The Carolinian Green Man

A blog of things.

[cosmonautroger]

Throne Of Blood, Akira Kurosawa, 1957

[knightofleo]

“ExcUSE me?!”

[roach-works]

the thing i love about social animals is they necessarily have a concept of manners which means that you can be rude to them. not threatening, but rude. and they’ll be annoyed at you for it.

[dreamwaffles]

[rongzhi]

English added by me :)

[genderfluid-druid]

hurr hurr I'm a human body hurr hurr I'm gonna solve all my problems using mucus

[genderfluid-druid]

"i require more fluids" well what did you do with the fluids I already gave you. hmm? did you make more mucus with them? you made more mucus with them.

[thecollectibles]

Art by Alba Real

[gr33nthemighty]

First guy has a look on his face like he has to explain how he scewed up badly at something really important

[ruinedchildhood]

[island-delver-go]

[sexywizardsdotcom-deactivated20]

kangaroo: (sees creature descend from the sky with a single giant multicoloured wing)

kangaroo: oh i am going to absolutely kick the shit out of that.

[catgirlforeskin]

Obsessed with the way the kangaroo runs straight at them and attacks like a hostile mob in a survival game

[spaghettibastard]

WAR 4 RAYUBA

HESSIAN VS FUNGAL PART 4 & sketches

 (part1) (part2) (part3)

FEED US / Blue Avian

[spaghettibastard]

WAR 4 RAYUBA 

HESSIAN VS FUNGAL PART 1

[only-tiktoks]

[bogleech]

You know, as the concept of “zombifying fungi” becomes more and more popular, I notice it still referred to everywhere as like a “brain parasite.” So I guess a lot of people overlooked or forgot how in 2019 it was discovered that cordyceps and other similar fungal parasites leave the brain and nervous system completely untouched. They only control the muscles. They use chemical signals to make the muscles flex in real time where they want to go :)

[bogleech]

It’s funny how many people are replying “but that’s worse!” like you didn’t know that’s exactly why I put a smiley

[dogposts]

my dog was sleeping backstage and wandered out during the encore to sing with the band (via)

[spaghettibastard]

Spooky Scary Necrons

[pitbolshevik]

mustelids are the best animal because they are fucking brutally efficient predators but they're also just absurdly cute

[pitbolshevik]

me when i fucking get you

[a-shooting-starmie]

[headspace-hotel]

So I wanted to know what kind of crystal could go in a wizard staff, right? so I googled “big crystal,” as one does, and got an Etsy ad for This

And as you all know I Am currently taking a geology class, so I am probably more emotionally invested in minerals than usual. But that is...very obviously not a natural crystal.

So I did some looking around on Etsy.

Now, these shops all seem to advertise to the “witchy”/“spiritual healing” type of person. And there are a lot of them. Crystals are a Big Thing on Etsy. And ALMOST ALL of them are obviously artificially cut into the same sort of prism with a triangular pyramid top, regardless of the actual sort of crystal it is supposed to be.

Even like, fucking, obsidian. Obsidian is volcanic glass, it doesn’t form crystals at all, it is not a crystal

I’m not throwing any shade at people who are into crystals for like witchy reasons, but it really seems like if crystals are spiritually important to you, you should know what a crystal is...right...?

[headspace-hotel]

So there I am. Caught in the helpless anger and distaste of looking at geologically inaccurate Etsy crystals.

And as I scroll, I start to see items in...interesting shapes:

“Oh,” I think to myself. “Oh no.”

But it is too late. I have heard the siren’s song, singing to me of knowledge that will destroy me, but that I cannot help but seek.

These...elongated objects are almost always ambiguously described as “massage wands,” “crystal healing wands,” and other such innocuous things. The egg-shaped objects are, um, “yoni eggs.”

...Right. Okay.

Maintain the youthfulness of my sacred organ.

IT’S A SEX TOY. SAY IT. BITCH, IT’S A SEX TOY, IT’S OKAY, SERIOUSLY, THERE’S NO SHAME IN IT, SAY IT WITH PRIDE, SAY IT WITH YOUR CHEST,

OKAY.

Okay. I’m good. I’m fine.

Actually, you know what, never mind. There is shame in this and I want it to be never acknowledged again.

Additionally, I am not fine.

Why the fuck are there so many of these—

At this point I stop and start googling.

Now, Selenite is the crystalline form of gypsum. It is also known as satin spar. Selenite is brittle and breaks easily, and has a Mohs hardness scale of 2.

For those unfamiliar with the Mohs hardness scale, a mineral with a hardness of 2 is soft enough that it can be easily scratched with a fingernail. It also is dissolved by moisture.

NO. DON’T PUT THAT IN YOUR BODY???? DON’T PUT THE GYPSUM, WHICH HAS A MOHS HARDNESS SCALE OF 2, IS BRITTLE AND BREAKS EASILY, AND IS WATER SOLUBLE, INSIDE YOUR LITERAL ACTUAL VAGINA??????????

I try to reassure myself with the fact that these things are probably not actually selenite, because making a dildo out of such a soft mineral in the first place would be very difficult. Having seen fluorite before, I feel pretty certain that the fluorite yoni eggs are probably actually just glass.

I google fluorite.

Okay.

Further exploring online shows me that fluorite is soluble in various strong acids.

Some guys on a forum in 2004 have strong contradictory opinions on this.

(I google the pH of the vagina.)

I don’t understand how pH works. I give up on the solubility question and google the toxicity of fluorite:

I now know at least one orifice fluorite does not go inside.

Science.

[headspace-hotel]

No, dear followers, my journey did not end here.

I have opened Pandora’s box, except Pandora’s box is filled with minerals God did not intend to be anywhere near the vagina carved into the shape of dildos. Etsy is advertising me sex toys I wish I could forget.

And vaginal steam herbs.

It seems that there is potentially a correlation between wanting to steam your vagina and wanting to put rocks in it. I know, groundbreaking discovery.

Okay, so we’re talking therapy substitute therapy substitute.

(I begin to think about how desperately we need universal health care. Maybe I just need someone, something, to blame.)

At this point, I realize that I haven’t done any googling on whether dildos made of rocks are a good idea at all. So, very tentatively, as if typing it more slowly will make it any less observed by the FBI, I google whether quartz should be used...internally.

First result that pops up:

That’s, uh. That’s reassuring.

I decide I’m incapable of unpacking this particular suitcase.

There are, of course, a small handful of articles debating the safety of rose quartz sex toys. But I’m getting the feeling that this is not a normal question to have in the first place. I close the tab with little relief.

Etsy is still enthusiastically recommending me things that hurt me psychologically.

...pleasure chalk?

How can I describe the fear that this image struck in me, reader?

Pleasure Chalk? What could that be?

Is knowing worse, or is not knowing? I scarcely have a choice:

I check in with my emotions.

Is this relief? Am I relieved that they are eating the dirt instead of fucking it? One review complains about the taste. I don’t know what they expected.

I try in vain to struggle against the tide, to return to the relatively normal side of Etsy. I begin to resent, no, hate, these deceptively aesthetically pleasing hippie shops eagerly spreading medical misinformation and things as yet unknown.

This, unlike the other “crystals” I have shown, appears to show naturally grown crystals. They are, of course, quartz crystals, and $45 comes off as extremely overpriced. I have a quartz crystal I got for a dollar at an Eastern Kentucky rock festival, about the size and quality of the ones in the photo.

Quartz is the most common mineral in the Earth’s crust. But at least this is regular levels of annoying.

Then I see this:

Well, I see the photo and the price, and I think, that looks like a regular quartz crystal. There’s no way a regular quartz crystal is $1,347.

I read the description:

I am crying. I don’t want to google any of this. I am beyond googling. I no longer desire knowledge.

THATS A QUARTZ CRYSTAL. MOTHERFUCKER THAT’S QUARTZ. SIO2, MOST COMMON MINERAL IN THE EARTH’S CRUST. ITS FUCKING QUARTZ IM—

I click on a malachite.

The malachite promises to protect me from emails. And at this, darkest hour, I want to be protected.

I have been broken. I have been lured to my demise.

Big Brother: loved.

Geology lab I’m supposed to be doing: incomplete.

God: unmerciful.

[comeupinns]

This post has everything. Price gouging quartz, eating dirt, and fucking poisonous rocks.

[vernadskova-deactivated20230803]

Ok so Haumea, a dwarf planet beyond Pluto, spins so fast it gets elongated like this. This is just what it looks like. Something deeply unsettles me looking at it. Terrifying.

[spidereggs-deactivated20230413]

this is so fucked up

[ann-beth]

[transgenderer]

There are no high quality images of haumea, this is a computer model, scientists have estimated it's shape based on slight differences in brightness as it rotates and very very coarse images from hubble

It may have a dark red spot not shown in those models due to changes in its reflection.

The images above look fake because...they are fake

[fuckterfs-reactivated20252412]

we need to use the JWST on it to know for sure

[transgenderer]

JWST doesnt have significantly better resolution than hubble! The main thing is that it can see infrared

[sigmaleph]

honestly the thing that fucks me up is that it's not rotationally symmetric. what the hell.

(the answer to 'what the hell' is apparently elaborated upon in this wikipedia article, but i have not even tried to follow the math and i don't think it's a derivation of why that can be in equilibrium in the first place)

[kwarrtz]

The only modern, complete treatment of the problem of uniformly rotating, self-gravitating fluids in hydrostatic equilibrium I'm aware of is "Ellipsoidal figures of equilibrium" (1969) by Chandresekhar. You can read that if you want to see a from-scratch derivation of Jacobi ellipsoids.

I wouldn't recommend it though:

[sigmaleph]

#i do have a pdf if you hate yourself

i have forgotten too much physics :( if i don't hate myself now i definitely will after trying to read that

[la-laborista-republiko]

[theconstitutionisgayculture]

Blocking someone? Fine, good, acceptable, no problem.

Responding to someone and blocking them right after? Gay, cowardly, bitch move, absolutely means you’re terrified to talk to them, your mom really wants you to move out of the house.

[richardsondavis-deactivated2026]

I block some folks after I see the end of our convos. I remember when I was back in reddit I had some users who’d I’d argue with. I respond and wait for their reply. If I’ve had enough, I’ll say “Good day. Good point. Good bye.” Then I block them. Haven’t had to block people here on Tumblr yet.

[siryouarebeingmocked]

I only block people for harassment and if they block me.

On Reddit, I’m more likely to get blocked because I disagreed with some troll. Which, like tumblr, doesn’t keep me from editing the post and calling out the block.

[cookingwithroxy]

I’ve had to reply and block a few times, but not because I was afraid of them, or their ideas.

It was because I knew damn well from the interactions that built up to that point that they were hostile and sometimes evil people who I have no desire to have them interact with my posts.

Just because you have an opinion does not mean you have the right to let my name touch your lips.

[gr33nthemighty]

I gladly block and report on here, mainly to get rid of bots.

[escuerzoresucitado]

Acherontia styx

[godisafujoshi]

Why he do that?