Habitual Humanity

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act but a habit." - Aristotle

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"They wanna see you do well, just not better than them. Remember that."

[habitualhumanity]

Today felt like every day before it. It felt like God was right there with me, guiding me through each and every moment. Reminding me all along that nothing is by chance. That everything and everyone serves as part of his plan. I do not believe I will ever be worthy of the blessings I recieve. My only hope is that God will still be here with me, during those inevitable hard times that lie ahead.

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The people that will actually make a difference in your life, will always be there, so long as you allow them to be, and so long as they are able to be. They are blessings, and should be treated as so. Not because you are afraid of losing them, but because you love eachother for who you are, the good and the bad. If you have just one person like that in your life, you should consider yourself lucky. There are many people who feel alone on this planet. If you fall into that category, do not worry. I felt that way once too. For quite a long time actually. Maybe you have not met that special person yet. Maybe you never will. Maybe you still have to make changes to yourself, so that special person is able to enter your life. I do not pretend to know the answers to all of that, but I know a few things for sure: No one’s opinion of you matters more than your own opinion of you. No one will ever have your back as much as you do.

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I Hate That I Wrote This

I hate that you choose drugs over us I hate how you do not take responsibility I hate that I cannot trust the words that you say I hate how you are enabled I hate that I push you away I hate how I feel bad about it I hate waiting for that phone call I hate that I am prepared for it I hate how I am always covering for you I hate that I give you the benefit of the doubt I hate how you convince me everything is okay I hate that this feels normal I hate that people assume I am like you I hate how I downplay my success I hate how it feels like no one understands I hate that no matter what I say or do, nothing ever changes I hate how much I love you I hate that I cried writing this I hate everything today I hate that I cannot see you I hate how I cannot hear your voice I hate that it ever got to this point I hate always having to be the strong one I hate always having to be there I hate feeling so trapped I hate that I still hope I hate that I still pray I hate that I wrote this

[habitualhumanity]

The Rat Race

From the time we are born, our parents, teachers, peers and societal norms have trained and groomed each of us to become a part of our capitalistic system. Money and greed are the main drivers in our society, and the illusion of choice is the main tool used to keep the masses from rising up, and demanding a change from the status quo.

Our society has its entire people broken up into two main groups: the “haves” and the “have-nots.” Those who have are able to achieve an exceptional amount of money and wealth, allowing the “haves” the ability to pay all of their debts and purchase whatever their hearts may desire. In this sense, the “haves” in our society are viewed as superior. On the other hand, the “have-nots”—who have amassed little to no money to pay their debts, purchase what they want, or in some cases, obtain the bare necessities needed to survive—are inferior.

Every animal on this planet, humans included, exists solely because of their innate desire to survive. This is why I believe that survival is the true meaning or purpose of life. From the time you are born, before you even know what you are experiencing, you are gasping for air, looking for food and warmth, and fighting to survive. This remains true as you grow older, as every action that you take is one that propels you to survive and/or improve the standards by which you live.

Human beings are unique in the sense, that we are the only animals on the planet that have created a monetary system whereby the creation of wealth serves as our only means to survive. Survival of the fittest has been replaced by survival of the richest. Welcome to the rat race, where even if you win, you are still a rat.

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Will I See You Again?

The other day, my immediate family and I were hit by terrible and sudden news. Our beloved family dog, Hunter, was diagnosed with cancer. To make matters worse, the veterinarian told us he had a baseball sized tumor, which had recently burst, sending cancerous blood all throughout the inside of his body. She also told us he would live another week or so, at most. This news caught us all by surprise. Hunter, not being very old in dog years, we thought had many years left in the tank.

Moments like this are bittersweet. They are bitter because we know we are going to lose, or have lost someone that is close to our hearts. They are sweet because they remind us how much love we have for that someone. Times like these also seem to bring our family closer together.

In the time I have spent on this planet, I have experienced what I would consider to be a great amount of loss. I lost my dad when I was in college, my best friend shortly after, other friends and acquaintances, and many pets along the way. It seems, the older I grow, the more pain and loss I endure. In turn, it appears I have become more desensitized to loss, or rather, I have learned new ways to cope with loss—this much, I am not completely sure about.

When someone close to me passes away, instead of the immediate reaction of tears and hysterical sadness I experienced in my younger years, my focus shifts to the good memories I have of that person. I also experience a feeling of overall acceptance, knowing that this is just part of life. Any sadness I feel is mostly due to seeing my loved ones struggle to deal with the loss themselves.

This past weekend, I got to say my last goodbyes to Hunter. As I was petting him, I was talking with my mom, when she asked me, “Do you think dogs go to heaven?” The easiest answer and the answer I should have given was, “Yes Mom, I think they do.” But being the overt deep thinker I am, I pondered on the question and finally gave my mom the best answer I could—“I don’t know.”

Do I think it is possible that there is a God, and an afterlife? Sure. Can I definitively say I believe God exists? No. I believe in, for the most part, that which I have experienced directly. I have never encountered God nor have I have passed away to know there is an after life. I try to hang my hat on what I have experienced and remind myself not put too much faith in anything else.

My logic tells me, that Hunter is an organism that lived on Earth just like me; therefore, whatever experience he had during and after his life should in many ways be similar to mine. To me, death is the great equalizer, because as different as each of our lives are, we all experience death.

I believe in love and in the importance of living in the moment. This past weekend with my dear companion reminds me I need to try harder at both of these things. I need to appreciate more the time I have with those who are still here with me. At the end of the day, all I have in life are my experiences and the memories I keep.

[habitualhumanity]

Social Media: A Whirlwind Of Misinformation

Like most people I know, at some point each day, I like to check my social media accounts. Most of what I see is entertaining. I look forward to seeing pictures of my friends and their families, reading inspirational quotes, and even skimming through the occasional off-the-cuff rant.  I also, personally, receive a sense of comfort knowing, that for the most part, all is well with those most familiar to me. However, there is another side to social media, that to me, has become quite alarming.

It seems every day I see a meme, an advertisement, a video, a statement or a rant, that judging by all of the likes and comments it has received, has been seen by many before making its way to me. A lot of what I come across contains information or imagery that lacks truthfulness, and has obviously not been fact checked. To make matters worse, much of what I encounter appears to be a deliberate attempt by someone, to pass off nonsense as fact, news, or otherwise crucial information. When I am confronted with such senseless posts, I seem to run through the same series of emotions, in my head.

First, is the immediate feeling of disgust. I am disgusted, for one, that another human being took time to create and/or post such vileness, and thereby, embodying what is wrong with our current society—the deliberate attempt of a select few to deceive the masses and the willingness of the masses to be deceived by a select few. I am repulsed when I look and see how many have taken time out of their day to like, comment, and/or share these monstrosities.

Next, is an obligation to take action against the perpetrator of the act. I contemplate writing my own comment of disapproval or even reporting it. Sometimes, I go as far as typing up a whole paragraph explaining the issue I have with the post.

Lastly, I delete everything I wrote and try to forget what I saw. I remind myself, as stupid, evil or plain misinformed as some people can be, bringing more attention to them is not a real solution, it is the problem.

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My 5 Keys To Financial Stability

Over the past few years, I have made several changes to my life, one of which is becoming financially stable. I am saving more money than ever, and by this time next year, I will be completely debt free! I thought for a while, about the changes I have made, to make all of this possible. That being said, here are my five keys to financial stability:

1)  Buy Necessities In Bulk

Everyone has certain types or brands of products that are necessities to their lives. Necessities that do not carry a time stamp, that can be stored for long periods of time, items such as toiletries, toilet paper, cleaning supplies, light bulbs, dry food. Once a year, I buy such items in bulk, using Amazon Pantry. Amazon has easy delivery, competitive pricing, and low shipping costs making it my go to for bulk shopping. First, I do the math on how much of each item I will need for the year. Next, I purchase the items, based on the price point per volume of the order. In some instances, I may buy a little more in order to get a better price point. By buying in bulk, not only do I get great prices per unit, I  also reduce my spending throughout the year by eliminating these items from my weekly shopping list.

Before I made this change, I was purchasing these items at premium, by buying them at retail stores, as a single unit or relatively low volume. By buying in bulk, I am able to free up my monthly costs of these items and have extra cash each month. I buy what I need for the year, and get it out of the way.

2)  Eat Smart

Cooking more, and eating out less, has saved me some serious cash. When I am home I try to cook as much as possible. I buy all my food at a nearby farmer’s co-op. They carry the same, if not similar food products found at Whole Foods, or Trader Joe’s, but at a much better price. I choose a day to cook all of my lunches for the week and I keep it simple. On my strength-training days I have meat and veggies and on my cardio training days I have meat and carbs. I cook a huge amount of food at once, store them in microwavable Tupperware (bought in bulk from Amazon), and pop them in the freezer. Most of the people I work with,eat out every day. On average that is $10 per meal (if you are lucky), or $200 per month just for lunch! My average grocery bill is $120-150 per month.

3)  Save Energy

When I am not home, I turn the lights off. When I am not using the water, I turn the water off. The AC stays off unless I am sweating and the heat stays off unless I am cold. When I am not using an appliance, I unplug it from the wall. I use candles for lighting as much as possible! I used to fear seeing how much my utility bills were each month. These minor changes have dramatically reduced the size of my water, gas, and electricity bills. Now seeing those bills is fun, because I know how much I am saving.

4)  Live Within My Means

I only use credit cards in emergency situations, or when I am attempting to build up my credit. In situations where I am using the card to build my credit, I have the money to pay it off quickly. If I do not have the money, I do not buy it. I see things every day that I want, but only the things I need (i.e. food, shelter, water, basic clothing), are worth borrowing to purchase. I apply this rule to larger ticket purchases, as well. For example, I do not do car payments. Not to say I do not need a car, because I do, but if there is a car I want, and I cannot afford it, I do not buy it. Generally, I prefer to find used cars, with one previous owner—typically and older person (they take great care of their cars). I buy the car upfront, with cash, and never spend more than $5,000 on it. This allows me to have a method of transportation to get to work and to run my errands, without the monthly bill attached. Unless buying an antique, when buying a car, one is purchasing a depreciating asset. For me, making a big-ticket purchase on something that is going down in value everyday I own it, is nothing short of insane. I do need a car, but a car I cannot afford is a want, not a need. To me, a house would be a big-ticket item I would consider borrowing some money to obtain because, with the right purchase, the right area, and the right time, I may see a return on investment. I have not purchased a house yet, but when and if I do, I will be putting at least 50% down on the payment. This way I would be considerably lowering my monthly payment and the amount of time it would take me to pay the house off in full.

5)  Stay Sober

At the beginning of this year, I made the decision to transition into a completely sober lifestyle. That means no more drugs, no more alcohol, no more cigarettes, and as of 3 months ago, no more caffeine. This was the change that put my savings over the top. Not only am I no longer paying a premium for these items when I go out but I am not paying for these items at all! As a life-long partaker in “having a good time,” I am sure you can imagine just how much I have saved. This change goes beyond just the money I have saved. It has been integral to all the changes I have made since, and is literally adding years to my life. Instead of a challenge, my life has become more simplistic, and easier to manage. My perspective has completely shifted as well. My main focus now, is adding positive changes to my life and sticking to them.

[habitualhumanity]

Why I Do Not Give Advice

Personally, I am not a big proponent of giving advice. In my younger years, I gave a lot of advice, only to see most of it fall on deaf ears. I do not think people avoid taking advice on purpose. More so, I think it is not in our nature to listen to someone tell us what to do, then go and apply it to our lives. Unless the advice you are receiving is what you are already plan to do, it is more than likely you will not follow the advice.

There is an old saying that goes, “monkey see, monkey do”. I have come to realize there is a lot of truth to this saying. I have noticed, if a person changes something about their lifestyle then others take notice of the changes and are more likely to make the same or similar changes. This, however, is just my own observation and I have not done a study to prove this hypothesis. In my experience, if you want to change someone or something in this world, you must first change yourself.

[habitualhumanity]

Love Versus Marriage

Disclaimer: As you read this, please keep in mind, this is through the perspective of a Western-minded individual, with a relatively Christian upbringing.

It is understood, that love is the foundation that precedes marriage, and a successful marriage is one where love perseveres. On the other hand, a divorce is the dissolution of marriage—where in most cases, there is not enough love for the two partners to continue on as one, or in legal terms, there are irreconcilable differences between the two partners

Love has many definitions, one of which is, “An intense feeling of deep affection.” Some argue, that once one is in love, one is in love forever and the intense feeling of affection never goes away. Some say that love has a beginning and an end; therefore, one can fall in and out of love. One could also argue, since love is a feeling, it transcends time and place all together.

I believe that love has no definition. Love is not something you can see or touch. Love has no formal arrangement. Love has no traceable timeline. Love has no rules or one tradition. Some of the greatest writers, poets and philosophers of all time have dedicated their lives' work to the topic of love, only proving that love has infinite meanings and is relative. Love is whatever one wants it to be.

Marriage, on the other hand, has a more specific definition: “A legally or formally recognized union of a man and a woman—in some jurisdictions, two people of the same sex—as partners in a relationship.” This definition, ironically enough, makes no mention of love at all. Marriage has a clear beginning, and an end. Depending on the culture or the circumstance, the beginning of a marriage can differ. Often the celebration of a marriage consists of a formal ceremony, a reception, and a honeymoon. The celebration is finalized in the form of a legally binding contract between the two individuals. On the other hand, the end of a marriage can come in one of two different ways: divorce or death of one or both partners.

Marriage has financial and tax implications, as well. Married couples are taxed as a unit, instead of two individuals, and therefore receive a tax break. Married couples have the option of holding joint bank accounts or keeping their finances separate. Both partners in a marriage, however, own assets equally—unless otherwise noted in a prenuptial agreement.

I could go on about how love, marriage, and our legal system relate and the implications children can have on love and marriage; however, that is not the purpose of this post. Those of you reading this probably already have your own ideas of what marriage and love are, and the role each play in our society. Through this post, I more so wanted you to take a look at how love and marriage relate to each other and come to your own conclusions. For me, looking at the two objectively, I have come to the following conclusion: Love and marriage are independent of each other and have very strong differences. In some circumstances love and marriage can complement each other.  

Despite my conclusion, I am still left wondering, with divorce rates as high as they are, has marriage proven itself to be an inadequate expression of love? Has the pursuit of maintaining tradition, caused us to lose sight of something more important?

[habitualhumanity]

The Addictive Personality: A Blessing And A Curse

We all know people with addictive personalities who cannot try much of anything without getting hooked. Sadly, these people too often get sucked into the vicious cycle of using harmful substances that provide a major threat to one’s well-being. Drugs that are harmful to one’s body and mind, when introduced to an addict, will often cause a chain reaction of abuse and destruction, which in some cases can last a lifetime. Addicts are not only at risk when it comes to drugs. Gambling, meaningless sex, crime, and a host of other negative actions can just as easily become part of an addicts every day struggle.

There is, however, another side to this coin. Those who possess addictive personalities also have the innate ability to more easily form positive addictions. For example, when one makes the decision, as an addict, to enter into recovery mode, they are presented with many new challenges. The first and most important challenge is that of sobriety. One is taught that addiction is a disease, and in order to treat yourself you must first cleanse your body completely of all drugs. You are also taught all drugs are in fact gateway drugs and consuming one drug will inevitably lead you back to the other drug(s) that got you into trouble in the first place. Because most drugs have become the social norm, are easily accessible and/or legally available, sobriety is a tremendous challenge to anyone, addict or not. Alcohol, nicotine, and caffeine are the big three drugs that most people consume on a daily basis, without ever thinking twice about it.

Sobriety in itself is an addiction, but a positive one. Every day, one does the same thing, over and over. Rather than consume drugs, a recovering addict will do just the opposite: resist doing drugs every second of every day. Those unfamiliar with this struggle, will ask questions like, “Why do they do it?” “Why can’t they have just one?” “How do they do it?” The answer is they do it because they have to, for survival. They can’t have just one, because they know what that action will lead to. They are able to do it because they made the decision. A decision they knew going in they would have to be totally committed to.

Truth be told, taking on the challenge of sobriety may be an easier task for an addict, than for someone who does not have an addictive personality. Forming and maintaining habits, whether negative or positive, are the fabric of an addict’s life. This would help explain the phenomenon of the millions of sober individuals living on this planet who, for the most part, were addicted to drugs at some point in their lives.

During recovery, one also learns in order to fill the empty time they spent using drugs they will need to develop new, healthier activities and hobbies. In time, healthy habits, like daily exercise and a balanced diet, can become new, healthy addictions. One’s hobbies and interests can also expand tremendously.