It seems at time when it comes to community work, ironically many people are ego driven. I will not lie, I too have a sense of pride when trusted with a task to accomplish. I hope that I focus more on the goals than the title that just comes with it. I do not want to just be a leader in-name-only. In fact, I'm only a good leader when my peers refer to me as one (and I will do my best to honor that). Helping uplift the community is an end goal for what I want to do in this lifetime.
but wait... let's look at that paragraph again.
That whole paragraph was filled a lot of "I" statements...and that is the point of what I was trying to say earlier. What happened to the "community" in community work? Experiencing the organization I have been working with and the community that surrounds it, I've seen many different personalities. Many different names. Even more titles. And often times, it seems that people only want their title and recognition. Could that just be a reflection of what I was thinking?
Last year, when I was the assistant festival director for FilAmFest, I was unsure of my duties. I often pointed the finger at lack of guidance and leadership. However, I could have been more proactive in seeking out communication. I did what I could to be the captain of the crew. So we operated like a ship in a fog, uncertain of whether we'd make it to destination. With every obstacle in the waters, the hull would take a hit and again we thought we'd never see the shore. But one way or another, you know we'd land somehow. Whether or not we made it in one piece would be a better question.
So after the ship landed, and the festival was finished. We needed to rebuild. With the help of some of the leaders, I did a lot of work this "off-season" and met up with individuals one-on-one. Poking and prodding about their thoughts about the past festival and what are their thoughts for the next. I spoke with current FilAmFest staff, and previous alumni. All of the conversations were enlightening.
Even more insightful was what I found last night.
As I was going through the folders, I saw that there was a great and detailed map of how to execute almost everything in 2014. Well thought out presentations, budget breakdowns, role descriptions. Deadlines, fail-safes, and goals. It.was.all.there. It was a big revelation that this wasn't revealed.
In my head, I was looking for reasons why this information wasn't adhered too. Was I not there when it was? Why was it not shared? I'm not sure. In any case, I don't think there was ill will in holding it back. But I feel there was a definite miss there.
That's when I checked my ego.
Had I gotten to wrapped up last year in my own title of being assistant festival director? Did I just piss on the plans that were already laid out before me? What happened to the 'we'? What happened to the 'us'? I placed blame on everything but myself. I too was also a leader-in-name-only.
This year, I'm confident we're going to do better. We are going to honor the past, and use the blueprints they drafted for us as a great template we could follow. We'll respect the present, and have the current staff add to these roles and redefine them for the years to follow. We're creating our future using and respecting the knowledge from the past.
Many people often use this hashtag for physical transformations they have accomplished. I used it for that too. However, why can't it apply to other transformations that people go through? Not just physically, but mentally?
Over the past few years, I've been going through some of my own mental shifts. Almost similar to that of tectonic plates on The Earth. Sometimes letting more of myself flow out into the world. These shifts are causing earthquakes in my foundation. Shaking my core and disturbing reality. My mind's hallways have pictures strewn across the floor. The was debris of my former self But that allows me to build better buildings.
I can use the tools and knowledge that I've attained through the years to help rebuild with the rubble. When I left my job a few months ago, I know that if this happened to me just 2-3 years ago, I might not have had the mental resiliency to just trudge along. I do owe a lot of that reflection to meditation. If I didn't have the knowledge that I attained, as well as the love and appreciation that I have for life that I've come to learn in the past couple years, I could have been misguided into a being a false prisoner to my own thoughts.
Instead, I chose to view it as an opportunity. Every brick of knowledge that I've collected are going to build these foundations and bridges that connect of my skills. I can use that to help me create my future. But this involves everyone else too. We can all construct our futures. I'm all about that collabo.
I can see what needs to be done, and I know that I have amazing support groups in my life. For that I'm grateful. It can be mind-blowing when the gems in life are presented to you. Actually, I believe they are present all the time... as long as your opened to receiving the present.
A couple months ago, I was speaking with some friends who I met on the San Diego rap scene years back. J-Treel from Daygo Produce, 1019, (aka The Numberman), and I were discussing about the rap cats in San Diego. We were talking about how much talent in this town that goes unseen on the scene. Then again, what is the current scene?
I'm not talking about the hip-hop club scene vs. the live hip-hop scene. That's been there and will always exist. There's a huge difference between going the club and going to a show. I'm addressing the live hip-hop scene.
We talked about how some people are still paying to play and open for some hip hop acts. I'm not sure exactly what show it was (but I'm speculating that it was the artistformelyknownas Mos Def aka Yasiin Bey), but they were telling me about how one of those 'pay to play' acts were being practically booed off the stage. I was told were trying to quell the crowd down even by pleading their case or whatever. Like I said, I wasn't there. The problem was either the promoter or whomever set up the show maybe didn't do their research about the acts. Also they mentioned how Odessa Kane KILLED the stage and got everyone into it, then comes along the P2P rappers and killed the energy of the crowd. So MC Supernatural had to hype the crowd up again just to get the building back in it.
(The video above says that SupaNat did a 'set', but he was probably hosting.)
About a few years ago, the San Diego Music Awards' Hip-Hop category was limited to a certain demographic. I'm not dismissing their talent at all, however, the scope was typically limited to rappers from the beach communities. Then Daygo started to get up on game and promote themselves properly. Sending in albums when there was a call at the local readers. Thinking of new ways to market themselves. Some attribute the work of Quan Vu and what he was trying to do with NBC San Diego's Sound Diego & the new defunct sdraps.com. He was promoting the good MCs in the community and recognizing them for their talents. 10 19 now writes for NBC (check his article on his "tag-team rap partner", Parker Edison), so hopefully we can get that bigger magnifying glass on San Diego.
There's been a resurgence of good hip hop in the San Diego scene over the past few years, but why aren't the good great local cats blowing up in their own city. (EDIT: Added the "Real Talk" clip with StuntDouble and other San Diego MCs. It's from the "Banana-Clip DVD" by Parker Edison available at Access Music).
Could it be marketing? Could it be the lack of venues that support local hip-hop acts? Could it be the short-sighted promoters not exploring their own backyard? Could it be the gap in the crowd vs the performers? Could it be that the diverse scene has segmented the crowds?Are there even crowds to play for still?
I told them to have faith, because even if these young cats don't know there is good music in SD, at least they KNOW who to boo! They still know good hip hop when they hear it. Now it's just a matter of getting it out there.
I'm typically more reserved in my virtual reality versus my actual reality. That's going to change soon. You'll be seeing more of me. #10000
— just.chill (@WHATtheFERCH)
November 8, 2014
For the past few years, instead of making concrete resolutions like 'I want to lose 20 pounds' or 'I want to save $XXX per paycheck', I started to make more abstract resolutions in the new year. I used acronyms to help me remember them easier. In 2012, my resolution was T.H.C. This stood for 'transparency', 'honesty', & 'conviction'. Even now, I can still remember what these acronyms stood for. These were values or characteristics that I wanted to strengthen year after year. Transparency was to be more clear about my feelings and my intentions. I wanted to work on Honesty because I wanted to be more honest with my feelings; if I was feeling a certain way, I needed to be more vocal and honest with everyone about it. Which leads to speaking with Conviction. I figured that if a person wanted to speak with conviction, he or she should absolutely know the content that they are speaking of. Because these goals were easy to remember, I could always 'check in' with myself to see how I was doing. In 2013, R.P.M. was the acronym. This stood for refinement (strengthen the prior year's resolutions), power (referring to will power as well as physical strength), & movement (in regards to my career & position in life). I chose RPM because I wanted to plug this idea in my head about buying a car.... and that year I did. So in 2014, my acronym was B.Y.O.B. No it wasn't 'bring your own beer (or preferred poison of choice, bourbon). It stood for 'build your own brand'. It was something that an old supervisor tried to instill in me, and still value to this day. Furthermore the individual pieces stood for different things as well. Maybe I'll go into it another time. However this leads me to the 2015 resolution... F.T.R.
F.T.R. happens to be my initials. In order to 'build my own brand' I need to continue to build upon the blueprints that were laid out in the previous resolutions. They have all culminated to this. Being more honest and transparent will help me speak with conviction. Refining those skills will help me power forward when moving in a direction to help better my own brand. That brand is F.T.R. So I need to take all those skills (which I'm still continuing to develop) to share myself more openly to the world. If my intentions are honest and true, there should be no fear in what I'm putting out into the world. So here I am... you'll be seeing more of me.
What I hope to accomplish this year would be to unify these voices and 'signal boost' what our programs and goals are. Along this journey, I'll be updating this with more of my #WeCanWednesday series of posts. Stay tuned.
I've always been a big guy. Or at least for as long as I can remember. There are glimpses of pictures from high school where I was thinner (not necessarily thin), but I don't even recall how much I even weighed back then. Rarely did I ever monitor my weight, so it'd be hard to compare any weight loss (or gain) to back then. Instead, I can take reference points from which I actually remember.
I was talking to one of my friends about our recent weight gain, and she had pointed to very specific reasons. On the other hand, I had no clue to the root cause of my own weight gain. Of course, I was cognizant of the fact that I was just inhaling my food (eating for flavor vs eating for fuel). Of course, I also stopped monitoring what I was eating. Of course, I also stopped exercising regularly. During the height of my weight loss, I did the opposite. I consistently tracked my calories, and also worked out regularly. I need to get back to that.
Recently, there was a video about a guy who has gone through a lot of weight loss. He came forward about his insecurities (of which I share with him). I found this video inspirational. Personally, I don't necessarily want to be an example to others. A role model for others to aspire to. I'm not wanting to be an inspiration. I'm not doing this for anyone but myself and my health. But, if I can show others it's possible, it is all I can do. That person is going to want to take action for themselves (myself included).
I need to be accountable and transparent about my goals and what I need to be doing. Hence this entry and further entries that I'll be posting every so often on Tuesdays to document my transformation. On these days, I'll sign off with my current weight, so we can monitor the progress. Speaking of, if you use myfitnesspal, you can friend me there, and we can hold each other accountable (but don't hold me to that pumpkin pie I ate today).
Accountability begins with transparency & honesty. Accountability begins here.
The Beatles sang about the civil rights movement on the song "Blackbird". Marvin Gaye's masterfully crafted album "What's Going On" addresses multiple issues (that sadly still remain relevant) that were prevalent in the late 60's and early 70's. In the 80's & 90's there were songs that gathered various artists to talk about hunger in Africa ("We Are The World") and even gang violence ("We're All In The Same Gang"). In the early part of the millennium, we have songs like Bruce Springsteen's "American Skin (41 Shots)", coincidentally about the police shooting of an unarmed black person.
In light of the Michael Brown shooting and "too many names to list", Fifty50 (San Diego MCs Miki Vale & Queen Kandi Cole), recently released "Get Em Up" (the inspiration for this entry). Check out the message and the music below.
One day I hope that we wouldn't have to write about these issues... however, I know there will always be something to sing about. If anything, I hope the music lights a fire within those that can and will make a difference.
I'll be posting anecdotes that have been triggered by life's events, both old and new. It's taken me some time to realize who I am, and I am still continuing to learn daily. So I'll be posting (almost) daily. Here's the schedule...
Monday... #MusicMuses: Here I'll be documenting my thoughts about music. Whether it be highlighting certain artists, songs, albums or even the muses that were inspired by music
Tuesday... #TransFERCHmationTueday: Transformation Tuesdays typically refer to changing in the physical sense, and while I'll be sharing my progress here, I'll also be talking about how I am transitioning to become the best version of myself I can offer to the world.
Wednesday... #WeCanWednesday: While a journey is one's own personal path, it is often shared with those around us. These posts will be dedicated to community. Not just regionally, because community can be what we have in common.
Thursday... #ThrowBackTweets: I'll be revisiting old tweets similar to my #15MinutePrompt entries. Many times, some of these old tweets are still relevant. Sometimes, I'll just want to expand on what was restricted to 140 characters.
Friday... #FerchFollows: On Fridays I'll be highlighting people/groups/stores/;organizations by sharing why I follow them, and why I'll encourage others to follow them as well.
Saturday... #Fatterday: Food, Food, Food. All things food! I'll be featuring various eateries I frequent, some culinary artists, and even recipes. Basically, it'll be my virtual cheat day.
Sunday... : Everyone needs a day of rest... ;)
I'll be sharing more of pieces of myself that I'll find along life's long journey, and I hope you'll come along for the ride... FTR.
