[prole-log]

[garbageratzz]

i sit here and i write silly little words now, i guess. the writers i read on substack or watch on youtube seem so interesting, so fulfilled, i want to be like them. i know the version of a person you receive on the other end of a screen is more a carefully constructed portrait than a living, breathing person. i know this, and still i think i want to be like them.

anna says reading is resistance, and she’s right. i’ve been reading a lot so far this year. i haven’t read more than 5 pages at a time in the last week.

the computer tried to capitalize the beginning of this sentence and i resented it so much that i went into the settings to figure out how to change it. we have progressed past the need for capital letters.

i write my little songs, a process much akin to slicing pieces of my skin off and arranging them on a piece of paper until i like the shape my skin has made better than the shape of me. until the blood stains the shape of a portal. until the portal leads somewhere better than here. 

but writing full sentences, letting them sit in silence - it's somehow much more painful. it does not feel as though i have to remove something from myself, but rather find something in myself, something i’m not sure is there. 

i overanalyze every single word that comes out of my godforsaken mouth or mind, and still i eat my shoes regularly. still, i say the wrong thing. still, still, still. 

i regularly have thoughts that i don’t agree with. what is that? does having the thought in itself mean i do agree? or is the presence of thoughts merely a side effect of being a social, mimetic creature? to absorb is not necessarily to agree, even inside your own head. 

i sit here and i write silly little words and i still can’t decide if it matters if nobody sees it. so i put it on tumblr. 

[poorlittlegreenie13]

“The girls looked really ruthless and cruel in the pilot but they seemed so tame and normal in the actual pit girl hunt!!” yeah it’s almost like the pilot was showing us the way the world would perceive their actions as monstrous and unimaginable, but when we found out the context and saw what they had gone through, we understood that it was multilayered and we saw through the idea that they lost their minds and turned evil. It’s almost like nuance is the whole point. It’s almost like they were never evil they were just hungry??

[garbageratzz]

“It’s almost like nuance is the whole point” LOUDER FOR THE PPL IN THE BACK!!!!!

[pyr0cue]

And the thing about Shauna, and really all the survivors but I think most glaringly in Shauna, is that even though she was never very present with Callie or Jeff and even though she always had secrets she did convince herself she moved on. Adult Shauna in s1 would not go hunt down the daughter of Hanna, because it had been years since she’d even spoken to another survivor other than Tai. Adult Shauna is regressing back into violence and manipulation and loneliness because she’s scared. In the past months she has seen two of her friends die, has been blackmailed and stalked (at least she believed so), and has been forced into interacting with the wilderness. Her friends tried to hunt her and kill her just like they did in the wilderness!!! She’s regressing because the only way she knows how to deal with fear and loss of control is to take control back by any means, especially through violence. Because she’s a heavily traumatized woman, not because she’s been hiding some sadistic evil side for 2 seasons. She’s forgetting that she’s not just a girl in the woods forced into butchering her friends for survival.

[yourbootsbeneathmyblog]

Working at a doctors office as a fat person means overhearing countless anti fat conversations and mindsets go completely unchecked and even celebrated. And I'm feeling fucking sad about it. Being fat is not a choice I make, it's who I am. To 'address' it aka to lose weight would be to put myself back into the dark caverns of self hate and disordered eating and I refuse to go there. I fucking refuse to waste my precious moments on this earth hating myself!!! Stop equating the size of my body to the content of my character!!! Stop moralizing health!!!

[garbageratzz]

I don’t understand people who think season 3 Shauna is a cartoon villain with no complexity. Let me explain.

Have you ever experienced something awful, or been having a horrible day or week or whatever, and as a result been a bitch to everyone around you? Because I have. Not for very long, and and it didn’t turn me into a bloodthirsty murderer, but here’s the thing! I’ve also never been stranded in the wilderness for 19 months, lost my best friend who I was in love with and had deeply betrayed and essentially been responsible for her death, eaten her to survive, then given birth and lost my baby. Oh yeah, she also had to butcher Javi.

We’ve also already seen Shauna react to pain with violence. Remember when she lost her baby and almost killed Lottie with her rage?

Also, let’s remember that we missed months in the woods, and based on Shauna’s journaling those months consisted of the girls building a narrative that framed both Jackie and Shauna’s baby’s deaths as necessary sacrifices that are Good Actually because they survived.

Put all that together and I totally believe season 3 Shauna. I totally buy that she has built a brick fucking wall between herself and her humanity. In those months we missed I totally buy she just descended further and further into resentment and anger for the rest of the girls. I’ve seen people being like “where are the moments of doubt and grief and softness?” but I think that fundamentally misses the point of where Shauna’s at. She can’t let herself be soft or feel her grief for even a *second* because as soon as she does she would collapse under the weight of it. The only thing keeping her going is her fury. And I also do think we’ve seen little moments. When she covers Ben’s face for Nat? It’s in the middle of doing something awful to Nat, but do not argue to me that that scene was completely cold and uncomplicated from Shauna. When Travis brings up Jackie in the finale you can tell Shauna is affected for a split second, but it is so deeply painful that she has to stop those emotions immediately.

Shauna has also been shown to be capable of completely bonkers levels of compartmentalization. She spent 20+ years married to Jeff living as a housewife! I feel like that is a very similar emotional process to the way we see teen Shauna behaving in season 3, it’s just 2 sides of the same coin. Whether she’s diving headfirst into suburban normalcy or ruthless bloodlust, it’s got the same emotional contours and reasons: to protect herself from her pain and guilt.

Idk man like you can hate Shauna that is your prerogative she is an awful miserable person who hates herself and doesn’t know what to do with that, and I think maybe she could’ve grown up to face herself and grown into a better person, but instead she went through all this shit which fucked her up forever, left her frozen in adolescence, and allowed her to lean into her darkest impulses, which because she already hates herself made her feel free. If you already hate yourself and think you’re awful, it makes sense to me that you would feel most free when you’re allowing yourself to turn into the awful thing you already thought you were. Melissa fucking clocked it when she said she seethes and she makes her pain everyone else’s problem. It just all really tracks for me and at this point I don’t even know if we’re watching the same show if you think Shauna is one dimensional.

This is not a defense of the character but perhaps a defense of the writing of the character. Lots of other things to hate the writers for, I just don’t think this is the hill to die on that some of y’all think it is.

end rant.

[garbageratzz]

Ppl can hate season 3 all they want and I do agree the writing has gotten much sloppier

BUT

the idea that the Pit Girl scene has - since the very beginning - symbolized to the audience the brutality and the darkness that the girls would descend into. it is presented as like the most extreme version of their violence and savagery in the wilderness, but THEN we find out that the WHOLE HUNT is actually a PLAN to distract Shauna and the others long enough to get to rescue???? That no, this is not the group’s further spiral into madness, this is their desperate attempt for relief. They all have darkness in them, but they do not all want to live in that darkness forever. I just think that whole subversion is truly incredible.

It also really clarified a lot of things from season 1 like why Misty and Nat are Like That and why Tai said “we wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for her” about Nat and oh god my roommate said something about the whole pit girl hunt as like a manifestation of the layers and levels of pretending and manipulation required to survive as a woman. Van and Tai have stacked the deck, Shauna clocks that and switches the order, throughout the hunt the girls who are in on the plan are manipulating those who aren’t, the whole hunt in itself is a manipulation!!!! And Mari is in on it and sacrifices herself to save them!!!!!! If that’s not what it’s like to be a girl idk what is!!!!!!!

Say what you want about season 3 as a whole but I could write a 100 page thesis on the pit girl scene alone and I think the writers deserve some praise for that payoff.

[avasillva]

He wouldn't have left us. He wouldn't have. // Jackie, wake up! No! No, Jackie, wake up!

DEAD POETS SOCIETY (1989) YELLOWJACKETS (2021— )

[garbageratzz]

we’re safer out here. what if we can’t be together when we get back? i have a normal, boring life that i love so much I just HAD to send a tape that could blow up my whole life to my crazy murderous ex gf who definitely won’t do anything in response.

it’s the fact that adult Melissa has the thing teen Tai is worried about not having and she is still compelled to call that old life back to her. it’s the fact that adult Tai had that with Simone (whom the show did dirty and while i love YJ i do not forgive them for that pls bring her back my love) and some part of her (?? Unclear about how much Other Tai is Tai’s sublimated self or more of an alter but go with me here) or It wouldn’t let her keep that version of it. it’s the fact that Lottie DID go home and what happened to her? Forced shock therapy and institutionalization. Nat, so desperate to go home, spends her life in the throes of addiction and trauma, only to die right as she’s beginning to heal and accept herself.

idk idk idk but i loved what this episode was and what the show is teasing out about what society asks of women and whether a normal, suburban, capitalistic life is even worth fighting for and what that means for each character and oooo idk i have no formed thoughts but it’s delicious

also Shauna is my crazy murder wife and i love her

[mosasadogs]

psychiatry’s popularity has made complaining about real, material, corporeal problems awful because everyone will just respond to you with “have you tried cognitive behavioral therapy? have you tried coping? have you tried to avoid negative behaviors reinforcing the problem?” like minds have been so thoroughly colonized that we can only understand problems as something internal to the individual, who is also the only one capable of/responsible for lifting themselves out of their problems.

[great-gatsby]

ANYWAY. howard zinn once wrote:

To be hopeful in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness.

What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives. If we see only the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places—and there are so many—where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a world in a different direction.

And if we do act, in however small a way, we don’t have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory.

[junglejim4322]

Gonna be fr grown adult queers should know better than to engage in crazy fear mongering telling other people it’s over and we’re all gonna be sent to camps and lose our rights and be criminalized and whatever like hey how about don’t tell a group of people with unbelievably high suicide rates that there’s no hope and life is over

[garbageratzz]

THIS ONE!!! queer and trans people have always been here! and i'd add we need to stop aspiring to live assimilated lives where we've accumulated enough "rights" to be able to benefit from living in the imperial core as much as straight people and start understanding that our liberation is tied up with liberating the WORLD from the oppressive existence of the american empire. if you feel your mission has changed today, you got a lot of catching up to do. we'll keep fighting for liberation for all, don't despair, join us!!!

[heavenpierceher]

[dykegeology-deactivated20250630]

Idk like I think there's a really misogynist way that women are expected to consider being murdered and assaulted as like 1000x worse than anything else that could happen and do everything possible to avoid it and like it's unarguably bad! But constantly whenever I mention going hiking or whatever people are like 'omg you're going camping alone as a woman??? what if you get murdered?????' Actually by far the way I am most likely to die doing that is... some sleep deprived or drunk driver crashing into me on the way there! But no one tells you to avoid driving, meanwhile there's so much pressure on women to like, always stay in other crowded super safe areas or at home to Protect Their Virtue and it's like lol I would actually rather live an interesting life doing things that I enjoy

[hippy-craic]

[bee-fox]

I think that it's really important for people to realize that being disabled is traumatic. genuinely. your body and brain feel like they are breaking down and wrong. you are in constant heavy stress from stuff like chronic pain. most disabled people i know have a somewhat regular emotional break down from the trauma of it all. and we are expected to just smile through it by society, to not be in the way, to not be an issue.

[antifainternational]

July 27, Berlin - Internationalistische Queer Pride. No Pride in Genocide & Apartheid!

[howldean]

“june is over so now it’s gay wrath month” blah blah reminder that july is disability pride month and is often ignored and disregarded!! funnel that wrath into advocating for your disabled peers and amplifying their voices