like dean would be like YES i am the ultimate caregiver and the perfect nightgown mommy and i know you better than you know yourself and that gives me the right to absolutely control you. and cas would be like YES strip me of agency and tell me i'm your special little boy but that i'm too stupid and incompetent and childlike to be trusted with anything so you will simply have to make all my decisions for me. and all of this with love
So he did it (somewhat badly) at great personal sacrifice
Nobody was that thrilled about him doing it
Now everyone is mostly pretending it never happened
I do think this situation is in the top 5 list of things that make him insane. Obviously I use it a lot to think about Dean's gender but it's so juicy even beyond that. Like no one knows about this who is alive besides Sam, and Sam has his own issues with their childhood. People meet Dean and imagine 'idk maybe his childhood was rough, but he probably just spent it doing things kids do'. No one is imagining 'married with child at nine'. Unspoken, unacknowledged things are hard to get over and you know Dean is mostly not touching all that, except when it comes bursting out of him and he starts emotionally blackmailing Sam until Sam says (through gritted teeth) that he had a happy childhood, thank you Dean.
Anyway I think Dean should get into mommy kink, it would help him process some stuff. And Cas would be into it. See post.
i thikn. i understand the urge for au cas to have a crazy overinvolved perpetually disappointed father and for it to be chuck. i do. but feels more accurate for cas to have crazy overinvolved perpetually disappointed mother (naomi). and of course the truest version. is succnatural where chuck wants nothing to do with him his brothers want nothing to do with him and the most attention he gets is from his dad's 3rd wife who pays for him to go to conversion therapy which cas finishes and then a week later starts dating a man on trial for a string of murders
#Sam is a Dean Misunderstander: a case study#“hey sorry ur husband died do you wanna go perform american heteromasculinity for me so I can stop worrying about you?”
A lot of John-comes-back fics seem to be about Dean affirming his role as Winchester patriarch in the face of his father, which doesn't really work for me. There are several reasons why:
Literally nobody needs to be the family patriarch. Do we all know this? I feel like I'm going insane.
Dean being the Winchester patriarch is actively making his and everyone else's lives worse.
I just don't think he could do that.
I think Dean faced with John would abandon that role so quickly you would blink and miss it. Just immediately back to being John's little liutenant and grovelling. When he's pathetic <3 except even more rancid because he's only like ten years or so younger than John. And at this point *does* have a much more extensive knowledge and experience of the supernatural.
Sam would have to either rediscover his rebellious streak or confront how beaten down by life he had become and that would be so fun, I think. Instant existential crysis.
And finally, while Cas did join the John Winchester cult, it was not with like, John Winchester still in it. I don't know how he would accept getting ordered around by someone who is not Dean. Plus there is of course the potential tension with Cas being an angel and John being a much more indescriminate monster killer in some sense (ie, he does not harbor sympathies for Cas and I am not sure he even is someone who makes exceptions based on sympathies).
important canon notes : there is no yellow eyed demon. john and mary were heaven-arranged with the help of anna as mary’s protector to make sure that sam and dean were conceived.
once sam is born, anna’s watch is ended officially. but she’s fallen for mary and mary for her so she stays close by. she does not trust john. things are getting more and more volatile between him and mary. he’s getting physical. anna has been warned not to interfere, mary’s safety isn’t important anymore - sam and dean are already born. heaven stepped away.
so one night - things get bad. john is off the fucking rails and he’s dead sober and that’s worse somehow and god. he’s angry. and mary’s never seen him like this before and she’s scared and he’s so mad. and he has his hands around her neck and she’s dying. she’s dying. she’s dying and she doesn’t know why but she’s praying too. and with her last breath she calls for anna but it’s too late.
when anna gets there it’s hell. she sees john’s anger and she matches it. she doubles it. she sees his fury and she turns it righteous and she’s screaming with her true voice and john’s bleeding from the ears and crying blood and she slashes at his face with her angel blade and cuts him from cheek to forehead and he doesn’t even know what hit him. one minute he’s standing over his dead wife’s body and the next he’s pinned to the ceiling and this angel is going to kill him. she’s in his head too - replaying scenes of death and destruction from the war mixed in with mary in her wedding dress. the first time he split mary’s lip. mary in the hospital bed with dean in her arms. the time he threw mary down the stairs. mary with child. the first time he strangled mary. mary mother mary. mary dead mary. he can’t focus through the pain - the cut on his face burns like fire and he’s held to the ceiling by anna and the screams couldn’t get louder and then they do. anna loses focus on john and he falls to the floor and there’s burning blue white pure light and wing flashes and angel blades clashing and then john is burning. the room is filled with smoke but it’s. otherwise empty. anna’s gone. whatever came and took her is gone. and there’s just fire. john runs out of his room with mary and leaves her body behind and finds dean in sam’s nursery with him , hiding from the noise and crying and he tells dean to run. and they run. sam still in deans arms even though john’s there to carry them both.
john throws himself into hunting. not to avenge mary but for his own revenge. against the angel that dared to interfere. against the angel that left him scarred. against the angel that he tells sam and dean killed their mother. he keeps his boys close for a minute while he’s on the run from the law bc of the whole. strangled his wife and burnt the house down thing. there’s no I Need To Protect My Kids From Monsters delusion. really - he knows they need to be protected from him, actually, especially so young - so as soon as he meets bobbyandrufus he dumps the boys at the salvage yard for as normal of a childhood as two mostly retired hunters can give ‘em.
sam is actually really into the lore from a young age. he never knew his mom - not really - so he throws himself into learning as much about their family line and angels / the supernatural as possible. he digs into bobby’s stuff all the time , “helps out” with research even tho he’s soooo little. he asks so many questions.
dean doesn’t give a fucKkkkk about that. he’s enrolled in school and loves it. he’s playing sports. he’s making friends. he’s living his best little boy life. until he’s 12 and john deems dean old enough to enlist into john’s war on heaven. deans pissy at first because. this isn’t his life, where’s sammy why can’t he finish the school year . but john makes sure he knows the stakes. makes sure dean knows this is about killing that angel that burned down their family home and scarred john and sent them running. and dean is like yes. we have to avenge mom. and john is like ???? OH. oh yeah. oh yeah her too. this is about your mother obviously yeah. the angel that killed mom. since i didn’t do that that’d be crazy.
and for four years - dean and sam are separated while john trains him. and thinking about the little dean that leaves bobby’s house with a little suitcase waving goodbye to sam. and how different dean is when they come back four years later for sam. and how resentful of being left out and behind and deserted sam would feel. how he doesn’t even recognize the soldier their father turned dean into. they know not to ask about mom because john gets mad but they don’t start picking up on how Off it all is until they’re older.
canon timeline picks back up. john hunting with kids in tow. obviously no azazel , no psychic sam, - focus on anna and angels. for the most part he never encounters any bc john is shit at hunting. but once sam fucks off to college (major in theology!) he and dean stay in touch behind john’s back. sam is doing research for dean - they start picking up that john is hiding shit from them. stanford era dean hunting alone, but calling on sam for help tracking down anna. he finally figures out how to summon her
ohhh the confrontation there is soooo juicy good to me. anna in a ring of fire, dean standing across from the thing he thought killed his mother. he needs to be sure before he calls john so he calls her out. anna cannot remember the last time she was this angry (lies. it was when she was too late to save mary. it was when she was stopped from avenging mary’s death and punished for interfering). anna’s face falls and she’s sick at the thought of mary’s sons growing up thinking she was the monster. growing up idolizing their father. raised by a murderer. she sees mary in deans face though and she calms herself down and she. explains to him everything. she shows him. everything. and here’s how dean kills john can win. i've also thought about how that Confrontation would go. wild things wild thoughts perfect horrible aus
the thing about cas is he definitely did make himself an omega. now the question is: is there a level of like. vulnerability roleplay here. is he giving dean hormones that make him think cas (literally god) is a vulnerable little omega in need of protection and breeding. or is cas just pussyhypnotizing him in an omegadom manner.
oh my god so. so!!! if cas is doing this some time around s9/10 ish, after the whole stolen grace debacle, and assorted problems, i think he would definitely engage in vulnerability roleplay because he just wants dean to be soooo nice to him even if it's because he's making him be nice to him by changing his biological chemistry and he wants dean to be protective and give him cuddles and whatnot.
HOWEVER, godstiel relationship with dean is very. egyptian household cat. he is my god, but he is also my pet, and my responsibility, and I will worship him and make people worship him but also i am just building him a little nest and giving him treats YK???? so yes. he is making dean go crazyyyy just by the power of that god pussy. nothing else.
Tone Not really conveyed in the transcript but this is such a fun little piece. Sam’s being completely normal not over earnest or cloying or pushing and he’s letting dean sit there and stare in disbelieving silence and dean IMMEDIATELY snarks it.
I also love. That it reads like. Sam voice. Just checking in. Dean voice. Why? So I can talk about my feelings? So I can reveal my feelings that are gay? So I come out as a gay man? Pass. Sam DOESNT say we need to talk out your feelings. Sam says. You good after getting the shit kicked out of you? And dean says. What. Why wouldn’t I be good. Because cas beat me up? Because I looked up at cas and told him I needed him and was ready to die by his hand and then he looked at me and instead of the killing blow he pressed his palm to my forehead and healed me? Because I thought about saying I love you and then didn’t? Because I told him I needed him and then he ghosted me? Ha. PASS. You’re not getting me with your talking about feelings trap.
Dean as a kid trying to find the same laundry detergent his mom used to use and never finding it. He was too young to help with the laundry before she died, and he can't ask John, because he's not supposed to talk about their life from before. One day in his thirties he grabs a random box at the store because their usual brand is out of stock, and the sense memory he gets when the clothes come out of the drier makes him sit on the floor and weep.
This is pre-Mary's return (obviously), and when she does come back he tries to share this memory with her. She's like "?? You cried? It's just soap. I couldn't tell you the brand if I was held at gunpoint."
Unkind, because she kinda resents the further tying of her memory to household tasks that she was bad at keeping track of and didn't place any significance on. Dean meanwhile is so embarrassed by this response that he wants to jump into a well.
I fully believe that Charlie has both read and written destiel fanfic because she binged that series as fast as possible and she’s also witnessed first hand how Cas and Dean interact with each other and she has the insider knowledge that Dean knows how to flirt with men
also currently contemplating a twist on the ol' "the empty has been torturing cas with fake scenarios and dean goes in to save him" fic where dean goes into the empty and gets trapped acting out dean's parts in cas' memories, but cas thinks he's still imaginary so cas is like. uninhibited. so dean is being forced to act out either normal or horrible things that he did to or with cas, but cas isn't really playing his part in the scene, instead he's commenting, or talking back to dean, or even openly getting off on it, all of this much more openly and honestly than he would dare if he knew dean were there
#god. dean is forcibly reenacting his top ten abusive momence and then he turns and the real cas is just standing there. watching.#and furiously jacking off.
#YEAH#dean being reduced to tears and wanting to puke and scream and cry#and cas is either nonchalantly making commentary that makes dean want to jump off a cliff#or he’s moaning loudly playing w his hole . no in between
early seasons dean like has his own soap opera vaseline-smeared filter on at all times and just kind of stares at everyone and everything around him with his mouth open and desperate for something to fill it. obviously that’s a great dean. mid series dean is just a handsome ken doll with a spray tan who commits crimes. late seasons dean….in his skinny jeans and high heels and his crinkly old man face and his gay little socks……..sorry what was the question?
