My ideal beginning to a Batman movie:
We start with a slow pan down to Gotham as Oracle narrates
“Ask your average person who Gotham’s most famous citizen is, and you’ll get the same response every time: Bruce Wayne. Everybody’s heard of Bruce Wayne. You’ve probably heard his name a million times before. But there are some things that the average citizen doesn’t know about him. See, to the people of Gotham, Bruce Wayne is a rich kid who never grew up. They think he’s a buffoon, an airhead, a moron. But the truth is…”
*Batman bursts out of a window, screaming, on fire*
*record scratch, freeze frame*
“…they aren’t entirely wrong about that.”
EHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE
This is then followed by a series of clips from interviews with various Gotham citizens, all of whom give humorously ironic descriptions of Bruce Wayne’s idiocy:
“Bruce Wayne? I hear the guy gets through a super-car every month! Replaces every one, just like that!”
*Cut to shot of the Batmobile flipping end-over-end after slamming into one of Bane’s APCs*
“Wayne? Please! The guy would probably have accidentally killed himself years ago if he didn’t have that butler to babysit him!” *Cut to Alfred physically restraining Bruce from going out to fight Scarecrow while having a broken arm, a concussion, and the flu,*
“I bet he throws away cash like it grows on trees!”
*Cut to Batman shouting “Hey, Lucius! Ask R&D to make some kryptonite/Nth metal alloy baterangs! Y’know, just in case!”
“I’m almost jealous. Super rich and he gets to hang out with gorgeous women across the world? Sign me up!”
*Cut to Bruce being slammed face first into a wall repeatedly by Lady Shiva.*
@smut-smut-in-the-butt this seems like something you’d be interested in
This is the Batman I long for.
#i found it again!!#one of my all-time fave posts#i remember this bc of the humour#and bc 80% of the dickwaffles in the notes were like ‘wow i can hear my blorbo-man narrating this’ when it says barbara in the first line#ah batfandom. putting zero respect in oracle’s name since ever#i wonder whether they understand now that we’re almost 15 yrs into the reboot#that babs’s dynamic with bruce used to be ex-wife he never married#babs @ bruce: ‘i hope you die but only i get to kill you’#bruce @ babs: ‘hi honey did you remember to pick up the dry cleaning? wym you don’t live here anymore?’
prev, I think you’re the only goddamn person who understood this post
