I'm ftm, 6 months on T. I know you answered an ask like this in the past, but the asker was pre-t and I am not, not sure if it makes a difference. I have to see a gynecologist next week but I've never been before. I've never been able to insert anything in my vagina without immense pain and bad flashbacks so the thought of a pelvic exam terrifies me and is dysphoria inducing. Do you have any advice for me or information I should know or tell my obgyn?
I think you should be honest and open with your doctor. Tell them before the procedure starts you have experienced pain and flashbacks in similar circumstances. Dysphoria-wise, I’d recommend wearing men’s underwear!
These links might be helpful, so try to read through all of them:
A Trans Man’s Guide to Visiting the Gyno
Gyno Visit 101: A Step-By-Step Introduction to the Procedure
Help! I need to see a gynecologist
Tips for a gynaecological exam (tw: rape mentions)
Dysphoria Tips Masterpost
A Guide to Gynecological Exams: What Should — and Shouldn’t — Happen
I have also copied this source below with a few modifications to be gender neutral:
Find a health care provider with whom you feel comfortable and trust. You can search around and ask your other doctors and trans people you know to find a gynecologist that makes your comfortable, whether you’d rather have one of a specific gender, one experienced in treating trans people, or one with experience in patients with anxiety/pain.
Knowing your rights and your needs will help you be more assertive and confident. For instance, you have a right to refuse or stop a procedure or examination.
Make an initial appointment to talk with the doctor about the procedure or examination, your concerns and difficulties, and what will help you get through it. You can ask questions ahead of time about procedures that will be performed (like what will be done, what you will see, feel, and smell). If you do not have an opportunity to have a talking appointment before your examination, tell your doctor that you find these examinations difficult. You do not have to disclose that you have a history of any trauma if that applies to you, although it might be helpful in explaining what’s going on. Use your best judgement with this.
Learn some stress-reduction techniques and coping strategies like deep breathing. Bring fidget toys with you, a stress ball, headphones or earbuds to listen to music with, and a treat for when you’re done, like a favorite snack.
Wearing something that has pleasant associations for you such as your favourite scent or clothes that help you feel more masculine may be helpful. Carrying something comforting, like a stuffed animal, might also help.
Before you get undressed, talk with your doctor about what you need to make the examination easier for you. Make an agreement beforehand that if you are too uncomfortable at any time you will ask, or give a signal to stop and the doctor or nurse will stop.
After your appointment, plan something pleasant for yourself such as meeting with a friend, counsellor, or support person. If you don’t have anybody available, go on a walk, buy ice cream or a treat, or do something you find calming.
What works for one person may not work for another. There is no right way of doing this. You are the best judge of what will be useful to you.
Remember, clearly discussing concerns you have about procedures with your health care provider should help ensure that you feel more comfortable and gain some sense of control over what happens to your body.
Ask to have the top of the exam table up so you can see the doctor or nurse. This may give you more of a feeling of empowerment.
If you think it would be helpful, ask to see a vaginal speculum and how it opens and closes. Ask the doctor to use the smallest speculum available.
Keep your eyes open to help keep you in the present and look at something on the wall, or close your eyes so you don’t have to see it, whichever you think is more helpful.
Ask the doctor to drape you so you can see her or him during the examination. Maintaining visual contact also helps keep you in the present.
Ask the doctor to explain what they are doing and why both before and during each part of the exam if you want to know what is happening, or ask them to just tell you when it’s over if you’d rather have no idea.
Use self-talk like “I can get through this. I trust this person”.
You have the right to have a support person with you during the exam, if that is helpful. You may have to arrange this ahead of time with your care provider.
Followers, is there anything that’s helped you cope with dysphoria, anxiety, and flashbacks when going to the gyno?
smolqueerkitty said: Something you can request if you fear it’ll hurt is for them to use some numbing gel. With the numbing gel you don’t feel it as much and if you have vaginismus like I do, it’ll hurt less.
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