just had an idea—-the batkids making social media accounts for batman
i do like the idea of the batkids running official batman media accounts, but let me raise you the civilian batkids running offical batman media accounts.
Jason Todd--civilian Jason Todd, only newly introduced to the public, creates a Batman-official account. he does it carefully, building up activity and traction over the course of like six months with his perfected Batman Attitude(tm) and oddly accurate Batman information that he drops on a semi-regular basis. eventually he pays Tim to mention him on his Red Robin account just to boost credibility, and after a while everybody in Gotham fully believes this is the Batman account. that's when he goes live.
'Batman' goes live for the first time in what is clearly the Wayne Manor kitchen, dressed in a surprisingly accurate Batman costume if it wasn't for the fact that the mask and cowl is clearly plastic and still has a Halloween costume store tag hanging from the ear.
"Welcome to the stream." Batman says, in a Batman voice imitation that is about three octaves too deep and gruff. "Today, we bake German chocolate cake."
for the next forty minutes 'Batman' proceeds to bake the entire cake while talking to himself in his Batman voice--completely ignoring almost all of the live chat. he's not just explaining the steps to baking, by the way. he's fully talking to himself as if he were Batman.
"Next we crack the eggs like they are the Joker's knee caps. Did you know he killed my kid once? I was so sad. I still am sad, but less in the grieving way and more in the pathetic old man way."
"I'm getting so old. Last week I spent twenty minutes debating with Nightwing and Red Hood that liquorish 'wasn't that bad' and refused to give in, even when Red Robin offered me a piece and I ate it fully without realising that he'd actually fed me a piece of tire-rubble from the street."
"I don't say this to anybody else, but I clearly miss when people would describe me as a twink."
after a while the official Red Robin, Robin, and Nightwing accounts start watching the live, and their messages are the only ones that 'Batman' will respond to.
Robin: Father the Riddler is holding me hostage.
"This is why I teach you chess. beat him and come home soon for cake."
Nightwing: be honest B, does Catwoman really love you?
"No :( I pay her because no other woman will touch me."
Red Robin: when you die horribly in battle, who are you leaving the Batman mantle to?
"Agent A. Because how fucking funny would that be."
eventually Bruce Wayne wanders into the kitchen and is spotted in the back of the stream, clocking the camera and 'Batman' and staring at it all like he thinks he's going insane.
"Jason what the fuck are you doing?"
Batman whirls around and drops the voice instantly, whining like a child, "Aw, Dad, come on I was almost done!"
"What the fuck is this?!"
"Jason I have had a really fucking long day. No you’re not."
despite his identity being revealed, Jason Todd's 'baking Batman' becomes more popular than actual Batman, and Batman has to publicly go on record during an in person interview to clarify that he has absolutely no connection to Jason Todd in the slightest, nor does anything he says while impersonating him hold any merit. the rest of the batkids continue to be stream regulars and it continues to get on Bruce's nerves to no end.
