Whoops

Ratatouille she/they enby bisexual 30

[no-sharks-on-the-sun]

[johnny-depp-is-loved]

[loveridden1999]

what are white gay men going through

[beggars-opera]

Mitch McConnell's pr team right now:

[personsonable-deactivated201908]

me holding a gun to a mushroom: tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit

mushroom: can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters

me cocking the gun, tears streaming down my face: I’M NOT FUCKING SCARED OF YOU

[miaislying]

Hey OP? What the FUCK does this mean?

[personsonable-deactivated201908]

decay exists as an extant form of life

[miaislying]

That’s a terrifying answer, have a nice day

[yourreddancer]

[eisenkrahe]

[flipocrite]

not she berry or he berry but no berry

and that is berry good

[whosname]

[id. A twitter post by @/Bennieeexyz Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat. Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records. My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now. Called the county clerk. Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty. Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons? Me: Yes, but he's a cat. Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county? Me: He's a legal cat. Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption. Me: He can't file anything. He has paws. Clerk: You can file on his behalf. Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat." Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons." Me: What's the medical reason? Clerk: He's a cat. Me: That's not a medical condition. Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving. Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later. "Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement." Took the letter to my vet. Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty. Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty? Me: Excellent question. No good answer. Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten. Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve? Vet: On what grounds? Me: He's a cat. Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings." Me: Perfect. Sent it in. Got another rejection. "Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court." My roommate thought this was hilarious. Roommate: Felix is going to jail. Me: This is serious. Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens. Decided that was actually the only option left. Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters. Checked in at the courthouse. Clerk: Name? Me: Felix Martinez. Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix? Me: Yes. Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat. Me: I've been saying that for six weeks. Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption? Me: I filed three. All rejected. Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief. Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation? Me: Twice. Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this. Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me. Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote? Me: You tell me. Supervisor: This is a data error. Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out. They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience. Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry. Me: Appreciate it. Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted? Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats. Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card. For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was. Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud. Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent. Roommate: That's what they all say. Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now. Fitting end to his legal career. end id]

[parkchanwoohoo]

[redlipstickresurrected]

Lucrezia Abatzoglu (Italian-Greek, b. 1992, Rome, Italy, based London, England) - Juicylicious, 2025, Paintings: Pigments on Muslin Cotton

[netnel]

[mudwerks]

Bringing you more Bad Books and Immodest Pictures, your Impure Thoughts Stockpile was getting low.

[radetzkymarch]

[flourkkay]

divine victoria

[nintendo-wheee]

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

and what if I told you guys that virtually everyone you ever meet will turn out to be really interesting if you give them a chance

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

some real miserable fucks in the notes I fear

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

I'm not even saying you have to talk to every single person you meet. and you're certainly not going to LIKE all of them. but every person does have a rich interior life and complex feelings and unique worldview. sorry.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hey man how's it going

sorry for getting self righteous about uuuuh my belief in the innate wonder of human life and connection I guess

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hey man how's it going

[bunjywunjy]

wow. made it less than three months in

[ooklet]

this is truly one of the most tumblr posts i've ever seen. i know chronically online people exist in all corners of the internet but i feel like this is the only place where someone could say something as uncontroversial as "you will find out that people have personalities when you talk to them" and get responses like "oh so you're making the ABLEIST assertion that i should FORCE MYSELF to push past my SOCIAL ANXIETY to talk to BIGOTS????" amazing work, guys

[oh-frederik-what-a-day-its-been]

[headspace-hotel]

Was I the one scrolling this post like "surely this is going to be the last one"

[eldritchbauble]

Sometimes I see people whose feet are Fucked Up by the cold or dry air or walking around in sandals or barefoot all the time. And the former sex worker in me who's sold pics of my feet wants to go. Hey, absolutely no shame, but that looks uncomfortable. Those cracked heels can feel really ick when they catch on your socks or whatever and even hurt. I want to help people fix their feet, and this is probably a weird thing to put much thought into, lol, but like. I mean it. I can drop the tutorial.

[eldritchbauble]

Tutorial, as requested:

You will need just a few things, none of which are particularly expensive (approx. price included) -

Epsom salt (optional), $4

Pumice stone, $3

Foot file, $10 OR

Electric/rechargeable callous remover, $25

Aquaphor, $8

Dermatologist-approved lotion, $10

Socks (you probably already have these)

1. Soak your feet (with or without epsom salt; it helps with softening calluses but isn't necessary) for about 20 minutes.

2. Scrub thoroughly with the wet pumice stone until most of the calluses and dry skin are removed. Your feet will still be rough at this point, but that's fine; you do NOT want to over-scrub until it hurts.

*Depending how thick your calluses are, you may need to repeat soaking for an extra 10 minutes after the first scrub, then scrub again.

3. Generously cover the damaged parts of your feet in aquaphor and put socks on, minimally overnight, but ideally for a full 24 hours. Let it soak in and sit.

4. Use your file or callous remover. The file is cheaper, but far slower and less effective. I prefer my electric callous remover (mine has 3 grades of sanding material on attachments--rough to fine). It is FAR more efficient and effective, which is worthwhile because this is the time and effort part. Keep using it until your feet are fairly smooth, but stop if it's causing discomfort or soreness. Your feet will still be pretty dry, but at least they're exfoliated.

Buy Electric Callus Remover for feet,Rechargeable Foot File Electronic Pedicure Tools Kit for Calloused Removal, Waterproof Electric Foot Sc

(Sorry for the link to the evil website; I'm sure you can find the same or similar elsewhere but this is the exact one that I have).

5. Put on lotion (and socks again). I use Lubriderm fragrance-free daily moisture lotion because it's got glycerin and doesn't cause irritation. Eucerin is another good brand, but it costs slightly more.

Repeat steps 2-5 every few days after showering until your feet have no more callouses, are hydrated, and feel smooth. Once you just need maintenance, you can keep up w the pumice stone or file/remover on a weekly basis + daily/regular lotion before bed. You can apply aquaphor overnight as needed instead if you have deep and/or reoccurring cracks.

[distractionsfromthefood]