Shark Bait, Woo Ha Ha.

If you're looking for consistency, you've come to the wrong place pal. 20-something nurse taking life one day at a time. Californian, west coast best coast, baby.

[thecollectibles]

Art by Chloe’s arts

[bewbin]

Fourth time now I've tried to propose to my wife and has gone horribly wrong first I put the engagement ring in the wine glass she drank that next time I tried putting it in the cake she ate that at the last point I decided to give it to the waiter to give to her she still ate him too like I've lost so much money but God what a woman

[anonbeadraws]

today's warm up: some believe they are her true eyes in the statue, some, a donation from an ancient believer. The eyes move all the same.

[charaznablescanontoyota]

for people who haven't been exposed to trader joes lentils for my wife guy, you're welcome

[maidthings]

[aboutoriginality]

[ferrousferrule]

For those of you who dont get to see fireflies. Yes they are real and yes they are gentle

[kick-a-long]

Fuck. I can’t believe how much I needed to see something sweet and beautiful and needless right this very moment.

Thank you. I’ll try to get it to more people in need.

[finndamerons-archive]

let him live

[teathattast]

[hyenabeanz]

My friend sent me this with a "this made me think of you."

I feel so seen.

[antimony-ore]

Get DRINKED (don't tell the Philadelphians)

[inthesensethat]

[cordic]

its important to me that all y'all know that mannertee has an arch nemesis

his name is Ikanzame and he's a shark with bad driving etiquette!!

[undeadenn]

[skopostheorie]

Can't decide whether it's funnier to say "my hungry ass could never work at a" and then say something that implies you're eating something truly grotesque or something that just, makes no sense

[skopostheorie]

"my hungry ass could never be a brain surgeon" awful. 10/10

"my hungry ass could never be a truck driver" ????? 10/10

[yanoharuhito]

EATYIGNIN TIJOK;L'HE????

[see-the-wires]

[brbarou]

my wife and i don't argue she cuts my hand off and i dedicate my heart and soul to her

[theofficialuriel]

I read this book too early in my life (4th-5th grade) and it unfortunately shaped me into the person I am today

[charlesoberonn]

To have the highest incarceration per capita rate in the world, Vatican City would need to imprison 13 people.

[charlesoberonn]

[pyrrhiccomedy]

My wife and I have a little game we play called "Speaking From Ignorance."

To play Speaking From Ignorance, all you need is a phone with a voice recorder, and another person who knows considerably more or considerably less about a topic than you do. The topic can be anything: from "how to bake a quiche" to "what happens in the Peter Jackson Hobbit movies" to "who is Florence Pugh" to "how does the traveling salesman problem work." All that matters is that one of you has a firm grasp on the material, and one of you absolutely the fuck does not.

Then the person who knows about the topic turns on the recorder, and says to the person who knows barely anything: "Hey - tell me everything you think you know about [X]."

The speaker is then not allowed to ask any questions. Nor is the expert allowed to volunteer any information. The expert is allowed to pipe up with a faintly incredulous "Oh--really? Do you--do you think so?" from time to time, but for the most part, the expert's job is just to sit there and make encouraging sounds while the speaker digs their own grave.

This is never not funny.

The reason you record it is because, very often, the first thing the speaker wants to do after finishing the recording is find out how you actually make a quiche, or whatever. Then you both get to go back and listen to how wrong they were.

We have a small library now of Speaking From Ignorance recordings, and I'm going to be listening to them until I'm eighty.

[bowelfly]

brother gregor and brother ignatz would make an adorable couple i have to say

theyre a couple of something or other alright

[bowelfly]

Brother Ignatz trying to get out of dish duty by pretending to be a stand of reeds. again.