucking kill you” and then he drove around the block about twenty times and screamed “cunt” out the window every time he passed by where I was cleaning the patio.

One of the regulars, who was a nearly-seven-foot-tall hacker and gunsmith who worked graveyard in Hollywood, waited around for me to finish closing and then offered to drive me home because otherwise I’d have to walk three miles alone and there was that whole “circling meth dealer” thing going on. I decided to take a chance on getting a ride from tall, dark, and scary and that paid off pretty well because it’s been fifteen years and I’ve been married to that tall weirdo since 2011.

And that’s how I got my first non-porn job.

[jabberwockypie]

Just about every paragraph I was going “Okay, that’s pretty weird, but surely this is as weird as the story gets” and I was Mistaken.

[state-issued-boyfriend]

[dankmemeuniversity]

[cute-animals-only]

[toddreu-deactivated20191220]

She’s picking him up from kitten school and he’s telling her about his day