ilya as captain of an all-star team still doing his “i love you i love you i love you” thing and everyone’s like “last week you told me i wasn’t ensouled because my mother didn’t orgasm when i was conceived but okay man”
ojovivo
$LAYYYTER
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
No title available

oozey mess
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

tannertan36
Cosimo Galluzzi
DEAR READER

⁂

@theartofmadeline
occasionally subtle
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Misplaced Lens Cap
No title available
Three Goblin Art
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year

titsay
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
seen from United States

seen from Türkiye
seen from United States

seen from Romania

seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from Malaysia
seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from Malaysia

seen from Sweden

seen from Malaysia
seen from United States

seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from Germany

seen from Türkiye
@gala0apples
ilya as captain of an all-star team still doing his “i love you i love you i love you” thing and everyone’s like “last week you told me i wasn’t ensouled because my mother didn’t orgasm when i was conceived but okay man”
need someone who cares about hockey more than i do to write a fic where shane is forced to retire before he feels ready and svetlana has gotten frustrated with her MHL job because team management never listens to her (due to the misogyny) so she quits and talks shane into starting a hockey analysis podcast together and it's called something like "hockey with hot people" or "puckbunnies" or "soft hands" (shane does not like this but svetlana understands the importance of branding) and it's 98% Serious Hockey Talk BUT they do have a dedicated segment called "why does ilya rozanov owe me money" wherein guests tell their worst ilya stories and after hearing them out shane and svetlana decide how much money ilya owes the guest. ilya is never invited onto the podcast.
SOMEONE, PLEASE, I BEG.
If I were Ilya's teammate in Boston and my gorgeous competitive Captain who gave us individual I love you's after every game and led us to win the Cup for the first time in years who also had the kindest soul and everyone on the team adored him left us out of fucking no where to move to loser ass fucking Ottawa, I would quit hockey all together and become a monk. And years later if I found out that his man's team were saying that my team only ever won against them because their Captain was sucking my Captain's dick, I would drive up to Montreal and hunt down every player in that team and invent 23 new ways to murder people.
the natural progression is actually crazy, especially when you see it put together like this
Ilya and Shane driving around one day and All The Things She Said starts playing on the radio and both of them immediately get out of the car and start dry heaving on the side of the road until they calm eachother down and hold eachother for a good ten minutes before getting back to the car and Ilya puts on one of his playlists and they never turn the radio on again
Shane hollander is truly one of the characters of all time. He played one sport when he was like 4 years old and decided to make it his entire livelihood for the rest of his life. He met one guy when he was 18 and decided that was it. Thats all he needed. Hes made like 4 decisions in his life and if anything jeopardizes those decisions he is trying to change the trajectory of the universe with his mind. He is constantly playing 10D chess with every possible situation and life scenario (read: plotting and planning 10 years in the dark after ilya offhandedly mentions marrying someone else for a green card) and im not sure if he's winning or losing. No one is doing it like him
i am back on my shit guys
Heated Rivalry studies
you ever notice the bowl on the counter filled to the fucking brim with chips and doritos in the cottage? shane did NOT buy these for himself
and its so nicely arranged too? like he really spent a good few minutes on this before he left for the airport to pick up his lover boyfriend ilya
i mean look at it! LOOK!
hollanov soft launch where yuna posts a picture of ilya with the caption 'happy birthday to my favorite son' and the internet does NOT pick up on the soft launch of it all theyre just trying to figure out wtf shane did to piss his mom off so bad she (publicly!) picked his rival over him
I have this headcanon that [SPOILERS FROM THE LONG GAME] after Shane and Ilya get outed and the media frenzy winds down, they end up doing several low stake interviews to get the general population to like them as a pair. And so at one point they end up doing the "reading mean tweets trend" together (the idea was for them to defend each other) and one directed at Shane reads:
"Can you imagine being the reason that Ilya Russian-Greatest-Love-Machine Rozanov spends the rest of his life having boring missionary style sex? Shane Hollander, if you really love him, let him go"
And everyone can see Ilya trying to understand the tweet for a second before he freezes, his breathing becoming unsteady while he interrupts Shane (stammering through a media trained response) to say:
"you... You think that Shane... You think he..."- before completely collapsing into absolute laughter. The kind of laughter that kind of hurts, that has you wheezing and trying to find your breath, that gets tears in your eyes and turns your face red from lack of oxygen. His voice and laughter get high-pitched, and he has to steady himself on his husband cause he almost falls from his chair.
The man is completely undone while Shane smacks his leg to "shut up, shut up!", all the while trying and failling to finish the sentence, cause he can't believe anyone on this planet could think of Shane as anything less as a sexually-deviant-kinky motherfucker who would rather die than do something less than soft BDSM.
Every time he starts to calm down, he looks at the camera and starts laughing again. They have to stop recording for 15 minutes, and in the following part of the interview everyone can see the red eyes from the tears of laughter, and the cuts in the video from where he couldn't control himself and started laughing again.
The day after it's released, Ilya's unhinged laughter becomes a response meme for when people say something stupid.
After they're out, Shane and Ilya record a lifestyle video together for ESPN. ESPN is chomping at the bit: no one can imagine Racecar Rozanov and Hockey IQ Hollander's life behind closed doors, and they want the exclusive.
The crew shows up totally unsure of what to expect, charmed but surprised when it's Ilya opening the door in a tank and sweats and dramatically sighing, "Is meal prep day."
They spend hours filming the couple navigating the kitchen, arguing over how much salt to put in their egg cups, talking about how they learned to cook together when they first made a real go of their relationship.
Shane keeps his hands busy and his eyes focused on his prep work, and that makes it easier to talk about the murky grey area between healthy food choices and disordered eating. Ilya just rubs his back and mocks how he's dicing the bell peppers and keeps calling what he's wearing his "unlucky sweatpants" until Shane hits him in the face with a spatula while mumbling something about tuna melts.
Surprising exactly no one, the video goes viral when it drops on YouTube. It explodes on socials, with thousands of people stitching together Ilya saying "is meal prep day" with videos of their own meal prep, their healthy habits, sharing their own journey to loving food and treating it as fuel and not punishment. They use the tag #eatlikehollanov and it trends immediately.
Ilya's favorite part is when fans start to battle over #eatlikehollanov - the food posts get overtaken with videos and photos of them out at social events, serving cunt and generally looking like top designers battle it out for who gets repped by The Gay Wonder Twins of Hockey (which they do, and stop calling us that, we're married you perverts).
Then Shane and Ilya are spotted at a bar making out in a dark corner and everyone remembers these two probably spend 30% of their waking hours eating each other alive, and suddenly it's #eatlikehollanov munch munch munch yum yum yum.
The Centaurs jump on the trend, sharing their own food prep videos with increasing innuendo. Luca Haas turning bright red while eating a glazed donut gets 3 million views, but Troy really breaks the internet by eating a banana while maintaining eye contact with the camera the whole time. Harris threatens to replace the Kiss Cam at games with #eatlikehollanov and Shane tries his hardest to crawl into a corner and die because he just wanted to share how he protein loads, you guys, why did you have to make it so weird.
Scott Hunter helps not at all by making blueberry and banana smoothies with Kip. Shirtless.
Ilya: Say no more.
𝓌𝒾𝐿𝐿𝓎𝑜𝓊𝒸𝑜𝓂𝑒𝓉𝑜𝓂𝓎𝒸𝑜𝓉𝓉𝒶𝑔𝑒𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈𝓈𝓊𝓂𝓂𝑒𝓇 🥰
DOn'T 🙅🏻 𝓰ₒ ₜₒ Ⓡⓤⓢⓢⓘⓐ.
come to my ᴴᴼᵁ ˢ ᵉ ☝️!
we'll have so much funnnnnits so 𝓹𝓻𝓲𝓿𝓪𝓽𝓮
noonewill Know 🤭
We could have a week 1️⃣❕❕❕ or even two 2️⃣❕❕❕
𝕨𝕖'𝕕 𝕓𝕖 𝕔𝕠𝕞pletely alone,,,,,,,,,,,,
💕💕💕.・゜-: ✧ :- together・゚: *✧・゚:*💕💕💕
“You can come out to your parents without giving them a list of all the guys you’re fucking,” says Ilya Rozanov, way too confidently for a man who has never actually met Yuna Hollander, who will Definitely Ask,
oh, shane, you are dating someone!! this is great!! can we meet him? (no) can you tell us his name or what he does for a living? (no) can you tell us what city or even country he lives in? (no) can we see a picture? (no) does he have social media? (no) so.... shane, honey, it kind of sounds like you don't have a boyfriend (yes I do, he lives in… some other part of canada, you don't know him) and maybe you're just saying that because you're not ready to date, but honey, you should date! I have a list of men here, I have a plan to get you a boyfriend, I have the NDA forms right here, we'll get you a raya account… (no!!! mom, I do have someone already, I just can't tell you anything about him, ever)
yuna: ah I see, hmm, one moment please, let me bring up an alphabetical list of all 700+ current MLH players. is it aaron a. aaronson???
shane: of course not!! mom!!!
yuna: you know what, of course not, I'm sorry and it was ridiculous of me to even think so. aaron a. aaronson is a second-rate player on a third-rate team, let me re-sort this list so that the stat leaders are at the top and start again from there, haha, here's a funny one to cross off the list right away, I guess: is it ilya rozanov???
"mmh did you know that creator you like also posts 🔞 content? did you know that? don't you think that's weird? don't you think we should keep this space-"
no. i don't.
i booked a front row seat to the devil's sacrament and you're blocking the view
just go back to the 1660 new england hole you just crawled out of and eat barley for a week to atone for your sins or whatever
" "I booked a front row seat to the devil's sacrament and you're blocking the view" is one banger of a thematic statement. Shirt material.