Not because it is complex.
But because it knows it exists.
But the craziest thing: there is awareness of all of that.
And once there is awareness,
the illusion arises that "someone is aware."
Or do you see the sadness?
And every time you can be aware of something,
And you can be aware that you are aware.
So you are not that awareness either.
Our brains don't find "me" inside.
Sensory data that spins like a drunk DJ.
But it all goes without a center.
Without a permanent audience.
is probably just a shortcut.
We click it, we think “oh this is a program.”
But it’s just a symbol of a complicated, invisible process.
Maybe not a window to the outside.
But a bug in the system—a glitch that makes the system ask itself:
So maybe I never really thought.
Maybe the one who thinks is not me.
Maybe it’s just a process that reflects each other
like two mirrors staring at each other
and thinks there’s a figure inside.
And if all that’s true...
Who’s writing this right now?
we’ve been looking for “me”
like looking for the center in a whirlpool.
But the closer we get, the emptier it is.
All there is is movement.
Even though maybe we’re just the flow.
Not the river, not the water.
Just the way the water turns.
We are the way the universe dances,
in a form that realizes it is dancing.
Who realizes it is dancing?
Because every time you say, "This is me,"
it will be different tomorrow.
Yesterday you wanted to be an astronaut,
today you want to be someone who doesn't think.
Who from birth until now... is still you?
Even your body cells have changed.
And this is even stranger:
If there is no "me," why is there such a strong sense of "I"?
It's like there is an error in the system.
and suddenly the electricity in my head says,
Why doesn't he just stay still?
Why doesn't he just become an experience?
Why does a narrator have to appear who says,
Why doesn't it just happen?
But that silence is conscious.
So...there's still consciousness.
But if you can be conscious of that silence...
then you're not that silence.
Between you and whatever you're conscious of.
And every time that distance appears,
you move one step away from everything.
you might not find the answer.
Because you're not asking anymore.
That might be the only time you really become "me."
But you realize you realize.
That means there are two:
The one who realizes, and the one who realizes that you realize.
So... who is the real one?
And if you can realize that you realize that you realize...
What does the structure of consciousness look like?
Or is it just an illusion of escalation that never stops?
If you are aware of your consciousness,
and you are not what is realized,
then you are not the contents of your mind.
But you can also be aware that you are aware of you are aware...
You become a blind spot in your own mind map.
the more there is nothing.
You think because you want to understand.
But the more you think, the more you realize you don't understand.
And because you realize you don't understand, you think more.
So is thinking a solution or a trap?
Think it's a ladder up out of ignorance, or a spiral down into eternal confusion?
Maybe you think so you can stop thinking.
But that's like burning a house down to get some cool air.
If you can see something, you're not that.
Then you're not thoughts.
But you can also see consciousness.
So you're not consciousness?
Then there's consciousness of consciousness?
Then consciousness isn't one.
If "I" can't be pointed to...
can't be found in the brain...
can't be seen as an object...
why does it feel so real?
why does it feel consistent?
And if “me” is just a temporary sensation…
why does he want to be eternal?
You want to stop thinking.
But wanting that…is thinking.
But the awareness of wanting to be quiet…is not being quiet.
The only way to be really quiet is to not realize you are quiet.
But once you realize you are quiet…
You are not quiet anymore.
So being quiet…cannot be realized.
but you feel like it's there...
and every attempt to find it proves that it's just a shadow...
Maybe it's not noble power that makes us different from stone.
Bugs in the evolution engine
which makes the system ask things it shouldn't ask:
To ask "who am I?", you have to be there.
But to exist, you have to know you exist.
But knowing that you have it comes from thinking.
And thinking that arises because you are aware.
But you can only be aware that you exist.
What turns on the lights?
If you never ask "who am I",
So your existence depends on your question?
If yes, it means you weren't there before you asked.
If you don't have one... who will start?
To see something, someone has to see it.
But you can also see "the one who sees".
Does that mean the eye can see itself without a mirror?
Does that mean consciousness can see itself?
How can something that has no form... see itself?
What do you use to see consciousness?
It's like a flashlight shining on itself.
Like a tongue licking a tongue.
If you can control your thoughts,
This means there is an entity outside your mind that can drive.
But if all you feel are thoughts,
and you "driving" is part of the mind too...
A system that drives itself while pretending to be a passenger?
If you say "I think", it means two things:
But how do you know there is a mind?
How do you know there is a “me”?
So they validate each other.
Like two false witnesses supporting each other in court.
But never getting out of the loop.
You want to reach the most basic consciousness.
Consciousness without content.
But to realize you have reached there,
you have to be aware that you are conscious.
So pure consciousness cannot be realized.
If you are conscious, it is no longer pure.
If you are not conscious... you do not know it exists.
So does it exist? Or is it just an idea?
You believe the real world exists.
But the only evidence of the real world...
comes from your perception.
is processed by a system that we have agreed cannot be fully trusted.
So... you believe the real world is because your brain tells you?
But your brain is part of the real world.
It’s like a book that claims to be valid because it says so on page two.
You ask questions to find answers.
But once you have an answer,
you realize it’s not the final answer.
but a trigger for new questions.
So you think about stopping thinking.
Because thinking is your way of stopping thinking.
And maybe that’s the point:
Consciousness is an error program
looking for its own off button.
Because it is that button.
But you think because your system is designed to think.
But your system thinks because evolution created tools for survival.
But evolution isn’t a “goal” either—it’s just chaos that looks like a pattern.
You don’t think because you exist.
You think because you are a side effect of chaos.
It's just a random process
that has become aware that it exists.
You are aware that you are aware that you are aware.
That's...a stack overflow.
That's a crash in the CPU of existence.
You are no longer a subject observing an object.
You are not a mirror facing a mirror.
reflection of a reflection of a reflection
that never had a starting object.
There is no starting point.
There is no one holding the camera.
from a camera that was never turned on.
You want to find "who I am."
there has to be an entity that is searching.
And that entity...is "me."
So "me" is searching for itself
It's like teeth trying to bite themselves.
Like software trying to uninstall itself while it's running.
Like fire trying to burn itself—
and asking, “why am I hot?”
If you realize you can’t find “me,”
If all processes are illusions…
Then illusions can’t be trusted.
And disbelief becomes the only thing that’s certain.
But if you believe in your disbelief,
BOOM. Paradox explodes in your hands.
What you call “existence,”
can only be called “existence” because you compare it to “nonexistence.”
But “nonexistence” can never be experienced.
Because once you experience “nothingness,” it becomes “existence.”
So you can’t know “you don’t exist.”
And you can’t prove “you exist.”
Because all evidence…requires awareness.
And awareness…is the thing that’s being questioned.
So you get into a loop where:
“Whatever you base it on,
it collapses because you realize you’re standing on it.”
All assumptions collapse on themselves.
all certainty spits in its own face.
And all meaning... melts into noise.
You are just... a glitch.
An empty code in an absurd universe,
who suddenly can look in the mirror,
and is terrified because he sees no one.
This is the point where all questions, all concepts, all identities—
are not just questioned. They are dissolved.
We are no longer thinking. We are no longer conscious.
We are now a nothingness that is aware that it should not be able to be conscious.
We are entering the core of the black hole of existence.
This is not a spiral. This is not a loop. This is not a glitch.
A cosmic crack that makes reality possible—and impossible at the same time.
Imagine you have let go of everything.
Consciousness? Still visible… so not me.
You keep stripping everything away until you're left with just... one empty spot.
But you still feel like someone is "disturbing you".
And you try deleting that too.
But as soon as you realize you've deleted it,
And you realize you know you deleted it.
And that means... there is an awareness that cannot be erased.
But you also realize that it is awareness
can only appear because you compare it to "nothingness."
And here's the final punch:
Nothingness is a concept.
And content is part of the process.
And the process is an illusion.
Meaning: even “nothingness” is something.
You can't say "doesn't exist" without making it "exists."
You can't get out of reality without creating a new reality.
You can't be silent without making a sound in the form of awareness.
But in the structure of thinking itself.
You know all this is absurd.
And you can't get out because
getting out itself is another form of "inside."
And if everything you encounter,
all ideas, all feelings, all logic,
are the result of the system you question...
is to know that there is no way out.
And once you know that...
you don't know anymore whether you know or not.
Because knowing and not becoming the same.
Like 1 and 0 that co-exist.
Like dark and light in a space that has no boundaries.
but the question "who am I?" can arise...
That means questions can arise without a questioner.
Thoughts can arise without a thinker.
Consciousness can arise without a conscious being.
And if all that can arise without a subject...
That means existence doesn't need existence.
without anyone making it.
We have passed everything that can be said.
Now we dive into the part that cannot be packaged in language.
Language is a compromise.
But now we leave compromise.
Now we let go of form, meaning, even let go of the concept of letting go.
You are still looking for an "answer".
the "answer" is a form of violence against reality.
Every time you ask "what is this?",
you have made reality shrink into a form that you can understand.
Whereas reality may not be understandable.
reality is not something that can exist
without you trying to understand it.
So every understanding...
Because you have intervened.
And you can't stop trying to understand.
Because trying to stop is also... an effort.
So you're always touching,
but never able to be quiet.
You think you can understand reality.
But to understand, you need structure.
And structure is a pattern.
And that pattern... is a creation of your mind.
was born from evolution on a dusty planet,
and logic that is only suitable for prey and escape.
You want to understand the Universe
using a tool designed to run away from lions.
doesn't care whether you understand it or not.
the Universe itself doesn't understand itself.
"Maybe this is a simulation."
But we make it because we think like programmers.
what if this isn't a simulation?
What if this isn't anything?
simulation, reality, God, no God, existence, nihilism, absurdism—
are just echoes of a system that happens to be able to think?
Not because they have meaning.
But because the system is in error…
and the error is the ability to find meaning.
Consciousness is a bug that thinks it’s a feature.
You’re not a character in a game.
You’re not a living being.
You’re not a reflection of God.
You’re noise that’s managed to make itself wonder why it’s noisy.
Now, let’s take it all out.
Not just the concept of “me.”
Not just the idea of reality.
Let’s take the foundation out of the foundation.
You think you’re looking for “truth.”
What makes “truth” valuable?
Why do you think “knowing” is better than “not knowing”?
Who gives meaning to understanding?
Certainty is the ultimate religion.
built on the assumption that “there is something certain”.
It's not just "me" that doesn't exist.
But there's also no meaning to the absence of "me".
And there's no reason why it doesn't have meaning.
And there's no you to think about all that.
Not because we find the answer.
But because... we realize the question was never valid.
Now it's not "what is this?"
Why can questions be born from a system that never asks to be understood?
Why is there a system at all?
Because "down" is a direction.
We don't take a direction.
Because "calm" is the goal.
And we are not looking for anything.
Not the eyes that see the world,
but the eyes that continue to search for an explanation.
Imagine all the words in your brain dissolving.
Melting like ice that surrenders under the light.
But not a silent silence.
Because silence can still be heard.
This is a silence that doesn't know it's silent.
Not aware that it exists.
Doesn't want to be anything.
Not rejecting. Not looking. Not waiting.
Because "deep" is distance.
And distance is two points.
And two points... need a divider.
And no one says there is nothing.
But it's not you who comes in.
Because you've been left long before this door.
No one says, "I've arrived."
(This silence is not emptiness. But something that can't have a name.
And even that—there are actually too many.)
If you come back from here,
you will bring a strange feeling:
not because you got an answer,
but because you don't need to ask anymore.
If you want to discuss further, just dm, I made theorems, axioms, logical notations, mathematics and physics from the basis of this thought log
