SET YOUR HEART ABLAZE!

Ash : demigirl : they/theirs or she/hers Hey there! I'm a 29 year old dweeb who likes pretty much everything. Please ask if you need something! My wonderful gf is @sleepsfor100years 💖

[childsacrifice]

(no beers in) So how do you perceive me in the privacy of your thoughts

[shithowdy]

today i took the worst photo of a loon one can possibly take while remaining identifiably a loon

[shithowdy]

loon :)

[shithowdy]

i painted my loon :)

[my-dailydreams]

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

The courtship rituals displayed by the juvenile male are varied and complex.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Yeah I saw the lovecraftian horrors and didn’t succumb to madness. What- no I’m not a cultist, James. For Christ’s sake. What you’re forgetting my friend is that HP Lovecraft wasn’t a flexible man. His brain simply wasn’t stretchy enough to take it all in. I however, have short term memory issues. Flexibility is the name of the game when you can’t remember if you ate lunch or not. What’s the size of the universe? Big. You knew that already, James. Come on now. You don’t need to witness the terrifying ocean at the base of the entirety of reality itself to know that. Pass the brandy.

[what-even-is-thiss]

You must imagine the character I’ve created here wearing a suit and a monocle, by the way.

[thesilvertophat]

During a Eldritch Horrors based tabletop RPG my character was a young dandy who wasn't particularly interested in all this monster mystery stuff but his father (my brother's character) was a researcher who WAS very into it, so Bertie went along to make sure the old man didn't get into too much trouble. It was your average Eldritch Horrors RPG in that you don't make your characters with the expectation that they will survive for very long, both the game itself and the genre are very intent on turning your characters inside out, driving them insane, and blowing them up in no particular order.

The thing was, everything in this nightmare hellscape just seemed to keep coming up Bertie because the man was too stupid to realize what genre he was in. Every time he had to roll for a sanity check whenever he saw something crazy, the dice treated him so well that he just... didn't get it. Gee that sure is a funny costume. There's something wrong with that dog. These mean guys in stupid hats are trying to hurt that young lady, we can't have that! I had not built him this way, his intelligence stats weren't even that bad, random chance just made it so that this man was living a scooby doo adventure while everyone else was being consumed by The Horrors. The final straw was at the end of an adventure when Bertie escaped from the cultist headquarters by breaking out through the mansion's front window on a motorcycle with a hot rescued sacrificial maiden clinging to his back and leading the cultists on a merry chase through the hedge maze while the other adventurers escaped. His sanity score? HIGHER than when the adventure had begun. He had found the whole experience quite thrilling and felt very good about life in general! Bertie retired from adventuring to marry the maiden he rescued and care for his aging father and delight and bemuse his friends at the gentleman's club with stories of his 'wacky' adventures. I didn't want to risk breaking his ridiculous lucky streak.

[fabiansociety]

he’s going to have a dickens of a time explaining how he met his new wife to aunt agatha

[nemospecific]

“Bertie, you’re talking nonsense. Again. Still, you’re married, so the details don’t matter. No, I don’t care, no one cares, don’t ruin dinner by trying to explain. There’s a good boy.”

[dogpuppy]

[nineteenyearoldmeblog]

im fucking crying

[ismenes]

you know those studies showing that cursing helps with pain tolerance or whatever. that’s how i feel about making my weird little noises to get through my basic daily activities. sometimes you just have to go hggblaaaah for a minute so you can find the strength within yourself to get up or wash the dishes or send an email. mmmnneh. urgh. the torments are unending but you can always make some little sounds about it.

[flipchild]

The court jester's curt gesture

[lizlemondyke]

it’s funny cuz it’s true

[tsarina-anadyomene]

i kind of hate it when they cast the same 10 superstars who are in literally everything in a movie. celebrity-sickness

[tsarina-anadyomene]

not every movie needs to be an ensemble cast of timothee chalamet, zendaya, tom holland, robert pattinson, and anya taylor-joy

[alleesaur]

the productivity creatures

[liberalsarecool]

Data centers have a limited lifespan but their consequences will be felt for generations.

[bold-baddie]

[buzzfeed]

This little guy is called a pika, and he’s loves bringing people flowers.

[strictlyquadrilateral]

i read an anecdote ages and ages ago from a gay person who grew up with gay parents, and struggled to find any kind of belonging in the gay community because everyone else there was bonding over having homophobic parents. everyone else was defining themselves by their suffering and oppression rather than by their sexuality, leaving this gay person to feel like they weren't really gay because they didn't have the right experiences. they wondered whether more gay people would feel this way as more children grew up with gay parents, if the gay community would leave them behind for not having suffered enough. i think about that anecdote a lot.

a lot of the current rhetoric around gender reminds me of that anecdote. a lot of people are willing to go "transgender people are oppressed for their gender presentation, therefore if you're not oppressed for your gender presentation, you're not trans." but i don't think we should be defining ourselves by our suffering and oppression. what will we do, in a few years, in a few decades, as there start to be, say, adults who were supported in their transition as children? what will we do when a stereotypical trans person can genuinely say they didn't suffer hardship for being trans?

i'm afraid i know the answer. i'm afraid that people are going to close ranks as they've already started closing ranks against intersex people, against nonbinary people, against double binary people, against closeted people. as some people have started closing ranks against people who transitioned in the opposite direction from them. as many people have closed ranks against people with edge case gender experiences. "i don't consider you to be oppressed, therefore you are not welcome to share in this community you might otherwise belong in."

i wish people would understand that we shouldn't do this. i wish people would understand that we benefit from a broader, more inclusive community more than we benefit from whatever purity testing oppression olympics it is that i keep running into.

[beesmygod]

i read this to adam and he just yelled, outraged, "THEYRE BABIES"

[wonderhecko]

TRUE HATERS, SINCE DAY 1 THEY HAVENT BEEN GIVING THEM A FUCKING INCH

[beesmygod]

this is next level

[wonderhecko]

20 years later. you're kermit. opening night at the muppet theater. you look up. you can't believe it. those two awful cunts from next door are here. neither of them died yet. they're going to be here, forever.

[charlesoberonn]

They're immortal.

They were heckling the actors in Ford's theater on the day Lincoln was shot.

They heckled the first reading of the Epic of Gilgamesh.

They heckled the first lifeform to crawl onto land.

They heckled the big bang.

[charlesoberonn]

"They say that time exists now."

"I can tell."

"How so?"

"Because this show is a waste of it!"

"DOHOHOHOHOHO!"

[tiktoksthataregood-ish]

[toast-ranger-to-a-stranger]

The best thing for me, as an ex- Starbucks employee, is the horror that genuinely is the milk delivery when it’s only you and one other shift member. Though, I did end up learning how to carry six individual gallons of milk at once.

[nekocat44]

[thefoggygolem]

Also that change from Customer Service ™®© voice back to normal to informal joking-threats is amazing

[gomi-chandesu]

Yeah the whiplash from “Hi welcome to starbucks how can I help you! :)” to “I’LL FUCK YOUR WIFE” killed me.

[drtanner]

MILK.

DELIVERY.

[oops-prow-did-it-again]

Almost pissed myself laughing reading this addition holy shit

[desinteresse]

Men who talk shit about gold diggers underestimate the grit it takes to put up with an insufferable man, even when money is involved. We should be thanking them for their service like they are veterans.

[little-trash-ghost]

Can't leave this in the tags..