Fluffy, Smutty, etc

Random stuff that I like, occasionally fanfic, sometimes cats.  Pretty much everything is queued, unless it's time-sensitive or I just feel like posting it more immediately, so if you've seen six versions of what I just posted and are wondering why: that's why.

[ms-demeanor]

I had a meeting today about a product that I thought was supposed to be just a network discovery tool but is actually an insane (positive) security tool. The guy demoing the product brought up his CEO and another product the CEO had made and it raised a little flag in my brain so I searched the CEO and found his Twitter and realized I shared a table at a wedding with him in 2009 and had had a conversation with him about the earlier product when it was being developed.

[ms-demeanor]

Infosec is a small world and i got this job through an infosec friend so this isn't the first time this has happened but it always amuses me when it comes up.

[ms-demeanor]

This is like when I was researching a cloudflare outage and realized i took a series of photos of their Security Lead beating someone with a bag of craisins in a hotel that shut down in 2015.

[ms-demeanor]

The guy who we fired for being bad at CX tried to show off his industry contacts by demonstrating that he knew an account rep from one of our vendors from a previous job. Nobody at work knows that one of the solutions architects from that vendor plays explosions with my spouse a couple times a month and officiated my wedding.

[kayvsworld]

I know some fic writers get stressed about writing tropes they think are too popular or overdone, and I need you all to know that I just spent 4 hours reading every iteration of the same exact fic plot I could find, and they all brought me an indescribable amount of joy. Listen. Listen. Sometimes you want cakes of many flavours and sometimes you want Nine Carrot Cakes

[gayelectro]

Not only do you sometimes want nine carrot cakes, but sometimes your friend’s girlfriend makes a carrot cake and says “I read the instructions wrong, I only used half the amount of nuts the recipe said… My cake is terrible and messed up…” But you try her carrot cake and it’s the best carrot cake of your god damn life. You’ve always thought that nut-less carrot cakes suck, but most carrot cakes with nuts have too many nuts. But this carrot cake? It’s perfect. It’s perfect and she thinks it’s a failure. You have to tell her that the carrot cake is amazing, okay? That it’s the best carrot cake ever and you want more of this carrot cake exactly how she made it.

[mangled-by-disuse]

in happier pride news i actually found this deeply heartwarming

that's solidarity baybeeee

[lgbtlaughs]

Further context: Durham city council (Reform UK) cut funding and support for Pride. The Durham Miner's Association and other trade unions raised enough money for Durham Pride 2026 to go ahead - a direct call back to when Lesbian and Gays Support the Miners (LGSM) raised money for mining communities when Margaret Thatcher seized union funding during the miner strikes of 1984-85.

At the 1985 Labour party meet, the motion to support LGBT rights as a party was passed due to a block vote from mining unions.

Stephen Guy, the chair of the Durham Miners’ Association, said that when it became apparent Durham Pride was under threat, he took it upon himself to “encourage the trade union movement to step up and do the right thing, and stand shoulder to shoulder with the LGBT+ community […] They not only raised funds for us, but came to our communities, uplifted our spirits when they were down, and showed their solidarity.”

[lavenderprose]

Stupidest arguments the Hollanovs have gotten into since their gay shotgun wedding (The shotgun in this case being not an unplanned pregnancy, but medical power of attorney):

- How the word 'Ibiza' is pronounced

- Whether or not silicone-based lubricant counts as a liquid vis a vis CATSA regulations

- Whether or not it is acceptable for Ilya to free up suitcase space by not packing underwear

- A recurring argument that is now simply known as the Skin Cancer Fight, which resulted in the purchase of four different bottles of sunscreen.

- Ilya wants to wear coordinating outfits so that they can do the Pink and White fit check TikTok meme. Shane tells him with his mouth that this is stupid and secretly wants to do it so badly that he emails his stylist from 2017.

- No Ilya Anya cannot come to Spain (x8)

- Ilya hides Shane's neck pillow because he wants Shane to use him as a pillow. Shane buys a new one at the airport and Ilya doesn't speak to him for an hour (Gives up eventually because he's bored.)

- "Hollander, I don't think CATSA will care enough to search your bag unless the butt plug is shaped like bomb--" "Ilya you can't say that word in a fucking airport--"

- Flavor of gum to chew to make their ears pop on the plane.

- Ilya spends the entire month pre-honeymoon on a relentless campaign to convince Shane to join the mile high club. Shane ducks and weaves like his fucking life depends on it until they get into a whisper-shout argument about it on Shane's parents' back porch the night before they leave. Argument ends when Shane snaps, "Of course I think it would be hot!" and Ilya laughs for so long he has to sit down.

- Does a very quick and silent handjob underneath a blanket in the back row of first class count as joining the mile high club? A debate that gives them a good hour of entertainment.

- Shane does not want to go to a nude beach. Ilya thinks that this is because he's a prude (he's fucking not) and they argue about that (He undresses in front of twenty other guys for a living Ilya.) until Shane admits that he's worried about how jealous it will make him when Ilya's insane ass is inevitably the star of the show on the gay nude beach.

- "I did not think you noticed these things, lyubimyy." "Fuck you, I may be a bottom but I'm still a man and I'm not fucking blind--" (New Argument+)

- "How was I supposed to know that hair mousse counts as liquid?? Is not liquid when it comes out! Is mousse."

- Argument that is triggered when Shane realizes that Ilya has been keeping him occupied with stupid silly spats so that he doesn't make himself insane with anxiety over the continued fallout from events pre-wedding until they are in a private villa on the Mediterranean Sea about a million miles from anyone who cares about hockey.

- "Ahh so this is why they call it honeymoon. Because you are sweet like honey and you are showing me your--" [Long, muffled groan]

[theomenroom]

when applied to drinks, "dry" means "without sugar". therefore it follows that sugary drinks can be called "wet". the meanings of the terms "hot" and "cold" when applied to drinks are obvious. thus the aspect of any drink can be determined.

for instance, green tea, freshly steeped and served without additives, is hot and dry, and therefore has an aspect of fire.

a mocha, on the other hand, while hot, is sweet, and therefore wet, and thus has an an aspect of air.

lemonade, which is wet and cold, has a water aspect.

finally, the drink which most epitomizes the earth aspect, being both cold and dry, is vodka

[jawline-of-steel]

We have once again returned to the four humors

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

I feel like the beverage water is a fairly water aspect drink

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

No unfortunately water is dry

[finnglas]

when i was a tiny baby queer (aka a 24-year-old), i went to my first pride festival probably three months after i kicked ex-gay therapy to the curb and came out to my parents. being the people they are, my parents came with me. they weren’t really sure about this whole gay thing, but they loved me and wanted me to be safe and happy and wanted to be involved in what was important to me, so they came along. (i also think my mother still might have thought i might get drugged or murdered or beaten by a protester of which there were plenty.)

anyway i wanted a memento of my first pride, you know, and this one vendor was selling keyrings, and i liked it, so i bought one. do you remember those italian charm bracelets that were all the rage like 10-15 years ago? it was a keychain like that, and it had a rainbow rooster, a rainbow cat, and then just a rainbow, and so I bought it.

i run into my mom a couple of vendors over and she goes oh you bought something? what’d you get? so i showed her, and i was like, “I’m not sure why it’s a rooster and a cat. Seems kind of random. But I liked the rainbows.”

and my mom, who was some form of minister’s wife for most of my childhood and teenagerhood, stares at me like she thinks i’m joking.

“What?” i say.

“…it’s a cock and a pussy, Jules,” she says flatly, and that is the story of how i died at the age of 24 while attending my first pride festival.

[finnglas]

I love how every June this one gets dug up and passed around again, lmao.

[finnglas]

oh no is this what we’re doing now

[finnglas]

…relic…

*crumbles and blows away on the wind*

[lavenderprose]

To be clear. Shane's whole thing about Ilya being a Sex God is because of the limerence. Ilya is nineteen and he can get a rhythm going and that's about it. He was throwing shit at the wall when he hit that 'Get on your knees' in Nashville but only he knows that because Shane's brain turned OFF. Ilya said "Let's do a little experiment here" and the results were "Oh my god oh my god oh my god." Shane came hands free because he was that obsessed with the idea of Ilya Rozanov being inside him. Ilya said "Do you like that do you like that" because he's nineteen and he needs the validation and Shane was like "YES YES YES I LIKE IT OH MY GOD YOU'RE SO DEEP YOU'RE SO GOOD" and objectively. It was okay. Ilya fully did not know where to put his hands a couple of times. He forgot about Shane's dick. Luckily, Shane is God's special angel who can come from the idea of Ilya's cockhead being in proximity to his prostate a few times. Mind over matter, says Shane Hollander's dick. And then Ilya said "Oh God Hollander" because it was also, objectively, one of the hottest things that had ever happened to HIM, Ilya Rozanov. Shane sits on that step afterwards plotting about how he's gonna get this over and over and over again for the rest of his life and he has no idea that there are women in Boston who have Ilya listed in their contacts as "Hockey Guy 6/10". Shane Hollander cannot fathom a world in which Ilya Rozanov doesn't lay the maddest pipe this side of Lake Michigan. "Ilya Rozanov is a some kind of nineteen year old sex God" No Shane honey he was just designed in a lab to score goals and make you cum and he's done scoring goals for the night.

[nudesornaw]

if you’re having a bad day, here’s a cute little marching band

this actually made me cry with joy also one of them is eating noodles

[readsquirrel]

It just keeps going and getting better. *^^*

[involuntaryorange]

Me two minutes ago: “cry with joy? an animation of cats playing instruments made someone cry with joy?”

Me now: (sobs into a tissue) “OH MY GOD THAT ONE IS PLAYING TWO RECORDERS AT THE SAME TIME” (blows nose)

[son-of-a-tenth-place]

CAT PARADE IS BACK

[cricketcat9]

ALWAYS reblog Cat Parade! 💕💕💕

And one of them has a little duck on its head 🤣

[grogusmum]

I’ve been blessed with the kitty marching band! I love them 💚🥰

[oonajaeadira]

GIVE YOURSELF A 2 MINUTE PRESENT.

YOU DESERVE TO STOP AND EXPERIENCE A SIMPLE JOY.

[tawnyontumblr]

Never not reblogging the cat parade!

[darklordreasonable]

Mildly annoyed that this isn’t actually the full video, so here it is:

[darklordreasonable]

#i vaguely that there was a sequel to this that was HD

Apparently you correctly!

[the-haiku-bot]

#i vaguely

that there was a sequel to

this that was HD

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[fangirlsovertoomanythings]

The way that most of Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes stories’ most horrible villains are rich dudes that are abusive to women, in a time such as the 1880’s, compels me.

[gardnerhill]

There’s a whole subset of Sherlock Holmes stories that could be labeled Asshole Guys Try to Control Women’s Money.

[three--rings]

Yup, there’s a huge number of times where Sherlock Holmes is the ONLY person to take a young woman’s complaint or worry seriously and finds out someone is up to some serious evil.  Holmes also shows a lot of compassion and empathy with the victims over and over again.  (This is why I find “Secretly a woman” or “Trans” Holmes headcanons much more convincing than “sociopath” Holmes.)

[waterhobbit]

I am never going to shut up about how much I specifically love The Adventure of The Copper Beeches because it is literally Sherlock Holmes listening to a young lady he does not know except as a potential client, agreeing with her that a potential job she has interviewed for that she thinks is SUPER SKETCHY is, indeed, sketchy as fuck and when she says she’s probably gonna take the job anyways because the money is good and she needs it going “OKAY I GUESS but for the love of god please write to us so we know you’re okay we will literally drop everything and jump on a train if you want us to”.

The job turns out to indeed be sketchy as fuck, she writes to them, Holmes and Watson drop everything and jump on a train when she asks them to. I read this story for the first time when I was twelve and it made a HUGE impression.

[three--rings]

This is also the basis for a lot of speculation about Holmes’ family life.  The idea that he has been a victim of abuse, or his mother was abused (or even murdered by his father.)  There’s definitely SOMETHING that makes him very aware of how dangerous isolated families can be, and the dark things that can happen behind closed doors.  Plus, of course, the motivation to devote himself to stopping crime.  And yes, so much of it is of the personal type. 

[volkswagonblues]

dude see this is one aspect of the original books i NEVER understand why modern remakes (cough cough) don’t go all in on. Like, in the 21th c we HAVE all the dumb forensic shit that made Victorian Holmes stand out, but we STILL DON’T HAVE uh….you know, compassion for women and minorities, or the willingness to believe them, adequate community support for domestic violence or hate crimes, etc. etc. which you’d think is exactly where a renegade consulting detective would come in handy. A good modern day Sherlock Holmes remake, instead of trying to convince us that Holmes is some super genius for being better than fingerprint analysis or whatever, could have him just be…a good person who helps out people the police can’t and won’t help. There you go. That’s how to write a relevant modern Holmes.

[fahbee]

One thing that annoys me is how much the BBC version of Sherlock (and the fandom around it) focus on police cases or cold cases.  In the stories, Holmes’ bread and butter cases had fuck-all to do with the police and in a few stories, he actively works around/against them, or outright lies to them.  Of the many, many things I wish that show had done differently, this is one is particularly obnoxious since it’s such a gimme.

[tiger-in-the-flightdeck]

There were very few actual murder cases in the Canon, and Holmes handled them either one of two ways:

Option one: The murder victim was innocent while the killer was an abusive bastard, see Speckled Band. Conclusion, arrest and have the killer charged (Or in the case of Speckled Band, indirectly murder him yourself then shrug and go home)

Option two: The victim was murdered to protect someone that the victim was abusing, or for vengeance, see Boscombe Valley, Devil’s Foot, Abbey Grange. Conclusion, Oops, I don’t know who the killer is, I am suddenly incompetent, oh look a pheasant.

[faejilly]

#my favorite murder in holmes canon#is when they straight up witness a lady murder her blackmailer#do nothing except destroy his other blackmail material#and then straight up lie to lestrade about it#sherlock holmes#more of this in modern adaptations pls (via @cactusspatz )

[muffinworry]

Let’s not forget the time Holmes helps a young woman who’s being catfished by her own stepfather to steal her inheritance, and when the villain sneers that the law can’t touch him, Holmes grabs a horsewhip out of sheerest chivalry.

[smokingtigerhiddengun]

So, the most canon-accurate iteration of Sherlock Holmes in the last few decades is actually Benoit Blanc….

[marzipanandminutiae]

I think it’s also important to note, and complicates our ideas about what the highly patriarchal/misogynistic society of 19th century England looked like, that these stories SOLD

they were POPULAR

the Victorians LIKED reading about women who won out over shitty men in their lives, even when that plotline reaffirmed a woman’s power and agency or put an active sexist in his place (ie Irene Adler besting Holmes)

which is fascinating in light of. you know. [gestures broadly at all of Victorian gender dynamics, laws, etc.]

[sailor-hobbiton]

So yes, Benoit Blanc is the best modern Sherlock.

[iphigenesis]

in a way john watson is a fantasy (what if you had this brilliant enigmatic friend and what if he liked you in particular and what if he offered you the excitement of youth and adventures and a way out of boring society life and all without having to actually give up your status as a gentleman so you could have the best of both worlds) and in a way sherlock holmes is a fantasy (what if someone never got tired of you despite your various strange habits and mood swings and instead of simply tolerating you they genuinely liked you and what if you didn’t have to live alone forever and what if you never had to give up doing the things you love) and of course there’s the most fantastical part of it all (what if you could afford london housing prices)

[perlukafarinn]

Shane does an interview after they're outed where he says, kind of off-handedly, that the one thing that still bothers him about having to keep their relationship secret for so long is that there are no pictures of them together as a couple from those years.

Someone clips it and it goes viral.

Over the next few days, Shane and Ilya's mentions start to get flooded with pictures. Mostly it's screenshots from various games they played against each other, meticulously picked through by dedicated fans to find every moment Shane and Ilya looked at each other on the ice.

Some screenshots get shared by hundreds of different people because they stand out so obviously: Shane and Ilya meeting each other's eyes during a face off; Ilya looking at Shane while his back is turned, naked longing visible on his face; Shane chasing after Ilya with a small but delighted grin.

There are also pictures from press events, award ceremonies, behind the scenes at All Stars. Seemingly any time Shane and Ilya got captured in the same frame gets dug up and shared.

Finally, a couple of weeks later, the director of Shane and Ilya's CCM commercial posts outtakes from their shoot. It's captioned 'Took a bit of digging but I knew I still had these somewhere! I had to make my contribution to the #HollanovArchives even though this must have been a while before they got together. These kids had crazy chemistry, right from the start!'

Shane hasn't responded to the onslaught yet, too overwhelmed by the (slightly terrifying) dedication of their fans as well as the fact that he now has dozens of pictures clearly displaying his and Ilya's love for each other during a time in their lives when it was so desperately hidden.

He does respond now, sharing the director's post with a sincere (and publicist-approved) caption thanking him and the fans.

Ilya also shares the post, tacking on 'yes if a while means a few hours 👅' like he didn't cry when Shane showed him the videos.

[asmeesh]

1$ flea market score. Tiny glass 1960s perfume bottles. I love them.

[shit-show-no-go]

Can you swap their heads ?

[asmeesh]

omg you can

[asmeesh]

Their meeting was foretold in the ancient texts

[theinvisiblespoon]

[gremlininho]

then & now ♡

[reheatedarchive]

Ilya and Shane don't have many boundaries about physical touch in their relationship, but one is that Ilya can't touch him while he's doing his yoga. Ilya always respects that boundary.

Shane is doing yoga in tiny shorts and no shirt.

"Shane, you are cruel," Ilya groans dramatically, watching him from across the room. He's sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall, flushed from his own workout. "You know how irresistible you look in those shorts, moy lyubov,"

Shane smirks at him in the mirror on the wall as he moves into his next pose. "Maybe you're right. Should I take pity on you, Ilya?"

"Depends. Will pity let me touch you?" Ilya asks, hopeful but suspicious.

Shane pushes himself upright to mountain pose. Ilya stares at his stretched torso. "You know you can't touch me while I'm doing yoga. But I could wear something else."

"Nyet, no, keep the shorts-" Ilya's protests choke off as Shane's hands swing around to his waist, thumbs tucking into his waistband, and smoothly pulling the shorts down as he bends into a forward fold. The shorts drop to his feet. He was wearing a lace trimmed jockstrap under them. The wall mirrors let Ilya see him from in front and behind. "Fuck,"

Shane steps out of the shorts, throws them right at Ilya. Moves into his next pose as though he hadn't stopped. "Touch yourself, Ilya. Show me how much you like to watch me."

How could Ilya resist?

[vethyourhalflingmother]

my biology professor has such a chaotic energy about him, last week i went to his office hours and somehow we ended up on the topic of gay marriage:

he said that when he lived in texas they changed the law to define marriage as “between a man and a woman in a house of religious worship with the intention to have children” so he filed his taxes as single and when they called him up like “you filed married last year” he was like “you changed the law, i was married by a judge in a courthouse and i have no intention of having kids” and they told him “you know who that law was for” and i guess he hung up on them and did not, in fact, pay taxes as a married man that year

[fromwolfsandgods]

Chaotic good

[swordshapedleaves]

NO! This is Lawful Good! He is following the LAW! Chaotic doesn’t just mean cheeky!

[dragkingandreweldritch]

this is like how Sweden stopped classifying homosexuality as an illness because people started a campaign of calling in gay to work

malicious compliance is one of the best tools in the arsenal of civil rights activism

[dracogotgame]

Always reblog for malicious compliance

[findingfeather]

sometimes following the letter of the law works even better than ignoring it.

[ltleflrt]

In Utah the new book banning laws apply to the bible, and there’s already someone petitioning to get it removed from schools and libraries.

[hulking-godless-child-beast]

I hope no English teacher ever puts up with “banning pronouns” for even a moment

[gehayi]

Update: The Utah book ban has, in fact, resulted in the Bible being banned in elementary and middle schools in Davis County, and high schoolers now only have limited access to the King James Version, due to “vulgarity and violence.” 

Now the Book of Mormon is under consideration for a ban as well. The parent who complained said that it was very violent.

[jungwildeandfree]

and while we’re at it, fuck this idea that ONE ACCOUNT has to belong uniquely to ONE PERSON. This is the same thing these silicon valley fucks want; their vision of the future where everyone has a unique biometric ID code implanted in their body is the ultimate extension of Netflix’s “no password sharing” policy. You want to use your friend’s car? Sorry, you can’t, you need to be an authorized user. Your mother wants to let you look something up on her OED account? Too bad! That’s only for her! The concept of perfect market efficiency gives them greedy little money bag eyes.

If I pay money to have a newspaper sent to my house, they don’t charge me extra when I show it to my dad. This password sharing thing isn’t just a Netflix problem; don’t be surprised if it shows up elsewhere in other forms. Stamp this idea out now or we’ll be stuck with it.

[jungwildeandfree]

This is by far the most popular post I have and I have to say: good, I’m right. Password sharing and ID verification are going to kill the internet. not oooh in 50 years. in like 5 more.

[ladyelainehilfur]

real paramedic x golden retriever firefighter AU energy with this