THE ROOM WAS SPINNING, BUT it settles. however, as she feels his hands turning her, the room begins to spin again and she’s dizzy once more upon facing him. no, no, no… why did it happen here and now ?! she’d been keeping her being poisoned from him so he wouldn’t worry… and now it reveals itself right in front of him ?! kryptonite… irradiated pieces of her planet… she’s basically allergic to her own planet, and now it’s in her system and slowly killing her.. that’s not something kara wanted on winn’s mind. he didn’t need to live with the knowledge that his wife is dying slowly, as if from cancer or something of the sort.
when he turned her, both hands went up to remove her glasses and she rubs her eyes for a moment. looking down, a hand goes to her forehead as the other holds her glasses against her knee to try and reduce the nausea. ❛ ah… yea, yea, i’m… ‘m fine. ❜ kara says, attempting to put him off with a bullshit answer. she knows it won’t work, though. she wants to get up but as the dust settles in her body she doubts, at this exact moment, she’d have the strength to even stand.
ma’am, this is my emotional support dork.
kara knows she can’t keep this a secret forever, so… she might as well tell him. ❛ before i explain, just… promise you won’t get mad for me keeping this from you.. i don’t know what i’d do if you hated me or something for it, and i.. i just didn’t want you to worry. ❜ she whispers, taking in a deep breath as both hands rest on her knees and she puts her glasses on the table behind her—beside his laptop. ❛ right before you came back, uhm… these two terrorists, mercy and otis graves… they sowed the seeds of rebellion, and caused deo agents to turn against aliens and alex and everything the deo stood for.. ❜
another deep breath, this time shaky, that she takes in and lets out equally as shaky. ❛ they, um… they got their hands on the device that we used to ward off the daxamites, and they… also got their hands on a small amount of kryptonite from lena’s L corp building.. ❜ she hopes he knows where she’s going with this, but also hopes that he’s understanding why she didn’t tell him. ❛ i was flying back from dc after talking to the new president, president marsdin resigned after her identity as an alien came out, and… they used the device to.. irradiate the atmosphere with kryptonite. ❜
a pause, kara’s head raises to look at winn for a moment as her current weakness gleans in her blue eyes. she loves him. to rao almighty, she loves him with all her heart and the moon and stars above… if he hates her for not telling him… ❛ i, um… i fell.. out of the sky. j’onn, he.. he saved me from hitting the ground, which would’ve killed me on impact, but… i almost died anyway, until lena came with a suit that was filtering out the kryptonite around me so i could live. turns out, even with that suit and all other measures that were taken while i was unconscious… i was still poisoned. there’s kryptonite in my system, and i.. i don’t know how to get it out. going to argo would likely kill me for sure, so.. the only thing that’s keeping me alive is the earth’s yellow sun.. some days are worse than others and most days i can go about as if nothing ever happened to a point, but.. ❜ her head lowers again, unable to stop herself as tears rise to her eyes. she hates that he knows this now. she hates that she couldn’t hide it from him regardless of how hard she tried…
winn doesn’t know how to feel. at first, he feels nothing but sheer worry; the woman he loves was sick and close to dying and he had absolutely no idea, but the more she talks the more he drifts towards frustration. frustration that he wasn’t told and frustration that someone who had dedicated her entire being to be honest with him, much like he did with her, and that -- that doesn’t feel good. of course it doesn’t feel good. it’s not like he can say so, however. what kind of person would he be if he got angry at someone that’s sick? it would be like walking into a hospital and screaming at a patient. he just can’t do it. instead, he’s silent. he listens while she talks. it’s all he can do. it’s that or he starts crying as the reality of the situation sinks in.
when he notices her struggling to remain upright, winn uses his gentle grip around her waist and helps guide her to the floor where he sits with his back to the kitchen island, the blonde between his legs, back still to his chest. while the hold is to comfort and protect her from further harm, it also serves as a cover for him to hide his face from her gaze for a moment or two. he needs to be able to collect himself, to remove his own emotions from the situation so that she can be the sole focus. she was poisoned, almost died, and had to be confined to a suit until someone removed the kryptonite from the earth’s atmosphere? he repeats the facts over and over again as he commits them to memory. he has a lot to say about the matter, and quite frankly, none of it is good. he can already picture him screaming at someone later for allowing such harm to befall her in his absence. he... doesn’t do well with loss, potential loss included.
❝ i... don’t hate you, ❞ is what comes out of his mouth when he’s finally able to find his voice. is he hurt? yes. does he wish that someone else was the target of this hate instead of kara? absolutely. he hates himself for thinking such a thing, but he’s sick and tired of nearly losing the woman he loves. has she not suffered enough? have they not suffered enough? most of all, winn hates the fact that he wasn’t there. yes, it was important for him to go to the future and assist the legion because brainy could no longer do so, but at what cost? in his mind, this -- this isn’t worth it. he’s way past believing that the pain they go through is worth it, not when there’s so much more at stake now. he feels selfish for thinking that way, but he just wants to be happy. kara deserves to be happy.
don’t they deserve to be happy after everything they’ve gone through?
❝ you can’t keep things like this from me, ❞ winn then says. for a moment, he nuzzles his face in her hair, allowing his body to take in her presence, her smell... her everything, allowing it to comfort himself in the silence. inside, his heart is hurting. his hands find kara’s and he threads his fingers through hers, his grip a little bit tighter than what a human would be used to. he doesn’t want to let go. he can’t. ❝ you have -- you have no -- no idea -- n-no idea what losing you will do to me. to any of us. ❞ currently, though, he doesn’t give a rat’s ass about how anyone else would feel if kara died. all he can think about is how he would feel. ❝ will you get better? has the kryptonite been removed? what -- what do i need to do? ❞ squeezing her hands gently, winn exhales slowly and closes his eyes. ❝ i love you. please -- please don’t keep this kind of stuff from me. ❞
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