Meep Meep Motherfucker

Catacalysmically abstract /(she/they)/ I am sad queer mess

[writing-and-sillies]

they're awful, I love them

[charmstrangebeauty]

Hamlet, a (gay) summary

Aka the closet is glass

Gertrude: Hamlet I know you want to go back to university (where Horatio is) but I need you here (where Ophelia is)

Hamlet: UGH fine

Hamlet: *sees Horatio* 😍😍😍

Hamlet: uh oh, do I forget myself

Ophelia: Hamlet says he loves me

Laertes: Please don’t believe him - he’s not allowed to follow his heart, he has to do whatever is best for Denmark [babe you are his beard???]

Polonius: Please don’t believe him - the prince can have sexual indiscretions, but you can’t [girl he’s screwing around with guys???]

Hamlet: *sees his father’s ghost*

Horatio: Stop! What if it’s dangerous??

Horatio: *physically holding Hamlet back* I can’t let him hurt you

Polonius: Hamlet wrote Ophelia this love letter

Gertrude: Really? Hamlet??? 🤨

Polonius: Yeah it says “I’m totally in love with you, babe, I swear, why don’t you believe me?”

Polonius: But don’t worry, I know she isn’t in a good enough social sphere to marry him

Gertrude: Wait no I want Hamlet to marry literally any girl Ophelia actually

Gertrude: God wouldn’t it be great if Hamlet was acting so weird because he thought a girl was hot

Hamlet, to Polonius: *cishet voice* Better lock up your hot daughter so I don’t get her pregnant, amirite fellow straight dude 👉😎👉

Hamlet, to his friends: I don’t like men

Hamlet: WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING

Hamlet: The pangs of despised love are too much to bear 😢

Hamlet: Hey hottie! Did you pray for my sins lol

Ophelia: Here are your love letters back

Hamlet: I gave you no such thing

Ophelia: You did though???

Hamlet: haha, are you serious? …You’re hot? Ok, like, yes, I did—

Ophelia: You made me believe you loved me

Hamlet: Oh you should not have believed that, I did NOT

Ophelia: I was deceived 😭

Hamlet: Girl, heterosexuality is a scam, go be a lesbian or a nun or a whore or something, why do you want to be a breeder? Also do you have any idea how much sinning I do? I am picturing so much gay sex that I literally don’t have time to do it all in one lifetime.

Hamlet: Oh shit, is your father spying on us?

Hamlet: Fuck, uhhhh ok ok ok

Hamlet: Listen girl, even if you perfectly perform society’s heterosexual bullshit, they will still talk shit about you, so just go to a nunnery/brothel/whatever, or at least don’t marry an asshole like me

Hamlet: Also since your father is listening, uhh, here’s a bunch of toxic misogynistic bullshit!! And uh, you are the reason for my (fake) madness, just like he suspected!!! Ok bye! ✌️

Claudius, who was listening: Wow, I guess Hamlet doesn’t swing that way

Hamlet: Horatio!!! 😍

Horatio: Sweet Lord 😍

Horatio: My dear Lord 😍

Hamlet: I love you so much that my (female) soul is bonded to you

Hamlet: I love how you are not passion’s slave, like how could I not fall in love with you

Hamlet: …I made it too gay again, didn’t I?

Hamlet: *Loudly making sex jokes about Ophelia now that they’re in public again*

Horatio: *gets a letter* Literally nobody else would be writing to me except Hamlet

Hamlet: I need you to run to my side as fast as if you were running from death itself

Horatio: *Takes off running*

Hamlet, in private: Oh shit, Ophelia died?

Hamlet, in public: *leaps into her grave proclaiming his love for her as loudly as possible*

Hamlet: *is poisoned*

Hamlet: I am dead, Horatio

Horatio: And I’m like those (famously gay) ancient Romans

Horatio: *tries to drink poison after Hamlet is killed, Romeo and Juliet style*

Hamlet: *has to physically wrestle the cup out of Horatio’s hands*

Hamlet: If you ever loved me, you will survive this pain for me ❤️

Horatio: Now cracks a noble heart 💔

Horatio: Good night, sweet prince ❤️

Horatio: *uses the familiar form ‘thee’ instead of the formal ‘you’ for the first time in the entire play now that there’s no point hiding it* and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest ❤️❤️❤️

[charmstrangebeauty]

Do you know how much more sense the nunnery scene makes if you assume Hamlet’s pursuit of Ophelia is comphet when you consider a nunnery was a get-out-of-comphet-free card for women?

Like she wants to know why he said he loved her when he didn’t and he is like babe you can just opt out of heterosexuality! Why do you even want to be a breeder? I’m a sinner who is constantly thinking about gay sex! Go to nunnery!

Like a nunnery is exactly where a woman looking to escape the confines of heterosexuality would go! Lesbians, ace women, or any other woman who didn’t want to play by heterosexuality’s rules could escape society’s expectations of marriage by joining a convent. It works extra well when you consider nunnery also meant a brothel - so whether Ophelia wants sex with men or other nuns or nobody, she can go to a “nunnery” and be free of the marital expectations placed upon her. Hamlet wants that for her because he can’t have that for himself! The Prince can never escape what is expected of him because he has to think of all of Denmark! It’s his way of telling her - you’re free! I’m not! Heterosexuality is a prison! Why did I tell you I loved you? Because I fucking had to, that’s why!!! Get thee to a nunnery!!!!!

[bluebeetle]

i saw some comments on tiktok where people were talking bout how they found tumblr too hard to use and part of it being that there was no lack of dates so “what if you reblog or like something from five years ago?!” 

buddy… we have posts circulating still from 2011, its literally just how it is

[do-what-i-yoinky]

Being on tumblr for years like:

[weaselsblaugh]

this post is 2 years old and it’s only going to get funnier as it gets older

[moveslikekeithrichards]

the role of the person in the passenger seat is not only navigator but secretary as well. you have to type up the drivers messages to random ladies on facebook about cbd cream & google whether that billy joel song was the theme song for that show or not

[moveslikekeithrichards]

you also have to provide a henchmans disdainful scowl at whoever the driver is flipping off in the target parking lot

[the-apocrypha]

other assorted roles may include

retrieval team for objects in the backseat

custodian of the parking garage tickets

"All clear my way"

en-route dining concierge

announcing "Horses!" when there are horses

[lynx-girl]

Don't forget the Tommy Gun

[help-my-ocs-breached-containmen]

You should never forget the Tommy Gun

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[galacticsabc]

Two of Us

[assiraphales]

rocky always yells “enrichment for grace! enrichment for grace!” when he has a new invention to make the humans time more interesting on erid. grace, while appreciative, replies ‘I know I’m in a zoo enclosure but could we maybe not call it that? I feel like a bear getting thrown a pumpkin covered in peanut butter.’ rocky simply gives him a thumb, not wanting to explain that a significant amount of the population sees grace as the celebrity savior scientist who rocky keeps as a controversially young trophy wife and publicly lavishes in gifts

[imifos]

stab scene intimacy coordinator

[tuherrus]

you don't even have a dog

[harvocel]

hail mary, full of--

[cheaphalloweencostume]

[laterkiss]

happy pride month 🏳️‍🌈

[lutheban]

"Grace doesnt have enough food on the jorney to Erid" yeah but Rocky does. Rocky has plenty, in fact, Rocky had enough food for 23 eridians for a bit over 30 years (because they were also expected to make the jorney back) Rocky has so much food, and he cant give any to grace because it will kill him. Every meal he makes he can hear Grace's body slowly collapsing in on itself from hunger. Rocky has to sit there, with way more than enough food for 2 and still watch his best friend starve to death.

[cozy-stardust]

Imagine Grace defined his name as the elegance definition of grace and Rocky spends years thinking how fucking ironic this clumsy leaky space blobs name is.

Until Grace slips out a sentence along the lines of "could you give me a little grace here" and Rocky immediately points out he used a word wrong so Grace has to explain that yeah, grace means elegance but it can also mean mercy sometimes too.

And Rocky has to suddenly reconcile that the clumsy leaky blob that saved his life twice, that almost certainly doomed himself to come back for him, name is Mercy.

[lestatfag]

STAY SAFE!! [ID: the Gilbert Baker pride flag with the words “Happy pride to all those who are unable to celebrate openly and safely. You are loved and seen!” in all-caps black text over it. /end ID]

[lunalovesangst]

I've read a lot of fics and posts about Rocky imitating some of Grace's body language or phrases, but I haven't seen nearly ENOUGH about Grace being the one to copy Rocky.

Grace tapping or stomping twice to signal a question.

Grace doing the jazz hands.

Grace doing that thing when Rocky is counting that he uses his fingers (even if Grace isn't actually counting with them, he picks up the gesture)

Give me Grace being a weirdo and walking on all fours like Rocky. Rocky thinks it's hilarious how slow he is like that.

Give me Grace subconsciously copying random noises Rocky makes (not the words, but his equivalents to "ooohhh"s and "ahhhh"s and "hmmmm"s) because if there's something I've noticed about humans, it's that if we spend long enough with someone, we start mimicking each other. Hell, even with animals it happens! You've ever noticed that cat owners have entire meow-ing conversations with their cats? With dogs it happens too. Or that when parrots do their bobbing dances, a lot of us start copying that? And their chirping too. I like that a lot. I'd like to see Grace doing that.

[starryhoundbloo]

Shout out to my mom who explains my transition as "Having a daughterpillar turn into a Boyterfly". It doesn't erase the fact I was an adorable little girl, and also affirms my gender now. I love my mother.