disgusting

[cheesetwig]

banana bread

[poealsobucky]

😭 so pure

[plantfunerals]

candlelit baths are so good bc they involve all the earths elements:

fire

water

bare ass

[jyostar]

We’re going to knotts berry farm tomorrow im thinking about that shaq tweet

[bachi-special]

[slab-o-meat]

me recovering very well from surgery: good post op

[anarchetypalarchive]

i saw this post earlier about therapists and it reminded me of my old therapist paul, who in my opinion is one of the greatest men alive and who did not put up with my bullshit for even one second

anyway i go in to see paul one week in the summer of 2016, and i’m doing my usual bullshit which consists of me talking shit about myself, and paul is staring at me, and then he cuts me off and says that he’s got a new tool for helping people recognize when they’re using negative language, and gets up and goes over to his desk

and i’m like alright hit me with that sweet sweet self-help article my man, because i’m a linguistic learner and whenever paul’s like here i have a tool for you to use it’s pretty much always an article or a book or something

paul opens a drawer, takes something out, and turns back around. i stare.

i say, paul.

is that a nerf gun.

yeah, says paul.

i say, are you gonna shoot me with a nerf gun in this professional setting.

he happily informs me that that’s really up to me, isn’t it. and sits back down. and gestures, like, go ahead, what were you saying?

and i squint suspiciously and start back up about how i’m having too much anxiety to leave the house to run errands, like it was a miracle to even get here, like i’ve forgone getting groceries for the past week and that’s so stupid, what a stupid issue, i’m an idiot, how could i–

a foam dart hits me in the leg.

i go, hey! because my therapist just shot me in the leg. paul blinks at me placidly and raises an eyebrow. i squint again.

i say, slowly, it’s– not a stupid issue, i’m not stupid, but it’s frustrating me and i don’t want it to be a problem i’m having.

no dart this time. okay. sweet.

so the rest of the hour passes with me intermittently getting nailed with tiny foam darts and then swearing and then fixing my language and, wouldn’t you know it, i start liking myself a little more by the end of the session, which is mildly infuriating because paul can tell and he’s very smug about it 

anyway i leave his office and the lady having the next appointment walks in and i hear what’s all over the floor? and paul very seriously says cognitive behavioral therapy tools.

[satan-graffitied-my-soul]

The “I won’t hesitate, bitch” vine but @ friends who don’t love themselves

[thursday]

“When Rainn’s on the exercise ball bouncing up and down, and I come over and I stab it with the scissors. In every other take we did, I stabbed it and it just slowly goes down. And the camera angle was that he just slowly ducked behind the thing and it was incredible. On the last take they were like “do one more.” And I remember going over and I went “boom”! And I must have hit the seam or something. And it exploded. He hit the ground as hard as I’ve ever seen a human hit the ground. If you go back and watch that episode, I just dive out because I am crying laughing.” - John Krasinski 

[gaytiemcgrath]

[atlas-affogato]

Some Personal Favorite Lines From Brooklyn Nine-Nine

“Oh no, he called me Jacob. It’s biblical.”

“Chiaki, is this a man’s sock?” “No, that’s a ceremony sock. For tea.”

“ Jake, please spiral quieter. Nikolaj is still asleep and if he hears two men arguing in the next room he might think he’s getting sold again.”

“because a dry boy, is a smart boy”

“I’ll do anything to perk up my little man.” “ Gotta know how gross that sounds in your underwear.”

“don’t say you’re going to use your musk.” “I’m gonna use my musk.”

“everybody stop undressing, we just had harassment training!!”

*watching a dog show* ‘the best in show goes to… The Wirefox Terrier’ “YEAH!!” *Smashes a bottle* “IM GONNA LIVE FOREVER!!!”

“Scully, fake a heart attack.” “Ooooo are you thinking classic angina or something sexier, like a mycoardial infarction?” “Just… Get down on the floor and wiggle.”

[filmsgifs]

[pietriarchy]

[asexualgeorgecostanza-deactivat]

[joey-wheeler-official]

[piss-bong]

[canopycapers-deactivated2022111]

[thefatfuck-irl]

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

hey remember in 2016 when clown attack panic was a thing? and 2 years later it’s managed to leave no lasting indent in the American psyche, how does that work

[goodmoviesareincolor-deactivate]

bruh theres some guy who keeps track of all the mass clown incidents in the united states and it happens like every 20 years its fuckin weird

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

are you fucking telling me It is based on true events

[lilnasxvevo]

It’s really not a “gen z are funnier than millennials” thing it’s just that high schoolers are consistently the funniest people alive no matter what year it is

[hummingbirdbandit]

It’s the insanity of being stuck in a building with a thousand other people your age who are all chronically sleep-deprived and panicking.

[kilowave]

When Anne has a will, Anne hathaway.

[robotic-maid]

[tacomel420]

me as a store owner

[kaisermakes]

Dicking Around

Storytime! Halloween a few years back my mates and I were dressed up for Halloween and my cat furry roommate (good guy, furries are entertaining folks) was wearing his partial suit out with us. We were in Boston proper and all of us were on a budget at the time, so the only option for a late night drink and dinner open to us was a place called Dick’s Last Resort.  If you’ve never been, the big draw at Dick’s is that they’re dicks to you.  The staff are sarcastic, they throw your menus and straws and shit at you, and they make you hats that say mean stuff. 

I don’t get it either. So anyways, we’ve got - I’ll call him Frank - the cat with us, and Frank’s 100% ready to go fuck with Dicks, so we head on in. The waitress starts doing her bit, but the cat in the room has thrown off her game and she doesn’t really know how to handle Frank in Full Cat mode. 

He points out the drink he wants without speaking, with a paw, on the menu and she asks for an ID and starts saying ‘I swear to god your ID better have a big fuckkin’ cat on it or-“

She threw his licence back at us and walked away speechless. Didn’t talk to us the rest of the evening. Anyways, I dug up this old photo today and thought it deserved to be preserved for posterity.  So here you go, the day Frank broke Dicks.