seeing really bad posts get shared over and over but not wanting to get Into It bc it’s not worth the ensuing drama if you say something is the adult tumblr experience
FOR DARKER SUMMER DAYS AND STORMY SUMMER NIGHTS . . .
we all want our summer to be filled with sun, blue skies and memories to keep up warm on cold winter days. however, sometimes that is simply not attainable. the irish summer so far has been less than star, and i doubt the uk is having it any better. or maybe you’re just feeling a little blue, in search of a pick me up in a season where happiness and serenity is supposed to be a given. here is a list of films to kick back to on those darker summer days.
tin star . . .
the worth family flee their native london in search of a quieter life in the rural canadian village of little big bear. but where police chief jim worth goes, trouble follows, and someone seems to have placed a timer on his life.
dark tourist . . .
i’ve spoken about how much i love dark tourist before, but i just couldn’t help throwing it on this list! this documentary series follows new zealand journalist, david farrier, as he goes in search of the world’s darkest tourist destinations. it’s absolutely perfect for a lazy, dark summer afternoon!
goodfellas . . .
if true dark watches are more your vibe, then why not throw on this scorsese classic?the 1990 film follows the rise and fall of mobster henry hill, and is currently available for your viewing on netflix!
the legend of cocaine island . . .
this 2019 release is perfect if you’re looking for a good laugh. it’s a mockumentary, following a group of friends on a wild trip to the carribean in search of a duffle bag filled with cocaine.
some like it hot . . .
this billy wilder outfit is considered to be marilyn monroe’s last great movie and is currently available on netflix. it follows two male musicians who are forced to join a female band after witnessing a massacre in a bid to escape the wrath of a mob.
any disney film . . .
alternatively, you could also throw on any of your childhood throwbacks. what better time to wallow in nostalgia than on a stormy summer’s night in? lady and the tramp, bambi or the emperor’s new groove would be perfect for a rainy summer morning or afternoon!
friends is one of the world’s longest running sitcoms, and my personal favourite. it is one of my go tos if i’ve had a truly shit day or for a binge watch lazy sunday afternoon. however, being that it is such a long running show, it can be daunting looking at that long list of episodes, especially if your only looking for a quick pick-me-up. in this post, i have compiled my top five favourite episodes from season one; my must-watches for anyone looking to breeze quickly through this season or simply relax after a long day.
episode seven, the one with the blackout . . .
when the power goes out in new york city, the friends gather in monica’s apartment. all except for chandler, who is stuck in an atm vestibule with celebrity guest star jill goodacre. ross tries to gather the courage to ask rachel out, but is affronted when she strikes up a relationship with a neighbour, paulo.
episode eleven, the one with mrs bing . . .
chandler is put out when his erotic novelist mother comes to visit. he is even more frustrated to discover that ross, who had been wallowing in his rachel blues, had shared a kiss with her.
episode thirteen, the one with the boobies . . .
after chandler accidentally sees rachel naked, rachel sets her sights on revenge. meanwhile, joey struggles when he discovers that his father is having an affair.
episode seventeen, the one with the two parts: part two . . .
when rachel does herself an ankle injury, she admits that she has no insurance to cover her medical bills. after realising how much the fees will cost, she convinces monica to let her use her insurance. however, things become complicated when the pair become enamoured with two young doctors, e.r.’s finest portrayed by george clooney and noah wyle. as they host drinks at their apartment, they must be mindful to conceal their fraud.
episode twenty-three, the one with the birth . . .
carol goes into labour, summoning all the friends to the hospital in support. joey befriends a lonely pregnant woman, phoebe mediates the tension between susan and ross while monica longs for motherhood and rachel pursues carol’s gynaecologist.
“you act all pretentious and high-and-mighty when in reality you are nothing. you are just some kid who blogs movie reviews. you know nothing about the film industry or critiquing. you are biased and closed minded and that shows in your reviews. i cringe reading your reviews. you are an embarrassment and you should quit pretending to be something that you’re not. you’re not special, or edgy, or witty. you’re just an embarrassment.”
fucking true!!!! but bruv, lets be honest though. what the fuck hurt you? why you sad? why you mad? what pissed you off so much? to be dead honest, i need you to spit some details on what exactly makes me biased and closed minded and just an embarrassment. to be fair, that is the most eloquent hate comment i have ever seen though. fair play, my lad.
i have been following a youtuber by the name of sarah hawkins for a few years now, although i only really started actively following her review channel in the past few months. i’ve got to be honest, i do not always agree with her opinions, but i watch and support anyway for the craic of it. her reviews center around all things horror and she recently posted a quite entertaining video entitled highest rated horror movies i didn’t like. i thought i might to a little ode to it. spring for me is the best season to enjoy a bit of comedy. so, as i’m cracking out my old favourites, i thought it would be fun to look at all the highly rated comedies i hate. all of these ratings, by the way, are taken from my ol’ reliable rotten tomatoes.
ladybird . . .
this 2017 comedy / drama follows the turbulent relationship of a mother and daughter. it’s a standard coming of age film of the brand i can’t stand. it doesn’t really offer anything new to the table, i don’t think, so i was surprised to learn it holds a glowing 99% on rotten tomatoes. why?
paddington . . .
yes, the bear is cute. and that is all. it was such a boring fuckin’ film once you got past the adorable-ness of that dumb-ass bear. beta winnie the pooh does not deserve such high ratings on rotten tomatoes.
zootopia . . .
yeah, to be honest everytime i hear the word zootopia, all i can think about is furries and i can’t be fucking with that shit.
la la land . . .
this film was just not for me, and no that’s not just because i don’t like musicals. it was fine, just fine. i never really understood all the praise it got at the time. i don’t even know if i would even call it a comedy, but rotten tomatoes thinks it is, so we’ll go with it. it sits at a solid 91% on the infamous review site, however i think it deserves something a fair bit lower.
the disaster artist . . .
this film could definitely have been something special, but it was so confused in its execution. in the end, it ended up a sort of mess. it holds an astonishing 91% on rotten tomatoes, although i think most people would put that number significantly lower than that.
SOME IRISH FILM AND TELEVISION FOR AN IRISH DAY . . .
happy saint patrick’s day! one of my personal favourite days in our calendar. i’ve always felt extremely proud to be irish, but it really wasn’t until i spent time living abroad that i really began to immerse myself in irish culture and being. but we’ll leave all that alone. now is not the time for my nationalism, but instead for celebration. now, i know we irish are renowned for our drink, and we’re great craic at that. however, we actually produce some great television and film. here are just a few of my favourites to keep you entertained on a relaxed afternoon or a late night this saint patrick’s day.
the young offenders . . .
the young offenders is a massive title in the irish comedy scene, having given rise to a movie and a television series. i have a vague memory of mentioning this series before, but i don’t think i ever really explained the premise properly. it follows two cork teens, conor and jock, on their various adventures. the humour is quite distinctly cork and i would love to see if any other nationalities find the series as funny as i do! the movie is currently on netfilx and i would highly recommend you check it out!
the hole in the ground . . .
if humour is not your thing, and horror is more your style, i would suggest you check out this 2019 release. it was only released this month, so it is very new, but has already received some promising reviews. it follows young mother who because paranoid her son is an impostor. it is perhaps the first reputable horror film to come out of ireland, which is super, super exciting!
handsome devil . . .
handsome devil is a wonderful film. it tracks the relationship of a social outcast and star athlete in a rugby obsessed boarding school the former wants no part of. it is a warm, funny, touching sort of film. however, it also tackles real, hard issues that really touch a nerve within the audience. it is a wonderful combination of funny and real and is cruelly overlooked by audiences worldwide. being the rugby lover i am, i first watched this film in midsummer, deprived of my usual sporting schedule, and absolutely loved it. not just for the rugby, but for the heart of the characters and the brilliance of the acting. it is currently on netflix and i would highly recommend.
cardboard gangsters . . .
if crime is what you’re feeling, i couldn’t recommend cardboard gangsters enough. it follows a group of young lads who take over the drug trade business in darndale, in dublin’s northside, and their pursuits in money, power and sex. i really don’t want to spoil anything, but i really would highly recommend it. it’s currently on netflix, so go watch it already!
black '47 . . .
this is a cool as fuck film. it’s set during the famine and follows the jason voorhees-like feeney. feeney is an irish deserter from the british army, returning to his homeland to find his country and family in ruins in the height of the famine. but this is no historical deepdive. feeney goes in seach of those who wronged his family, and the whole films turns into this liam neeson action film. i absolutely loved this film and would highly recommend. as a little honourable mention, if you’re feeling like some history, check out micheal collins.
the school . . .
the school is a three-episode, the office style mockumentary about an irish primary school and it’s staff. to me, it is incredibly funny, particularly since it brings back some memories about my own experience in primary school. if you’re looking for something a little more laid-back and light-hearted, this would be perfect. yet another honourable mention, in the same vein, is nowhere fast.
father ted . . .
an oldie, but a goodie! if you haven’t heard of father ted, it is perhaps the most famous tv programme to come out of ireland, besides perhaps mrs brown’s boys. it follows three priests, ted, dougal and jack, as they serve their duty on the isolated craggy island, for the most part in a relatively unholy manner. it is absolutely classic irish comedy, and has aged to perfection. it even gave stars such as graham norton their first break! i would highly recommend that you check it out if you haven’t already!
following the release of the first film, the already successful harry potter series was catapulted into stardom. this fate was predicted by the almighty powers that be at warner brothers and the second installment was commissioned before ever the first film hit the box office. releasing just a year after it’s predecessor in 2002, harry potter and the chamber of secrets became the second highest-grossing film of its time. it departed from the first installment in tone, yet still captured the heart and souls of audiences worldwide.
the chamber of secrets holds a very special place in my heart. growing up, before ever all the films and books came out, this was my favourite movie in the series. this was purely because little isobel was a pussy-ass bitch and thought this was the scariest film. though i was very, very easily spooked as a child, i still loved a good scare. i fucking know; the film ain’t scary. you’re underestimating how much of a wimp i was. please, do not @ me.
as per the standard, i’m certain you know the plot of the chamber of secrets, but i’m going to throw it down for the brainlets amongst you. at the very least, it will give you a little refresher as to what’s going down.
following the events of the philosopher's stone, harry returns to hogwarts for his second year of wizarding education, despite being warned against it by a mysterious elf. things begin to go awry almost instantly, as a deadly rumour about a chamber of secrets arises to terrorise the students of hogwarts. it’s truth may even go so far as to threaten the morality of harry and his friends.
warner brothers retained christopher columbus as director for this one, although only gave him 100 million u.s. fat ones to work with. for me, i think that shows a little here, although we’ll get into the exact reasons why later.
before we go any further, i just want to reiterate something i said in my last installment. there is nothing wrong with liking something purely for nostalgic reasons. harry potter was such a massive part of my childhood that i could never bring myself to actively dislike it. as kids, we didn’t really look at films objectively. either we liked them or we didn’t, simple as. all i am attempting to with this series is look at the harry potter franchise as a set of movies and judge them based on what they are. more importantly, i’d like to examine the progression of the series and ask what turned it into a soulless, money-making machine.
with that out of the way, here is a list of some of my many thoughts when watching this film!
dudley really was that bitch . . .
i never really thought much about dudley before. at least not until part five, when he takes up a little more screen time. but like, damn. dudley was a little pampered bitch in this one. he’s like a little baby incel!
like , damn those voice changes . . .
octave drop was strong in this one.
harry really is still that bitch . . .
for fucks sake, harry! you ruined the punchline of the goddamn japanese golfer joke!
vernon should have died . . .
i have a mini heart attack every single time i slip on a stair. how is vernon going to full on fall out of a window and not even come out with a scratch.
why is there a prison setting on the wholesome family clock ? ? ?
if you’ve forgotten, in the weasley household there sits a sort of a clock with a hand representative of each member of the family, lil picture and all. in between school and home sits the very happy setting of prison. my question is, how many times do members of your home have to go to prison before you have to have that as a setting on you family clock. someone might want to run a few background checks on that one.
mr weasley was fair sound in this one . . .
he's not like other dads. he's a cool dad.
what exactly was ron and harry's plan when they took the fucking car ? ? ?
dumb move. as far as i know, there is no hogwarts car park.
i don't know if i'm really down with this new wizarding battle bots . . .
aren’t there health and safety precautions in this school that would prevent teachers from using students as human beyblades?
some of the line delivery is still a little shaky . . .
it is clear by this point the radcliffe, grint and watson were all beginning to become more comfortable in their roles. however, this doesn’t prevent some of the line delivery from being a little off. though set in a fictional world, there is still supposed to be an air of realism to it. some lines are given as though they’re part of a theatre production, somewhat exaggerated, cartoonish even, and loud.
wizard plumbers ? ? ?
so, like, if wizards have plumbing, there be wizard plumbers?
why didn't myrtle say anything to begin with ? ? ?
myrtle must have known, to a degree, what harry, ron and hermoine were up to, so why did she have to wait until the very last minute to tell the lads how she died? i know she was never asked, but it seems like she could have cleared this whole thing up very quickly if she had just said something.
gilderoy really was a little bitch . . .
what did he think harry and ron were actually going to do? just because two twelve year olds are holding their wands at you, doesn’t me you cant cast your little spell. by default he should be a lot stronger than both of them combined. there is no reason why he should have gone with them.
why did the lads need to bring gilderoy ? ? ?
carrying on from the last point, why did harry and ron even feel the need to bring gilderoy with them? they knew he wasn’t going to offer them any help and was more than likely going to be a hindrance to them. for ron, his top priority should have been getting his sister back. why would he want to bring gilderoy along them, especially when he knew he was utterly useless? and in the end, he didn’t even play a massive role when they got into the chamber anyway. there were are a million and one reasons why the ceiling might have caved in; gilderoy did not need to be there for that to happen.
i don't really like some of the shots . . .
there are two point of view shots once we actually get into the chamber that i really don’t like to much. they’re both done in shaky cam, last only a few seconds and are really detached from the rest of the film. they just don’t feel right in combination with the rest of the film’s shots.
fairly convenient about the old rocks . . .
lucky they didn’t come down on someone’s head and kill a bitch, and fall perfectly as so ron and harry can still see one another. it also forms a thin enough wall as so ron can easily shift them to make some space to get through.
ginny must be a ridiculously strong witch . . .
i never really understood tom riddle’s whole thing about how as ginny grows weaker, i grow stronger. ginny is eleven, riddle is voldemort. why is her strength enough to revive him. must be one strong ass witch.
harry should have died . . .
this snake dumb as fuck that he can’t kill harry. even if the basilisk can’t kill harry itself, he got one of its big as fuck teeth stuck in his arm, before proceeding to pull it out. that would have done major damage to some arteries and he should have died of blood loss. and that’s not even touching the whole poison thing.
why did the basilisk die from one stab wound . . .
i know it was a stab to the brain, but it’s a mythical creature! shouldn’t it have a thick, strong skull or some shit? how is it just gonna die like that?
fawks is a strong ass bird . . .
fawks must be really, really hench if he can fly harry, ron, ginny and gilderoy out of the chamber, all at once. also, ron, harry and ginny must all have really good upper body strength that they’re able to hang on for that long.
how you gonna go and cancel exams like that ? ? ?
from what i can remember, the wizarding education system is exactly the same as the english education system, meaning there should be the equivalent of state exams about to go down. how is dumbledoor going to go and cancel those? or do those students not deserve a school treat.
in rewatching this film, i was genuinely shocked by what little impact it had on me. i had felt so nostalgic watching the philosopher's stone and i was waiting to feel the same, perhaps even more so, about this one. but i just didn’t. funnily enough, i don’t think this one even ages that well. the rush to get this one out shows. production isn’t as good and the cgi really isn’t either. as i mentioned previously, the smaller budget plays a huge part in this, even though it was only cut by a small fraction.
if you visit the rotten tomatoes page for this film, you might not that the website proclaims it to be “certified fresh”. however, the reviews are actually quite lacklustre, particularly those coming from the audience. rotten tomatoes’ top critic, micheal agger, harshly opens his review with two down, presumably five to go, and already the franchise is entering dangerous territory: if you aren't one of the many who know their harry potter chapter and verse, prepare for a nap. not all reviews are so blatantly negative. more commonly you see an almost universal meh. wall street journal writer, joe morgenstern, writes this new harry potter has its flaws, but it's better, as well as darker, than the first. meanwhile, audience reviewer, chris weber, writes while not a terrible movie, this one is probably my least favorite and the most forgettable. it's more faithful than the previous film, but that's not entirely a good thing, as this one really drags, and, at this point, it's not quite necessary yet since the books didn't start getting really detailed, ambitious, and overblown until part 4. the general response to this film is bland and pointedly marked with indifference. seeing as the harry potter series is regularly praised as a collective, i find this response particularly interesting.
this might seem a little bit strange to say, and even as i am writing i am second guessing myself, but there is a certain degree of instability to the storyline. j. k. rowling was propelled into stardom following the success of the philosopher’s stone. its something that she probably never anticipated nor prepared for and i think this shows a little bit in her storyline. the chamber of secrets is clearly not a carbon copy of its predecessor, particularly through the first and second act. however, it bothers me a little that the climax of both stories involve harry facing a weakened voldemort in a chamber below the school. of course the the tone is different in this one; you truly get a sense that harry’s morality and the threat of death is far more real. this really isn’t a big issue, it is simply just me being a little bit nit picky. however, i can’t help but feel that this maybe highlights a sort insecurity of rowling’s with this story. it seems a little like she was trying to stick to what she already knew audiences enjoyed. i’m probably reading far too much into this; it’s just something i thought might be interesting to note.
all in all, i was disappointed by what i found in my return to this film. it wasn’t really nostalgic at all, even despite it being one of my favourite films in my childhood. that’s why it pains me so much to only give it a four out of ten. it isn’t so much that it’s an awful film as much as it is disappointing. not neccessarily in regards to execution, but in regards to my own standards. i can completely see why someone would truly get enjoyment out of rewatching this film but, like i said previously, i don’t really know how much someone would get out of it if they didn’t watch it in their childhood. it’s the kind of film you would watch only if you were doing a harry potter marathon, not because you selected it individually.
next month i will return to the wizarding world, for real this time, to rewatch the prisoner of azkaban. in the meantime, i have a load of content planned for you, not that you bot account followers car, amiright lads? also, no, that does not include the hold the dark i previously promised. we’re going to forget about that, yeah? anyways, until next time!
pancake tuesday. the pinnacle of my childhood. i fucking adore pancakes and i look forward to this day just as much as i do any annual holiday. i don’t know how many people out there actually celebrate pancake tuesday, but i couldn’t let such an occasion pass me by without honouring it in some way.you can’t just eat your pancakes without some good quality, light-hearted entertainment! so, here are five movies / t.v. shows you can sit back to while eating those sweet, sweet pancakes.
friends . . .
right up top, friends has to be on this list. it’s not because i think it’s the best sitcom or the funniest, but because it has such a home-y feel to it. it’s a light-hearted, wind-down sort of feel. it’s great to throw on in an evening, particularly while you’re flipping your pancakes and throwing them back. you can obviously go ahead and watch whatever episode you’d like to, but i would recommend going for one of the one where eddie won’t go ( season two, episode nineteen ), the one with the stripper ( season eight, episode eight ) or the one with the sharks ( season nine, episode four ).
the hangover . . .
this is one of my favourite ‘ turn-your-brain-off ’ movies to watch after a long ass day. it follows three guys who wake up with raging hangovers after a stag in los vegas, only to find they’ve lost the groom. kids, this is old school bradley cooper. and it is the best bradley cooper. it’s super fun if you’re up for some non-pc humour and would definitely be some craic for this pancake day.
dark tourist and / or louis theroux . . .
if works of fiction aren’t really what you’re vibing with, i would highly recommend checking out dark tourist or any louis theroux documentary. i’ve spoken about dark tourist before here. however, if you’re lacking, i’ll give you the run down. it follows journalist david farrier as he follows in the footsteps of so-called dark tourists, people who actively seek out the darkest parts of the world on their holidays. i would highly recommend you check out david’s adventures in latin america, the stans and the usa. louis theroux is a british journalist who reports on raw, real life topics. many of his documentaries can get quite dark; i would suggest checking out louis and the brothel, under the knife and america’s medicated kids for something a little less harcore.
come fly with me . . .
come fly with me is a british comedy series that, for some reason, only earned itself one series. it’s a little bit non-pc in it’s humour, so maybe not one for the very easily offended, but i love it. it’s the office in an airport, what’s not to love! it’s up on netflix so make sure to give it a watch!
wayne’s world . . .
another old school comedy to throw on this pancake day. it follows protagonists wayne and garth after their d. i. y. television show is noticed by a big label, propelling them to a new, egotistical level of stardom. it’s fun and light-hearted; a great one slam some pancakes to for sure!
whether you’re eating pancakes today or not, hopefully you can kick back and relax to any one of these. i certainly will be chowing down this evening. my personal favourite pancake toppings include cinnamon and sugar, almond butter and the good ol’ classic lemon and sugar! i’ll be back come saturday with, hopefully, another review. i’m out adventuring in the world of rugby on friday, so maybe look forward to some incoherent, late night thoughts on that? anyways, i’ll be seeing yas!
if you have been anywhere near netflix this month, you’ve most likely seen the star-studded cast of velvet buzzsaw gracing your screen. despite being a fairly ardent fan of jake gyllenhaal’s, i didn’t hear anything about this film until a plethora of negative reviews came my way. i was fairly quick to put this film in the same category as shitty netflix features, churned out quickly to appease brain-dead audiences. needless to say, i had no interest in watching it. but there was something about the plot that kept drawing me back in. pretentious artists, mysterious art and backdrop in general continuously called my name. so i relented, even despite the negative feedback i’d heard from reviewers i trusted. lads, it’s shit.
velvet buzzsaw follows the enigmatic morf vandewalt ( jake gyllenhaal ), a highly praised art critic, on his endeavour to write a posthumous book about an illusive artist. this artist, named dease, was very much introverted and wanted his art destroyed after his death, a task he had already set out to complete himself. however, after morf’s maybe girlfriend ( zawe ashton ) discovers his artwork, his creations are catapulted onto the main stage of the los angeles art scene. one by one, the people who come into contact with dease’s art begin to die in mysterious ways.
written and directed by dan gilroy, who is perhaps best known for nightcrawler, velvet buzzsaw falls short of expectations on so many levels. i don’t think it’s necessarily bad, but is certainly not good. there were so many moments that left me thinking what the fuck? and not in the good way. because of that, it doesn’t even work as one of those trashy films you stick on in the background while you do something else. or a guilty pleasure. i would even dare to say that this film appeals to no one. it’s mystery is lazily doled out and the supernatural element to the story is weak at best.
there was something about the special effects that i just hated. they weren’t bad necessarily. they just felt kind of regressive. they looked animated. during the first death scene, wherein bryson is killed in an abandoned gas station by shitty c. g. i. monkeys, i couldn’t help but think of the first jumangi. and that’s the fucking truth. it was just so lazy, especially for a film with a massive $21 million budget.
in the same vein, some of the sound mixing...like...what the actually fuck. there were parts where two characters would be having a conversation and then all of a sudden it cuts to dubbing. and it is so obvious! the line will be louder than the rest of the conversation and it’s like the film makers aren’t even trying to make it discrete.
the acting in this film was bland and uninspired, although this is partially due to a crappy script. toni collette was arguably the best of the lot, although you could tell that jake gyllenhaal was genuinely trying to make the best of a bad situation. unfortunately his efforts have resulted in a convoluted caricature. gilroy had clearly wanted to create a complex character in gyllenhaal’s morf, one that would be remembered long after the credits had played. however, the character changes from scene to scene. one moment he’s calm and collected, the next he’s flamboyant and eccentric. he also transitions from his status quo to this manic, borderline schizophrenic in a matter of scenes. there is no build up and no pay-off, making the whole thing seem plain lazy and amateur.
on the subject of the characters, they’re shit. i’ve seen many people take issue with the fact that they’re all assholes, but the film makes it clear that that’s the point. this doesn’t result in any pay-off, which sucks, but all of the characters also seem to suffer from dumb bitch syndrome. morf and josephina have it the fucking worst. if morf thought his life was in danger, why would he approach the big-ass robot. the brainlet. josephina is just fully dumb, no explanation needed.
oh, lads, the deaths. they were so shit. they were in no way as artistic as this film needed them to be. they were so generic and got more and more laughable as we went on. the film completely wimped out of showing morf’s death, which is absolutely ridiculous, as was gretchen’s ( toni collette ) death. josephine’s was arguably the best of the lot as it actually incorporated art, but, bruv, roald dahl been done that shit. none of the deaths were creative, nor did they provide any kind of commentary, which is crazy considering they are supposed to be the focal point of the film.
overall, though the film tries desparately to make fun of the l. a. art scene’s inhabitants, it ends up being equally as pretentious. it’s not clever and it is undeserving of a 61 % on rotten tomatoes. there, i said it. there is no genuine soul in it. dan gilroy didn’t care about this story. how then is it not a cash grab? how then is this film any better than it’s characters?
a new year is the universally accepted time to change for the better. to start that diet and to crush that bad habit. to work on yourself or to build relationships with other. we write out our resolutions with vigor and intent, though we ultimately forget or give up on them before january is through. however, there are some particularly dedicated ones that do make it through. there are so many films out there featuring characters like ourselves looking for a fresh start, both metaphorically and literally. i wanted to find some films that may not spring to mind when looking for media of this subject matter. the films i’ve chosen spread across different genres and i hope a least one can appeal to you. some don’t fit the new beginning narrative in the literal sense, and some offer a rather bleak out look on it. however, i think these films look at every aspect of a new beginning and showcase both the positive and the negative. now, without further adieu, here are my five films featuring a new beginning of some kind.
con air . . .
con air is not art. it is not a great film and it not something take seriously. so don’t act like that’s why it’s on this list. con air is a 1997 action film starring nicolas cage as a recently paroled army army ranger, cameron poe. cameron just wants to get back home to his wife and start fresh, but, before he can do that, he has to fly home aboard a plane named ‘jailbird’, alongside some of the country’s worst living criminals. it’s stupid film featuring some of the best worst acting on cage’s part, second only to his performance in face/off. the fact it stars nicolas cage alone means its a pretty damn good movie to crack open some cold ones with the lads to. the subplot of cameron looking to start a new life once he gets home gives me a pretty good excuse to throw it on this list.
groundhog day . . .
groundhog day takes the more traditionally funny route as opposed to con air. starring bill murray and andie macdowell, a weatherman is forced to relive the same day over and over again until he can change his ways for good. released in 1993, groundhog day is undeniably one of murray’s classics, despite a reported personal aversion it. it’s a good natured sort of film that holds a solid 96% rating on rotten tomatoes and has been received well by audiences. it is a nice one for a relaxed night in, particularly this winter, and, as murray tries to better himself, shows some relevance to the new year.
the babadook . . .
much has been made of analysing the content of this film over the years, though i have no intention of doing that here. if you are more attracted to horror and darker undertones in your films, the babadook may provide you with the hit you need. simply put, it follows a woman and her child who are stalked by a paranormal entity. metaphorically, it is about overcoming and learning to live in harmony with the ugly parts of life. i am not prepared to call this film inspirational by any means, yet there certainly may be something there for people looking to overcome, get over or simply accept something in the new year.
chocolat . . .
chocolat was released in 2000, based upon the novel of the same name by joanne harris. it follows vianne rocher, a woman constantly on the move. vianne and her daughter settle in a sleepy french town, opening a chocolate shop just in time for lent, sparking controversy between her and the church. it explores the intricacies of starting anew and the fallout from doing so. it is certainly a lovely watch, and read, that i would highly recommend. however, i do not recommend johnny depp’s irish accent. insulting.
million dollar baby . . .
if you’re in the mood for a sad movie, this is certainly one to watch. in clint eastwood’s classic movie, hilary swank stars as maggie fitzgerald, a young woman whose wrestling career suddenly shoots her into stardom. it depicts a bleak reality of what wrestling truly is and how dangerous it can be. maggie also must adjust to her new life. the movie begins and progress predictably but eastwood leaves the audience with one knockout punch. i would highly recommend for those in need of something sad this new year.
harry potter was a staple for my childhood. beit through the books or movies, i excited at the prospect of following young harry through out his adventures at hogwarts. i’ve been to the harry potter studios in london twice now and display the full collection of books and movies on my shelves, each organised delicately in order. i saw fantastic beasts in cinemas and was mildly confused before being well and truly disgusted watching the most recent crimes of grindelwald. over the past few weeks i have been troubled by one question, how did we get here?
so today we’re jumping in the way way back machine and riding it all the way to 2001, and the release of harry potter and the philosopher’s stone.
my memories of this movie going into it were about as good as my own eleventh birthday, hazy and out of reach. this had frustrated me because it wasn’t the kind of film that was sitting, collecting dust, on my shelf. i would often throw it on in the background while i was doing any number of mind numbing tasks. i could only recall the feeling of great nostalgia that came with it; i was a child again, watching from the living room floor. i could tell you nothing of the intricacies of it’s film making.
over the past twenty-two years, the harry potter franchise has grown, and in some respects metastasised, into a money making machine. the eight movies alone generated over 7 billion u.s. dollars, with harry potter and the deathly hallows, part two contributing to 1.3 billion of that. in the wake of the train wreck that was the crimes of grindelwald, i began to think about how the series managed to devolve to that point. that was when i realised i could recall nothing about the franchise as an object. i could tell you the full, expansive plot of each movie, but i couldn’t comment critically on those movies objectively.
before continuing, i would just like to make clear that there is nothing wrong with liking a movie franchise or a television series purely for nostalgia. all i am doing here is looking at each harry potter film objectively and asking the question how did we get to here?
i’m going to take a wild guess and say most people here know the plot of harry potter and the philosopher’s stone, but going to give you the run down anyway. just in case you need a lil refresher.
an orphan named harry potter learns on his eleventh birthday that he is the son of martyr witch and wizard, lily and james potter. he is invited to attend the highly esteemed english boarding school for wizards, hogwarts, where he forms close friendships with two of his classmates, ron and hermoine. with the help of his new friends, harry seeks to uncover the illusive truth behind his parents’ untimely deaths.
the film was released in 2001 and cost 130 million u.s. dolla dolla to make. it was directed by chris columbus, an american filmmaker. columbus was already well established in the film industry, having directed home alone, and would go on to direct the next two harry potter films. clearly he’s having a bit of a mid-life crisis right now, as his recent projects include the 2015 film pixels. that’s a yikes for him.
i’ve watched the philosopher's stone a few times this week and have managed to cobble together all of my thoughts and comments into one handy list.
the score was phenomenal . . .
kicking things off with an obvious one, i can’t believe i never comprehended how good the score for this movie. the opening track the most recogniseable, however, the whole viewing experience is enhanced by the score running throughout. i am full on willing to proclaim john williams as a god of film scores.
harry was one scary boi . . .
in one of the first scenes of the film, harry and the dursleys go to a zoo to celebrate dudley’s birthday. while there, harry discovers he can talk to snakes and accidentally imprisons his cousin in the snake’s enclosure. this does not faze harry at all, unaware at this time that he is a wizard, and laughs as he watches his aunt and cousin in a state of panic. okay, harry...sadist. this happens again as he watches his cousin grow a pig tail. later on, during a flying lesson, harry threatens to knock malfoy off his broom. like, calm the fuck down, harry! fucking believe you. harry was actually kind of sinister in the first act. like damn.
what was some of that acting ? ? ?
one of the reasons why i wanted to revisit this series was that i have a bit of a pet peeve when it comes to child actors in media. i sometimes forget how heavily the harry potter series actually rides on child actors, being that i was watching the movie at the same age of the actors. now, i am not maligning radcliffe, watson or grint at all, but what was some of that line delivery, lads? the acting was definitely not bad but some parts just felt awkward and forced. i don’t know, maybe it’s just me, but sometimes i felt a little weird watching little forced interactions. maybe it just adds to the charm!
hagrid can make one quick get away . . .
as hagrid and harry make their way through the train station, harry is distracted by his ticket. when he looks up to ask hagrid about the platform, hagrid is gone. where the fuck did hagrid go? either he had to apparate, which he ain’t allowed to do, not to mention harry would have heard him do that, or he had to run away. is hagrid the richard kuklinski of the wizarding world or am i missing something?
hermoine practices magic underage . . .
now, it has been a while since i’ve watched the whole series, but i am pretty sure hermoine shouldn’t be perfecting basic spells at home. like, what’s the story there, j.k. rowling?
wtf is professor flitwick ? ? ?
this was the first time i noticed all of the prosthetics on professor flitwick’s face. nightmare fuel, lads, i am telling you!
harry is a pot stirrer . . .
i think we’re going to need another feather here, professor. shut the fuck up, harry! no one wanted your imput. i think she heard you. you don’t say! nobody asked you, drama queen. quit stirring the pot. jeez.
wizards are immune to splinters . . .
so you’re telling me that hemoine can be pelted with broken pieces of wood and harry and ron can pick up said pieces of wood and throw them with force and not get any splinters? i think not.
what is harry doing during that first match ? ? ?
during the first quidditch match, harry spends most of his time sitting on his broom reacting to what everyone else is doing. do your job, bitch!
the c.g.i. is actually okay . . .
the c.g.i. and other special effects are of course dated now, considering how much computer generated pictures have improved since the 2000s. however, all in all, i think the film has aged well in terms of it’s cinematography and general design. fluffy, norbert the dragon and the fast paced quidditch matches all look pretty good, unless you go looking for flaws.
norbert was adorable . . .
i would die for norbert.
tom felton's facial expressions were so good . . .
this was something i only noticed as the film progressed. tom felton did a great job at providing me with a good chuckle with his facial expressions. he doesn’t actually feature in the film a lot, consider how pivotal his character would eventually become to the series, yet he certainly makes an impact in some of his scenes.
the professors were so fucking dumb . . .
hagrid is far to easy of a victim here, but mcgonagall has no excuse. shouldn’t the three of them have been on lockdown since the troll incident. i understand, to a degree, her lenience with harry, but not with ron and hermoine. shouldn’t she have found it a little more weird that the three of them knew about the philosopher’s stone? regardless of how they came to find out about it, they could so easily have told anyone about it being in hogwarts. surely that would have jeprodised their operation?
ron was full on ready to die ? ? ?
did ron actually believe he was going to die there? like, excuse me ron, but what the fuck?
quirrell had some nasty ass nails . . .
someone cut those things, please!
voldemort’s character design . . .
i wouldn’t have noticed this the first time around, obviously, but voldemort has a nose in this first rendition of his design? i can kind of understand why he devolves into his more snakelike appearance of the goblet of fire but it’s kind of weird to see him like that in hindsight.
all in all, the philosopher’s stone encapsulates the heart of what harry potter is. i found it quite hard to return to this film, knowing where the franchise would end up. this film and others following it would certainly generate a lot of cash. but films like the crimes of grindelwald frustrate me as they are nothing but cash grab. it exploits an originally wholesome, well-meaning series and destroys its integrity. trying to fit these two films into the same universe is like trying to force together two positive ends of a magnet.
the philosopher’s stone is most certainly not a perfect film, and for me sits in about seventh place in terms of ranking all the movies. but it perfectly represents the essence of the series.
alienating it from the series and taking it objectively, i would give the film a five out of ten. it was never going to be my favourite film, and it wasn’t even my favourite harry potter film during my childhood. looking at it now, there are parts of the script i don’t really like and some line delivery is hard to get on board with. however, this isn’t enough to take me out of the film completely and i can certainly enjoy myself while watching.
this film is definitely a ten out of ten for nostalgia though. i think everyone can remember what they were doing and the feelings they were experiencing the first time they watched the philosopher’s stone. there is something warming and home-y about it. the truth is that this film not made for me any more. it was made for an eleven year old. i’m not sure how much someone who didn’t watch the film in the childhood would get out of this film. the characters were so relatable to me and as i made my way through the books and the movies i felt as if i was growing old and maturing with them. i’m sure i’m not the only one to feel this way and i’m definitely not the last.
in conclusion, this was a nice film to return to, and certain an experience i would recommend to anyone considering it. no, it was not as groundbreaking and thrilling as i once thought it would be. it certainly also makes things such as cursed child and the crimes of grindelwald more frustrating. but, it is certainly a nice one to come home to if you’re stressed out or feeling some january blues.
next month, i shall return to the world of harry potter to revisit the chamber of secrets. until then, you will have to make do with two more lists and two proper reviews. i have a hold the dark demolition in progress for next week, which shall be fun! but until next friday, farewell.
hello! i hope you are doing super well and are having a good january so far. one of my favourite ways to relax at the end of a long day is by watching an episode or two of a good tv show. in many ways, i tend to favour television over film. 2019 looks like it holds a lot of promise for the small screen. with the return of many old and some new, television is sure to draw in audiences worldwide this year. here are just five shows that we can get excited about seeing on our screens very soon.
game of thrones , season eight . . .
game of thrones is perhaps the most recogniseable and critically acclaimed tv shows in our history. with a film-like budget of $15 million per episode, season eight is the much anticipated conclusion to the show that shaped tv today. game of thrones has been off air for over a year now and fans will have to wait until april to see it back. i foresee this season being a very much a divisive one; there are bound to be people disappointed with the ending as much as there will be people who love it. personally, i felt season seven had many weaknesses and i worry that the writers may have trouble trying to correct them in the future. but i won’t get too much into that! i plan on doing a full series on game of thrones once this season has aired, so i shall reserve all judgement and opinions for then!
mr robot , season four . . .
unfortunately another well-loved series will come to an end in 2019. it was announced in august of 2018 that the fourth season of mr robot would be its final season. this is an amazing series that has, for some reason, fallen under the radar of many tv fanatics. if you haven’t seen it yet and are a fan of anything thrilling then i encourage you to check it out! the final season’s premiere date has not yet been confirmed. it is likely to return around october time, so you have some time to catch up if you have missed out!
tin star , season two . . .
tin star is a massively underrated favourite of mine, debuting its first season back in 2017. unfortunately, it’s exclusive to sky atlantic and amazon prime, which ultimately does massively cut viewership. it follows an english police chief (tim roth) with a violent, dark past that comes to haunt him in the peaceful village of little big bear in the candian rockies. it takes you on so many twists and turns that you can never quite be sure what will happen next. i’ve heard some criticism of it but between beautiful cinematography, stellar acting and a thrilling plot, i guarantee there will be something about it you will love. season two is set to release on january 24th of this year.
i am the night , season one . . .
i am the night is a new short series to debut in january. starring chris pine and india eisley, it follows a young woman in pursuit of her past. the path she follows leads her sickeningly closer to a gynecologist involved in the infamous black dahlia slaying. it’s directed by patty jenkins, who proved herself to be a competent director with her most recent project, wonder woman. the series was announced back in 2017 under the name one day she’ll darken. it was renamed to i am the night in november of that year.
what we do in the shadows , season one . . .
what we do in the shadows was originally a 2014 movie. the new zealand comedy-horror mockumentary followed three vampire housemates who are still learning to adapt to the intricacies of modern day. the original was lead by taika waititi, who is now, perhaps, best known for his work on thor: ragnarok. the tv series is certainly set to have some differences to the original source material, mainly that it is coming out of america (though i think it is still set in nz) with a different cast. however, waititi has maintained some involvement in the project which shows some promise. what we do in the shadows is one of my favourite films, so i was very excited to discover it was getting a series. i’m trying to keep my expectations at a low though, to avoid disappointment. nevertheless, i will certainly be checking it out. i encourage you to check out what we do in the shadows, 2014, if you haven’t already!
winter, in my opinion, is the best season for binge watching movies and tv. i can think of nothing better than curling up on the couch with a warm cup of tea or coffee, a blanket and something good to watch. if you have exhausted your list of go-tos and are ready to try something new, i would highly recommend checking out the 1996 coen brother classic fargo.
fargo is a dark comedy / crime film, released in 1996. written, directed and produced by joel and ethan coen, it is undeniably a coen brothers classic. since it’s release it has been on the receiving end of much critical acclaim. joel coen won cannes film festival’s esteemed prix de la mise en scène (best director) while the film itself was nominated for seven academy awards. from those seven, frances mcdormand took home best actress while the coens won best original screenplay. later, in 2006, it was one of only six films in their first year of eligibility to be selected by the u.s. national film registry for preservation. since then, it has generated a cult following and inspired a 2014 television series of the same name that has also been of great success.
fargo follows william macy as struggling car dealer, jerry lundegaard. jerry needs money from his rich father-in-law who wants very little to do with him. in an act of desperation, jerry hires two goons, portrayed by steve buscemi and peter stormare, to kidnap his wife for a hefty ransom. but never fear! police chief marge gunderson (frances mcdormand) is on the case, and she’s following close behind.
the film opens with a card proclaiming the film to be based on true events. herein lies the first factor of the coen brother’s success. to this day people still debate who the character of jerry lundegaard is based on. many candidates have been thrown around. however, it seems that these claims of fact are more of a marketing tool than anything else. in 2016 ethan coen told huffington post that he and his brother wanted to make a movie just in the genre of a true story movie. you don’t have to have a true story to make a true story movie. both the coens have made several statements regarding the inspiration for the film, perhaps in an attempt to keep the facade alive. however, in the same 2016 interview, they stated that the story still had elements of fact to it. in reality, jerry is based on a car dealer accused of fudging some serial numbers and defrauding an insurance company. no murder, no kidnapping. the bleak ending, which we will get to, is based on the murder of helle crafts.
for what definitely classes as a black comedy, the gags in this film are not as non-pc or as dark as one might expect. the light nature of most of the dialogue juxtaposes the actions, or crimes, the characters are committing. one of the best examples of this comes from steve buscemi’s character. after his partner shoots a policeman through his skull, covering buscemi’s face with blood, buscemi’s character can only respond with whoa, daddy. there is another kind of humour at play here that i see as a growing phenomena, particularly here in ireland. the film relies on a distinct minnesota accent and demeanour to create humour. the repetition of certain phrase such as yah, you betcha and oh, yah are the baseline for the movie’s comedy. a demure attitude once more juxtaposes the serious nature of the events at hand and forms a sort of obscure comedy. i could that any minnesota natives would find this sort of humour funny as they recognise themselves and those around them in the characters. i say this as the reason i found films and series such the young offenders and the school funny is because of what is cork/irish humour. i don’t know if they are the kind of media that would appeal to others in the uk and america; i would love for someone to let me know!
however, fargo is not the kind of film that restrains itself to the appeal of a specific region. there is enough going on as so one does not get caught up in what is, undeniably, repetitive humour. the cinematography is nothing innovative but it’s engaging. the storyline is multilayered and always moving, yet it is never at any point complicated nor hard to follow.
the characters are what makes this film. they are all likeable and easy to understand. it’s even rather easy to like jerry, even though arranging for your wife’s kidnapping is a rather despicable act. scenes between buscemi and stormare are a joy to watch. both pull off their characters perfectly and i found their scenes together to be the most enjoyable of the film. frances mcdormand, however, was truly the star of the film. all awards and nominations she took home as a result of the performance was well and truly deserved.
the pacing throughout was well done. from the beginning you’re thrown straight into the story as jerry meets for the first time with men he tasks with kidnapping his wife. the story moves quickly from there, though with some strategically placed pauses to create tension and to develop characters. as previously mentioned, the plot was simple enough to follow, but not so simple that it felt over done or underdeveloped in any way. for the most part, dialogue was lighthearted in spite of dark subject matter. this worked well for what the coens were trying to create and never at any point did the humour or general tone feel out of place. as a result of the overall lighthearted nature of the film, the ending hits you twofold. i won’t spoil the ending here, in fear of ruining the effect, but just know that it is very much unsettling in comparison to the rest of the content of the film.
overall, this film hangs somewhere around the seven out of ten rating for me. it was a film i thoroughly enjoyed, but in comparison to the big lebowski it pales a little. it’s perfect for a winter watch and i would particularly recommend it to anyone who hasn’t seen any coen brother movies before. the plotline is engaging and it features several talented actors and actresses, all at their best. once more, i would give it a seven out of ten and definitely would recommend.
happy new year! i hope everyone is having a good one so far! personally, 2018 has been a bit of a weird one for me, and i get the feeling that it’s the same for most people. at least we can all look forward to making some new memories in this new year. if we have anything to look forward to in 2019, it is the array of films coming to our cinemas (and browsers). here are just five of the films we can look forward to seeing in 2019.
us . . .
us is a psychological horror film written and directed by jordan peele. set to release in march of 2019, us hopes to build upon the success of peele’s 2017 masterpiece, get out. it follows the wilson family, whose beach holiday turns sour after some visitors arrive uninvited. starring the incredibly talented lupita nyong’o and winston duke, both of black panther fame, us certainly holds promise of being a talking point of 2019′s movie scene.
pet sematary . . .
pet sematary is the second stephen king classic to get a remake and is set to release around april. no doubt looking to capitalise on the success of the recent it remake, kevin kölsch leads this rendition of the terrifying tale under supervision of dennis widmyer. pet sematary follows the creed family who are beset by tragedy and terror following their move to rural maine. starring jason clarke and amy seimetz, it will be interesting to see how much of the source material is kept in this adaption.
once upon a time in hollywood . . .
once upon a time in hollywood is the latest creation of critically acclaimed director quentin tarantino. starring leonardo dicaprio and brad pitt as it’s leads, this upcoming mystery-crime focuses on los angeles in 1969, during the infamous manson murders. dicaprio and pitt star a former western star and stunt double trying to find work in a hollywood that has forgotten them. margot robbie is also set to star as sharon tate. this film has already drummed up media attention, though is not set to release until late july. personally, i am very excited for this one!
the report . . .
written and directed by scott z. burns, the report looks set to be a highly rated movie of 2019. following adam driver as senate staffer daniel jones, the report follows the true aftermath of 9/11 as the cia rush to uncover the truth. the film focuses specifically on the extreme interrogation technique used by the cia at the time and the 525-page public report eventually published by jones. driven by the real-life political tension at the time, the report promises to be an exciting watch and another talking point of the year. it is set to release very soon, at sundance festival, january 26th.
serenity . . .
serenity is a neo-noir thriller that has been a long time coming. written and directed by steven knight, it follows a fishing boat captain who is approached by his ex-wife to kill her new husband. fronted by an all-star cast of matthew mcconaughey, anne hathaway and jason clarke, this sexy noir promises stylish shots of the holiday island, mauritius. though it hit some roadblocks trying to be released (having originally been set to debut in september, 2018), serenity is now set to show on the 25th of january, 2019.
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