another silly little au from the depths of my dms w the megstie @grayaceshanehollander: upon some discussion of shane and yuna and diaspora issues and speaking japanese, we arrived at the concept of yuna who was raised by native japanese-speaking parents and wanted shane to have that as well, so baby shane was raised bilingually (and then trilingually once french entered the mix).
because of The Horrors, though, he pretty much only speaks japanese around his family, and for a while gets kind of rusty at it because he just stops speaking it entirely, but he makes an effort to start learning again when he's in his 20s because he finally realizes that assimilation is a bitch and a half and he's never going to be White Enough™ to stop being asian in the eyes of white society, so he might as well lean into it and try to unlearn some of his shame and issues, etc. more on that in another post though.
but the point is, like. shane speaks japanese. shane does Not speak japanese in front of white people (his father excepted). it's actually a huge show of trust for him the first time he answers a call from yuna while he's with hayden, and greets her as "kaa-san" instead of "mom". he has his life neatly divided into boxes and generally speaking, Acting Asian™ is something he only does in front of people he really, truly feels comfortable with. this list is very short.
so everything goes more or less like normal canon... UNTIL: The Hit. shane is in the hospital. shane is on hella drugs. now, for fun and sport, let's say yuna is also there, sooner, sitting by her baby boy's bedside, when ilya shows up. so we get:
yuna, startled: "oh! rozanov...?"
shane, high as a kite: "ilya!!!!! 🥰✨🥺💖💕"
ilya, extremely awkwardly: "ah. um. hello. i... wanted to see if...?"
so the conversation progresses, more or less normally, until:
shane, high as a kite: (hmm... i want to ask him to come to my cottage, but i don't want anyone knowing that's what i'm asking him. i gotta do it secret-styles. 'cuz my mom is right here.)
shane: (💡!!! i know what to do!!! i can ask him in my SECRET language that other people won't understand!!!)
shane, high as a kite, in japanese: "Will 🫵YOU🫵 come🏃💨 to my cottage🏡 this summer🌞🌄? ❌DON'T❌ go to Russia🙅👎. Come✈️ to My🙋 House🏡--"
now, you may see the flaw in shane's brilliant strategy here.
yuna, shocked, in japanese: "shane, what are you saying? you never invite anyone to your cottage!"
shane (suddenly looking like a deer in the headlights) (big ol' shocked, wide eyes) (remembering that his mom speaks japanese) (quick what's a different language!!!): "oh, merde."
yuna: "......... je parle français aussi, shane."
shane (eyes going even wider): "um…"
shane, frantically tugging on ilya's sleeve: "psst, ilyaaa 💕✨🥰🥺, how do you say 'oh, fuck!' in russian?"
and now poor, clueless ilya is sure shane just started talking about his dick in japanese. to his MOTHER.
so yuna is shocked, because shane never speaks japanese in front of most white people, and maybe that could be excused by the drugs, but shane also never invites people to his cottage! so there must be something more going on here. is rozanov secretly someone special to him? she's reeling, she wants to know more, she's gotta process...
meanwhile ilya can hear the kill bill sirens closing in. hollander's mother is right there. and very scary up close. this is it. sticking his dick places where angels fear to tread has finally come back to bite him. he's pretty sure he's not going to leave this room alive.
and shane's just sitting there like ❓❔❓❔ until he forgets what he was alarmed and confused about and reverts to going 🥰🥰🥰. it's a comedy of errors all the way down
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