How to turn a shitty situation into something funny
So. I have this friend at work with whom I have a pretty ambiguous relationship. Let's call him Adam. I have known Adam for nearly one year now and I still don't know what we are to each other, and by that I mean: are we even friends?
Like, I might have had a huge crush on him but that's not even the problem here. I am not stuck in a "are we friends or more?" type of relationship, I am stuck in a "does he love me or does he don't care if I die tomorrow" type of relationship. This is absolutely wild.
Adam hardly ever answers my texts when he is not at the office (he works in remote from another city and he is at the office like once a month or less). And yet I don't write too often as I'm always assuming I am annoying. I have thought that maybe he's just not a "text message guy" but when he is at the office I can see him on the phone or answering messages a lot. Which in itself is totally okay.
In the meantime, when Adam is at the office, he likes to give me some little gifts regularly, like a lighter "because you smoke", half of his dessert "because it is very good and you will like it". He also sent me a nice poetic postal card and brought me a souvenir when he went to see his family last summer. When he is in town, he usually asks me for a drink, and usually he doesn't invite our others coworkers.
And finally, when we are at the office, we usually spend most of our breaks together to the point our coworkers assume we function as a duo. They always come to me when they want to know something about Adam. Truth is, I am never capable of answering their questions because I don't know anything about Adam. We mostly talk about video games and music and he doesn't speak about him a lot and if I ask him something he tends to answer shortly and switch subject.
Today, after spending time (again) thinking about all this weird situation I am in, with this guy who is very attentionate to me when he's in town and who completely ghosts me when he's not, I had an idea. Since our coworkers like to ask me a lot of things I don't know about Adam, why don't just start to make up the answers? I am not talking about saying mean of harmful things but just wrong facts which are just enough weird or unexpected to be funny yet completely possible.
"Does Adam celebrate Christmas?
- I don't think so because he's a pastafarian."
"What kind of sport does Adam practice?
"What is Adam's favourite drink?
"Does Adam have siblings?
- Yes, he has a brother named Adam."
(I know the last one feels too much but it's actually the only one I didn't make up)