girl dick, right quick, real thick @gardeniaofeden - Tumblr Blog

girl who is so so scared all the time. girl who once passed as 'smart' but now finds it hard to think. girl who's always half lost because of memory issues and dissociation and trouble with inhabiting a physical space. girl who is a failure in a way that is neither interesting nor endearing.

whencircuitsshort

why do people need to be domesticated animals for petplay,. u r my lion i bought you illegallu and you are trying to kill me. go

makingtrouble

It's my cat's birthday (anniversary of me getting him) so I told him the story of his life while petting him real good

Highlights include:

For your first two years (when you were small) you lived in a foster home with people who raised you into a very polite young man. Two is like you plus me, that's what two is.

Some people adopted you before me and they called you Timmy (which is a stupid name) and they returned your ass almost immediately because you were so annoying at that age.

Like think about how annoying you are right now at seven years old, but way worse.

I'm better than them though, I don't call you Timmy and I wore earplugs to bed for three years because you love to scream at bedtime. Earplugs are like when I roll over and go back to sleep even when you are yelling so so so loud.

I got you at a time in my life when I was really sick (being sick is like when I'm up late because I'm throwing up and you are a very handsome good boy who sits with me) and they had to put me asleep for a procedure. A procedure is like what happened to you when they put you asleep and took your balls away.

Now you've lived with me for five years. Five is like the number of toe beans on one of your feet. When I clip your nails five is when we're halfway done. But we're hopefully not even halfway done with how long we get to be together. I'm gonna have to figure out new ways to help you count.

makingtrouble

Actually I've decided this is a poem

cosmonautroger

7pm

[ID: a little dog eating raspberries from a bush. /End ID.]

gardeniaofeden

Its me

smoqueen-deactivated20251108

they should make a wii fit for getting jacked

woolay

Wii fuck

smoqueen-deactivated20251108

funny how everyone thinks something like this is low hanging fruit when inn reality it’s high flying meat

woolay

Wii shit

xefyre

Dude don’t say that.

thefighter2-deactivated20200212

come on

sea-of-bones

Wii sleep. But a good night’s sleep where you actually feel rested when you wake up.

SKELETON

smoqueen-deactivated20251108

SKELETON

flamingfoxninja

SKELETON

xrd

*does this to you*

xrd

Frankly beautiful way of phrasing it

hugh-lauries-bald-spot

whats a stereotype for your country that you absolutely do. mine is that i unironically go "eh" and apologize a lot and i often drink maple syrup straight

asteroidtroglodyte

The grip that Burger & Big Drink has on the American People cannot be overstated

bernard-jackson

yossyislandd

you fucking suck at burger

zangoonse

sanguine-humor

phm is decently popular in japan and i mostly see this when i check twitter and see accounts posting pictures of handmade rocky plushies that are so fucking round looking it brings a tear to my eye

sanguine-humor

he keeps me sane

sanguine-humor

btw, idk if this will be seen by any of the countless people who already have seen and reblogged this post, but heres the original guide posted on how to make the chibi-rocky! the OP also has a separate guide for a more accurate rocky, though obviously less simple of a guide than the little thingy shown off

(im surprised this post gained any attention, haha, if i had known i would have just shared the guides, the more handmade pebbles in the world the better)