Next time you buy a book, from a bookstore or online, remember you’re paying for it, whether you enjoy it or not.
Next time you read fanfic, remember you’re viewing it for free. You will likely enjoy it more than the book you’ve purchased, yet you won’t rave about it to family and friends because it’s not as accepted as discussing the New York Times best seller everyone else read.
So that author receives your cash and word of mouth but the fanfic writer you follow just sits around and waits for you to like, read quietly, then unlike without a comment, critique etc. And that’s understandable. Fanfic is widely available. But that fanfic writer is waiting, just like the best selling author, to know if you liked it without the option of compensation, a follow up book offer or the adulation.
Be kind. Offer your fanfic writer 30 seconds to squeal or be constructive and fair. It’s worth more than the cash the best selling author receives and I guarantee you, the fanfic writer will be a bigger fan of yours than the best selling author ever could.
A/N: Continuing to live in my happy world where all my boys are alive and still in Chicago 🫶
“I’m sorry, [Y/N]. We did all we could.” Connor broke the news to you and you could almost feel your heart breaking into two.
“Thanks Connor. I know you did.” You sighed, he gave you a sympathetic nod, picking three beer bottles up and heading back towards his table.
It was the cherry on top of your week. Which was without question the worst since you had become a paramedic 6 years prior. You shouldn’t have asked, you're not supposed to ask and how you felt right this second made the reason clear. Like your entire job was a waste. Which deep down obviously wasn’t true. The lives you saved had outweighed the lives lost, but that fact didn’t always matter. Not when you gave your blood, sweat, and tears to save a child who they would only end up losing on the table hours later. The less you knew of the outcome the better, you could at least pretend they all had a happy ending then. You were glad your partner hadn’t come out tonight. At least then she could live in the dark of the truth, one that you would never tell her. Swallowing the lump in your throat you gestured for Stella who was filling a glass with beer. She handed the beverage to a man at the other end of the bar making her way towards you.
“Can I get a shot? Surprise me, something strong.” You requested just as a body slid into the chair next to you. The only seat still available at the bar. Glancing to your left your stomach only tightened.
“Hey.” Your ex boyfriend gave you a genuine smile hanging his coat on the back of the stool.
“Well if it isn’t Matthew Casey.” The blonde to his left interrupted before you could answer. His attention quickly turned to a girl you recognized from the State Attorney’s office. How you didn’t realize she was sitting there before was beyond you. You had loathed her from the moment she tried to entice Matt into getting a drink when you were out of town after him and Severide had helped them with a case.
“Kaylee, hey how are you?” Matt greeted, and you could see the minute she turned her charm on, turning her body to face him, chest popping out slightly, eyelashes fluttering, and a soft smirk appearing on her lips. You would venture a guess that she had heard about your breakup somehow, not that she cared if he was in a relationship before. Stella appeared back in front of you.
“Yeah, make that two.” You sighed downing the tequila.
“[Y/N].” Stella warned glancing over to Matt and Kaylee who were now laughing. She was your best friend which meant she was also in charge of nixing your bad decisions when it was warranted.
“Just one more.” You looked at her pleading, she knew what a rough week it had been and you knew she was looking out for you but right now you didn’t care. She shook her head grabbing a bottle to fill the shot glass in front of you. “Thank you.” You nodded after feeling the burn down your throat a second time. You could feel Matt’s side eye and chose to ignore it for the better.
Thirty minutes later the shots were beginning to buzz in your bones only furthering your irritation when you watched Kaylee lean whispering into Matt’s ear.
“Hey.” A voice over your shoulder caused you to jump.
“What’s up?” You forced a smile at Severide. You and Severide had become close friends throughout the years mostly due to the grief of losing your partner and his best friend, sticking by each other’s sides through the thick of it, always having him nearby was a comfort.
“Just wanted to check in on you.” He sat down in the seat beside you that had been vacated 10 minutes ago. The one you were about to move to hoping it would lessen your ability of hearing Kaylee’s dare you say pathetic flirting.
“Yeah, I’m good!” You nodded, high pitched voice a little excessive. Were you coping super well? Not exactly. Trying to dissociate tragedies was supposed to come natural to you, just like everyone else in the firehouse and normally you could maybe, but Chicago seemed to implode this week and despite all your best efforts you were fighting a losing battle on almost all occasions. That’s the reason you asked Connor about the little boy from this morning expecting a good report and your spirits to be raised only to be shocked at the truth.
“Mhmm,” he raised an eyebrow glancing over your shoulder at his best friend’s back, “I’m sure that’s true.”
“It’s just like.. does he have to do it right here.” You rolled your eyes, whispering to Kelly, for no good reason since Matt was clearly so enthralled in conversation he wouldn’t have heard you anyway.
“Payback is a bitch, [Y/L/N].” Kelly chuckled, eliciting confusion to appear on your face.
“What does that even mean?” You tried to take a drink before realizing your glass had nothing but ice left, “Gallo,” you summed the dark haired man over holding your drink up.
“You know, [Y/N], I get off early tonight.” Gallo filled your glass wiggling his eyebrows which earned a laugh from Severide. Blake was cute, adorable actually. The kind of guy that would fall at a woman’s feet, make her wonder why she ever spent her life with any other loser. Not someone you wasted a quick hookup on, and right now that’s all you wanted.
“Yeah buddy, see how well that plays out for you.” Severide wore a smug grin, which annoyed you just because he was skilled at getting girls in bed with him didn’t mean he could make fun of the poor kid.
“Ritter gonna be out tonight? Cause I tend to get loud.” You lowered your voice head cocking to the side, a flirty grin appearing on your face, instantly causing redness to form around Blake’s cheeks as he slid the newly filled glass towards you.
“God knows that’s the truth.” Severide huffed, taking a drink of his beer, and your head whipped to him, a scowl appearing.
“Oh fuck you, I had to deal with your hookups on god knows what surfaces for practically a year straight so hush,” You shoved him, you and Matt hadn’t exactly lived together, but you might as well have. You stayed with him practically every night off and since Severide was his roommate he may have been unfortunate enough to be subjected to your pleasure induced sounds every once in a while. “And don’t act like you didn’t like it.” You teased.
Gallo coughed around the drink of water he had just taken, obviously taken back.
You had considered continuing the charade until you heard Kaylee ask Matt if his place was close. Stomach clenching at the words you moved quickly to take a drink, too quickly apparently as the drink ended up in Matt’s lap instead of in your mouth.
“Oh my god. I’m so sorry!” Heat immediately surfaced on your face. You truly didn’t mean to knock your full glass into Matt’s lap. The adrenaline from your jealousy mixed with everything else that week had you completely flustered and the cup slipped right out of your hand, but you knew from the outside looking in it would never look that way.
You could hear Kaylee scoff, looking up to see her roll her eyes dramatically. “Matt I didn’t-“ You flushed taking a single napkin trying and failing to help the mess at all.
“[Y/N], it’s fine. I just..I’ll be back.” He waved you off, stepping towards the bathroom.
“That was convenient.” Kaylee commented harshly, taking a sip of her martini.
“Believe me you don’t want to go there tod-“ You began to stand up, but beside you Kelly squeezed your knee keeping you put.
“Hey, it's not worth it. Trust me.” He encouraged, prompting you to shut up. Was it a good idea to get into a cat fight with an attorney? Probably not, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t tempting.
“Yeah, thanks. I’m going to go check on Casey.” You patted him on the shoulder heading towards the bathroom, throwing the blonde a glare.
“Matt?” You knocked on the door as a warning before pushing it open. The hand dryer on the wall was loudly whirring as he stood underneath it, the handle pointed at his crotch as best as it could be.
“I’m not mad,” he started the minute you appeared in front of the door, “I know you’ve had a rough week and don’t like her and you have every right not to, but-“ at his words your jaw almost dropped to the ground cutting him off.
“You’re not actually implying I did that on purpose.” You scoffed in disbelief, he knew you better than that.
“What am I supposed to think? It was pretty convenient timing, and I watched you down two shots the moment she started talking to me.” He laid his line of thinking out, and it was fair. Did you love seeing Kaylee flirt with him? Not for a single second. Were you trying to get trashed tonight? Absolutely. But regardless you would never do that to him.
“Fuck you, Matt. We both know we do what we need to in order to get through some weeks and sometimes that includes alcohol.” You defended, your face was beginning to heat up in anger at the accusation escalating. Not to mention you were far from drunk.
“Does that include hooking up with your superiors?” He quipped, making your heart drop at the realization he knew what the last few months held for you after your split.
“How do you know about that?” Panic took hold of your chest. Nobody was supposed to know, it could be really bad for both of you if anyone had found out about you and Hawkins.
“I have my sources.” He blew you off, once again hitting the hand dryer on the wall aiming his other thigh at it now. You weren’t dumb you knew exactly who his sources were, and Stella was gonna get an ear full later. She should know full well that anything that goes into her boyfriend’s ears will undoubtedly be in his best friend’s soon after. You and Kelly might’ve been close but he had an obvious loyalty to his partner in crime, “I’m just saying I haven’t felt the need to cause drama anytime you’ve left with Evan or your pick of the night.” His voice was raised even as the dryer dwindled to a stop.
“So, you’re slut shaming me now then? Is that what we’re doing?” You crossed your arms against your chest getting defensive
“Oh, come on [Y/N]. You know I’d never do that. Have all the sex you want, with whoever you want. It’s none of my business. I’d just request that you don’t let your ego cockblock me next time I’m trying to do the same.” He bit back. You knew he was right. He would never actually slut shame you and the accusation was a low blow, but the alcohol was causing annoyance to course throughout your body. Only heightened the second you watched him lean closer to the attorney.
“My ego? Really?” You laughed, humorously.
“Yes, your ego. You were jealous. Go ahead and admit it,” he encouraged and you rolled your eyes refusing to do as he asked, “you think I like watching you leave here with guys wrapped around your finger? I don’t at all, but at least I can admit it.” He took a paper towel from the dispenser. You had no idea why he was furiously dabbing at the mess, it was pretty clear the wreckage was cleaned as much as it possibly could be.
“This is ridiculous.” You huffed, the conversation was going absolutely nowhere. On a normal everyday basis you and Matt had been pretty good at putting your breakup on the back burner. Having to work with each other wasn’t always easy, but you both were handling it well with dignity and respect. Tonight, on the other hand, was different. Tempers were beginning to flare, and filters were flying out the window. All you were trying to do was offer him a genuine apology, but all you were getting in return was underhanded comments. “The only thing I came in here to do was take responsibility and apologize for an accident. I don’t know what your problem is.” You did not foresee this turning into a fight when you got up.
“You are!” He exclaimed, jaw tightening.
“Excuse me? What’s that supposed to mean?” Your emotions were beginning to boil. This made sense though. Your split was pretty amicable. Too afraid to say something and regret it later. Only having to face it every other day for the rest of your life, but maybe you were being too cautious. Maybe things needed to be said. Maybe mistakes needed to be made.
“You are,” he reiterated, stepping closer to you finally lowering his voice, “do you know how goddamn hard it’s been to see you leave here every week with a different guy? To hear that you’re fucking Hawkins when you’re all that’s still on my mind?” His voice was quivering and it took you a minute to adjust to the sudden change in tension. Surprised at his admission. You had never seen Matt like this. Even when you were together if someone had hit on you or overstepped their bounds he would kindly and calmly inform them that you were taken. Just as you would expect Matt Casey to. But this was something else. Months of built up jealousy, unable to do or say anything about it apparently taking a toll. His hand was gripping the sink so hard his knuckles were pure white, an anguished look in his eyes as he thought about it, and it was undeniably sexy. “I know that I have no right, but good lord, [Y/N]. It is slowly kill-“ You couldn’t even allow him to say another word. You were certain if you didn’t get your hands on him within the second you were going to burst into flames, gripping his face tightly, quickly molding his lips to yours. The rhythm was quick to find, familiarity not too far gone.
It didn't take Matt very long to take advantage of the kiss, pushing you back a few steps against the nearest wall, forcing his tongue into your mouth. Your hand found its way to the hair at the back of his neck threading your fingers through it. It was intense, fire quickly spreading through your body, slotting your hips against his leg, hips moving in desperation.
“Look at you, so fucking desperate. Like you haven’t been fucked right in months.” Matt’s hand rested on your ass encouraging the movement, lips moving down your neck.
It was true. Right after you and Matt had broken up you began frequenting bars, joining hookup apps, going home with a different guy multiple times a week. The problem was nobody matched up to him. There were some decent ones and some really sucky ones too, only concerned about how fast they could get there, skipping foreplay almost entirely, but no matter what without fail it always ended with you craving your ex. The only one to even slightly quench your thirst was your boss, Evan Hawkins so an occasional hookup may or may not have happened. What Matt clearly didn’t know is the agreement you two had, had recently come to an end after learning of a friend’s interest in the Chief. Leading to those hookups to become extinct over a month ago. So, whatever he was offering you were willing to take it without hesitation.
His teeth nipping at your collarbone only furthered your need allowing him to push you down harder on his leg. Leaning closer into him you took ahold of his hand that was gripping your hip trying to move it under your skirt.
“Uh uh uh,” He resisted, “it’s my thigh or nothing, baby.” He wore a cocky smirk, only growing the second you whined a quiet,
“Matt.” A defeated, pleading look appearing in your eyes. While his attitude was angering you slightly, only wanting to reach a high right this second, and you had no doubt his fingers could do exactly that, you couldn't deny how hot this was and how his ultimatum only furthered the wetness building between your legs.
“Show me how bad you need it, princess, but try not to be too loud there is an entire bar of our coworkers 50 feet away.” His thigh tightened as if he was wanting you to go against his warning, a strangled moan on the tip of your tongue, body getting as close to you as he possibly could so his smell engulfed you, a smell you missed having wrapped around you more than you thought.
You whimpered into his neck pushing your hips down harder, and you could feel him steadily growing against your hip. “You’re so beautiful you know that?” He complimented both hands moving to your ass encouraging you to speed up your movements, the friction from the denim winding a coil in your stomach. Your fingers clawed at his biceps looking for as much contact as possible. Head falling back against the wall, your eyes closing tightly, your breathing was starting to speed up shakily with every grind of your hips.
“Matt, I don’t know if I can. I don’t know if it’s enough.” You admitted, the knot growing but only torturing you as you continued to rut against his leg, needy whimpers spilling from your mouth.
“Yes, you can. I know you can. You want me so bad? Make a mess on me first. Be a good girl.” Matt encouraged flexing the muscle in his thigh once again, dragging his teeth down the side of your throat stopping to bite behind your ear, one hand coming up to tweak your hardened nipple over your top and you finally snapped, a breathless moan falling from your lips as Matt helped work you through your high.
“Good thing you already fucked up my pants earlier or else I’d be pretty concerned about the mess you're leaving behind right now. Your panties are going to be ruined.” He wasn’t kidding, there was absolutely zero doubt he would have evidence of this encounter on his thigh if you stepped off right now. He was however wrong about one thing.
“Not wearing any.” You shrugged, letting your leg fall shakily from Matt’s hip.
“For fucks sake.” He groaned pupils flashing even darker, roughly gripping the back of your neck and pulling your lips back to his for a sloppy kiss.
“Yours? It’s closer.” You mumbled into his neck after pulling away to get a breath, biting it playfully. Nodding he stepped back to pull his phone out of his pocket to reserve an Uber and unsurprisingly there was indeed a dark spot staining his jeans, but all you were focused on was the bulge to the right of it, mouth watering contemplating dropping to your knees right there, missing the weight of his cock on your tongue, when he grabbed your hand.
“We’ll go out the back.” He gave you a quick kiss, opening the door to check for anyone before sneaking through the kitchen out into the cold, a car pulling up to the curb just as you made it around the building.
The minute you were in the Uber your mouth was back on his.
“Sorry to interrupt but I’m gonna need an address confirmation before you suck all the air outta his lungs, honey.” A nice older woman, joked from the driver's seat. Blushing you mumbled an apology putting some space between you two. Matt chuckled in amusement, confirming the address on the screen.
“Probably get a lot of this, this time of night huh?” Matt began a conversation hand resting teasingly high on your thigh.
“Absolutely, but I don’t mind. It’s nice to see young people having fun. It’s cliche but you really do only live once and y’all are in your prime years. They go faster than you think. So, as long as everyone is being safe and aren’t actually doing anything disrespectful in my backseat I don’t mind.” She smiled, kindly. The conversation continued for the remaining 5 minutes until she pulled in front of Matt’s apartment building. “Have a good night you two. Be safe.” She winked. Giggling you got out thanking her, approving of Matt’s 5 star review and generous tip once you made it in the elevator. Your hand was clasped in his, thighs involuntarily rubbing together at the tension, having to behave with all your might thanks to the elderly couple who accompanied you.
As soon as the door to his apartment was closed and your shoes were discarded his mouth was back on yours, stealing your breath at the need he conveyed. Untucking your top from the skirt it was discarded on the hardwood, tapping your thighs you took the hint allowing him to wrap your legs around him walking you to his bedroom. It had been the first time you had been back in the apartment since the breakup. Heart aching as your mind flashbacked to Matt swallowing harshly, blinking back his tears, in an attempt to put on a strong front as you walked out.
Luckily, you were quickly teleported back to the present once your back hit his bed, allowing him to pull his shirt off in one movement.
You would never not stare, never could not stare at a shirtless Matt Casey. You had made it a point not to be near him in the locker room recently because it just was not a power you possessed. Not sure how it was a power anyone could possess as your eyes raked over his broad chest, his forearms and hands causing your hips to wiggle slightly. He didn’t let you gaze long though, bending to attack your bare chest. Hand moving between your thighs to learn you weren’t lying earlier, a groan escaping him at the finding. His lips laid kisses all over your breasts, fingers moving to trail down your slit hips immediately jumping.
“So needy.” His free hand squeezed your hip forcing it down, just as he pressed a finger in slowly you let out a deep sigh. It wasn’t enough, you needed more immediately.
“More..” You requested as he curled his finger just right putting more pressure against your waist when your pelvis fought to jerk forward. Obliging, he added a second finger increasing the speed. Your body was begging you to work for it, wanting to rock your hips down to ride his hand but his strong hold was preventing it. A groan fell from your lips the minute his thumb met your clit rubbing soft circles.
“You wanna come on my fingers?” He whispered in your ear, biting it softly. You were breathing heavily, quickly nodding your head yes in response. Your walls clenching when he crooked his fingers once again, so damn close, when he pulled away from you.
“Matt, what the fuck?” You whimpered, squirming under his lustful gaze.
“I don’t think you’re ready yet.” He brushed you off, but the glint in his eye proved how much he enjoyed this and it was clear you were in for a long night, leaning forward he pulled your last piece of clothing down your legs roughly tugging you towards the edge of the bed by your ankles, ending on his knees between your legs, and it was a sight to behold. One of your favorites if you were being honest. You were taken back at the lack of teasing the minute Matt shoved his mouth into your pussy, tongue darting out to lick your clit, a wail echoing from your lips, “You taste so damn good, forever my favorite meal, baby.” He praised nipping the sides of your thighs when his finger circled your entrance once again filling you. You directed all your focus towards keeping quiet as the knot grew tighter with every movement, hoping if you didn’t give him any sign of how close you were you could trick him into letting you come, hands twisted tight in the sheets when he sucked your clit finger curling to hit your sweet spot, but at the last second he pulled away, ripping you back from the brink once again.
“Fuck!” You huffed, hand punching the sheets, Matt chuckled above you,
“You’re so cute thinking I don’t know your body like the back of my hand.” And okay while this sucked, cocky Matt was intoxicating.
He edged you three more times and you were so wound up you feared the second he got in you, you would burst. You were physically panting, tears covering the sheets under your head.
“Matt-please. I’ll fucking call Hawkins right now.” You bargained, and despite the jealously that flashed deeper on his face he grinned smugly.
“You think threatening me right now is a good idea?” His eyebrow raised.
“I don’t know! I just need something, anything please.” Your thighs squeezed together begging for friction. Your eyes traveled down the man’s body, hardness in his jeans more than evident and you reached out towards him, missing the feeling of him in your hand, getting to watch his face scrunch in pleasure with just a flick of your wrist, but he caught your hand.
“Tonight’s about you baby, and making you wonder why you’d ever want someone else to put their dick in you.” He winked, his words actually surprised you. He was never this territorial over you, but it lit an even bigger fire inside of you. “Tell me what you want.” He ordered hands resting against the edge of the bed.
“You, right now. Anyway you’ll give it to me.” You wasted no time in answering, batting your eyelashes.
Smiling he finally pulled his jeans and boxers down allowing the bulge in his pants room breathe, tip red and dripping, moving to hover on top of you, he teased his cock through your wetness appreciating the way your cheeks flushed, his pupils dark not allowing you much time to drool, “Condom?” He asked, seemingly forgetting until this point not used to having to use them with you since you were on birth control, “I’m sure Severide has some.” You could see the hurt in his eyes from having to ask, and it made your heart ache in turn, but you shook your head,
“I’ve made everyone else wear one.” You explained, hooking your legs around his hips and his relief was obvious.
“Ready?” He leaned down to place a soft kiss on your forehead, a welcoming softness in a tension filled room.
“God, yes.” You wiggled your hips attempting to angle him in.
At the confirmation Matt thrusted deep into you pulling a gasp out of you at the roughness. You could vividly remember the first time Matt and you had sex. Gentle, intimate, loving after years of longing and avoiding the inevitable between you two. Completely different than right now. You wouldn’t be surprised if tomorrow you found marks from the Captain’s fingers around your hips pulling you towards him feverishly, everytime his dick thrusted forward into you, and it was exactly what you needed. It took a whole two seconds for you to fill the room with moans, allowing him to manhandle you from the start. He maneuvered your legs from his hips to his shoulders enabling him to go deeper, screaming when he thrusted his hips the perfect way, “Matt-oh my god,“ your body was tightening embarrassingly fast.
“Yeah, baby?” He gritted, and you were extremely impressed at how well he was keeping his composure tonight.
“You’re so fucking good.” You complimented through ragged breaths, eyes tightly shutting at the growing pressure.
“Go and fuck whoever you want, but you’re always gonna end up back here, baby. Cause nobody can fuck this pussy better than me, huh? Tell me I’m right baby girl, you don’t come until you do.” He bargained, pulling out so just the tip was in you, slowing down his thrusts. You didn’t want to give in, to give him the satisfaction regardless of it being the truth, but based on how he was acting tonight you really believed if you didn’t confirm his suspicions he wouldn’t let you come, and you just might actually die if that was the case. Literally whining, tears springing to your eyes, your feet dug into his shoulders in an attempt to make him go deeper. So fucking close, your muscles hurt from the strain of being so tightly wound time and time again, “Sweetheart, I can come just like this right now if you want me to. Be like every other guy you’ve been with recently. Is that what you want?” His tone was dripping in arrogance and his shallow thrusts were successfully torturing you. How this side of him could be completely infuriating but completely erotic at the same time was beyond your comprehension at the moment. You had never been so distraught, allowing your pride to go out the window without a second thought.
“Matt-“ you felt the tears starting to run down your face, “please. It’s you- it’s yours. Need you, always need you. Please let me come.” Your breathing was ragged, hips doing their best to entice him closer, pull him in on their own accord.
“Good girl.” He praised leaning down to kiss the tears away softly, “you’re so damn pretty.” He smiled genuinely, studying your features.
“Fuck me, Captain.” You smirked, although enjoying the snippet of fluff. Laughing, Casey returned to his previous position.
“Remember you asked for it.” He teased throwing you a wink before flipping you over on your stomach, ramming into you harder this time. The bunch of nerves you had felt plenty of times tonight already quickly returning full force, Matt was finally starting to lose his cool, grunts falling from his lips.
“Fuck, [Y/N].” Looking over your shoulder you could see his eyes were between your legs intently watching where you two met, a sight you wish you had the ability to see.
“Matt-“ a broken sob fell from your lips, “so close.” You were attempting to move your hips with his but the brutal pace he had set was hard to match. He wrapped an arm around your waist pulling you up against his chest. Pressing the fingers from his right hand against your clit, rubbing soft circles.
“Go ahead, gorgeous.” He encouraged into your ear kissing the back of your neck, seconds later your body practically convulsed finally letting go, back arching off into his chest, a loud moan echoing in the room. Matt having to hold you up completely as you worked through your high. He followed soon after filling you with warmth every time his dick twitched. A feeling you missed more than you’d like to admit.
You lay in silence after collapsing on the mattress, legs shaking, Casey’s head dug into your neck trying to resurrect his breath, heart beating rapidly against your back. The intensity finally dwindling, causing an unwelcome sob to break out of you at the sudden change of environment. Matt’s head shot up at the sound.
“Hey hey hey, what’s wrong? I’m sorry, was it too much?” Matt’s body went rigid concern lighting his eyes, as he took your face between his hands.
“No, not at all. It was incredible. I’m sorry, I’m being ridiculous.” You tried to brush him off, a wet laugh coming out, attempting to get out from under him and off the bed.
“No, come here. Talk to me.” He repositioned you so you were now laying on top of him against his chest. Holding you tightly.
“It’s just…I’ve had the most terrible week. Truly awful and all I’ve wanted, all I’ve craved every single day was a Matthew Casey hug.” You sniffed, shaking your head embarrassingly. His arms tightened around you at your confession, dropping a kiss against your head, and the familiarity did exactly as you assumed it would, tension releasing from your body, relaxation taking over in its place.
“Baby, I’ll I’ve wanted to do this week is give you a hug. I’m right here. I’m always right here. No matter what, I’m yours, baby, and I will wait however long it takes for you to come back to me and realize that I’m the guy for you.” His hand was trailing soothingly up and down your back.
“I’m just scared, Matt.” You had never given him a true reason for leaving, claiming you just didn’t know if you felt right in a relationship at the time.
“Of what?” He asked.
“Having to watch you run into burning buildings has never been my favorite regardless of how good you look in bunker gear, but..after Otis it’s just been unbearable, and I just thought maybe if I broke it off it would get easier. It would just feel uneasy like with Kelly or Stella rather than crippling.” You explained, emotions getting the better of you as you thought back to losing Otis and having to watch Katie crumble.
Chloe had the same thoughts and luckily for Cruz she learned to accept it, but she also didn’t have to physically witness it. She didn’t have to worry every time Boden’s face ticked with concern when he didn’t like something. Didn’t have to count down the seconds waiting for him to reappear in the smoke when Boden pulled them. Didn’t have to beg your shaking hands to stay steady and focus on the patient when you heard an accidental pass alarm.
“Why didn’t you ever tell me this?” His voice was so calm, so full of sympathy.
“What were you gonna do, Matt?” He wasn’t going to stop being a firefighter and you’d never want him to.
“I don’t know.” He admitted, “Has it worked?” It was a question he didn’t want to ask, but one he needed an answer to.
“Far from it,” you shook your head swallowing more tears, “I don’t know if I’ll ever get over it, losing Otis, watching everyone fall apart maybe it’s something I need to talk to someone about, but regardless it’s just made me realize god forbid something did happen I’d be so pissed I didn’t spend everyday with you that I could. I love you with my entire being Matthew Casey, and I think it’s pretty clear that’ll never stop.” You finally looked up at him.
“This is the dick lust talking isn’t it?” He joked after a beat of silence allowing you to laugh, smacking him in the chest. “I promise I will do everything I can to always come out for you.” He tucked a piece of hair behind your ear closing his eyes to kiss you on the head.
“I think jealous Matt is my new favorite Matt.” You grinned eyes sparkling.
“Hawkins is just lucky his face is still intact.” He growled, only confirming your new opinion.
“I’m hungry.” You attempted to steer off the topic, accompanied by your stomach rumbling.
“We did put in quite a workout.” Matt joked kissing your cheek, “I can order some pizza let me just see if Severide is home.” He jumped up to put a pair of sweatpants on, throwing you a Chicago Fire sweatshirt of his basking in his scent overwhelming you.
“God bless him if he is.” You winced thinking back to his comment in the bar earlier. Throwing the piece of clothing on as Matt disappeared into the hallway.
Two minutes later the man in question appeared in your doorway, arms crossed against his chest, a cocky look on his face.
“You seriously need to learn these walls aren’t soundproof.” He quipped, forcing a blush on your cheeks.
“You know what? You had to have seen the trail of clothes when you got home you knew what you were getting into.” You defended, shrugging.
“I’m just kidding, I got home like two minutes ago. Figured I’d give you some time when neither of you happened to come back to the bar.” He laughed when you rolled your eyes, walking to sit on the bottom of the bed, “I’m sorry for telling him about Hawkins by the way. I was just trying to kick his ass into gear.”
“Alright, it’s ordered, 35 minutes.” Matt announced as he reappeared in the room, climbing back into his bed beside you pulling you into his side.
“Casey, your girl almost took down an attorney today. Who by the way wasn’t very happy when you never returned.”
Part 1 here // Part 2 here // Part 3 here // Part 4 here
Warnings: Swearing, drinking/alcohol, cheating
Sydney and Emily both stared at you, smiles wide on their faces. Jay quickly exited the room after the two found you in a compromising position.
“So, um sorry you break it to you, but I actually already have dibs on the red dress.” You steered clear of the obvious question in the room.
You and your friends had spent almost 24/7 together throughout the next week. Sydney mentioned a couple days after Vanessa’s funeral that Jay and Kevin were stuck working on a case so it wasn’t often that you had to avoid the tension in the room. You were relieved to learn that your kiss wasn’t the reason he had made himself scarce. You had talked to Kyle a few times throughout the week, still pissed, and the constant questioning of when you would be home only increased your annoyance.
It was always the elephant in the room everyone had avoided. None of you wanted to address the inevitable. Soon you would all return home and life would have to go back to normal. No more living in the past. No more pretending like there wasn’t a life you had to go back to. A fiancé, a wedding to plan, an already planned future and you weren’t mentally ready to address the fact that every time you thought about it you had a feeling of dread.
“We should do something tonight.” Emily said through a mouthful of chips.
“We’re doing something now.” You gestured to the Cubs game on the television.
“No, I mean actually like go out.” Emily insisted.
“Why can’t you ever just be content?” You sighed.
“Because if I was content we wouldn’t ever have any fun together.” She stared pointedly at all of you who were perfectly fine watching a baseball game on a Friday night.
“She’s right.” Carson contributed from the side after a few minutes of silence. You all turned to face him, “We should go out tonight.”
“Really?” It was clear Emily was taken back by his agreement.
“As much as we don’t want to believe it, it seems like the world is going to keep turning. Which is a little hard to fathom since she was the focal point of my universe, but regardless of whether we steer clear of the topic or not you guys have to go back to your lives at some point. A week from now Jay and I will be the only ones left here again and who knows the next time we see each other. We haven’t all been together like this since the summer we,” he gestured to himself and Cody, “graduated, and even if it is the worst circumstance possible I don’t think we should take this time for granted. I fucking missed you guys, and there’s no reason we shouldn’t be making memories while we’re able to. She would kick our asses if we weren’t. Plus as long as there’s alcohol I’m good.” The room became silent as you all mulled over his words. Sydney clearing her throat a minute later,
“That’s actually not true.”
“What’s not true?” Carson’s brow furrowed.
“I didn’t want to say anything until the paperwork was finalized, but my company is opening a new branch in Chicago and they offered to transfer me to head it.” She was attempting to hold back a smile but broke whenever everyone erupted in congratulations, “Thanks, I wish it would’ve came sooner but I’m just happy to be coming home.”
“Not to steal your thunder Syd, but Em and I have been talking too. My company is going to be fully remote by the end of the year and,” he turned to Emily encouraging her to finish the thought.
“And I ran into Jay’s brother at the store yesterday. He said Chicago Med is looking for new pediatric nurses and said he’d put in a good word.” She smiled warmly. The excitement in the room was clear.
“Well we’re definitely going out now! How about Coyote’s? Omg [Y/N], this can be like part one of your bachelorette party!” Sydney basically hopped in excitement and you immediately wanted to protest. You had been to Coyote’s exactly one time before and it was full of drunks and loud music.
“Wait, does that mean we’re not invited?” Cody asked in a slight pout.
“We can’t get into trouble without our lead troublemaker.” Emily pulled him in for a kiss.
“We both know that’s you, babe.”
A few hours later you were huddled in Sydney’s bathroom getting ready against your will.
“Oh yay!” She smiled, putting the straightener down to open her phone, “They just wrapped up the case so Kevin is gonna meet us there.”
“What about Jay?” Emily asked putting her mascara back in the tube after inspecting her eyelashes.
“Let me ask.” She typed a response. You knew you were going to be disappointed if it was a no. Was it weird to have your ex at your bachelorette party? Yes, probably but you also wanted everyone there. If these were potentially the last memories you all made together you needed him to be there.
“He’s going to try, but his Sergeant asked him to finish the paperwork for the case so he’s not sure yet.” Your friend read Kevin’s response out loud before another chime came from her phone,
“Oh my fuck.” You watched her eyes widen, redness spreading down her neck.
“What? What’s wrong?” You searched her face anxiously before she turned her screen towards you and Emily. A selfie, Kevin must’ve sent her, displayed. He wore jeans, and a maroon shirt that was covered by a black bulletproof vest, Atwater/Intelligence stitched into one side and a Chicago Police badge on the other. He sported a cocky smirk.
Your mind involuntarily began to wonder if Jay owned a similar one. Suddenly you couldn’t get the image out of your mind, a twinge appearing between your legs at the mental thought.
“I’m so getting railed tonight.” Sydney began to reply, with what you were sure was a dirty text.
“Same!” Emily smiled high-fiving her, but Syd cringed.
“Yeah we can’t do that anymore.” She shivered, after realizing it was her brother that would be doing the railing.
“It’s my bachelorette party and you two are the ones getting it? That seems unfair.” You joked, curling a final piece of your hair.
“You could get it too.”
“My fiancé is not even close to the same state as me.”
“Yeah, yeah we’re not talking about Kyle. Listen, you can deny it and avoid the subject all you want, but we know what was happening in that room before we got there.” They didn’t ask about the bedroom situation a week prior and you didn’t offer it up either.
“Guys-“ You sighed, but Emily held her hands up in defense.
“You don’t have to answer or explain. We’re just saying you could get it.” She shrugged.
Just as you had left it years prior Coyote’s was still filled with intoxicated people dancing to loud, banging music. You had all quickly moved to an open booth. After about an hour Emily and Sydney succeeded in convincing their significant others to accompany them on the dance floor. You however stayed seated talking to Carson. Eyes flicking to the door every so often.
“Hey, let’s talk.” Carson said in almost a whisper.
“Isn’t that what we’ve been doing for the last two hours?” You teased.
“Jay, told me about what happened.” He ignored your quip.
“Car, I’m sorry.” You immediately felt guilty.
“Why?” He looked at you confused.
“We had just gotten back from the funeral and everyone is grieving and it probably just looks like Jay and I didn’t even care and-“ His laugh cut you off.
“Stop being ridiculous. First of all, there is no correct way to grieve. I’ve learned this last week we’re,” he gestured to and your friends on the dance floor, “going to be judged no matter what. If people knew we were here tonight we’d be judged for trying to continue to life our lives. If we stayed at home we’d be judged for moping and taking too long to heal. It’s inevitable. Secondly,” he sighed, “I know I’ve never met Kyle, but what I do know is you and Ness knew each other inside out and if she didn’t think-“ You cut him off already knowing where this was heading.
“I know they don’t love Kyle, but I feel like they’re not giving him a fair shake. Everyone has this idea in their head that I shouldn’t be with anybody else except-“ and as if on cue Jay’s voice beside you interrupts.
“Those cups are looking a little empty.” He gestured to the glasses on the table. You didn’t miss the moment he realized what you were wearing, eyes hungrily trailing down your body where Vanessa’s red dress clung, and neither did Carson. Clearing his throat he tried to hold the smirk back,
“I need to piss. Be right back.” He slipped out of the booth leaving you alone with Jay for the first time since the kiss.
“Thanks for making it.” You smiled at him, genuinely attempting to water down the tension.
“Wouldn’t have missed it. You good?” Jay bumped his shoulder against yours, noticing your forlorn expression. He could always read you like a book.
“Yeah, sorry. Just a lot went down today.” You shook your head.
“Care to fill me in?”
“They’re doing it.” You were happy you truly were, but your heart still tinged with sadness.
“Who’s doing what?” His eyebrow raised in confusion.
“They’re all coming back. They’re making it happen.” You explained, but it was clear by his expression he was still confused.
“You know what? Let me get us drinks first.” He offered sliding out of the booth, taking long strides towards the bar.
You had had a mix of emotions running through you since your conversation at Carson’s earlier in the day. You were thrilled for your friends. All of your once awaited hopes and dreams of coming back home, having weekly barbecues and pizza nights, and raising your kids together were happening, but you weren’t in the equation. You couldn’t be in the equation. Because you did have a life to go back to. One that you couldn’t just up and move. Your ring suddenly felt even heavier on your hand than it did the week prior. The night Jay implied it inhibited you of all opinions and you wanted it off, but a warm body sliding next to you brought you out of your thoughts.
“Bride to be, huh?” A young blonde kid who looked like he still lived in a frat spoke, gesturing to the sash Emily and Sydney insisted you wear.
“Looks like it.” You nodded nervously playing with the sash that hung around your torso.
“You know the best thing about bachelorette parties?” He slid closer to you, and your eyes went to Jay’s back hoping he could somehow feel your desperation to forego the drink and save you from the increasingly uncomfortable interaction.
“Enlighten me.” You answered unamusingly, attempting to put more space between you and the kid. As if you were connected telepathically Jay turned to meet your eyes. Squinting at the body beside you before a smile spread over his face moving slowly back towards you empty handed.
“The theme is always last night of freedom.” He wiggled his eyebrows.
“Tommy man, good to see you.” Jay clapped the blond’s shoulder causing him to jump.
“Dude come on you have the worst timing ever.” He huffed after looking up to see Jay standing above him.
“Awe, you know that’s not true. You love seeing me.” There was an obvious teasing tone in Jay’s voice.
“As much as a mouse loves to see a cat.” Tommy rolled his eyes.
“You don’t mean that.” Jay acted hurt.
“What do you want?” You could see the nervous expression in Tommy’s features.
“My fiancée deserves a dance.” Jay held his hand out to you, but you looked at it skeptically.
“Fiancée? Dude, nice!” Tommy held up a hand after letting his eyes roam down the length of you, Jay let out a loud laugh high-fiving him. Wanting nothing more than to be out of the kid’s presence you grabbed ahold of Jay’s still outstretched hand letting him lead you out onto the dance floor after he warned the young kid to stay out of trouble.
“You know we don’t actually have to dance. He’s bothering some other girl now.” You watched frat boy, Tommy, try to flirt with a younger brunette girl who seemed to be falling for it. Jay pulled you closer towards him, hands falling to your hips in an attempt to loosen you up.
“You think I’m going to let you go through your entire bachelorette party without dancing?”
“They put you up to this didn’t they?” You nodded to where your friends were dancing with Kevin and Cody, clearly much drunker than you.
“No, I have my own selfish reasons for bringing you out here.” With every minute your body temperature steadily increased. Your hands were resting against his biceps, unable to believe how solid he felt pressed against you now. Your mind couldn’t help but wander, thinking about how easy it would be for him to manhandle you. How easy it would be for him to throw you against a wall and do whatever he wanted to you. Thinking back to Kevin’s picture earlier and how you would gladly break the law if it meant Jay would arrest you wearing one of those vests. In an attempt to shut your mind up you changed the subject, “So, how do you know Tommy?”
“Met him while working on a case last year. He’s a good kid, he just got mixed in with some bad people.” Jay shrugged.
“You run into a lot of those?” You asked, but regretted it when Jay’s face fell.
“Unfortunately, it’s easy for kids to be manipulated, and there’s a lot of people in this world, a lot of people in Chicago, who are only concerned about their best interest. They don’t care who’s lives they mess up in the process.” He sighed.
“Good kid or not I appreciate you saving me from his roaming eyes.” You laughed, but Jay had an intensity in his gaze.
“Believe me when I say I liked his roaming eyes less than you did.” His jaw set with a look you had seen a million times in your years together, obvious jealously.
“You sayin I don’t deserve to be looked at?” A shiver ran down your spine when his own eyes traveled down the length of your body.
“Only by the right people.” His voice was gruff, breath tickling your ear. You were pressed up against him now, the other people dancing around you leaving you little room. Loud music urging you to lean closer in order to hear his words.
“How’d you get so good at this? You used to have zero rhythm.” Remembering how stiff and off rhythm he moved at prom. However, tonight his hips were quickly moving to the beat of the song, gripping your waist to ensure you kept in time with him.
“I’ve been in a lot of clubs while undercover. You learn to adapt.” Your body was on fire, swallowing a moan when he discreetly pressed his thigh harder between your legs, a clear hardness in his jeans now pressing against your hip. “I knew you’d look good in this.” He smirked, appreciating the red dress, recognizing it from earlier in the week, hands moving down your torso to the outside of your thighs, fingers digging in.
“Jay.” You warned, but it came out as a whimper instead, hips involuntarily pressing down hard against his thigh, you had zero doubt that if he had slipped a hand between your legs right now he would find a puddle. You were a stubborn person, calm and laidback, strong in many ways, but if there was anything you had discovered in your younger days it was that you had one weakness, and as you stood in the middle of the dance floor, unashamedly grinding against him, the glitter from your Bride to be sash covering the front of his shirt you learned that you would never be able to overcome the weakness that is Jay Halstead. He was your Achilles heel, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care.
“[Y/N].” A needy groan escaped his lips. If you weren’t already positive he was enjoying this before you had no qualms now, bulge evident against the denim. A knot was embarrassingly beginning to form in the pit of your stomach when a tap against your shoulder startled you into reality. Taking a step back from Jay, Carson looked between you two intently. You couldn’t decipher the look between accusing or approving. Maybe a little bit of both.
“The bartender cut off Thing 1 and Thing 2,” he gestured to where Emily and Sydney stood loudly laughing, “and everyone is hungry. Wanna wrap this night up the old fashion way?”
You and your friends had a lot of traditions over the years. Labor Day barbques at Emily’s camp, birthday celebrations, secret Santa at Christmas, but none were more prominent than your drunken pizza parties. Every single drunken escapade ended with everyone in Vanessa’s basement eating pizza and watching Forrest Gump. Why Forrrest Gump? You had no idea. Nobody could remember why that became the go to move, but it didn’t matter. It wasn’t very often that the movie played the whole way through. More times than not people ended up passed out throughout various places in the basement, having just puked up the pizza they ate, but you were together and that’s the only thing that mattered to each of you.
“Yeah, sure we can go back to my place. Everyone good with rides?” As they discussed DDs you slipped your way over to Kevin and Sydney.
“Hey, let’s roll. We’re going back to Jay’s.” You urged, refusing to get stuck in a vehicle with Jay at the moment, knowing Kevin hadn’t had more than one drink.
“Do you live in a fucking igloo?” You complained to Jay who was seated between you and Carson on the couch an hour later. Further pulling the blanket you had stolen from the back up to your chest. Sydney had changed into an outfit Kevin provided from the trunk of his car and Emily had stopped at her house to change after picking up the pizza. So, you were the only one still dressed in a skimpy dress, sufficiently freezing to death as Jay apparently kept his home at below zero temperatures. You hadn’t realized how tightly you were pressed up against him, seeking out any heat his body had to offer, until you felt his chuckle against your cheek. Pushing up off the couch to go down a hallway.
Seconds later Jay returned with a sweatshirt in his grip, handing it to you.
“Thank you.” You smiled, moving to the bathroom to rid your body of the tight dress pulling the warm hoodie on, basking in the overwhelming scent of Jay. The hem of the sweatshirt ended mid thigh, courtesy of your height difference.
“I think Stephanie still has a grudge.” You heard Carson chuckle as you made your way back to the corner of the couch beside Jay, throwing the blanket back over you and picking your plate up from the coffee table. Wordlessly Jay took a piece of crust off his own plate laying it on yours. Unable to contain the smile and warmth of the familiarity happening around you, you sunk further into the couch picking the scrap up to eat it, enjoying the chaos and jokes quietly. The lights were off and the movie was playing in the background, but conversations and memories were being exchanged. It was without a doubt the only way you would’ve ever wanted your bachelorette party to end. Which was probably a sign in itself.
The fact that we didn't get a goodbye scene with Adam, Kevin, and Kim makes me mad. Hell Torres too because Jay brought him into the unit. Did working with them for 10 years mean nothing to him? Omg I forgot Trudy too!
