A Little Lost

Emily, 27, queer, cis, mixed race. She/her

[write-it-motherfuckers]

Early one morning, you pull down your favourite cup, only to find a small dragon, curled up and sleeping contentedly inside. 

[archmarastyden]

Confused and still half asleep you take the cup outside to empty the dragon carefully onto the grass, then return to rinse your cup and make coffee. The next morning he is back, curled snuggly inside the cup as before and you repeat the process.

After a week of repeating this process you make him a little bed complete with whatever pocket change you have left over from the day to give him a little treasure hoard, he is ecstatic with his new treasure, but nevertheless every morning when you go for your coffee there he is; snuggled up inside the small cup.

Another few days pass and when you decide to move his bed into the cabinet to see if he’ll choose the cup or the treasure, and for some reason he values the cup more highly than his treasure. You aren’t upset, in fact you find it quite endearing, you had been having trouble finding a reason to get out of bed each morning until this little dragon showed up. You decide to place the cup inside the bed, and offer it to the dragon as his latest addition to his hoard. You think to yourself that if he’s going to stay this dragon will need a name and you start sorting through several intimidating, dragonly names before finally deciding to call him Folgers; after all, the best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup.

[write-it-motherfuckers]

That pun was heinous, I love it. Very well done Darling.

[creativeheartgemini]

This pun is the most accurate way I’ve ever seen someone name a pet in a fictional piece of media tbh

[catsi]

beating breath of the wild in under 40 minutes is an incredible feat and also fucking excellent in the context of the game. ganon spends 100 fucking years preparing this onslaught, building energy, getting ready to tear the world apart, and one elf twink wakes up butt-ass naked in a cave and legs it to the castle and kicks ganon’s ass apart in under an hour with a sword he found along the way

[ultracrashunderride]

Just screeching obscenities as he sprints barefoot across a field of killer robots

[elegyofikana-deactivated2018102]

Link?

[chaxtic-love]

yeah it was link

[kirboob]

link, after waking up not knowing anything but anger:

[max-out-of-ten]

The current record is 27.5 minutes. Knowing that speedrunners skip the Great Plateau tower, this means that they don’t get the cutscene where Ganon and his Guardians awake until they reach Hyrule Castle. Ganon doesn’t even know Link is awake until Link is at his doorstep, which is about 16:50 into the run.

Less than three minutes later, Link kills the first of Ganon’s Blights with a single arrow and swiftly takes down the next three. Within five minutes of Ganon being face to face with his arch nemesis, he is killed.

Ganon had a total of 10 minutes and 40 seconds to stop Link.

Just screeching obscenities as he sprints barefoot across a field of killer robots

Ganon fucking wishes. Link comes flying in on a paraglider at like 80 mph just because he jumped off a bokoblin’s head. I can only imagine Link screaming “FUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOUUUUUU” all the way (about 50 seconds in the run but 30 seconds without lag)

[algrenion]

link: [wakes up] when i see Ganon it’s fucking on sight

[thenib]

From Seth Tobocman and Tamara Wyndham.

[batfries-deactivated20200818]

[Caught by Penguin’s goons and tied to chairs in a warehouse, waiting for the cavalry]

Red Robin: I’m gonna say it. Shakespeare is overrated.

Red Hood: Ok, first of all: how dare you. Second of all: how DARE you?

Red Robin: He’s boring and Romeo and Juliet is ridiculous bullshit.

Red Hood: Counterpoint. Romeo and Juliet was always meant to be satire and if you read it with the knowledge that teenagers are idiots it’s actually a fantastic, mean commentary on teenage romance.

Red Robin: The only way I’ll accept that argument is if he was purposefully making fun of a particular pair of teenagers that he knew in real life and “Romeo and Juliet” was really Shakespeare being petty and mocking his cousin or something.

Red Hood: You- yeah that would be great actually.

Red Robin: Right? Still, my original point stands: Shakespeare is given way too much credit. So he invented some words. big whoop.

Red Hood: He basically invented the English language!

Red Robin: He better have considering the lenght of some of the monologues.

Red Hood: Look, thanks to Shakespeare we get to study dick jokes in school. There are so many dick jokes! How can you NOT like him?

Red Robin: One would think you’d be over Dick jokes, growing up in our family.

Red Hood: Well where do you think I get most of my material??

Red Robin: I’ll concede that Macbeth is okay, but the rest of his tragedies? I mean, Hamlet? More like Ham-let-me-out-of-this-AP-English-class

Red Hood: One, that was sub-par and I expect better from you. Two; are you seriously going after HAMLET?

Red Robin: [snorts] Of COURSE you would enjoy a play about a death-obsessed dude with daddy issues and a thirst for revenge.

Red Hood: OK, POINT! But I’m still HELLA insulted. And Shakespeare is a master at exploring the human condition!

Red Robin: [rolls his eyes]

Red Hood: [to one of the Henchmen guarding them] Hey, you! With the ski-mask and bad enough judgement to wear sneakers to a gunfight!

Henchman: Uh… yea?

Red Hood: Back me up here. Shakespeare is a cultural icon.

Henchman: well, uh, he always kinda bored me in school

Red Robin: A-HA!

Red Hood: Oh shut up. Since when are Penguin’s goons the go-to authority on literature

Red Robin: Since Shakespeare gets way too much credit because of fanboys like you.

Red Hood: Says the man who CRIED about the Hobbit movies. Several times.

Red Robin: THEY RUINED IT. EXCELLENT PRECEDENCE, EXCELLENT SOURCE MATERIAL AND THEY-

Boss Henchman: [barges in] what the fuck is going on in here? Who’s making so much fucking noise?

Red Hood: [inclines his head towards Red Robin] Red Robin here thinks Shakespeare is overrated.

Boss Henchman: [immidiately involved] YOU’RE INSULTING THE BARD? HE BASICALLY INVENTED THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

Red Hood: [mimicking Red Robin] A-HA!

Red Robin: Look, if you want to stan an author who made a comedy about gaslighting and subjugating a woman through marriage be my guest but I’m different

Boss Henchman: That’s a bullshit argument

Henchman #2 -a woman: Nah, he’s got a legit point.

Red Robin: Thank you!

Red Hood: One bad play doesn’t mean you can diminish the impact of his work as a whole

Red Robin: Oh CAN’T I?

Boss Henchman: I will not stand here and see the Bard slighted in my own house- warehouse- whatever!

—–20 minutes later—–

Boss Henchman: -HISTORICAL CONTEXT

Red Robin: SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING A SEXIST APOLOGIST WOULD SAY

Red Hood: THAT’S NOT EVEN-

—–40 minutes later—–

Boss Henchman: SHAKESPEARE SHOWED ME THAT WORDS CAN BE BEAUTIFUL

Henchman #1: I WENT TO AN ALL BOYS SCHOOL!! THEY MADE ME PLAY JULIET DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH SHIT I GOT ON THE STREETS

—–70 minutes later—–

Red Hood: YOUNG LEONARDO DI CAPRIO WAS A LEGIT SNACC AND IF YOU SAY ANYTHING ELSE YOU’RE LYING

Red Robin: SO WATCH GANGS OF NEW YORK AT LEAST THAT’S INTERESTING

—–90 minutes later—–

Red Robin: THE FUCKING BARREL SCENE!! WHAT EVEN WAS THAT?!!

—–2 hours later—–

Red Hood: HE TAUGHT HISTORY TO THE MASSES!

Red Robin: HE TAUGHT ME HOW TO SLEEP IN CLASS WITHOUT GETTING CAUGHT IS WHAT HE DID

—–2,5 hours later—–

Boss Henchman: [pointing a gun at Henchman #1] HOW DARE YOU CALL OTHELLO A LI'L BITCH-

Henchman #2: [Hits Boss Henchman over the head with a chair] JUSTICE FOR KATHERINA

Red Robin: [Cheering] GET HIM, SUSAN

—–4 hours later—–

——The Batcave——

Bruce: [tiredly, rubbing the bridge of his nose] Ok, tell me again how you managed to escape.

Tim and Jason: [glancing at each other]

Tim: First off, I’d like to state for the record that we had everything perfectly under control.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

woo i am such a fan of dramatic plants. just prissy fucking plantlife, be it unreasonable or implacable or ostentatious. plants, man

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

u know what yeah, let’s talk about weird nonsense plants

1. Living Stones

these plants imitate rocks. who does that?

imagine deciding to straight up evolve into rocks as a defense mechanism. i had a whole rant planned but now i’m remembering that i have, in the past, on multiple occasions, daydreamed about being a rock. like that has been a recurring theme in my rich inner fantasy life. i would not forsake the opportunity to evolve into a stone.

2. Hooker’s Lips

ostentatious. flamboyant. vulgar. garish. randy. dare i say whorish? yes. this plant is whorish.

pucker up you hussy

3. Hoya Hearts

overused trope. lacks subtlety and creativity. truly, they just went with the first thought to pop in their head, no brainstorming involved. “ho ho ho i’m just gonna grow into a fucking HEART, that’ll show em!” Needy & basic bitch. looks cute on a desk

4. Lifesaver Plants

manages to be both psychedelic and disapproving. reminiscent of a prudish great aunt–but like, one who did a lot of LSD in the 70s. evidence of an alien lifeform who crash landed and then decided, fuck it, i’m gonna rent a one-story in the midwest and decorate it with vintage wood paneling & floral upholstery. probably smells like stale weed and glass ashtrays

5. Happy Alien Flowers

yes that is their NAME. sort of anticlimactic, but take a gander:

they are absolute sluts for drama, as demonstrated by the little hussies pictured above are YELLING AT ME. they bring to mind seagulls engaged in a Shakespearean blood feud. this flowers have committed aggravated manslaughter and probably got away with it too.

6. Bat Plant 

aka Cat’s Whiskers aka Devil Flower. how fucking emo is that??? this plant listens to mcr and is probably the gay cousin. they never got the hang of eyeliner but that doesn’t stop them from trying, bless em. their impetuous devil-may-care persona is hindered by their crippling social anxiety. i’m immensely fond of this plant. they’ll come into their own once they graduate and move away from college, but in the mean time they sit with the tech crew at lunch. you go little Bat Plant! 

 7. Dancing Plants

total band kids. also called Semaphore Plants, bc they look like they’re trying to flag down a plane. nifty fuckers 

in conclusion, three cheers for whiny, namby-pamby, scatterbrained plantlife

[k-mraz]

*whisper* kageyama toss toss pls toss kageyama toss pls toss kage-

[eatcelery]

very cute. I like

[jonismitchell-deactivated202410]

WE ARE YOUNG & WE’RE ASHAMED

[theraptorcage]

Great Horned Owl’s broad, but short wings make them surprisingly maneuverable during flight. 

[bunjywunjy]

I wanna know what dirt they have on those volunteers to get them to agree to fielding a fucking owl right at the kneecaps

[gallusrostromegalus]

You say that like I wouldn’t PAY for the privlege of having an owl potentially dislocate my kneecaps.

[that-one-fat-guy-over-there]

“Hey how’d you get that giant scar on your knee”

“well there was this one party trick that involves an owl” 

[toastyhat-deactivated20180203]

one of my favorite tropes is when your group of main characters has been split up for questioning and they’re all answering the same questions in a neatly-spliced montage

[starfieldcanvas]

my favorite trope is when the stories blatantly and hilariously conflict

[catchymemes]

[bringmetothe-pilot]

No cops at Pride, just Elton John with his Gucci shirt and a knife

[lobsterquadriille-deactivated20]

[pinballwizzer]

no cops just elton john with his elton john brass knuckes

[nuclearlemons]

Butterscotch call ducks, crested Welsh Harlequin, buff Columbian Cochin, archangel pigeon, dun horse

once I figure out mailing logistics they'll go on sale

[baqsimi]

[leighalanna]

[carnival-phantasm]

[bunniope]

[undertheniall]

😍

[catchymemes]