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hello vonnie
Mike Driver

Kiana Khansmith
art blog(derogatory)
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noise dept.
dirt enthusiast
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
tumblr dot com
will byers stan first human second
YOU ARE THE REASON
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
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izzy's playlists!

Discoholic 🪩
todays bird
Sade Olutola
we're not kids anymore.

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@i-say-ok
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Horsie
🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱
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🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🐎🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱
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it. it ends in 50 years…..horse is fucking eternal
Let’s keep the post circulating for 50 years it’ll be great when we’re all in the old folks home
It's possible I'll have to leave this post in my will to my children.
It’s possible I’ll
have to leave this post in my
will to my children.
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
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Pigeon (on a date)
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I swear she's not stuck. She's just doing yoga. It's her favorite position in the sun
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we are in dire need of some new media trend. we've done pirates, we've done cowboys; we've gone through two whole zombie revivals. aliens and space themes have basically been a constant since at least the 1950s, as have robots and evil AIs. we went pretty heavy on vampires for a while. we've also done dinosaurs, ninjas, musicals, wizards, sea creatures, ancient rome, ancient egypt, middle ages out the wazoo, entirely too much world war II, we're currently overdosing on our superhero phase, we've done monsters (misunderstood), monsters (radioactive), fake guy in the real world, real guy travels to fake world, caves & mining, vikings, what if you were really small, genre parody as a genre, sand, New York, time travel, something racist goes down in the jungle, neurodivergent detective, buddy cops, crooked cops, gangsters, bank heists in particular, kid has powers, revolt against the corporate world, portals, social insects, dragons, the British, global apocalypse, martial arts, roadtrip as self-discovery, Jesus, clones, clowns, babysitting goes wrong, demonic possession, ghosts of all kinds, talking animals, fucking with the stock market, restaurant ownership, dwarves, planes, and spies. where do we go from here. what's our next big thing
i have a suggestion
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things i’ll not call you a whore for:
sexual activity
how you dress
things i’ll call you a whore for:
stealing my food
stealing my lemons
my cat likes you more than me
why are lemons separate from food op?
everyone knows lemons arent food
lemon stealing whores are a huge issue separate from food stealing whores. there’s a whole documentary about whores stealing lemons from the trees of unsuspecting victims. you can see the first two minutes of it here.
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friends are like snowflakes they disappear when you pee on them
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let’s pour one out for all the janitors who clean and never get enough appreciation
Don’t they gotta clean up what we pour out
fuck stop it everyone the post is cancelled everyone please stop fuck what have I done
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hey i have hiccups can someone scare me
HOO!
thanks it worked
……you can go now
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I think the best most human thing in the world is strangers doing a silly thing together
Examples:
- guy at work "Yes, and -" ing the bit me and my coworker were doing where we pretended to be owners of a fantasy medieval tavern not minimum wage retail staff
- at the gay club when Die Young by Kesha came on and two hundred people, all dancing and drinking separately, jumped up and down to make the "- beat of the drums *STOMP STOMP*" as loud as possible
- person who watched me stomp round the beach singing a made up song about breakfast foods to name a cat after and suggested more breakfast foods that would be good cat names
- guy who started a dance off with everyone across the road while waiting for the lights to change
- very tiny girl at the pharmacy interviewing everyone in the queue and every single one of us in turn sat down and answered this toddler's questions like we were on Letterman
The three pillars of humanity, in no particular order, are Joy, Absurdity, and Sharing
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Ever see a baby alligator get dizzy?
TOO GOOD AT SPINNING
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when moses returned from the mountain with the stone tablets with the 10 commandments and saw the people worshipping the golden calf
Toy Major Trading Co. Rubber Unicorn (2013)
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stand_down.mp4
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this is what a Bodhisattva is
Oh, literally!
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Its good that i have a blog now cuz I used to write all this bullshit down physically in a diary and my mom found mine and read it when i was 15 and i got in so much trouble cuz i drew goku with a boner so foreboding frightening it cleaved his jorts clean in half down the crotch seam and she threw it in a dumpster but then i crawled inside and retrieved it in the dark of night to preserve the archives of my mind but I lost it the very next day cuz i dropped it into the wave pool at Wild Wild n Wet (waterpark). Nowadays relying on digital spaces we have no guarantee of our eras information being preserved for futture generations tho and as the lights go out The silence will be suffocating and we will all be boner goku at the bottom of the wave pool at Wild Wild and Wet lowkey so u might as well start an nsfw twitter with ur government name and credit card info in bio tbh
the amount of breathing room you gave my post in the speech bubble is fucking with me interior design feng shui style
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Yeah, no that’s not an Ancient Greek Dionysus and here’s why
My absolute proudest moment as an ancient art history TA in college was as a student in a class on Gender in the Ancient World (a for-fun class I took when I’d basically wrapped up all my other degree requirements) and it involved me catching my Classics professor royally messing up in his own lecture.
So this Classics teacher (poor guy) was going on about Dionysus and what the Greek god of wine could teach us about the morals of the time, specifically about over indulgence being anathema to Greeks (“all things in moderation”) and to prove his point he shared this statue of Dionysus:
Which just happens to be the picture of Dionysus on Wikipedia, uh oh, first mistake! (Some of you nerds may already spot all of the other problems.)
And it only gets worse, because he starts rattling on about what this statue in particular demonstrates to us about how the Ancient Greeks viewed Dionysus and the sins of excess associated with wine drinking- his body is slightly puffy from over-indulgence, his muscles not as sharply carved as an Apollo. He’s off-balance, leaning on a faun for support. His eyes are glassy. He’s raising a huge, margarita-bowl of a cup. Basically, from this, we can see a clear visual of why Dionysus and his associated lifestyle and sacred objects were looked down upon in ancient Greece.
Meanwhile, I’m vibrating out of my chair like Hermione in the front row because oh my god how are you a professor, this is all wrong, oh my god…
Finally, the professor calls on my shaking raised hand, thankfully before I blasted off into the stratosphere with my sheer need to Be Right.
And, with a voice only slightly shaking from high-octane adrenaline I say, “Except that statue is from the Renaissance. It’s by Michelangelo.”
The professor freezes like a deer in the headlights. I mean actually freezes, his eyes widen and he just stops. Dumbstruck. I wondered how many times he’s given this lecture and used this statue of Dionysus to make his point. I think the number of times he’d used this picture in a lecture was flashing before his eyes too.
Because if you go back to the ancient world there’s no effing way Dionysus would be portrayed so disrespectfully! Even if he’s the god of wine he’s not the one who overindulges, that’s his followers. He’s a god. Anyone who knows anything about Ancient Greece knows you don’t disrespect a god with a statue like that. Actually, Dionysus statues from Ancient Greece tend to look more like this in the Archaic period:
And in a late Roman example (Hi, Antinuous!) like this:
Yeah. There’s no “over indulgent” puffiness, no margarita glass, no glassy eyes or tottering form. Because Dionysus is a god. What Michelangelo’s statue of Bacchus reveals is what Renaissance people believed about Dionysus, not Ancient Greeks.
But let’s briefly touch on all the other alarm bells about that statue. Because I didn’t know it was Michelangelo’s right away in that class–I was frantically looking that up even as my hand was raised–I just knew it was Renaissance and not Ancient Greek. Because sure, in Ancient Greece, this kind of sculpture denouncing excess existed, but we’d be looking at Silenus the Satyr, or just a Satyr in general to make this commentary, not ever with Dionysus who partakes in such festivities but is ultimately stands above them and definitely doesn’t fall prey to them (others fall prey to him). So basically, Michelangelo’s Bacchus has a lot more in common with an ancient sculpture of Silenus, not of Dionysus, reflecting on how Italians in the Renaissance viewed this ancient pagan god.
To tick off a couple other warning signs: the patina (that color stone and level of dirt, but without traces of cleaning or paint, was a give away because Renaissance people didn’t paint their statues the way ancient people did). The beautiful curly hair and laurels were impossible before about 200 CE because the drill tips needed to make fine curls hadn’t been invented yet, before that you tended to have carved masses of hair or lines of hair suggested on the scalp, nothing so elaborate. Also the features are much too fine, almost girlish, with a receding chin. Again, something you might see on a hyper realistic Roman portrait, but not something you’d ever see on a god. The child is out of place too, you do see children in ancient sculptures (like the statue of Hermes and Dionysus) but not really with such “childish” facial expressions, for the lack of a better word.
So when I talk about how with material archaeology and art history it becomes impossible to mistake when a certain artifact comes from, this is what I mean. The ways of carving this weren’t available to the Ancient Greeks until way into the Imperial Roman era, at least. The stone is wrong. The morals visible in the carving are wrong. You’ll often too see Renaissance or 19th century statues being passed off as ancient here on Tumblr, but things like fine features are often dead give aways that something isn’t ancient. Stone work is a language of its own, and once you see enough to decode it, it’s as unmistakable to the eye as clothing from 100 years ago looks obviously out of date to us today, even if you’re not versed in fashion.
(P.S. the professor made the point to thank me and said he would stop using this statue in future lectures. As you can see, I was proud of this shining moment of pedantry a totally normal about.)
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