you don't just marry a person. you marry their ecosystem. their food. the temperature of their house. their sleep schedule. their friends.their family. their way of moving through the world
This made me think about all the “I can change them” people and how in reality, it usually ends up changing you. The reason we become those people isn’t just control but the hope that love can create the safety we are craving. That we never got or aren’t giving to ourselves. It’s attaching to potential instead of reality. Believing that if you can fix what feels off, you won’t get hurt later. That if you can shape the situation, you can finally relax
Sometimes it comes from old patterns where love to you meant earning, proving, or holding everything together. So you start adjusting yourself your standards, your needs, your routines,trying to make the relationship work. But you don’t change someone into alignment, you choose someone who already is because that “ecosystem” isn’t a small detail. It’s your everyday life. It’s what you wake up to, how you feel in your own body around them
And if you constantly have to reshape yourself to fit into theirs, you’re not building a life together you’re slowly abandoning pieces of yourself just to stay. And this expands to everything else in your life. Just to avoid looking inward, and really going for the love you deserve
