Stephen Vollo (American) - Strainer, Paintings: Oil on Canvas on Panel
I used to have that exact strainer. It was in a box of hand-me-down kitchen things from my grandmother when I got my first apartment in 1996. It broke last year.
Anyway, this is a painting.
This is the best strainer in the world and i check the housewares aisle in every thrift store I visit hoping to find another one. No strainer has ever been able to live up to this icon, this superstar, this vision of grace and elegance.
It’s the two-quart Tupperware colander. The handle is large and sturdy but still comfortable to hold in your hand. The ridge on the end helps it fit on any size pot you need to rest it over. The little feet at the bottom let you drain directly into the sink without leaving the contents sitting in a puddle. It’s got a spout on both sides so you can pour comfortably from the left or right hand, towards or away from yourself as needed. The holes are at the bottom so you can control where strained liquids flow, large enough to drain quickly, small enough to keep from losing bits of food through them. The bright yellow colour is easy to spot in the back of a cupboard or dishwasher.
I am passionate about this specific strainer in a way that I am not passionate about anything else in my life. I would run back into a burning building to rescue this strainer. This strainer is my go-to wedding or housewarming gift. This strainer is my beloved family member. I have shared more meals with this strainer than I have with anyone else in my life. This strainer has never, ever let me down. It is the most perfectly designed item I have ever seen or handled in my life. Every aspect of this strainer is made to maximize convenience and functionality. It is flawless, a form of complete and total perfection. If you told me this strainer was the face of God, recreated on Earth in Their image, I would believe you.
Anyway, this is the best painting I’ve ever seen and they should take down the Mona Lisa so there’s an appropriate space to hang it in the Louvre.
Thank you for that eloquent review to go along with this impressive painting!
If anyone else is inspired to look up the two-quart Tupperware colander, I'll save you a few keystrokes. Amazon has in stock (in several colors, no less). I imagine some other stores do as well.
Anyways, I already have two metal colanders that make a horrible mess every time they're used, and I'm gonna buy myself a blue one of these. Thanks!
