To (Infinity) Indigestion, and Beyond!
Yo! So, my brother and I were talking and… Can you imagine?
Thanos’ purple grape ass showed up on earth. Everyone’s gearing up to fight.
And Nick Fucking Fury takes the field.
Does he have one of those experimental guns? Nope.
Some other high tech gadget? Pshaw.
All he’s got is the oldest most decrepit looking orange tabby in his arms, all wrapped up in a soft blanket. Motherfucker waltzes out onto the field. And just holds her out to Thanos. And while Thanos stares at her, like ‘WTF am I supposed to do with that?’, Fury just strokes her back and says…
“…please sweet girl. Just one more time. For me.”
And she opens up her eyes, gives Fury a slow blink.
Looks at Thanos. Another slow blink…
And promptly swallows Thanos whole.
The whole field is dead quiet while Fury coos soft nothings and strokes her back. “Good girl Goose. Good girl.”
Fury’s talking with the Avengers, discussing what happens next.
He hasn’t once put the granny kitty down, and she is only too happy to accept every bit of affection he rains down on her. Purring like the love child between a rusty chain saw and a garbage disposal.
Suddenly she sits up in his arms. Fury strokes and pats at her back, as if burping a baby. She makes that god-awful nasty hacking noise all cats make when hacking up a hairball, and proceeds to ralph up the gauntlet. Fury just hums and pets her.
“Yeah, sweetheart, I know. Infinity stones give you indigestion don’t they? Yeah, I know they do. You feel better now?…”
And in the ensuing silence, Sam Wilson’s voice rings out…
“WHAT IN THE FUCK IS THAT thing?!?!?!?”
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