They shut me in the Cold

Ophelia Coffin. 158. Ghost. 👻 Cricket Clay || 25 || Human || Janitor @ Another Castle Dear Wicked's Rest, I have noticed issues. Cordially, Cricket. * rp blog with wicked's rest

[ghostinthehuman]

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[kadavernagh]

Hello. Can someone tell me what the feck a flurrator is? I currently have several live animals in my office, running around, and the only information I have is on a sticky note that was on my door. There should be no live animals in my office other than the beetles. The flurrator delivery person was mistaken.

I think they ate one of my bones! I mean, not-- never mind. How does one remove flurrators? Is there a flurrator removal service?

Do they not realize we are going to have a fire inspection next month?

[ghostinthehuman]

Dear User,

Please describe the flurrator in vivid anatomical detail; a greater understanding is needed. Might you include a drawing as well? You may have a new discovery upon you; much like Darwin! I believe that strict scientific observation is of the utmost importance—then they will name the creature after you, like the finches!

What colour is the creature? What does it eat? Is it a bird or a dog or a cat? What sound does it make? How many eyes does it have? How many legs?

Why would one need to inspect a fire?

Desiring more information, Cricket.

[the-lil-exorcist]

God is anyone else's mom traditional with weddings? I've just spent the last two weeks writing congratulation and or threat cards for like half of the town. Also does anyone have a good threat that I should put in. I've been using "be happy or else" but that's like kinda boring.

[ghostinthehuman]

Dear User,

Why are you insulting people on their wedding? You should not be threatening anyone. You are very rude and shall never have a wedding yourself if you continue down this evil path.

Concerned, Cricket.

[asirenscream]

Dear Curious Cricket,

Rocks that have been painted on by me! I can put whatever image you would like, within reason. I'm not super good at painting dragons just yet. So that's off the table. It's girl boss because I am making my own business venture! I don't know what this whole 'Better Business Bureau' nonsense is, but I'm bossing and bettering my business!

Sincerely,

Girl Boss Wren

[ghostinthehuman]

Dear Ms. Girl Boss Wren,

I would not ask you to put a dragon on a rock. Why not sell your paintings on canvas instead? The rock must be too small a surface to create much detail; and I worry for the health of your hands. I do not know what that is either but it sounds to me quite lovely that your business is bossed and better; the bureau must be very pleased with you.

What is the cost of one of your rocks? I would like to buy one. I think

Sincerely, Cricket.

[bladesandtrades]

@ghostinthehuman replied to your post “What keeps you going?”:

Dear User, I feel the same! How delightful to see another good soul fighting the unholy waves of this vulgar letter-board. Your humble friend, Cricket.

​[user considers instantly blocking whoever this maniac is but figures maybe there is some amusement to be had here] 

That's me, just a humble warrior of the good word of Jesus against all those filthy sinners.

[ghostinthehuman]

Dear hero,

I am very delighted by the information you have shared with me! This Godless place is terrible; and I thought I might never meet another soul with any sense. You would not comprehend the sluttery I have witness—by accident! I would never seek out such filthy things.

Which Church do you attend?

Your friend, Cricket.

[hollow--sun]

I am glad you approve.

I did not know that. That's a fun fact if I ever met one. [dopamine rush ! user spends the next 30 minutes doing research on Carboniferous crickets and forgets he's sad for a moment] Absolutely fascinating creatures. You're quite blessed with that name.

That seems to be the census here, yes. I do. Feeling quite honored.

[ghostinthehuman]

Dear Mr. Henri,

[User squirms.] Yes, I [...] suppose I am blessed with it. My name. Which is Cricket. I am very slowly reading more books about animals; I am very interested in them. I think the best job would be to travel and illustrate animals and plants all day; I want to go to the Galapagos islands like Darwin.

I think when you carry a name, you carry also the memory of everyone who has ever been named such; you are every Henri, perhaps. A name is very powerful. [...] Do you know if Ophelia is a common name? Do people like it? Do they name their loved daughters Ophelia? And if you know any, do they live happy lives?

Sincerely, [...] Cricket.

[infinityandmadness]

Is it though? I haven't read that.

So you believe in relying on the opinions of others to judge you of your goodness or wickedness? Perhaps that works sometimes. I don't believe it, however. Because not everyone sees every part of a person. Not everyone understands one person entirety to judge them rightfully. Judgment should be left to crimes.

People often judge, wrongly. But they do so anyway, believing they are right. Wanting to be right. And will tend to weaponize that kind of power, in their favor. What if my society is too messed up to properly judge one's beauty or wickedness? What if being normal is now a sin in modern society?

Yes, those that are not human, should not be judged the same as we might another human. Animals speak differently, for sure. But, I have never heard of any rabbit that drinks blood. Are you sure it was doing that?

No. I work in construction. But I really liked science in school!

Perhaps. They might have just been bred in tanks their entire lives.

Sincerely, Erin

[ghostinthehuman]

Dear Erin,

It is what I was taught; perhaps it is out of fashion now.

Yes; one must be judged by another, one cannot judge themself. The whole of a person matters little when the actions are the loudest truths.

To be broad, I doubt highly that the entirety of a nation's people could possibly be incorrect about a subject. One must follow in the footsteps of etiquette; and one must seek better society if theirs is not.

Very sure, seeing as though it was my blood that it drank.

You are a carpenter? They did not teach any science at

[...] Bred in captivity?

Sincerely, Cricket.

[hollow--sun]

[user suspected with the formatting, that Cricket might be an odd one. The clean comment confirms that]

That's good. Hygiene is important. I pride myself in being clean too.

And yet I think crickets predate the invention of my name, so you would win on that aspect.

I looked into it, and I had no idea it was so broadly spread.

[ghostinthehuman]

Dear Mr. Henri,

That is very good. I like clean men.

They are older than dinosaurs! I read that in a book once. I have been looking on Google Images of photographs of cricket fossils; impressed upon the rock you can see the segmented legs of the creature.

Across the world people seem to agree that Henri is a delightful name. I prefer the English Henry; my brothe Do you feel honoured, Mr. Henri? You're very popular.

Sincerely, Cricket

[madisonnotmaddie]

Hi friendly friend,

Yes, I think so? I think dude is usually just like, one person? You can be whatever you wish to be, but you don't have to be any of that if you don't want to. They just seemed off. The vibes, you know? But not necessarily a bad "off".

Oh swell! What would you like to do?

Super pumped,

Madison

[ghostinthehuman]

Hullo Friendly Ms. Madison, What is a "vibe"? I don't wish to be a "dude"; the sound of the word is rather harsh—closer to an insult than a description. I am also very confused by what it means.

Perhaps we might take a stroll together along the beach, Miss Madison?

What are you pumping?

Sincerely, Cricket

[asirenscream]

As a business woman in Wicked's Rest, [User is definitely not a business woman.] I would like to offer my services for those who may require it! As we all know, girl boss culture is so in right now! (Who run the world? Girls!) I make very special, hand painted rocks! Yes, you heard me, hand painted rocks! For any occasion, friend, family, sweetheart, or even enemy!

Feel free to reach out if you too would like a fantastic, beautiful rock!

[ghostinthehuman]

Dear Business Woman,

You are selling rocks? Rocks that one might pluck from the rivers or the ground themselves? And this is "girl boss"? Does that mean you are bossing girls? Why are the girls running

Might I see one of these rocks?

Curious, Cricket Clay.

[themiddlebear]

[pm] [If it were Cricket, and it's not, she would know that the only time Darcy spent any time around books was when Cricket was reading them to her, it was the only time she found any eagerness in hearing a stories, when said by Cricket, herself. But the user is not Cricket, and the comment makes her laugh.] Fuck, you're bad at this.

See, if you were actually Cricket, I wouldn't have a fucking issue with you wanting to step away from me. But you're not Cricket, and so, I have an issue with it. You're trying to make her do something she wouldn't do. [user forces herself to believe this, especially because she knows this is Not Cricket] But let's pretend that maybe you're right. Maybe she was just so fucking tired of how much I loved her that she'd be willing to blow it up.

[User tries to think about whether or not there's a piece of Cricket and if she knew. If this imposter knows, then what did Cricket know? Was she that afraid? Did she want to push Darcy away? User refuses to believe this, because Cricket wouldn't do this to her. This is not Cricket.]

What then? Who are you with? Who are you fucking? Whose tongue are you letting down your throat? [User knows that based on Not-Cricket's public messages, she would probably hate those things being said] Like I said, let's pretend that's true. All of it. What, then? What happens?

Do you know how many horror films I've seen with this stupid ass script? Girl somehow changes because of some fuck off cause, and tries to drive the people who love her away so it can kill her. I'm not a fucking idiot.

What are you? And don't say Cricket.

[ghostinthehuman]

[pm] [User was exhausted from her last message and had to nap. When she wakes up, and sees her plan doesn’t work, she sulks. She doesn’t have the stamina for this.] I thought I was doing a good job

[…] The tongue does not go down the throat; it is not that long. [User imagines it—just to see if it works anatomically! She, of course, imagines Darcy and Cricket, but… two women kissing isn’t right. She imagines Darcy as “a man” which ends up just being Darcy with shorter hair, which exposes her neck, which… Okay, new fantasy: Darcy has a white sheet over her, thus obscuring all of her. Cricket is now kissing a ghost. Ophelia feels strangely about the visual so she imagines the sheet on Cricket instead. Now Darcy is kissing a ghost. User gives up on trying to imagine this, and instead puts two fingers in her mouth, pressing down on her own tongue, thinking of no one in particular. She finds that it does actually go quite far.]

I don’t know what a horror movie is. I haven’t seen any horror movies. I haven’t seen any movies at all.

I don’t want to kill Cricket! [...]

I named a millipede Henry. He was a most brilliant silver-black sheen—in the light transforming from brown to black, banded like a piece of jewellery; and like a gem he seemed to me. And his tiny legs, across the curve of my palm, was such a tickle. I thought the best occupation in the world must be to be like Darwin! Travelling and drawing insects and birds all day. I carried this millipede inside my pocket and took him out to show the girls at the school. [It was an orphanage.] He would curl up in my palm and lift his head, as if to wave. The girls took him from me and threw him down, screaming, crushing him under their shoes—turning his treasure-body into a smear of black and yellow. He was only but three-centimetres. He laid on the tip of my finger.

I grabbed Martha's hair and ripped it from her scalp. She bled so terribly and screamed like she was dying; I feel the blood-matted clump of her hair on my fingers, I think of the curling patch of her pale skin swinging. I think I shouldn't have named him after my brother. I shouldn't have named him at all.

I could kill you. I could.

Bye, Darcy.

[hollow--sun]

Excellent initiative.

My grandparents on my mother's side are. I suppose you could say that about my name.

Were your parents entomologists ?

[ghostinthehuman]

Dear Mr. Henri,

[User smiles at the praise; she wants Henri to say more nice things about her.] I am also very clean.

Suppose I can but it was the name of many kings. The name is ancient! Across country and culture, there are Henri's. Isn't that wonderful?

No. I believe Cricket's fathe [...] They wasn't, sir. They weren't; merely an interest of Cricket's my da father.

Clean, Cricket.

[themiddlebear]

[pm] No, babe. You're not. And good to see you strengthening your vocabulary! Is that so you can appear more like her? Realized the God shit isn't her or something? Did you even do your fucking research before getting into her head? Her body? Whatever the fuck you are, wherever the fuck you are. Did you not think I'd notice? Did you hope I'd just leave her? That I'd abandon her like you're accusing me of? Man, it's rich. It really fucking is.

See, you're saying shit I can't even wrap my head around. Cricket would never say shit like that. Just stop pretending, yeah? Stop pretending, and go on your merry way. Give me my friend back. I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. I don't know what you are, and the only reason I give a fuck about what you are is so I can figure out how to fucking get rid of you.

We? We are nothing. You are nothing to me. You have her face, but you're not her. It took me a second to understand, but the more I heard you, the more I looked at you, the more I knew. I know in both body and soul that you're not Cricket. You're never going to be her. You've slipped up several times, telling me you're her. You're not. So fuck off, and give it up. Just go somewhere else. Find some pathetic freak to leech off of, I don't care. She deserves more than whatever the fuck you're doing to her, and if you had any fucking brain you'd realize that. But maybe it's like I'm talking to a wall, I don't fucking know, and really, I don't give a fuck if you're a whole other human inside of her, I will fucking eat you alive if you don't get the fuck out.

[ghostinthehuman]

[pm] [The following message takes user several minutes to type; she refers to Cricket's past messages and types and untypes many times:]

Dude, shut the [...] f f fuck up. It is It's a line from Carmilla. Perhaps Maybe read a book, Darcy Darce. Looks like you didn’t know me that well, [...] b [...] b bit bitch. [...] Fuck you.

Don’t make it my problem that you won't give up your stupid I don't think it is stupid, I think it is very [...] fu fucking infatuation with me. It’s pathetic that you’re inventing some f fucking [...] demon because you can’t accept even a morsel of change. Whatever. If it soothes helps you sleep at night. Maybe I just want to wanna talk a little different or be a little religious or maybe I can’t fuc fucking stand you.

Do what you want. You’re not going to gonna find anything. I am Cricket. Sorry. Sorry. I'm so sorry

[User is idle; she's trying very hard to think about what would piss Darcy off the most. She's about 60% sure that Darcy has some kind of romantic feelings (she's trying not to think about it) and since the abandonment angle isn't working, she needs to try something else. She takes a very long time to render the following message:]

Look, perhap maybe I got sick of your weird feelings fantasy desires. The only leech here is you. You're weird. I don't like you anymore and the fact that you can't accept it is weird. I'm with someone else and I don't need you or want you around anymore. I'm not lesbianly interested in you [User doesn't think that's how that would be worded.] interested in you and I'm tired of entertaining you. Go away. Sorr soyyrysorrry soryr

[User feels violently ill.]

Please, Darcy Please go She'll come back and I'm not a I'm good and

Leave me alone. Pleasepleasepl

[incatsclothing]

Oh my god, I bet you still believe in the tooth fairy, too. Are you still waiting for Santa to bring you your presents? [...] You're into knotting?

Yeah, I'm sure Jesus ejaculated all kinds of things onto his buddies. I bet he was ejaculating all over them all the time. That guy loved ejaculating on other guys, for sure. Dude is gender neutral. So is bro. Were you, like, next level homeschooled or something? Or... no, wait. You totally grew up in a religious cult, didn't you?

I'm not offering you intercourse. I don't even know how I could, what with the stick up your ass.

Just say you like MILFs and go.

[ghostinthehuman]

Heathen Dude,

I do not know the Tooth Fairy; it sounds evil. What is Santa? I can make knots; not as a sailor might, but I have some experiences in knotting.

He did enjoy ejaculation. I am pleased you are accepting Jesus’s talents; perhaps you are not as sinful as I presumed. I went to a [User remembers she is Cricket, and despite desperately wanting to talk about her life, she can’t.] I went to school. I grew up here. In America. This [...] Maine county. In Wicked's Rest. Though I am not Wicked, but I do rest.

I remove my praise. You are vile. There are no sticks inside any bums; and were there, I do not know how it would prevent intercourse.

What is a “MILFs”? Is it like a “dude”? Are you a MILFs?

Still a good girl, Cricket.

[bazzledazzle]

That's the first time I've ever been called a trollop! It feels like a moment of pride. I think I'll screenshot this and show it to all my mates. I'm a trollop now! It feels as though I'm moving up!

Well, other people might have. What sort of sucking were you referring to, then? What other sort of sucking is there?

Oh, love, I'm not in the business of caring what sort of shame I bring my family. I certainly hope my reputation travels, though. I've put a lot of work into building it up, it'd be a shame if it was a stationary thing.

Clearly I do deserve worms. You've given them to me! You're not the sort of person to take back a gift once it's been given, are you? That would be incredibly impolite, you know.

[ghostinthehuman]

[...] I [...] Trollop was not intended to be a compliment.

The sucking of blood! Like the vampire! Your mind is rotted.

[...] Are you a demon? [User is genuinely asking; she can't understand the sentiment otherwise.]

It is not impolite to take away a gift given in mistake. You deserve no worms! Perhaps it is you that must be chased with Holy Water and prayer.

[User is so distraught she forgets to sign her "letter".]

[hollow--sun]

Her name is Estella. I have known her since I was 5 years old. She is a lovely person, I'm sure you can trust her with those animals.

Your name is Cricket? That's original.

[ghostinthehuman]

Dear Mr. Henri,

I will write a letter to Estella and ask her about crabs. Thank you, Mister Henri.

My name is not [...] Yes, I suppose that it is. Your name is very dignified; very royal. Are you French?

Sincerely, Cricket.

[zackbanes]

Well, I mean. Have you ever gotten very far trying to have a conversation with a rabbit? I know a few tricks that keep [...] other blood-suckers away. Don't know if it'll work on blood-thirsy bunnies. Seriously, have you seen Monty Python Oh. I don't really know what you mean by that. But it's good to meet you! I'm Zack.

Glad you're feeling better. I wouldn't be too happy with the little furball in that case, either. Even if he did ask first.

What I guess not. Were these crabs talking?

[ghostinthehuman]

Dear Mr. Zack,

Yes, I have conversed with many rabbits: they do not speak back, but the quality of conversation is not made less by their lack; it is more preferable than talking to humans. Are you referring to vampires? I meant that I could not tell you what is normal; I am ignorant on that topic.

Creatures hunger on occasion. I understand. I was very hungry once. Now I have pizza.

Yes, the crabs talk much about a plan to dominate the world.

Worried, Cricket Clay.