i should find excuses to eat more corn

she/her

[casceth]

POV: you are about to die 100 times

[cali]

guy whos email is mario19 cuz he is 19 years old and when hes 20 he deletes the old mail and resigns up to every service with mario20 and when he gets to mario25 and its in use already he solidifies into a stone statue and stays in stasis for a year

[cali]

[catgirlconspiracy]

Face masks are amazing for trans women cuz it means we don't get or spread communicable diseases and we keep our immunocompromised loved ones and neighbors safe.

Its also cool to cover up facial hair when you really don't wanna be misgendered.

[handsomeboymodelingschool]

His smile is so radiant

[zabouncer]

Maybe one year Demi can be the one jello wrestling with another women

[secretgarden]

[quinn-of-aebradore]

I love City Council of Darkness cause you have Brennan being like “I have absolutely no way to honor you guys succeeding there because of how insane you proceeded to act” and then ten minutes later he shows up with something equally insane but then it swings back around to Zac saying “I don’t read. I get mad that the letters don’t do other things,” which causes Brennan to make this face;

Like the Intrepid Heroes are On Some Shit no matter what campaign they’re in, but I swear to god, the coterie has unlocked a new level of unhinged in them. There is no straight man in this party. Every single one of them is doing loop-de-loops in a Bingo-Dingo bus around this town but also none of them are at the wheel and the buses are diving headfirst off the starwalk into the quarry.

[fella-lovin-fella]

imagine youre maya jayashtri. you've had a long day and there's 7 minutes left til the store closes, when two middle aged gentlemen, carrying a basil plant and a single sweet potato and who are obviously in a fight make small talk at your register. they say they're new in town, that they bought your partner's childhood home from the shitty company that stole it from her.

you finish up your work and meet them outside. you insinuate that they're a couple and one of them starts screaming at you to watch your mouth. you apologize and they snort a line of coke from the handlebar of their broken electric scooter.

they tell you they want to improve this town and they have nine (9) buses. you have to see it to believe it so you follow them home.

you get there and see that they do in fact have nine buses, as well as an additional four roommates. you ask what their relationship is and they reply "dual male income household" and "San Fransisco," as if that means anything.

they invite you to hang out sometime but tell you that they have just moved and have no furniture, but you can meet them at the bar they somehow already co-own. before you leave, one of them runs at a superhuman speed and tears off the height chart from the wall of your partner's childhood home.

[spiralfucker]

Gay kink stores are like here’s the fuck master 5000 gnome king pig blaster it goes in your ass obviously pigfag and pansexual kink stores are like here’s like gender sensory backdoor pridefun exploration pleasure rod and it’s the same toy

[pansydivided]

im fascinated by this. how much can you tell about the christian sex store without doxxing yourself i need to know more

[punkitt-is-here]

quirky fourth wall breaking character but theyre just fucking. wrong about the medium theyre in. they keep making references to cinematic techniques and directorial styles and the other fourth wall breaking character is like "dumbass we're in a fucking comic book" and they are in a video game.

[totally-cis-offical]

Well currently they’re in a tumblr post but I see your point

[moon-of-curses]

we're actually in a youtube video if this turns out to be funny enough

[textonly]

[quitetheketch-moved]

[blagueofchaos]

Audio transcript : Hamster balls are like so dangerous for small animals. You know why? Because like, they can't extend their back properly, so their back is like thi-- (cuts off abruptly as the creature in the hamster ball is revealed to be a crab; pauses. The following is said with an affectionate tone like one uses when speaking of a cute animal:) Well, he can't break his spine 'cause he don't have a spine.

[dragon-in-a-fez]

one of the funniest conversations I ever had with my ex was when they were still getting used to Celsius and asked me "what's 20 degrees?" and instead of converting it, I said "it's the highest your dad will ever let you set the thermostat and when you say you're cold he tells you to put on another sweater, we're not made of money" and they went "oh, 68"

the fact that this reference was that fucking precise was something they went on to tell people about for years.

[wholesome-animal-images]

[lesbiangiratina]

I shouldnt be having panic attacks alone in my bedroom i should be having panic attacks in clubs n bars while beautiful women take notice and pity me and wonder about how they can use it to their advantage and they bring me to their homes and i have panic attacks in their bedrooms. I dont know what happens after that. I wouldnt know

[lesbiangiratina]

Nobody knows

[cutecipher]

basketball players fight over the basketball because they are hypnotized before each game to believe it is their egg

[beardedmrbean]

[queer-as-city-folk]