A Sad, Strange Little Shipper's Blog

✨ Shipping & shenanigans ahoy! ✨

[flovey-dovey]

Hello! I’m setting up writing commissions to help improve my living situation!

Firstly, a small disclaimer: Please keep in mind that everything I write is a work of fiction and does not aim to encourage certain topics in real life. Literature is a way to safely explore and enjoy otherwise harmful, “problematic” things, as it should be.

If you’re interested, you can commission me through my ask box or through direct messages, but I don’t allow anonymous commissions.

~~~

~ Price Stuff ~

My price is $25 per 1,000 words, rounded down (extra words will not cost extra).

Your preferred word range of the work should be specified at the start, otherwise I’ll just follow my heart. The same goes for any specific premise or details you’d like me to include in some way. The sooner I know the details of what I’m working with, the better the final product will be!

I ask for a $10 fee before starting any work on a project, and this is part of the final price. I will accept all payments through PayPal.

~ Progress Stuff ~

If all goes well you can expect to receive your commission within 1-4 weeks, depending on my schedule, current workload, and the scale of the project. I will also only work on one at a time.

To keep things running smoothly I’d like to keep edits and suggestions to a minimum, but do let me know if something comes to mind before it’s done if it’s important. Major edits will cost an extra $5. If anything happens that would delay your commission, I’ll let you know as soon as I can.

When it’s done, I’ll ask for the final payment and hand the work over as a PDF through email or somesuch. I won’t be posting any commissions on my personal blogs out of courtesy unless given permission by you, and in case you ever change your mind I will disallow reblogs.

You can do whatever you like with it after it’s done, but I’d ask that you refrain from using my work with things like ChatGPT or other generative AI models.

If you want to cancel the commission for any reason before I’ve finished it, that’s ok! I’ll give you what I have so far without asking for the full payment, but I won’t refund the $10 starting fee unless you’re ok with not receiving the unfinished work in exchange.

~~~

~ Will Do’s ~

OC & Canon Character interactions (platonic or romantic)

Canon Character interactions (platonic or romantic)

Character x Reader (platonic or romantic)

SFW / NSFW stuff

Furry stuff (includes transformations)

Kinky stuff (situation context requested)

Dub-con (situation context required)

Oviposition

Mpreg

Genderswap

Monster x Human (this also goes for anything nonhuman x human; platonic or romantic)

Age gap (includes aging characters up or down and time skips)

Selfcest (different versions of the same character)

Incest (blood relatives or step-relatives)

Gore, violence & horror

Character death

Crossovers

AUs (coffee shop, medieval kingdom, omegaverse, a combination of multiple AUs, etc.)

- Hard No’s -

Anything with real people (NO exceptions; unless it’s live-action characters in movies / etc.)

Rape / Non-con elements

Hateful, racist, sexist, fatphobic, TERF, lgbtqa+-phobic stuff

Swears (let me know how much, if any, swearing is acceptable, but slurs are completely unacceptable)

Body horror

Water sports (or anything else involving bodily fluids / excrement or gross-out stuff)

* Fetish stuff

** Editing / Continuing fanfics by other people, even yourself; everything I do is one-and-done stuff

Unhappy endings (ok listen, I’ll still do it, but it’ll cost ya another $5 bucks, buddy, for real)

* The line for what defines fetish stuff is kinda vague these days, so feel free to bring up any fetish(es) you have in mind. If there’s something you’re not sure about, I’m very open to talking it out. Some things are non-negotiable, though. There are some lines I don’t ever want to cross, even in fiction.

** If you want me to write a continuation for something I’ve already written for you, though, that’s ok.

~~~

~ Misc. Stuff ~

If your commission is intended for someone else as a gift or includes someone else’s OCs, unless it’s a surprise I’d like to personally ask the associated people(s) if their permission has been given to let their characters be used. I’d like to know who’s getting what so everybody walks away happy! On that note, I’d prefer not to rush, so please make sure to contact me in advance if it is a time-sensitive gift!

Lastly, I’ll write what I’m asked to to the best of my ability, but I reserve the right to refuse a commission request for any reason.

Thanks again and I hope you have a flovely day!

EDIT: I also do art commissions now, so feel free to give this post a look if that interests you!

[jthm-moved]

[hobo-rg]

“spicy pillow” jokes aside, I think @flowerkrone​’s tags deserve a serious reply:

#my old phone looks like this on my shelf lmao #im too scared to touch it to throw it away #idk what trash this even goes into when its at this point

The pillow-shaped object here used to be the phone’s battery. It’s not a battery anymore. Now it’s a balloon full of corrosive, pyrophoric chemicals and hydrogen gas and it’s one puncture away from burning your house down. I am 100% serious. You should be scared to touch it.

But you gotta touch it, because you gotta get it out of your house before the pressure builds up to the point where the balloon pops. This isn’t going to happen soon – there is no need to panic – but it will happen eventually.

And, indeed, it doesn’t go in the ordinary trash. You put this in the ordinary trash and you’re gonna set the garbage truck on fire. Don’t do that to the garbage collectors, their job is hard enough already.

In order to get one of these spicy pillows out of your house safely, you need a fireproof container. If you can afford to go out and buy something, the thing you want to buy is a “fire bucket” or “ash bucket.” Read the label carefully, because there are several different things sold under those names. You don’t want a regular old bucket for carrying water to be dumped on a fire. You want a bucket that has been tested to hold things that are currently on fire, without catching fire itself, cracking, melting, or emitting toxic fumes. If you can find something certified for flammable hazardous waste, that’s ideal, but the kind that’s intended for dumping out a charcoal barbecue when the cookout is over should also be fine.

If you can’t afford to buy something, your best bet from things you already have is a cast-iron cookpot, often sold as a “Dutch oven.” Any other kind of metal pot should also be fine. (In an earlier version of this post I was worried about aluminum pots melting, but current research says the melting point of aluminum is well above the typical temperature of a battery fire.) However:

Do not use a pot with a PTFE-based non-stick coating. If the battery does explode, the fire will be hot enough to degrade a PTFE coating, producing toxic smoke. (Not that you should breathe the smoke from the battery fire either, but PTFE breakdown products are worse.)

Do not use anything painted or with plastic parts. The fire will be hot enough to melt or degrade coatings and plastics that weren’t engineered to resist this kind of fire. Oven-safe is not good enough, a battery fire is roughly twice as hot (in degrees Celsius) as the highest setting on a kitchen oven. Exception: enameled cast-iron cookware should be fine.

Do not use anything made of glass or ceramic. Even if it’s old Pyrex, safe for stovetop use, a battery fire is liable to put a lot of heat into a small area very fast, which is the worst-case scenario for thermal expansion cracking.

Whatever container you use must have a lid, made of the same materials; not one of those flimsy one-size-fits-all lids they sell for use with frying pans, nor one partially made of glass or plastic. You may have to throw away the container along with the battery, so don’t use a really nice pot that you’d like to keep cooking in.

The other thing you should get, if at all possible, is enough ordinary sand to fill your fireproof container halfway. This is to prevent the battery from rattling around inside the container when you move the container. It will also reduce the chances of burning liquid splashing out of the container if the battery pops. If you cannot get pure sand, dry clean dirt will also work, but you need to find some with as little burnable material (e.g. roots and dead leaves) as possible.

The battery is not likely to pop and catch fire from gentle handling, but it is still a good idea to wear safety goggles and fireproof gloves while handling it directly. Regular rubber gloves are worse than useless here; they will melt onto your skin if exposed to fire.

Once you have these things:

If it is possible to remove the battery from the device it used to power without cutting or tearing anything, do that. Only the battery is hazardous waste; the rest of the device is just inert electronics and can be taken to a regular electronics recycler, or, even better, given to someone who can reuse it. If you would have to do damage to something in order to get the battery out, though, it’s safest to leave it attached. The site iFixit (not linked so this continues to show up in tags) often has instructions for removing batteries from phones that the manufacturer didn’t intend to be taken apart by mere mortals.

If you were able to get sand, fill your fireproof container halfway with sand. Make a little hollow that’s big enough for the battery (and device, if it’s still attached). Put the battery in the hollow and scoop sand over it. You don’t want a lot of weight on the battery but you do want it to be covered with sand.

If you couldn’t get any sand, the next best thing is to put the battery on the bottom of the empty container and tape it down gently with regular old masking tape.

Put the lid on and tape it shut, using regular old masking tape. Don’t try to seal the crack, just use enough tape that the lid will stay on if the container gets bumped.

Put a label on the container, something like “DEFECTIVE LI-ION BATTERY – FIRE HAZARD”.

It is now reasonably safe to move the container around. However, if the battery does explode, the container will leak smoke and get hot, so keep it in a well-ventilated area and away from things that will be damaged by heat. Don’t leave it anywhere that will get hotter than about 90F/30C (for example, do not leave it in a car parked in direct sunlight); high temperatures can set the battery off when it’s like this.

You need to find either a hazardous waste disposal site, or an e-waste recycler that will accept defective Li-ion batteries. I can’t help with that because I have no idea where you live.

However, your local fire department, if you have one, will probably be happy to help. Call their non-emergency number. Nothing is on fire yet, so this isn’t an emergency, but things that can easily start a fire are still within the fire department’s responsibilities. Tell them you have a bulging lithium-ion battery, you put it in a fireproof container, and you want to know how to dispose of it safely.

If the fire department tries to tell you this isn’t dangerous or it’s okay to throw it out in the regular trash (with or without fireproof container), hang up on them and write a cranky letter to your local government representatives, then keep looking for a proper disposal site.

When you do find a a hazardous waste disposal site or an e-waste recycler, call them and make sure they will take defective Li-ion batteries, before showing up. That’s also a good time to ask if they will let you have the fireproof container back.

[mousegirlheart]

a hamster vs a harmster

learning to identify the difference quickly is vital if you wish to survive

[havinganormalone]

Fanfiction is insane. You can write porn so good you make friends.

[cakelovessalad]

this is so wild

[killorbekillian]

Narration, in a serious, dramatic voice: We find no evidence paranormal activity inside this mine, but we do find an absolutely adorable kitty kitty.

Person on screen, using a baby voice: Hi little kitty kitty! Hi little kitty kitty! Ohh, you’re just a little kitty kitty!

[just-a-geekygoth]

[crabbys-stuff]

Honestly, the context went on sabbatical 😼✨

It all started with the FIRST picture as practice for an animation, but before that, I asked @flovey-dovey to give me a few scenario ideas for Throzzy. “Thrax and Ozzy just standing in an elevator on their way to Cerebellum Hall” was one of them… and somehow, I ended up with THIS:

And if you, YES YOU, are looking for a Throzzy fic, GO READ Enemies to What Are We? by Tonguetwistered aka @flovey-dovey on AO3

[leefsnakesnake]

[segamascott]

[whatcoloristhatcat]

red mackerel tabby with moderate white spotting

[helpeverythingiscats]

red mackerel GAMER with moderate white PWNING

[lierdumoa]

Every time an author reassures readers that the smut is skippable I sigh a disappointed sigh. This is not a reassurance. Why would anybody who likes smut want to read smut that was only included as an afterthought and has no impact on the narrative? Insulting. Just don't write it at all if you're not going to make it matter.

[lierdumoa]

#on the one hand I understand that some people don’t want to read smut

Like 85% of tumblr users hate and loathe embarrassment based comedy with every fiber of their beings, but never in my life have I ever seen an author reassure their audience that the embarrassing scenes are skippable.

Lots of people dislike tragedy but never in my life have I ever seen an author reassure the audience that the death and grieving scenes are skippable.

Stop trying to pass off self-censorship as “accommodation.” Stop trying to pass off pandering as “inclusivity.”

Your audience can smell your fear, and it smells rancid.

[getvalentined]

As someone whose sex scenes are always used to leverage character exposition and/or interpersonal plot development, I don't understand the point in including it at all if you're just going to make it "skippable."

If it's included because you think "sex sells" or whatever, reassuring everyone that it doesn't actually matter to the story will alienate the very readers you believe will only engage if there's explicit content. Conversely, making it skippable specifically to cater to the opposite camp won't help either, because they'll be put off by the fact that you included it at all when it doesn't matter to the story.

No one has to write adult content if they don't want to, but self-censoring like this leaves absolutely no one happy—least of all the writer.

[saebaki]

Do you even triangle 🔼

[flovey-dovey]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/80616336/chapters/240006176

GUESS WHAT GANG I DID IT 🎉🎆✨

[kosmogrl]

mutuals, out of curiosity what season were you born in and what's your favorite season?

[guiltfactory]

i like when both people in a relationship are scared of it

[whyenn-reader]

even better when they are not in a relationship but you can't exactly say they are not not in a relationship

[a-silly-poll-side-blog-yay]

the last song you listened to is your battle theme now how is it going

good

bad

great

awful

meh

perfect

results

Voting ended onAug 11

[kipine]

Pied Harrier

[sacred-portal]

[sylvies-kablooie]

whether you call it an "AMV", an "edit", or a "fancam", all of us, across generations, want the same thing: videos of The Character set to music. and i think that is beautiful ❤️