Here comes the second part of my self-love journey, in order to understand it better, you can read the first part here: CONFESSIONS OF A DEPRESSED GIRL / MY SELF-LOVE JOURNEY PART 1
Coming to this realization was an achievement in itself, but on this stage, I was wondering to myself: whatâs the next step now? How do I tackle this self-love journey? What do I start with?
Because I knew for sure that this situation wonât be fixed by just a hot path and a movie night- although these options are good, but they arenât enough and are weak weapons compared to the demons I was fighting.
So, I decided to start with the little monsters caused by the lack of self-love: the negative self-talk, complaining and the lack of self-care.
Starting with my self-talk, I must admit that during this period I was focusing on the bad in my day, on what I donât have versus what I do have, and given that my financial situation was a little hard at that time I was focusing on that more than I should have and it was a pain in the ass; I just want to emphasize that I did really have problems and itâs not that my mind was making them up, but it was absolutely drowning in them.
My objective here is to treat myself the way I treat someone I love deeply and passionately, like my mother or sister for instance, I wouldnât beat up or put down someone I love this much, and I started making myself believe that Iâm worthy of the same affection and behavior toward myself as well. Which is what BrenĂ© Brown emphasizes in this passage from The Gifts Of Imperfection:
âPracticing self-love means learning how to trust ourselves, to treat ourselves with respect, and to be kind and affectionate toward ourselves. This is a tall order given how hard most of us are on ourselves. I know I can talk to myself in ways that I would never consider talking to another person. How many of us are quick to think, God, Iâm so stupid and Man, Iâm such an idiot? Just like calling someone we love stupid or an idiot would be incongruent with practicing love, talking like that to ourselves takes a serious toll on our self-love.â
So, I did stick on the wall in my room some stick-it-notes on which I wrote some of my attributes to remind myself that I am enough whenever Iâd start beating myself up with any negative talk. With time, I wasnât needing those notes anymore for I kept reminding myself always that I am worthy of love NOW, at this very moment and not only when I do something, like checking off a task on my list or affording something.
Although this step may seem very simple and clichĂ©, it is favorably affecting my self-perception and how I feel about myself. I just want to highlight that I want to be very careful with this, yes, I want to feel good and confident about myself, but I donât want this to go far to having self-entitlement and being arrogant about things Iâm even not.
Another step I took in this whole process is escaping away from the hustle and bustle of the city and the stress of my routine, and traveled to a little town around Essaouira city, where I slowed down the pace of my usual life and spent quality time with beloved people. This little trip of four days was enough for me to recharge my batteries, refresh my soul and reflect on whatâs going on in my life.
And thatâs when I had come up with a strategy to fight the complaining monster: practicing gratitude. I had watched videos of people that go on and on about this and read about it so many times, but I had never been convinced to do the same. I hadnât felt the need to, until complaining was sucking joy out of my life. I realized that there may be many people envying me for this life Iâm complaining about, and others wishing they had some of the things I have. I didnât take much time to think about it and convince myself to start practicing gratitude, I still remember that I watched a video that morning on things to change in 2018 and practicing gratitude was one of them. I liked the idea as if itâs new to me. When I sat on my desk to start some work, I grabbed a little notebook where I listed three things I was grateful for that day. It was that smoothly easy, and it felt right. I felt content from day one!
When I came back home from that trip, I already had made plans of the little changes I want to make and the steps I want to take in this self-love journey, and one of them was rewarding myself for the hard work I do.
So, when I graduated from that training that I told you about earlier-by the way it was a success! As a reward for the hard work I bought myself a blazer that Iâd been dying to have but it was too expensive compared to my student budget. So, graduating was a good excuse/reason to spoil myself and I felt good about it. Also, the same day of my graduation ceremony I had planned a movie night, and God how much I missed watching good movies. I hadnât enjoyed time by myself in a long while until that night and I promised to plan a movie night at least once a month as a resolution for my self-care plan for 2018.
One of the little changes I wanted to make was my room organization and decor, since itâs the place where I spend most of my time (I sometimes or perhaps usually spend two days in row at home and 99% of that time is spent at my room) Thatâs why I thought that creating good vibes in the place I spend time at the most would radically change my mood, reduce my stress levels and make me enjoy my day more. Itâs not as if Iâm doing a total room makeover or anything. What I did was reorganizing the furniture in my room and adding real plants, a motivation artwork/quote made by someone I love (my artist bestie hi), pillows and blankets, candles, and the best and changing part is decluttering to make my place minimalist and simple so yes, I got rid of so much stuff and I feel good about it, so good actually.
So far, my mood has improved a lot, my productivity has increased, and I started feeling good about myself more. And with that, I started doing more of the things that I love and make my soul happy and that includes photography which is a hoby that I havenât practiced in ages, and picking it up made me feel great about my creativity (and also active on Instagram story), grabbing the camera and snapping beautiful pictures makes me more aware and thankful for the beauty that surrounds me.
I also started considering spending quality time with the people I love and going out with my friends, and as simple as it may sound itâs actually positively effecting me, given that Iâm a productivity-oriented person things like chilling, watching movies, going out seem like time wasting and so I donât devote enough time to rest and fun activities, I may sound like a nerd but even watching a comedy movie seemed ridiculous and so I always make sure that I pick up movies that would inspire me or challenge my thinking, Iâm guilty about that but I can say that itâs a work in process.
Furthermore, I did something that Iâve been longing to do but I didnât have the balls to, and that is negative-people-detox; I deleted, blocked and unfollowed every single person that their presence in my life had no added value but worse, they only waste my time and energy, it may sound harsh but we all know that negativity is contagious. Moreover, why would you keep talking to someone that doesnât treat you well, and that reminds me of a quote from the movie âTHE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWERâ âWe accept the love we think we deserve.â When you start practicing self-love you know your worth and what you deserve and youâre not ready to settle for less. So, all the people that were ignoring me, underestimating me, mistreating me and talking with me only when they feel like it, donât deserve a place in my life and Iâm grateful for the block button.
I noticed that when I feel put up together and good about my whole life in general I tend to take care of my health properly, so I started making myself delicious breakfasts in the morning every day, which is something I do whenever Iâm happy and that is a good sign. Also, I started running twice a week, which I havenât done since last September, and itâs an exercise I do to relieve anger and stress. Any kind of sweating is actually supposed to make you feel good!
However, I donât want this to seem like creating a revolution in my life, but itâs rather about how loving and connecting with myself and having a rational high level of self-esteem is impacting many aspects of my life in a positive way.
To wrap up, I want to highlight something VERY important: these self-love actions are not to practice only once, itâs all about CONSISTENCY, if you want the impact to be deep and lasting youâd rather make these practices habits, and thatâs why I call this self-love experience a journey; itâs a process of actions you do on a regular basis. So, saying âYes, I love myselfâ is not enough, ask yourself âHow do I behave with myself?â and that is what American author, feminist, and social activist Bell Hooks says in her definition of love:
âTo begin by always thinking of love as an action rather than a feeling is one way in which anyone using the word in this manner automatically assumes accountability and responsibility.â
I must admit that I still have my moments, because yeah, Iâm only human but I know now how to pull my shit together instead of beating myself up or drowning in negativity.
Much love to you and me xoxo
CONFESSIONS OF A DEPRESSED GIRL / MY SELF-LOVE JOURNEY PART II Here comes the second part of my self-love journey, in order to understand it better, you can read the first partâŠ
