Sometimes I think about how my first boyfriend fucked me over so bad in terms of body image by saying the reason he didn’t ever have sex with me was bc I “didn’t make him want it enough” (it was more complicated than that but to a 19 year old it was devastating)
and how I spent the next few years hooking up with any guy who would look at me to prove to myself I could make someone want me and that I wasn’t undesirable
and then I finally dated a guy I felt comfortable enough around to tell him I wanted to take things slower sexually, and he ended up guilting and coercing me into having sex with him way too soon and also doing it to me another time I didn’t want to have sex and suddenly I was back to not being able to say no
anyway men are terrible and I don’t know why I’m trying so desperately to find one on a dating app lmao
this also sucks because when I met a guy I really liked that I thought I had a good chance with I ended up running bc he seemed so out of my league how could I ever make him want it enough when I look like I do and he looks like he does???? anyway I hate it here Alexa play the 1 by Taylor Swift
