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@headbuttcoconutt-blog
One day he asked her about the scars on her wrists. She simply smiled and explained “My scars are tattoos of my past I can’t erase, but I’m still here. It’s okay to have scars, I’m still here. I made it out the other side. I learned the hard way how to be strong and I learned to love myself along the way. You may not understand, but you don’t have to because I do. And that is all that matters anymore.”
Written by me
I wrote this about my bestfriend
People often singled her out. They labelled her as damaged or broken, some people even called her crazy. But no one really knew her, not really. They couldn’t see how strong she really was. She had been through hell over and over and came out the other side as bright as ever. She had to learn to embrace the chaos life brought her way and not lose her spirit. And now she walks through fire as though she is fireproof. She even looked death in the eye once or twice and said I’m not done just yet. She was beautifully fearless, which is so rare in this world that most people couldn’t see it but she didn’t care. She finally knew it and she wasn’t looking for anyone’s approval but her own.
You left me standing in the pouring rain, you left me standing on the edge ready to jump, you left me when I needed you most.
You left me alone when I was at my worst, screaming it for someone anyone to help me.
You just walked away like you didn’t even know me. Like a stranger passing on a crowded street, like I meant nothing to you.
I could live or die and it wouldn’t phase you. You didn’t even think twice about leaving me here alone, like this. You are so heartless.
You left me standing in the pouring rain, you left me standing on the edge ready to jump. You left me when I needed you most.
Just turned your back and walked away like I was nothing.
Drowning in a puddle of my own tears, ready to end it all and you never looked back.
~s~
Falling in and out of love with you
Written by me
I feel like I'm going crazy,
Falling in and out of love with you.
You break me down instead of building me up, but oh how I long to be everything you want.
I feel like I'm going crazy,
Falling in and out of love with you.
You set me on fire only to watch me burn, but oh how I long to be the one you wake up to everyday.
I feel like I'm going crazy,
Falling in and out of love with you.
This love is toxic but oh how I crave hearing those words from your lips.
"I love you"
Your love will surely be the death of me.
All of the wasted tears,
All of the wasted heartbreak,
All of the wasted minutes,
All of the wasted words,
"I love you"
Those three words pull me back in like waves crashing against the shore.
"I love you"
There was never a lie, that hurt me as much as those empty words you used to control me.
"I love you"
But you never loved me... and I did love you.
I feel like I’m going crazy falling in and out of love with you.
~s~
Love is
Written by me
Love is not a fairytale, love is not a one way street. Love is hard, it takes two, it takes work, it takes letting go of past relationships and giving someone a chance, it takes communication and understanding that we are all only human. We all make mistakes, love is being able to accept someone despite their flaws and being able to forgive, love is being able to care about someone else’s feelings as much as your own and figuring out a way to make it work even though it won’t always be easy. I have learned the hard way that love isn’t always easy, and I know that I am far from perfect, I make mistakes on a daily basis and I’m no good at love. I’m so used to being hurt that it’s hard for me to trust anyone, it’s hard for me not to use past relationships as a reason I am the way I am, because when we are hurt it changes us. But I am trying, and hoping that one day maybe I will actually be able to love someone the way they deserve to be loved. Because that’s honestly all I want, to be loved and to love in return, I’m tired of heartache and pain, I’m tired of fighting, being used and abused. I just want to get it right for once.
~s~
Boys break too
Written by me đź’”
You can see it in his stormy eyes,
His broken smile,
Under the surface,
Deep inside where you can’t see,
He is falling apart,
He is scared to let it out.
He pushes her away and closes his heart,
It hurts too much to bare,
He tries to let go.
His stormy eyes,
Show he lies when he says he is okay.
His broken smile,
Gives it all away, he is falling apart over you.
Boys break too,
They just pretend not to.
~s~
The rain keeps coming, The water keeps rising, The waves keep growing, I keep sinking, I don’t even fight it, I have given up long ago. This was my last resort. I’m gone.
~s~
Walking around in the pouring rain, nobody notices a ghost in the streets.
Oh sweet escape, I welcome the darkness The quiet and stillness. It’s been so long since I have had a chance to rest and I appreciate the silence. No more running around in circles; nothing exists now. Time it’s self stands still from this point on. I am stuck inside infinity, I guess this is what death is; no heaven or hell. Just wandering around in the darkness. You cannot sleep, or eat, or talk, you just exist in this void. Just stuck here picturing every memory, every moment. Feeling the tears of everyone who loved you like fire inside of you. I wonder how long this last? Forever?
~s~
Thoughts of him
My thoughts of you aren’t right. You broke me, and used me.. But still I love you. I want you more than anything I have ever wanted. Like a junkie looking for thier next hit I crave you. You are my greatest high and my worst low. But I still love you.
~s~
2 am
It’s 2 am and all I can think of is you. your smile. your face. your laugh. your lips. our lips. Ice cold memories, like waves crash down. The kind of memories you keep locked away so they can’t break you. Tonight im not strong enough to hold them back. I’m not strong enough to save myself. It’s 2 am and all I can think of is you. your smile. your face. your laugh. your lips. our lips. It’s 2am and I would rather think of anything else but you.
Coping
The taste of this alcohol is better than the taste of your lips. You aren't worth all of the tears I have cried. The sting in the back of my throat is better than the pain in my chest, where my hear used to be. The darkness is better than looking into your deep blue eyes. Sad music is more comforting than the echo of you voice in my ear. Running until I can't breathe feels better than watching you be happy in someone else's arms. Sleeping is better than facing reality and realizing that you don't love me anymore. And dying, well dying is better than living a lie.
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Depression.
I shut myself down, And lock myself up. I’m trapped, I can’t escape myself, I’m stuck inside of my head again. I’m so cold, It’s so dark and damp, I can feel the cement pressed against my cheek, I can’t see anything but shadows, shadows that close in around me, I want to scream but I lack the air in my lungs, A voice whispers “No one really cares anyway. No one will hear you anyway. Just give up, you brought this on yourself” All of this pain now turns to nothing but cold and numbness as the life drains out of me. This is my last attempt. Maybe I have finally done what I couldn’t actually accomplish before. Maybe this time no one will save me.
~s~
These smiles hide the truth, Behind them there is nothing left but emptiness Where a beautiful young girl once lived. ~s~
Small town life Photocredit to myself. @tainted.vision.photography
Stars
Late nights counting stars, Just wasting time, Looking for a shooting star, These stars are my escape, I’ll wish myself away, To a different life, A different time, Leave this broken heart behind, One day that shooting star will come, To carry me away.
~s~