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This post is just a cry for help

ratguzzler-deactivated20181213

i know the well of thanos jokes has run dry but this is such a fucking funny gif its probably the funniest punch ive ever seen. he just lays into him so hard and his ultra high tech suit does fuck all like its a bouncer just putting all his weight into hitting a drunk guy in the jaw i love this fucking gif so much i could write a dissertation about it

pokemon-brofessor

This looks like that giant mushroom gif

moyurukoda

Cinematic parallels

warandpeas

Today’s the exact middle of the year! 182 days are over, 182 days to come. Time to take a look at our Top 10 comics so far…

thailol-deactivated20151204

nahhhkev-deactivated20150212

I’m yelling quietly

tinynebula

mit rhodey and tony

imposterogers

some cop, unlucky enough to pull over captain america of all people: sir um could I see ur… uh… license?

steve rogers, someone who never bothered to get one: …..no

imposterogers

the cop, flustered, about to pass out, staring as his notepad: how long have u….. drive….. no license… illegal???

steve, a little shit, slowly driving away to avoid conflict: since,,,, world war…. two

the cop lets him go. he’s forgotten all his training. its a hopeless situation. when he gets back to the station everyone laughs in his face. he’s humiliated. captain america doesn’t have a license???? preposterous!!!

steve’s done it again, he’s beaten the system.

gen-zee

I love how confused adults get with our humor and vine refrences cause like i just replied to my brother with ‘four female ghostbusters?? the feminist are taking over!!’ and he just screams ‘IM AN ADULT VIRGIN’ and my mom still has no idea what we’re talking about

curiosityisfatal-deactivated202

Sometimes I fear we accidentally created a new language

gen-zee

why fear it when you can embrace it

wildlyunlikelybabe

We actually have…an updated version. You know how the idioms we have are said but never finished because it’s assumed that as long as the person you’re talking to speaks the same language they’ll understand the rest?

Ie. Jack of all trades master of none->better than a master of one

Great minds think alike->but fools rarely differ

Over time the second half gets lost because it’s been passed down orally so some idioms meanings have been warped but that’s a different conversation (ie. “Blood is thicker than water” is actually “the blood of the convent is thicker than the water of the womb”)

Vine are like that for us. You only need say the first half and every person under 30 knows the second half, no context needed. It’s cool as shit how the internet has done that for us. Vine sayings have become idioms in a sense…

gen-zee

road work ahead??

arachnaboy-deactivated20240429

UHHHH YEAH I SURE HOPE IT DOES

power-chords

So, when my maternal grandmother died, we had to find loving, permanent homes for all five of her cats because otherwise she would have risen from the grave to kill the entire family. We took in Chloe because Chloe was my grandmother’s favorite, and she made my mom promise to look after her. Now my mother treats Chloe like her third child, and the cat is basically plastered to her 24/7 when she isn’t hiding from some imagined enemy like the dustbuster or my dad’s footsteps.

Anyway, we wound up giving the rest of the cats to this couple that runs a joint called Kitty Korner. They try to find loving homes for all the cats they take in, but will care for the unadoptables (read: assholes) for the rest of their lives. That’s great, because one of the cats we gave to these poor women was Tobey. I have no idea why my grandmother ever adopted Tobey. He was a huge schmuck. The most handsome orange tomcat you ever saw, and he loved to crawl in your lap. But if you ever tried to touch him, he would switch immediately into Kill Mode and you could say goodbye to your hand. Needless to say, having him in your lap was awkward. It was like holding a bomb.

Kitty Korner sends us detailed letters every year to give us updates on how Tobey’s doing. Basically, they are status reports on how much of a douche Tobey is and continues to be. These women are saints. I guess they really like cats, because these letters are like a full page of single-spaced text. But more or less, they amount to:

2003: Tobey has a real colorful personality! But, uh, we don’t think he’s suited for adoption yet

2004: Nope, still not suited for adoption

2005: I think this is pretty much a lost cause

2006: WTF

2007: Tobey is trying to kill us and every other cat in the house

2008: Tobey is still trying to kill us and every other cat in the house

2009: Tobey is a vicious dictator and can only find pleasure in the subjugation of other organisms

BUT!!!! The past few years, Tobey has apparently been making steady improvement. And in our most recent letter, we have been informed that he is no longer doing things like venturing upstairs expressly to beat the living shit out of the other cats at Kitty Korner. He will also let you pet him, and when he’s had enough he’ll give a warning nip instead of removing your limb. In fact, Tobey, at a ripe old age of 14, is ready for a new home! With an experienced cat owner, comes the necessary caveat, and like… no kids. At all. Ever. Or other cats, probably. But at least he’s no longer a psychopath.

power-chords

WE GOT ANOTHER LETTER FROM KITTY KORNER AND WE THOUGHT TOBEY HAD FINALLY KICKED THE BUCKET BUT IN FACT HE HAS FOUND A NEW HOME, AT AGE 16, WITH AN ELDERLY MAN WHO RECENTLY LOST HIS OWN CAT.

I MAY CRY.

power-chords

2/1/2016: old man Tobey still loving his forever home :’)

dispetrichordia

Amazing

geekerypeekery

The adoption story to end all adoption stories. Hey, does Kitty Korner have a Kickstarter anywhere?

power-chords

The outpouring of love for this post is amazing! I’m going to cry at the office.

They do not have a Kickstarter, however, as a no-kill foster home run exclusively through volunteer work, they always welcome donations and you also have the ability to sponsor a cat. You’ll get detailed photos and status reports on your kitty, and should he or she get a happy ending like Tobey, you’ll be the first to know!

My grandmother was a card-carrying crazy cat lady until the day she died, and she was a big supporter of Kitty Corner. The women who run it are as devoted to rescue animals as she was her entire life. Wherever she is now, she’d be humbled to know just how many people were touched by Tobey’s comeback story.

kimmyspetals

I’m not crying, you are… 😭😭😭

sarabeth72

Aw, Tobey.

kingsteve011

The cast of Stranger Things wishes Steve Harrington a ‘Happy Father’s Day’

guys…YES

kneelb4kesha

@fleamontpotter

cungadero

“stop drawing porn of a gorilla fucking a hamster because the hamster might be underage” is the single funniest microcosm of the state of discourse on this website i’ve ever seen and i’m not gonna get over it anytime soon

chikier

whenever somebody responds with “I beg your pardon?” assert your dominance by announcing “Then Beg.”

knaveofmogadore

I just wanna let y’all know that you do fanfic tropes all of the time, we just don’t describe them like beginning writers do. You:

Push your shoes off with your toes or with the tip of your shoe, most likely. Props for drama if you yank your converse or your vans or your boots off like a soldier in a scyfi drama, but otherwise, you’re “toeing your shoes off”

Humans are much better at dissecting scents than we give ourselves credit for. If you sit there long enough, you could dissect how your friend smells. I smell like “old, beat up cars, the sour citrus he isn’t supposed to have, and something musty and natural and unique to him that clings to all of his clothes.” In order that’s old flannel, three day old hair mousse, and fish tank water. Smells like cigarettes and oils cling to your clothes, stuff like fishtanks and the food in your kitchen seeps into your belongings. Don’t feel bad about describing scents, people carry our houses with us everywhere.

Have you ever pet someone else’s hair? That’s “carding your fingers through.” That’s it. It’s the same thing.

Ever walked around barefoot? Its three am and you’re trying to make Dark Lunch? You’ve padded around. You signal to other people nonverbally whether its coughing or sighing that you’re there so that you don’t scare them.

Smirking is a thing most of us do with our face. Grinning, looking cheeky, and raising our eyebrows are also all things your face does. Sorry :/

You might not get this if you’re a straight girl whose never had sex, but sometimes that little strip of skin between ya shirt and ya hips? The mouth can go there. That’s an intimate place to touch and its a vulnerable place to be exposed. Overused maybe, but a valid way to show a shift in the situation.

We all sigh!! Are some of y’all really saying that sighing isn’t a thing you do ten thousand times a week?? You don’t sigh when someone says something stupid as shit?? You don’t sigh when you gotta get up??

SAID IS A VALID WORD

Everything on your face casts shadows, I’m sorry you have weak eyelashes, or that somehow your brows are flat with your eyeballs

People laugh silently! I’m sorry you’ve never laughed that hard!! People giggle! People snort! People double over and move and flail! Have you ever fucking laughed?

For that matter how do y’all not blush and can you teach me

I’d also like to say sorry if: your heart has never skipped a beat reading something terrible, or when you saw someone you liked even platonically, or if you’ve never been so surprised all you could do was blink, that you never looked at someone like you loved them, and that you somehow never fucking show any emotion in your voice or your posture at all

Tl;Dr: Some of y’all are dragging people for shit you don’t know how to describe and damn if you ain’t still reading things and then telling beginning writers that they’re describing impossible things and writing weirdly when y’all don’t even write shit, its obnoxious as hell. To y’all that do write and are aggressively against this post, I bet you sure as hell use EPITHETS INAPPROPRIATELY ANYWAY, DON’T YA?

ltleflrt

As someone who read voraciously for decades before discovering fanfic in my 30s, I can tell you something else this post doesn’t address:

THESE ARE NOT FANFICTION-CENTRIC. THIS STUFF IS HOW WRITING IS WRITTEN IN ALL FICTION.

parkrstarkwrites

And let me tell you something, I used to be a Tony hater, and I used to tell everyone that the problem with everything was Tony and only him, and I irrationally hated him. I'll let you in on a little secret: At that time, I had not seen any of his movies. None of them. So I was talking nonsense because I didn't bother to check my facts about the character. So next time you guys see someone saying something ridiculous about him, you know why. Now, he's my fav character.

Thank you! So many people are afraid to admit this…can I tell you a secret (that if you’ve been following me for a while, you already know…) I used to not be able to stand Peter. I really didn’t like his character in civil war. I’m not sure why. I just didn’t. But then I watched homecoming and FELL IN LOVE. I would legit do anything for him.

I think it’s cool how much that can change!

heckitsfandomtime

Hello I would like to add to this that: I used to hate Steve, I mean hate him. I had no reason to but I found him useless and why is he even here?? But, you know what? I hadn’t seen any of the Captain America films. And now? I love him and I respect his character with all my being because I realise that he deserves his place as an Avenger, as the First Avenger, as much as anyone else.

officialcaptainrum

au where the government incarcerate bucky in a high security secret facility and the avengers just conspire and break him out and when a government official comes to stark tower and is like ‘hey give barnes back’ tony is just like ‘he’s not here’ and the dude is all ‘he is sat right there’ and tony just goes 'nah thats my cousin sergei’ and the government can’t do anything bc technically bucky barnes has been dead for 70 years and every year the facility gets a christmas card from the tower signed steve, tony, clint, natasha, bruce, thor and 'cousin sergei’ and the card is just a picture of bucky with reindeer antlers on

kolyafarrell

cousin SERGEI just made my day

bpdbot

sometimes i have too many emotions and sometimes i have none at all but i always always feel like i’m drowning

thesaurio

Learn how to swim Bitch

bpdbot

i made this post when i was in A Mood and all the replies are so angst and depressing except this Whole Ass Mood. Learn how to swim Bitch it’s 2018 we’re dealing with our problems