icarus

but you, you still carry that recklessness within you like a beating heart that has never belonged to anyone but the wind. son namwoo, knight's maknae, lead dancer and rapper, '96

[straykidsupdate]

© enchanted 찬 [1] please do not edit or crop logo

[fmdnamwoo]

hanafmd‌:

In what she liked to think was the least lame way possible, Hana lived for work. For the pampered child of wealth she was, she wasn’t content with an empty schedule. Admittedly, if she could find validation and praise through the act of doing nothing, it might appeal to her more, but recent events, namely the disastrous failure of both her latest drama and her solo debut had her more itching to dive into work than ever, if only in hopes of creating something popular enough to erase the stain of her recent activities from her resume.

So Hana wasn’t thrilled at the idea of dropping everything and going along with whatever the hell it was Namwoo wanted. “First of all,” she said into the phone, responding to his firmness beyond equal measure, “if you want me to run away with you to live as your housewife in some creepy cabin in the woods, I’ll need a payment of at least three billion won up front. Second of all, if you’re trying to murder me, people will notice I’m gone and I want to be wearing white when you do it for the poetic dramatization of it all.” She sighed into the phone to make sure he heard it before continuing, “Why are you being so cryptic about this?”

Laughter fell freely from Namwoo's lips in reaction to her rather unconventional reply, and amusement swam in his voice when he spoke up again, in better spirits now but not deterred in the least. “You sound like you have experience with people who want to elope with you, but I'll pass on that for now, thank you.” A pause trailed on for a few seconds before he continued in a much quieter volume, going all out on the disappointment he could feign with what he'd managed to pick up on during acting lessons he'd received as a trainee. “Damn, you caught me. I was going to make sure people would never forget about Knight by staging a really dramatic crime – the murder of a member of the nation's girl group at the hands of the fallen boy group Knight's seemingly innocent maknae. I'd have, of course, made sure to leave behind letters and edited pictures and such to tell a story of deep-rooted friendship that was destroyed when power and the sudden loss of it corrupted me. That kind of thing.”

It took all his concentration not to break into laughter again after, and Namwoo had to squeeze in a few deep breaths before he could go on, entirely unbothered again like his prior words had never been said – such was his sense of humor, and he counted on Hana understanding that. “You know, that's kind of how surprises work. You have to be cryptic.”

[fmdnamwoo]

fmdalyssia‌:

“Of course, I want you by my side, every step of the way.” She whispered softly, her words a soft murmur of what truly went on in her fragile heart. Alyssia can’t help but doubt his words about her worth, even if it was just for a mere second. “ I mean–I don’t want to hold you back from moving on.” The softness of her voice was gentle, but quiet. “I would love to have you by my side, but I can’t say the same for whoever is in your future.” She murmured gently. “ They may not like this–whatever we have. That was what I meant by holding you back.” 

Her hand gently slides over his as she gave a sweet sigh. 

“I don’t mind if we continued..as friends, of course.” Her face turns stubbornly to the side, blinking back slightly the tears that she never shed. “You hold a really special place in my heart, Namwoo. I–It will always be that way. But..” She faltered for a second. “ You deserve someone that isn’t with the baggage that I have.”  Alyssia had come to such a conclusion upon silent reflection after their companies had talked to them, killing their budding romance in its crib. It was for the better for Namwoo and herself–she reasoned. He needed someone that was unlike her, without the tons of terrible terrible burdens, reassurances and heavy weights on his shoulders–idol life had already given him enough worries, she knew that more clearly than others, due to her own experiences.

And she couldn’t be selfish, no matter how much she wanted him to stay next to her, for them to return to what it was before, the relaxed, gentle and lightened laughters that would grace both of their lips as they crossed each other’s paths. It was a brief moment, no–period of happiness that had opened Alyssia up, and changed her for the better.

“You know,” Alyssia paused, straightening softly with a laugh. “ You’re perfect, Namwoo. Whoever has your heart in the future will always find you incredible.” Her fingers touched his chest lightly, the gentlest smile on her cherry lips. “You make everyone better, unlike me.”  She tilted her head slightly. “I’ve had life give me too many lemons and weights. Its a heavy weight to turn around and lift me to my feet.” 

“Then I will be by your side, every step of the way,” Namwoo affirmed softly, the volume of his voice slowly fading to make sure no traces of pain were able to slip in because he knew that there was nothing to be gained from showing how much this hurt him – not when it was already this hard on the both of them; still, still, months later. (People always said that time was medicine, and perhaps that was true, but it wasn't the one he needed – cough syrup on a broken bone.) “I get what you're saying, but really – if someone is unable to understand that you will always be a part of my life, they're not right for me.” A light shake of his head followed his words to underline the sentiment once more, because he meant every word of it. If anyone were to make him choose between a future love and what would always bind him to Alyssia, he would choose loyalty and promises he'd made when he had still been able to believe in them.

His next intake of breath was shaky as he struggled to steady himself against the throbbing in his chest and the simultaneous urge in his fingers to reach out for her, to reassure her with actions when he lacked the words to, but he reminded himself once more that it was no longer his place to do any of that. “Please look at me, Alyssia,” he said instead, hoping she'd be able to find in his eyes even just a trace of what it was that he saw in her, that he'd always been trying to show her but had never quite succeeded in.

“Your baggage doesn't make you any less of a wonderful, deserving person,” he went on with newfound firmness in his voice, if only to get across just how sure he was of his words, “If anything, it only means you're stronger. You've been through all that, and yet you're still soft, and kind, and sweet, and warm.” A small smile once again lit up his features as he allowed himself to fall back into old patterns – into what he would have told her, and how he would have looked at her, had there never been any distance between them. “You're incredible, truly, and I hope one day you'll be able to see that too. Until then, I'll keep reminding you of it.”

[fmdnamwoo]

fmdguanting‌:

Setting: Dog Cafe Date: May 2nd, 2019 Time: 12:17pm Characters Involved: Guanting + @fmdnamwoo

Dimensions were about to throw Unity into a whirlwind of hard work, with concerts in Japan throughout the month of May, and then they would be getting on a plane and flying overseas to the states, something that he was really excited for. They hadn’t been to America since their appearance at the American Music Awards the previous year in October, which had been one of the highlights of his career. Now they would be there performing and having concerts and meeting new fans, and his excitement was nearly palpable. Of course he would miss his friends in South Korea though, which was why he was trying to make as much time as possible to spend with them before he had to leave and disappear for a few months. 

Namwoo was first on his list of friends that he wanted to spend time with. The two of them had been acquainted with one another for quite some time, their friendship forming and developing very organically. Their personalities meshed extremely well together, and he enjoyed his company. With how busy they both were with their own schedules, they didn’t get much time to spend together. Ting usually kept their friendship alive by sending Namwoo texts here and there, and he was glad that the older male would respond back in a timely manner. He had texted him earlier that day to invite him out to a dog cafe, and was ecstatic when he agreed to going with him. “I’m so happy you decided to come with me! This is gonna be really fun. Have you been here before?” He asked, opening the door and standing off to the side so Namwoo could walk inside first.

A member of Knight since his teenage years, Namwoo had grown so accustomed to the busy lifestyle that their schedule for the month of May with only studio recordings and three performances seemed almost abundant with free time, so he didn't even have to feel bad about slacking off in his duties when he'd jumped at the first opportunity to meet up with Guanting for the first time in a while – and at a dog café, at that. The wide smile that stretched across his cheeks displayed his excitement to everyone within the perimeter, most likely, and he made no effort to hide it either, instead turning it on the younger in full brightness as to convey what he couldn't quite put into words. Was this not what being alive was about? “I'm really happy you invited me, honestly,” he replied as he walked inside, though he barely made it in a few steps before he stopped again.

“I've actually never been to a dog café – as in, not just this one,” he admitted, turning to face Guanting again in an attempt to look to him for guidance without being obvious about it. Sometimes, it was embarrassing how many small aspects of a normal life he'd missed out on solely because he'd been trying not to cause BC or Knight any trouble. “But I love dogs and cafés, so I've always wanted to go to one. Just never got around to it, really,” he explained more to ease his own worries about how that information might be received than because he'd thought anyone might ask. “Have you?” Although he was genuinely interested in the answer, his gaze was already wandering around the room, more traces of excitement appearing on his features for every canine it landed on until he was virtually glowing with it, and they hadn't even done anything yet.

[fmdnamwoo]

fmdyuanjun‌:

yuanjun hadn’t meant to make a comment about the controversial reputation knight had obtained, he had plenty of friends in the senior group and had never judged any of the members about the scandals in the way the general public had. still, the dancer had always been a little too blunt for his own well-being, lacking a sometimes very handy filter when it came to things like these, causing the comment to come out a little more crude than intended. “i still think management was way too harsh on you with all of that hyung.” and consequently, on charm too, yuanjun had never placed the blame for it on knight but it was undeniable that after that whole ordeal, the leash had been tightened on charm as to prevent something of such nature would happen again. “and i mean, i hope so too but you know with the car c-” accident, it had been an accident, or it was at least if anyone asked. “accident- you never know, i mean even if it wasn’t on purpose,” but it was “it still sparked some rumors. i hope they let us move out though, i really do, i want my space already.”

a light snort left yuanjun’s lips. “right, friendly advice, i’ll keep that in mind and i’ll make sure to tell my manager exactly that when he comes for my ass.” yuanjun was a bit of a handful for his poor manager, not in the way that he constantly got himself into scandals but more in the minor headache inducing way, the last thing their poor manager needed was someone fueling that fire. “i mean, i’m always a big fan of sticking it to bc.” not really, god knows he wouldn’t get away with it but if not for that, he would have challenged all of the company execs to just fucking fight him already, a widespread sentiment under bc idols. as namwoo got up from the bed, yuanjun maneuvred himself to get up, first dragging his pretty much useless right leg from the bed before sitting upright on the edge, grabbing the crutches from his bedside to pull himself upright albeit a bit clumsily. the whole progress felt incredibly humiliating, especially under namwoo’s watching, concerned eye. he was just getting up from his bed, it shouldn’t be such a chore. “now, shoo, let’s go, after you.” he said, lifting one of his crutches at the door to diffuse some of the mild awkward tension. “because as fun as watering plants and feeding chickens sounds, i wanna kick your ass in mario kart.”

“I suppose,” Namwoo agreed halfheartedly, because Yuanjun's wasn't wrong – BC had undoubtedly been hard on Knight ever since their first scandals had broken –, and yet he had expected as much back when he had gone over the terms of his contract with his grandmother multiple times before eventually signing it anyway, “But to be fair, we did cause them a lot of trouble, so from a purely economic point of view, I'm just happy they decided to keep us around at all.” Disbandment was a lot scarier an idea to him than any of the rules they could have placed on their lives. Once more, Namwoo had to remind himself to smile and not get caught up in his thoughts – they had always been like rapids that required concentration to navigate, and he lost it all too often. “It took a lot full-blown scandals for them to go that far in our case, so I'm sure you're fine. Don't worry about it too much!” With a narrowing of his eyes he hoped would come across as somewhat comical, he allowed himself a statement he realized was perhaps not particularly funny in itself. “Now that I'm actually allowed to move out, having all that space to myself just seems like a whole lot of room to fill instead of a whole lot of freedom. It's a hoax, friend.”

A playful gasp slipped through Namwoo's lips as he feigned indignation before nodding slowly, keeping up his act by pretending he was coming to terms with it slowly. “Right, I'll just have to convince him of my pure motives then. Like how telling people not to do something only makes them want to do it more? I'll sell it to your manager as reverse psychology.” His act was broken by a few chuckles he no longer bothered to hold back that left behind an easier smile than he'd worn prior – less worried. “Don't shoo an old man around like that; we're slow,” he joked as to keep the atmosphere lighter now, if only for Yuanjun's sake, for he could only imagine how exhausting recovery must be, while very much following the younger's words and making his way over to the game room. “Who says you can kick my ass, though? I put in practice since last time,” he huffed, crossing his arms over his chest as soon as he'd taken a seat again, hoping his antics would hide the fact that he couldn't help but keep an eye on Yuanjun still.

[fmdnamwoo]

fmdromeo‌:

ε    ⋯    `    ➳     𝐬. 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐰𝐨𝐨

       it’s  almost  laughable  ,  romeo  thinks  ,  but  it’s  not  funny  enough  for  the  noise  to  come  out  of  his  mouth  .  he  remembers  all  the  good  times  with  namwoo  ,  how  close  the  pair  really  were  ,  &  now  ,  standing  in  front  of  a  former  friend  [  an  old  friend  ?  ]  he  can’t  help  but  feel  the  sea  of  distance  ,  despite  being  only  inches  away  from  knight’s  member  .  he  hates  these  kinds  of  conversations  ,  the  ones  with  an  obvious  awkward  air  around  it  ,  too  hard  to  think  of  a  proper  response  because  it  feels  like  there  shouldn’t  be  one  .  maybe  it’s  because  namwoo  was  a  close  friend  of  romeo’s  ,  he  lets  the  displeasure  slip  by  ,  &  let  the  nostalgia  seep  in  like  water  through  a  crack  .  ❝  don’t  think  i  have  a  choice  not  to  ,  really  .  ❞  a  sad  chuckle  accompanies  his  statement  ,  but  he  figures  namwoo  doesn’t  need  to  know  anything  but  the  surface  level  of  his  statement  .  maybe  one  day  ,  romeo  hopes  ,  it  can  be  different  .    ❝  thank  you  man  ,  i  really  appreciate  it  .  sometimes  i  can’t  tell  .  the  fans  will  always  say  i’m  perfect  ,  the  coaches  say  i’m  nowhere  near  perfection  .  ❞  he  misses  namwoo  ,  he  realizes  ,  and  all  the  good  times  they  had  before  practically  drowning  in  their  respective  groups  work  .  romeo  had  barely  any  time  to  keep  in  contact  with  his  mother  ,  so  friends  slipping  away  wasn’t  anything  brand  new  .  ❝  still  working  hard  to  keep  improving  ,  i  see  .  ❞  origin’s  youngest  repeated  ,  a  playful  snicker  escaping  his  lips  .  but  there’s  truth  in  his  statement  .  it’s  hard  to  keep  up  with  all  the  new  groups  ,  but  romeo  heard  through  the  grapevine  of  namwoo’s  improvement  ,  &  a  part  of  him  couldn’t  be  any  more  prouder  .  ❝  i  think  you’re  doing  great  ,  don’t  sweat  it  too  much  .  ❞    he  smiles  softly  a  little  ,  trying  to  reassure  the  fellow  idol  that  he  was  doing  more  than  enough  .  a  funny  sting  is  felt  once  romeo  realizes  the  conversation  seems  to  be  ending  ,  slipping  away  faster  than  he’d  like  .  so  he  stops  it  .  ❝  what  are  you  doing  after  your  lesson  ?  ❞

Whereas Namwoo is almost too used to this weight in the air that makes each inhale a little bit harder, like the body physically shies away from the situation the mind so clearly feels uncomfortable with, he has no experience with it in this context – whatever that means, exactly. There is no one he considers a 'former friend' for reasons that aren't undoubtedly painful, and perhaps that's only because despite his sociability, the number of people he counts among his friends rather than mere colleagues or acquaintances is small – but here's Romeo, and there's nothing he knows how to call him that isn't in past tense. “Perfection isn't something any of us can achieve, I don't think, so it's not really a standard we should hold ourselves to,” he replies with a small smile and a shrug of his shoulders that makes him seem more nonchalant than he really is – he can relate. He's been in the same position; still is, perhaps. It's hard to tell with how little he knows about Romeo now. “But you're doing well, I mean that, so... keep it up!” The chuckle he releases is a little awkward, a bit forced because he realizes his words came out sounding not entirely natural either and he's trying to mask that – badly, because part of him fights the notion to play pretend around someone he remembers trusting, but trust is not a skill that can't be unlearned. Romeo's following words prompt a more genuine one, however, as amusement seeps into his features and returns a tinge of light to them that is so inherently Namwoo, he barely notices at all. “Don't think I have a choice not to, really,” he echoes in return, though his eyes remain curved into crescents to underline the lightheartedness of his statement, “Being the weakest link gets old real fast.” Perhaps he shouldn't have said that – a step too far into personal territory, but is it not only the mention of a past Romeo was a part of too? Luckily, the younger's question diverts his attention once more and Namwoo's smile soon fades as he ponders it, or rather the motive behind it. There are so many possible answers, so many excuses he can think of that would be far from lies (because really, there is never enough time to finish all the things he knows he should be doing with their next comeback steadily approaching), but what he settles for eventually is something a little more hopeful. “Well, there's more individual practice planned, but I could probably slip away for a bit, if you wanted to... catch up?”

[fmdnamwoo]

fmdjia‌:

[...]

namwoo’s smile, surely, might have been the only stable line the student taeho and the idol jia ever balanced on. his gaze stuck to the boy as if he held the key to existence. much too reminiscent of the mornings during which a much younger and naive version of himself waited for the other and the hours they spent around the grounds of their school, now their pictures on the walls marked alumni. “nam-hyung! finally, in flesh, bones and a three dimensional form in front of me,” the happiness that rushed over him upon making contact with a familiar gaze level was the same the weight of the hand around his shoulders heavy in a comforting way. it wasn’t surprising – home does come in various shapes and sizes. “i’m- you know- living. moved out of the dorms. it’s kind of weird.” there was obviously much more to his words, judging by the way a toothy grin slowly morphed into a smile barely there. the answer was like an intro to a conversation nearing. mandatory for casual beginnings. it’s not like jia didn’t want to share. simply that laying his heart out upon the first minute would have been too much of a leap. he wanted to enjoy his friend first.  “i’m very happy to finally see you, bc is gonna run you down one day.. do you even have a day off? what have you been up to?” his elbow came in contact with namwoo’s side in a gentle, encouraging manner. they were always really equal in their friendship of all friendships, no one worthier or more important. it remains that within taeho’s worried gaze on the other before opting to move to some swings.

It was almost miraculous, the effect something as seemingly trivial as Taeho's voice alone could have on him – coloring in pictures that had faded to a dull greyscale over time, memories that seamlessly bled into the reality of that day as Namwoo glanced around and noticed, for the first time in weeks, the vividness of life around him, whether that was found in the healthy green of spring leaves or the ever unchanging midnight blue of the swing set that would always kind of feel like theirs. (That was the effect Taeho had on him – he reminded him he could see in color.) “I know!”, he replied with enough enthusiasm to match how bright his surroundings now felt to him, the heavy veil of adulthood lifted if only for a bit. “Good thing we got to stay alive long enough to come back here again, huh?” Of course he was joking – their jobs were excruciating, yes, but not to the point of actually posing an immediate threat to their lives yet, though perhaps he would revoke that statement further down the line.

With a soft hum – somewhere between understanding and pensive –, Namwoo took in Taeho's reply and left it at that, for now. There was more to be said, clearly, but he knew that there was a time and place for everything and it wasn't always 'now'. “To be fair, we do get a few days off sometimes, when BC decides to promote Charm instead,” he answered with a small, amused grin, evidently not very bothered by the fact that Knight were no longer the company's top priority because none of that really mattered to him as long as he still got to do what he loved occasionally – and Knight's occasionally was still just short of always, “But yeah, with Love Shot promotions and other things already planned that we're urged to prepare for already, I haven't had much time for anything, admittedly.” His smile turned almost apologetic at that – almost, because he didn't have to search Taeho's eyes for forgiveness to know that it wasn't necessary. Not only had they weathered worse, they were in the same business and thus both no strangers to not being able to make plans with friends or family because of a work schedule that allowed no such thing. Following the younger towards the swings in large strides that did nothing to hide his happiness, he tentatively went on: “We were finally allowed to move out too.” Without hesitation, Namwoo plopped down onto one of the swings with enough force to send him swaying back and forth before he’d even pushed his legs off the ground, entirely unbothered by the fact that his shoulders barely fit between the chains anymore. “Felt a bit weird that everyone was so eager to leave the dorm, though.” An absentminded confession, that – not particularly heavy, but nonetheless personal enough that he would have guarded it from someone less trusted.

[wordsnquotes]

I’m still learning to love the parts of me that no one claps for.

Rudy Francisco (via wordsnquotes)

[fmdnamwoo]

↬ @fmdcharoen

By nature, Namwoo's smile so often belies the secrets he's keeping that most people never stop to look for them through the occasional cracks in his façade and he likes to keep it that way. So much so that he makes an effort not to allow himself vulnerability in front of colleagues, in front of acquaintances, in front of anyone, which in turn means that a quick nap in a waiting room should be out of the question. It should be, but he seems to be by himself, and isn't everyone else much too busy to check on him anytime soon? His eyelids are heavy enough to take the decision out of his hands mere minutes later, even as he tells himself he's only resting them for a little bit, that he won't really fall asleep, that he can't.

But he does, and when he wakes with a start and tears in his eyes, the first thing he notices is that he's not alone – and unguarded, still. An odd sense of shame twists his stomach into knots as he quickly averts his eyes and pretends his soul doesn't feel awfully naked, bared out to someone little more than a stranger; a colleague among so many. Get a grip, he quickly tells himself, it will only seem like a big deal if you allow it to. So he doesn't, or at least he tries not to, even when he isn't exactly sure how to go about that – he laughs; awkwardly, bashfully. “Let me tell you, these waiting room sofas aren't as comfortable as they look. It's hard to catch up on rest here.” Right. Like comfort had anything to do with it.

[fmdnamwoo]

↬ @fmdsooyeon

Every time Namwoo crosses paths with her, Sooyeon looks varying degrees of barely alive he recognizes from the face in the mirror that greets him each morning, before make-up seemingly revives his features to the state that fans are used to seeing – a perfect illusion. (Most days, idol stylists – at least those contracted by BC – aren't that different from morticians, he catches himself thinking one particular time when the shadows under his eyes are dark enough to look like special effects in and of themselves.)

Of course he knows about Wish's schedules from his various ties to the group, and those are already enough to warrant a level of fatigue that hangs heavily in one's bones, but Sooyeon has a lot to do outside of the group as well. That's about all he knows about how busy her life must be – and frankly, it's all he needs to know to prompt him to intercept the way of a dance trainer who had evidently been en route to said girl standing a little further along the hallway. “Oh,” he begins and offers a quick bow as though he truly hadn't seen them prior, “I'm sorry. I'm in a bit of a hurry because I have this important practice with Wish's Sooyeon scheduled right now. You know how we're going to perform at Kcon Japan and all? Yeah, I'm really sorry; I'll be on my way.” With a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes while they work to convey what he can't very well say at the moment – let's get away for just a little while –, Namwoo turns toward Sooyeon, whom they have almost reached by now, then gestures in the vague direction of the nearest practice rooms, of which he assumes at least one should be unoccupied. (It wasn't the best excuse, but he's learned that most people don't question what is said with enough conviction.)

[fmdnamwoo]

miraefmd‌:

[ ✉️ → namwoo ] maybe dimensions will actually pay us [ ✉️ → namwoo ] and give us real food 🤔 [ ✉️ → namwoo ] i think it will take me some time to get used to this [ ✉️ → namwoo ] so this is how it feels to be famous huh? [ ✉️ → namwoo ] is this how knight feels? 👀

[ ✉️ → 과거 현재 미래 ] right, you'll have paid off your debt soon, I'm sure! [ ✉️ → 과거 현재 미래 ] and when you have, we're going to spend your first money on food together [ ✉️ → 과거 현재 미래 ] because companies will never give you real food, but you can at some point sneak out and get it for yourself! [ ✉️ → 과거 현재 미래 ] if we're talking about being busy, then I guess that's how knight feels [ ✉️ → 과거 현재 미래 ] but it's probably different for everyone, you know? being famous [ ✉️ → 과거 현재 미래 ] and I don’t know if you ever really get used to it. I haven’t yet ㅋㅋ

[fmdnamwoo]

fmdaidynn‌:

patiently he waited there, wondering if he should respond with something else, say goodbye, or continuing waiting and see if namwoo came up with something to say first. as the silence continued on for another few moments aidynn went to open his mouth but the other beat him to it, coming up with something much better than what he was about to say. 

a bit of a smirk pulled on his lips as he shook his head a bit, “last i remember you were the one who lost all the time.” he was an easy man to get along with for the most part (with the exception of when he was on drugs). with that the taller turned, nodding his head in a way beforehand to signal namwoo to follow him to the game room that was in the dorm, turning the television on and glancing at the video games the group had accumulated over the years. “any requests on what to play?” 

Relief washed over Namwoo when the other so readily went along with his proposition, manifesting in a wide smile that finally managed to reach his eyes as well. Of course it did not negate what had happened, but at least it evened the grounds for a do-over, a second chance, which to him, was more than he could have asked for.

“Your memory must not be very good then, I have to say,” he shot back as he followed Aidynn into the next room, where he took a moment to look around to see if anything would pop out at him that simply demanded to be played before turning to face the other once more. “How about we each pick the game we're least confident in?”, he offered with his head slightly tilted to the side in thought, a glimmer of a challenge in his eyes – this sort of thing never failed to bring out his competitive streak, “After all, anyone can win a game they're really good at. We need something more difficult.”

[fmdnamwoo]

miraefmd‌:

[ ✉️ → namwoo ] pffft lame [ ✉️ → namwoo ] i like attention but not that much [ ✉️ → namwoo ] i don’t want your fans coming after me 👀 [ ✉️ → namwoo ] i’m practicing for shows i guess [ ✉️ → namwoo ] this is the most shows we’ve done like ever

[ ✉️ → 과거 현재 미래 ] how would my fans ever find out, though? [ ✉️ → 과거 현재 미래 ] you guess? [ ✉️ → 과거 현재 미래 ] are you holding up okay? [ ✉️ → 과거 현재 미래 ] it's great that you're finally getting the recognition you deserve! [ ✉️ → 과거 현재 미래 ] but I'm sure it's stressful too

[fmdnamwoo]

fmdxinhei‌:

Something about this guy was really, really mysterious and weird. Firstly; this guy had fallen for Xinhei, not that it was unexpected, who wouldn’t fall for Xinhei (or at least he thought so himself)?, but had this guy really fallen for him after such a short amount of time? Secondly; the guy was flirting in such public place; this guy wasn’t at all scared about rumors or anything? Just exactly how much did Namwoo like Xinhei? Thirdly and lastly, this guy apparently couldn’t take a hint, he had believed that Xinhei would take his hint when he couldn’t even himself take Xinhei’s hint?

‘I suppose I do fit all of those criteria.’ Of course he did, Xinhei had literally just described him, someone like that wasn’t his ideal type, it was just him describing Namwoo, yet the guy didn’t even seem to take this hint. Anybody who had just a little brain would’ve guessed that Xinhei was describing Namwoo, and if you were a bit smarter than Namwoo apparently was, then perhaps you would also think that Xinhei liked you, yet this guy didn’t seem to think that.

A chuckle of relief leaves him as Namwoo finally realizes that he was the one being described, and then a wink is sent in Xinhei’s direction, one who only confirms more that the guy likes him. The guy however isn’t done talking, Xinhei listens to the male’s words, and realizes: this guy wants confirmation that Xinhei likes him too? Does he want to be sure that Xinhei was describing him? For a moment he holds his breath, wondering if he’s sending the guy the wrong signals, perhaps Namwoo thinks that Xinhei likes him now?

He shrugs his shoulder before giving the younger an answer “I don’t know? Can’t you tell when someone is describing you? I’m looking at you while thinking what I like about you, wouldn’t that be the hint to that I’m describing you?”.

Xinhei's words only confirmed Namwoo's guess that the older had been trying to test him by purposefully describing him to see whether or not he'd pick up on it – and he had, but only because the situation they were in had made it so easy to. With his own hypothesis still fresh on his mind, the reference had been impossible to miss, but had he heard the other say the same words in an interview some other time, would he have connected the dots the same way? Probably not.

“Well, in this situation, sure,” he conceded with a nonchalant shrug, not at all bothered by what had been said because he still didn't interpret it as anything to be taken to heart, “Because you're looking straight at me while listing attributes that describe me.” A grin slowly curled his lips at that, and how odd this situation truly was if one stopped to think about it. The night had most certainly taken a turn from the usual celebratory mood to a scientific discourse about the nature and lack of depth of ideal types.

“What I'm saying is... everything you mentioned also fits various other people, so you could have technically been describing someone else entirely, even while looking directly at me. It’s impossible to tell, in most instances.” Once more, Namwoo's eyes narrowed as he focused on the point he was trying to make, only hoping he was getting his thoughts across, because sometimes, the more complex they were, the less he could fit them into words. “Just like I could most likely name multiple people my earlier description could have been about, you know?”

[fmdnamwoo]

fmddaisuke‌:

“Yeah.” Daisuke nodded his head once at his question. “I was actually asking because I was going to invite you to get food with me.” It was the least that Daisuke could do after Namwoo had gone out of his way to help him out. He wasn’t sure how many other seniors would have stepped in like that, but he was grateful that his sunbaenim had been thoughtful enough to offer the taller male some help. He was used to being scolded by CHARM’s managers and staff from BC, but it still wasn’t a pleasant situation to be in whenever it happened and he usually just shut down and waited until they were finished before tuning back into the conversation. “We can go to that new place that opened up around the corner?” He offered, already zipping up his coat. Even if Namwoo didn’t agree to that particular restaurant, they’d still need to go out anyway; he didn’t feel like staying in that building any longer than he had to.

“Oh, well, that's always a welcome proposition,” Namwoo replied as his smile widened both at the prospect of food, which was admittedly always a strong motivator, and the fact that he had been presented with a prime opportunity to spend more time with Daisuke despite their hectic schedules. Thus he wasted no time in buttoning up his slightly oversized coat – it had been a hassle to carry it around, but that 'effort' was clearly paying off now that he was going to be outside for longer than just the walk back to the company car. “Sure, if you think it's any good, I'm in,” he said while still absentminded before finally looking up again, the light in his eyes perhaps giving away that he was a little too eager to get away, but he didn't have the energy to bother with appearances – not when it wasn't absolutely necessary, anyway. “What's your favorite cheat food? I, for one, feel like it's a night for breaking rules. A little. The stupid ones.”

[fmdnamwoo]

fmdhyejung‌:

━━ ╰ * ♡  * ･ﾟ✧   SHE THINKS IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER HAD HE BEEN JUDGING HER FROM AFAR. at least hyejung would have reason to avoid him and be ashamed. but it’s a lot harder when namwoo, she realizes, has no clue about what had happened. a part of her wants to keep that image of herself in his mind intact- a young girl with no mistakes to her name, no shame on her shoulders to carry. but that wasn’t the case, and he’s bound to figure it out even if she doesn’t tell her here. at least, in this case, she can defend herself. in some way. hyejung finds it in herself to muster a weak smile, this time a bit more genuine. because nothing about this whole thing had anything to do with namwoo- he wasn’t even a trainee anymore when it had all happened.

“well, i suppose that’s for the better- doesn’t keep you distracted.” like she let herself get. “i… thought so too. that we’d be- yenno, performing together one day.” there’s the ghost of a smile on her face once again, to think about the hopes that she had once had. hyejung can almost recall those dreams, the ones that felt like such a distant memory. “i was close.” hyejung starts, gulping and stalling mentally prepare herself as she did every time she told this story. “really close. i was in the starting lineup for WISH and all that. and-and then they found out about my boyfriend.” hyejung sighs, and the embarrassment overcomes her in a thick wave. her face flushes and her eyes sting a bit and she has to look down. it was all so stupid, how it had gone down. but this was her reality now. she couldn’t try and hide the fact. “it all happened so fast and then my contract….” she trails off, her voice growing weaker. “my contract was terminated faster than i could blink.”

”Most of the time, I just figure it's none of my business,” Namwoo replies out of an incomprehensible need to explain himself, like her misfortune was somehow connected to him even when he knows better – but he's making her relive it presently, and isn't that almost as bad? His features soften as he gives her the space to talk, only nodding to signal that he's listening while empathy settles in his stomach, heavy enough to anchor down the corners of his mouth. “I'm sorry,” he says quietly, both for what happened to her and that he unwittingly forced her to talk about it with someone little more than a stranger at this point, but any further apology dies on his lips. It's not his place to be sorry.

“I can't believe they terminated your contract over something like that,” he speaks, then hesitates because the way he phrased it, it's simply not true, but admitting to that now would mean offering up a piece of personal information he has thus far shared with very few people, and yet he's quick to remind himself that he owes her that much after her honesty and openness. “Or, well, I can. In fact, I... made a similar experience, of sorts. With dating, I mean. I suppose I was just lucky it happened after my debut.” His teeth sink into his bottom lip as he shakes his head to refocus his thoughts because they're going down a route that isn't helpful (or welcome) in this situation at all, and a small smile returns to his face when he wills himself to brighten up. Positivity is always a conscious decision. “What I meant was just that they were stupid to let you go over something like that. Everyone should be allowed to love.”

[fmdnamwoo]

durifmd‌:

         duri nodded his head, “coffee!” he said, a small giggle leaving his lips. he tried his best not to drink too much coffee. most of the time, he stuck to water or lemon water; but there was often times where he couldn’t help himself and he really needed coffee sometimes. well, actually, maybe most of the time because he was often tired from getting little to no sleep (besides for the lucky nights where he’d actually sleep.) he nodded his head, “don’t worry! i do my best to limit myself!” he said, trying his best to reassure. recently, he had been really cutting back, just because it was something that needed to really go down. he was skipping to two cups a day, mostly. somedays, he just needed to have three. he giggled a bit, thinking about it. there’s another nod from duri, “i think they might like it, yeah! i’ve probably read some comments talking about when we look at fans…” he says, before giggling after he paused for a moment to think about it, a soft shrug leaving his shoulders. “the comments were a little strange, i think! but, that’s okay!” he says, giving an affirming nod. “yeah! i always ask them questions and they always seem to really like it!” he responded. it was simple questions, really. something that you might just as a friend! it was always nice having a conversation about the fan during fansigns, they seemed to really like it themselves. he grins a bit more, “bear hugs really are the best!” he said. duri was very much a big hugger and it was probably something that was really known. everyone has probably gotten a hug from the elder. if they were comfortable with it, of course. there’s a slight pout, that would leave moments later. it was true, it was something that they’d find weird and he’d just stick to not naming any names. he nods, “that’s true!”

“That's good,” Namwoo nodded, concern creasing his brow as he looked up at the older in silence for a few moments to search for signs of fatigue he might have missed prior, “We need you to stay in good health for a long time because there's no Knight without you, hyung.” His tone of voice automatically softened as worry seeped in, but his smile made a swift return anyway – as it always did when he feared he could make himself too vulnerable otherwise. “A little strange?”, he repeated as though that would help him figure out the exact meaning of those words, his eyes widening slightly in innocent wonder before realization dawned upon him that had laughter bubbling up from his chest. “Oh, you mean the 19+ kind of strange?” For the longest time, Namwoo had tried to submit all encounters he'd had with fans to memory, like he owed each and every one of them the same attention they paid to him, but of course that had turned out to be impossible with Knight's level of success. It didn't stop him from making an effort to treat all of them with genuine interest, though. “Yes, I think it's great for both them and us; when we get to know who they are as people beyond just... fans, you know? Because there's really not that much that's separating us, in my opinion.” By that, he meant that most days he struggled to feel worthy of the attention, for what could he confidently say made him any more special than anyone else? Nothing, if put on the spot. (Nothing, in general.) “Hmm,” he hummed in thought, gnawing on his bottom lip as he wondered whether or not to act on his curiosity when that had all too often led to him crossing lines he hadn't meant to touch at all. “But do you have someone you think of when they ask those questions? Someone you could name, if you were allowed to name a guy?”