[couriernewvegas]

how to stop feeling like i was not meant to be a human being and that im bad at everything that encompasses being human

[thejerkmiser]

Hi u guys hiii ive been getting really into hares lately can u tell

[fog-juice]

I feel like this lyric fits shin Godzilla perfectly

[alleesaur]

i’m not even sure what to say.

[notgreatbob]

''i wasted those years'' who cares. you lived the only life you could've lived in those moments

[callmezeemonic]

You did the best you could with all you had and knew. That was then. Here is now

[section8babe]

you needed all those years to know what you want and what you don’t want and now you can be a more conscious creator of your reality.

[fuckthisshxt]

Oh yeah this is my blog where I can safely say anything

I might actually have bpd and it genuinely just took a lot for me to even type that. Here. On my stupid venting blog where no one will even ever see this post, let alone know it's connected to me.

I'm deeply hyperaware of the wrongness/danger of self diagnosis. I also know a good bit about that disorder and have known people with it as well as possibly learned about it for almost a decade now.

I don't want this to be true. But I think what happened before with my friend mightve been me splitting on them. I was even constantly asking myself why I was even thinking or behaving the way I was yet was completely unable to stop it and I still feel like that now. I'm terrified I made that friend want to back away because of the way I acted when I was just trying to be a friend while also juggling my life responsibilities and prepping myself to separate from my ex.

I thought I had all my mental illnesses figured out and handled (as best as possible without a therapist or meds). Like I've done my own diy dbt/cbt etc learned coping mechanism and ways of unlearning self hate and all the shit. I thought my struggles were entirely due to my autism and trauma atp.

I try so hard not to be a shit person all day every day. Especially towards those dear to me. That was a fucking wake up call and I may have ruined the exact friendship I always dreamed of because of it.

[fuckthisshxt]

Unblocked my niece on tt in order to go through her following list real quick so I could ensure I had the rest of that side of the family blocked and I found her daughter's page. Shes..... shes exactly what my niece tried to turn me into. She really looks like her perfect daughter and I'm happy for both of them that that's how things look, my anger at my niece and other older members of that side of the family will never get in the way of my love for them.no contact or not I still have those emotions and morals. But like, she was my only escape from my mother and I thought of her as a savior figure so much so that I ignored every red flag. I idolized her. She was the cool older family member whom I got to hang out with at her house most every weekend/holiday/p much any time I didn't have to be in school (tho I did literally live with her during part of 8th grade). Shes always been a stereotypical "basic country white girl" and I thought her making me over all the time was the only way I looked okay and not just like a disgusting freak. But I wasn't and couldn't have ever been the perfect daughter/little sister figure for her. It's never been who I am. I've been a weird gothic punk woke queer freak since always. I discovered quizzaz while scrolling on her laptop back when fb still had games and quizzes. Hell I watched porn for the first time on her laptop. And later when she discovered the search history because of where hers was the primary account, it never clicked for me that the important factor in her questioning me was her confusion on why it was all videos of girls. How the fuck did I not realize she was homophobic then? Oh cause I was 13 and idolized her as well as her homophobia never been direct, only the never mentioned save for maybe a gossipy joke about a person or whatever type. And I like dying my hair but not to go back to being bleach blonde like when I was young, but to have cool fucky colors esp purple. And I've never been a makeup person or the type who genuinely obsessed over boys in the "normal" way. I used to think she loved me, and I guess she did but wow she really did only ever love the version of me she wished I was. And it's stupid that it hurt as bad as it did to see that her daughter is that girl she always tried to turn me into. And she looks so happy and seems to happily choose all of it for herself.

[kawaiialeisha]

Unmasked

[fuckthisshxt]

If I give up and stop trying and then someone finally chooses to actually be my friend, then that would only prove that no one will ever like me for who I am. And I don't want anyone like that in my life.

But if I keep trying like this, the past 15 years are proof that this is all my life will ever be.

If I keep trying, I'll continue only being an annoying person that the people I care about only pity and will potentially grow to hate.

And there's nothing I fucking hate in the world more than pity. Despise me, drag my name through the mud, beat me within an inch of my life, but don't EVER fucking pity me.

At least respect me enough as a person to be honest to my face.

[fuckthisshxt]

Is giving up trying me finally choosing to stop being stupid? Would that be me finally learning my lesson on Einstein's (misattributed) quote on insanity? Or is that a betrayal to the person I choose to be?

How many more years am I supposed to keep trying only to fail? Would giving up now, finally after all these years, block me from the possibility of something finally happening or is that the correct choice to make in order to stop hurting myself?

I've always stood on being the person who never stopped trying. Who always cares and is willing to care for and understand others. It's been an active choice I've made every day since like 2011.

15 years of failure and abandonment.

At what point am I supposed to accept this was always stupid and pointless? Cause if it wasn't, 1 person would've ever tried like I do for them. But every single one I've ever tried for just stopped responding one day. And my dumbass continued to send messages every now and then out of stupid painful hope that it wasn't yet another beginning of an end but it literally always has been. Or at least if it wasn't, then it was always just that the other person finally stopped being nice when they clearly didn't want me messaging them in the first place.

I'm almost 30 and I don't have a single real friend at all. I genuinely am this pathetic and it's my fault cause this is literally just who I am. It's never once mattered how much I care about others or how much I've always been willing to do for them or how much I try every single day to be a better person and help those around me. I've actively tried nonstop for a decade and a half and no one likes me for who I am. This is just a fact and it hurts so fucking much.

[fuckthisshxt]

I don't want to be alone again but truthfully I have been this entire time. Aside from my stupidity and naivety this year, I haven't had a person that didn't make me feel alone since Bri. And that was 2018. And that wasn't even real either during the few months I had with her. I've been stupid and trying to fool myself literally this entire time because what other choice have I had but god damnit. I just need to accept this is how my life is.

[fuckthisshxt]

The fact that the escape option will never be an option again hurts so fucking bad right now. I can't even have the autonomy to choose between the release from this hell and staying. That hasn't been my choice to make in years and I feel like a trapped and tortured animal. And I'll never be allowed to have that option ever again because I let my dumbass get babytrapped by a man twice my age. Great fucking job you stupid little bitch

[fuckthisshxt]

Fuck me I guess for ever trying to put in the time effort and care into trying to build a good and real friendship. I mean we talked every day for a few months and then I get to hear yet again how I'm just a draining annoying person for caring about them and then they just don't ever want to talk to me even about the things they specifically said they do still want to talk to me about. I get it, this is just how my life goes every single time. I really should stop trying considering this is literally how it goes every. Single. Fucking. Time. But giving up goes directly against one of my core things that make me who I am, who I choose to be. And not a single fucking person in the world actually gives a fuck about me because of the way that I am. Of course it's no one's fault, not a single person owes anything to me. But jfc, almost 30 years of trying to be that person for those around me and never once having a single person ever care enough to even try for me. Even the ones who claimed to like me only ever infantilized me and got tired of me within a year or two, or rather, cared a lot more about other people and forgot to ever attempt to try for me anymore. Even with me trying for months. Or years. Far too many screens full of saying hey while they're online and never even being respected enough to get a response, even at a later day/time. Literally always. What's so wrong with me that this is always the result? I try my damndest to make up for my faults and always put those I care about far before me. Isn't that exactly what I'm supposed to do to be a decent person and make friends? What about me is it that makes this my life? And is finally allowing myself to give up and stop trying a betrayal to myself and the person I choose to be?

[braaainwaaash]

[gothredy]

[somesecretpie]

Greetings bugs and worms!

This comic is a little different than what I usually do but I worked real hard on it—Maybe I'll make more infographic stuff in the future this ended up being fun. Hope you learned something new :)

If you are still curious and want to learn more about OCD, you can visit the International OCD Foundation's website. I also recommend this amazing TED ED video "Starving The Monster", which was my first introduction to the disorder and this video by John Green about his own experience with OCD.

The IOCDF's website can also help you find support groups, therapy, and has lots of online guides and resources as well if you or a loved one is struggling with the disorder. It is very comprehensive!

Reblog to teach your followers about OCD

(But also not reblogging doesn't make you evil, silly goose)

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

Oh please, please spread information about this. It's so goddamn important.

I was diagnosed with OCD in December 2021, and it was a living hell. It's nothing like the pop culture representation of it. It was, without question, the worst experience of my life. OCD is a nightmare to have.

Those feelings you have when something horrible happens? Imagine having those feelings day in and day out, because in your mind, those horrible things are being constantly thought about as a very real threat. Your mind tells you to do the compulsion, or they'll come true.

The compulsions aren't something we like doing. The comic is so right about this. You could be rearranging your room a hundred times to get it exactly right because it makes you happy, and still not have OCD. The compulsions are born out of fear, that started rational and then devolved into things that don't make sense at all.

Because I was a psychology student and I'm someone who pays close attention to my mental state, I noticed the horrifying change in my behaviour and forced my family to take me to see a psychologist within a couple of months of symptom onset.

It's been more than two years of medication and therapy, and the OCD doesn't paralyse me anymore the way it used to. Most days, I barely remember it's there, sleeping in my brain and dormant. Treatment is possible, and I'm proof of it.

This is because I saw something was wrong and got help.

But even being a psychology student, until I got the diagnosis, I didn't even consider it might be OCD. I just knew something was off.

Why didn't I think of OCD? Because of the sheer volume of misinformation that's spread about this disorder.

I don't want other OCD sufferers to not seek help simply because of this popular misunderstanding about what the disorder is. So yeah. Please go through the comic, it explains it wonderfully.

[ndnbutch]

negative self talk IS unproductive and painful for you and often those around you. but like every other post that talks about this is like “yeah it makes you an exhausting and burdensome person to be around and if you don’t stop now everyone in your life will abandon you. Also I personally hate you for it”. and it’s like hey hi hello. basically the theme of all my negative self talk is that I’m an exhausting and burdensome person to be around and that everyone in my life will soon abandon and hate me. so like haha what’re we doing here? are you going to provide any actionable advice for how to get out of this habit, or just tell me that I’m Doing Bad And Wrong And Must Suffer For It?

Anyway. If you struggle with negative self-talk I feel for you. It’s hellish, and it’s not something that can just be bludgeoned out of someone by telling them it sucks. We know! I’m not out of the weeds just yet by a long shot, but here’s some of the stuff that’s been helpful for me:

Fake it til it’s real: cliche, I know! but it really has helped for me, even though it makes me suuuuper uncomfortable at times. but literally tell yourself that you’re super charismatic and sexy and everyone loves you. or whatever version of that feels good for how you’d like to be seen. it’s gonna feel silly and untrue for a really long time, but it helps!

Reframe: I struggled to phrase this one, but what I mean basically is like… taking that notion of “hey negative self-talk sucks for the people around you too” and turning it into “wow, it is kind of mean to my friends to just assume they’re lying when they say they love me. I don’t want to be mean to my friends. I’m going to take the risk of trusting them”. Try not to go too far in the direction of “oh god I’m being mean to my friends” and stay on the path of “I want to and CAN do right by them”

Separate from it: I like to kind of act like my negative self talk is something of a different entity from me. Your mileage may vary on this one. I was a really mean really sad teenage girl once, and for me that kind of feels like the place the negative self talk comes from. So instead of being like “I guess I just hate myself and always will”, I can be like “I have this wounded inner child who is lashing out. I’m going to be gentle with her, but I’m also going not going to listen to the things she tells me we are, because she is 16 and hasn’t experienced anything good yet.”

This is far from a comprehensive list but this post is getting long—feel free to add on if you have any tactics that have worked especially well for you!