Overheard in the locker room of the Montreal Metros:
- "Okay so you can either give a guy a full blowjob without nutting OR let him cum in your mouth. And you have to pick one. Which one are you doing?"
- "How many backshots would you take for a million dollars? Okay, a billion. Okay, fine, a--a wizard says that he'll make you king of the world but only if you take ten backshots--"
- "Your wife grows a penis every year on her birthday and if you don't suck it she'll never have a pussy again. You sucking it?"
- "If I was dying and the only way to save me was to suck a dick would you do it? Does it fucking matter whose dick? Fuck, I dunno. Ilya Rozanov. Yeah, you've gotta suck Rozanov's dick to save my life--"
- "All the women are dead and we've gotta repopulate the Earth and--yeah, Andy, obviously men can get pregnant in this scenario--and you're one of them--do you let a guy knock you up or do you let the human race die out? No Andy, IVF doesn't exist, it's the apocalypse. Do you let a guy nut inside you for the good of humanity?"
- "A million dollars per blowjob and you've gotta swallow. How many are you giving?"
- "Okay so what if the Commissioner came in right now and said Great job boys, you won the Cup, but we're not gonna give it to you unless one of you takes it in the ass from another player in the league--who are you picking? Yeah, if it's you who has to take it. I dunno! Maybe it's gotta be the ugliest player on the team who does it haha."
- "Nah man, that's not cool, don't bring Cap into this. If the Commissioner said Cap had to take it in the ass, I'd volunteer to do it for him. Just because he's Captain doesn't mean he'd automatically have to be the one to take it. We'd never let that happen. That's our FUCKING CAPITAINE WOO HOLLZY--"
- "There's a gun to your wife's head and they're gonna pull the trigger of you can't convince Ilya Rozanov to make out with you super sloppy. Yeah, of course there's tongue. You've gotta act like you want it too."
- "How many times would you lick another dude's asshole for--"
- "Okay there's a genie. And he says, good news Gil, I'm gonna give you a billion dollars. But the only way to do it is to live with Ilya Rozanov for a full calendar year. And yeah you've gotta fuck him. I dunno, a normal amount? Twice a month? Like a normal married couple I guess. I dunno which one of you is the girl, Gil, that's a fucking weird question."
- "Okay FINE new question. Would you fuck Ilya Rozanov for a billion dollars. What do you mean fast or slow? It's Ilya fucking Rozanov, Gil."
- "Well, I mean, okay--if it was fast it'd be over sooner right? But if it was slow, like, that's probably better for, like...your asshole--"
- "I don't know, Gil! Probably like, lube. Not that I'd know about that, my girl's always WET AS FU--"
- "Guys I don't think we should play would you rather around Cap anymore. He gets real weird about the dick questions."
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