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@hedge-rambles
it looks like aâŠheh⊠like a p
Holeh. Shit.
The Pearl With The Girl Earring by Olaf Falafel
Lots of drama in our household
The people who insist AI is smarter than a human are doing their fucking damnedest to manifest that
ĐĐ” ĐČĐ”ŃĐžŃĐ”. ĐĐŸĐČĐ”ŃĐžŃĐ”.
Do not trust: verify.
The long-lost remains of King Alfred the Great have been found buried under a car park, investigators claim.
Alfred died in 899, and his bones were repeatedly moved. He was buried in Winchester Cathedral until 1110, when his remains were moved to Winchester's Hyde Abbey, where they were interred before the high altar between the bodies of his wife and son. The abbey was demolished after the dissolution of the monasteries in 1539, and the place was left in ruins. In 1866, during construction of a workhouse on the site, the English antiquarian John Mellor excavated the area, found what he thought were Alfred's bones and had them reburied at nearby St. Bartholemewâs Church. But in 2013, when archaeologists exhumed and carbon-dated the bones from St. Bartholomewâs churchyard, they proved to date from over 200 years after Alfredâs death - sparking Graham's interest and search. He said: "Whoeverâs bones they were, they werenât Alfredâs. So, I decided to discover what happened to them. "The quest has taken me 13 years.â
shut up they did not find another goddamn king under another goddamn car park
Wait, shit, I saw this go past a few times and wasn't paying attention because like, old news.
But I was thinking of Richard III, what do you mean they found a second one?
nigel farage resigning to reset the clock on his financial investigation & prove his mandate has backfired spectacularly. he's about to spend weeks of his life battling for his political career one on one against a man with a bin on his head. and he might lose. this is why we play the game.
for the non-british, i gotta tell you about this because it's a beautiful reality
nigel farage is, if you're blissfully unfamiliar, a pissbaby who wants to ride on the trump playbook into power. his party, filling the power vacuum of the dying conservative party, has gained a worrying degree of popularity in a very short time, despite spending most of his time getting 'milkshaked'.
it'd be funny if it wasn't scary. the conservative party, which has been the shitty right-wing party of the uk since the beginnings of its weird as shit democracy, is on the precipice of collapse, and into that gap has come farage with the 'reform' party. it's far-right and it's currently very popular and it's very very fragile. nigel farage is its sole face. it requires him to function and without him the movement has no establishment figurehead.
so. farage is a member of parliament (you basically need to be one to be a prime minister) who's eyeing the PM job in a couple years. he's got a non-zero chance of making that happen. but his party has to survive to the finish line, and he needs to be an MP to make it happen.
this situation became tenuous for him when it turned out he'd been taking millions of pounds of mysterious backhanders juuust before he was elected from, primarily, a crypto billionaire and a man named 'posh george'. all in all he pocketed ÂŁ5 million for fully unclear purposes. you're supposed to declare anything above ÂŁ300 received in the last 12 months when you get elected to parliament. you see the issue.
so there's a parliamentary investigation going on, and how is farage to stop such a thing? well...
at a time where his position is tenuous, he can stop the clock, make every news cycle about him, and reinvigorate his base and mandate by resigning, triggering a local election, and then standing in that election. in his area no party stands a chance of being the One True Opposition against him; they'd just split all the votes amongst each other and farage comes out on top having tamped down the whole 'millions of dollars of ??? money' thing. genius, thinks farage.
seeing that it's a fool's errand, though, no party has taken the bait. everyone has allowed him to run unopposed.
except this guy.
this is count binface. his entire career is being The Guy Who Stands In Elections. if the prime minister's local election is getting contested, he's there.
nigel farage is in a one-on-one battle for his political future, and the future of his party, against someone he never thought he'd be directly pitted against, and who now, if he remains the sole other candidate, controls the narrative for the next few weeks of his life. it's Farage v Binface.
what does binface stand for, though? is he just a guy with a bin on his head? well, he's got strong opinions on stuff. here's his manifesto from when he ran for mayor of london:
the only thing that really remains consistent between his manifestos is the hand dryer thing. it's fair enough.
all this to say. it's a non-zero chance that, with a single unity candidate against farage, people just say 'fuck it' and tick count binface on the ballot.
and now nigel farage and his team have to stay up at night sweating about it.
sweet dreams.
I love getting unaccompanied minors (kids flying alone) who so clearly just. Don't want to be here lol. Sometimes I get to know a little of their story, like their parents are divorced, or a family member died and they're heading to the funeral, but usually they just don't want to talk about it and that's fine. But I always treat the flight like it's a challenge to make them smile. I offer them snacks and soda but that's never enough, that's whatever, they could get those from an airport vending machine. Chump change. So then I tell the worst jokes. Just the most embarrassing, kindergarten teacher, annoying dad jokes you can think of. And those always get a groan, or a "Seriously??" And that's my in! Now I can say "Why, what's your idea of a good joke? No, come on hotshot, make your best joke, let's see it." And they hem and they haw but of course they eventually tell me their very best joke because kids are little competitive comedy goldmines. And it's always super funny, so I laugh, and that's where they slip up. Because you know what you almost always do when your joke successfully makes someone laugh? You smile. And I'm like. Gotcha. Rookie move. Now you're going to end up having a good time in spite of yourself. I win.
Did this with an 11yo u.m. today and he said "What did the ghost say to the other ghost?" And I said "What?" "Nothing. Ghosts aren't real."
I'm literally a flight attendant, offering snacks and drinks is my job
No this is book accurate
so many misguided metaphors around violence and desire. if the open maw of a panting beast fills you with the want to be devoured, that does not make you prey. while the rabbit trembles in fear, its deepest desire is to run. evolution demands it. in fact, the desire to be eaten does not make you any small animal at all.
it makes you a fruit.
"Metal Gear Solid"
yeah, it should be
it is funny when I get asks like âhavenât seen grim in a while. is she okay?? is she dead? do you love her?â and then while Iâm typing an answer, Grim is sprawled across my arm like this
donât look at all my lip balms
there are four coasters and you put the coffee cup on a book
don't look at that either
Whenever I think about the value of something being done by a person who really understands the job from a lifetime of experience, I think of my first restaurant job. My goal was to work every position, and I started with a year and a half in the dish pit at 16yo.
When i started as a dishwasher, i was trained by an old career dish pit man named Claudio. He'd spent his whole life washing dishes. It allowed him to move to just about any city in the world that he wanted to and get a job without having to deal with complex hiring processes or strict resumé requirements. Which was the main thing he wanted out of a career. I still think about him.
He'd seen a lot of people come through that station who either didn't consider it a real job or thought it was beneath them, on their way to "better" or "more important" things. And, in retrospect, those first two days he was sort of doing the minimum with me that he could do and still respect himself when he told the manager he'd trained me.
But, maybe it was because i was really interested in learning all the positions there were in a restaurant because i knew they were ALL important, or because i was a hard worker, or maybe it was because i tried to have real conversations with him in my broken spanish and did my best to not make him speak any english unless he wanted to, but after a couple days there was a big shift in the way he and i worked together, and he started to really teach me.
That place ran the dish pit with one dishwasher, so when he was done training me I was going to be doing the job on my own.
The thing that stuck with me the most, for the rest of my restaurant career, was this... and it wasn't just the actual things he was saying, but a completely new way of looking at what i was doing within the context of how the restaurant ran. I came in for my 3rd day and he said
"When you work alone, you want to go home by midnight?"
we clocked on at 3:30 and took a half hour lunch break and usually skipped our tens, so, yeah i absolutely did want to get off work by midnight
Then, even tho i already knew where most of everything was by that time, he took me around and showed me all the dishes, cups, pots and pans, spatulas, silverware, had me look at all of it. Then he told me to remember that almost every one of the dishes I was looking at would be used more than once by the end of our shift- we were clocking on to wash the entire building full of dishes multiple times.
Then he led me back over to the industrial dishwasher most restaurants have, which looks like this:
and then this 60 year old career dishwasher from Mexico City said the thing that changed how I looked at restaurant jobs forever
"This machine takes two full minutes to run a cycle. We are on the clock for 8 hours. That means we have a maximum of 240 times we can run this machine. If you want to wash all those dishes, clean your station, mop, and clock off by midnight? This machine has to be on and running every second of the shift.
If you don't have a full load of dishes collected, scraped, rinsed, stacked, and ready to go into the dishwasher the second it's done every single time? You can't do it. If, over the course of 8 hours, you let this machine lay idle for just one minute in between finishing each load and being turned on again? Instead of 240 loads, you'll do 160 loads.
[like, literally, he had done this math, he had these exact figures]
160 loads instead of 240 loads means you are doing 20 loads in an hour instead of 30 loads. That means the dishes are going to pile up. The cooks will run out of pots and pans and will have to stop and wait for you, the servers will run out of plates and cups and have to stop and wait for you, and your night is going to SUCK. Every part of how this restaurant works can grind to a halt because of that idle minute between dish loads, and if it does you'll have an entire building of people in a hurry and all waiting on you.
And it means you're going to be here until 2 am doing the 200+ loads of dishes this restaurant goes through every night.
For this to work, you MUST have this dishwasher on and running every minute of the shift. As soon as you turn it on you have two minutes to have the next load ready. See these large items i put to the side down here? One or two of them takes up all the space in the machine. I keep them here so that if the machine finishes and shuts off before i'm ready for it i can stick one of these in there and turn it on again immediately. You have to think like that to do this job without stress."
The way he was looking at how the whole restaurant ran, the way he was looking at how he'd spend each minute of the entire shift, the way he broke down what the physical limits were and how to max them out so he could do his job and go home on time without stressing out... The way this 60 year old guy, who had never had professional ambitions beyond being a dishwasher, was still such a competent and brilliant expert in his field.
It was all such an important lesson, and one that stayed with me through every position i went on to work in restaurants, dish pit, busser, server, cook, all the way up through manager before I finally got out of my restaurant career
Claudio never wanted to be anything but a dishwasher who didn't stay any later than he had to.
But he knew how that restaurant ran better than most of the other people in it. I never had a chance to truly thank him for the specific lesson he taught me, because while it had an immediate impact, I didn't really understand how valuable a lesson it was until much later.
But I've thought about Claudio and what i learned from him many MANY times in my life.
All of this. Disaster befalls any company that holds no regard for the expertise of the lowest level staff.
In my younger years I worked at a medical office that managed both mental health and addiction recovery. The company had purchased an empty lot down the road from the building we rented to build a better facility with larger capacity. The CEO worked for months with the architect, and just as they were finalizing everything they happened to let me - who was the receptionist at that time - take a gander at the blueprints. It took all of three seconds for two major issues to jump out at me.
âThe receptionist canât see the waiting room from her desk with this layout.â I said. âItâs around the corner and blocked by a wall.â
âIs that important?â They asked.
âDo you want me to be able to keep track of the patients who are waiting?â I asked.
âIsnât that what the sign-in sheet is for?â They asked me.
âNot everyone who comes here is signing in for an appointment, some are coming to check in, some people are here for the group therapy and need to be directed to the other side of the building, some people are painfully shy and if I donât appear warm and inviting they wonât approach.â I explain.
âHow often does that even happen?â They asked.
âEvery day.â I explain.
âBullshit.â They said.
âIâm not joking at all. Also, where is the chart room?â I asked.
âOh, over here.â They said, pointing to a tiny closet on the far side of the building from the receptionist and check out desks. It was tucked neatly beside the CEOâs office. To get there the secretaries would have to go through two sets of security doors and it would be a five minute walk each way.
âWhy isnât it next to the front office, since thatâs where the people who use it are?â I asked.
âWe had concerns about people just going into the chart room to goof off and not do their work. It takes them away from their desks too much. You should only go in the chart room twice a day - once in the morning to pull the charts for the day, and once in the evening to put way the charts. It would remain locked and the CEO would have the key and let you in to supervise.â They said.
âWe pull charts the day before so everything is ready to go and we can alert staff if a patient with additional needs is coming in. We have to go in the chart room every time a patient calls in thatâs having a problem with their meds or is in crisis or otherwise has a question for the nurse. We have to go in there every time someone cancels and we are able to fit a waitlisted patient in. We go in there 20 - 30 times a day for legitimate reasons. The only reason any of us has ever gone in there to take a minute was when we got news that a patient had died and we were crying. And even then, we filed charts as we sobbed because no one in this office has free time.â
They stared at me.
âSit with me for an hour and see what happens up here.â I said.
They took the blueprints away from me before I could keep looking at them, but they took me up on sitting with me. They didnât last an hour. They changed the blueprints to fix both things Iâd pointed out.
Unfortunately, they didnât let me keep looking at it and they never asked the janitor what he thought, so no one caught the final fatal flaw in the design.
There were no closets in the entire building. Nowhere to put our supplies. And Iâm not talking just a place for stationary and pens. I mean no janitorial closet. Nowhere to put paper towels and toilet paper or cleaning products. Nowhere to put holiday decorations or anything at all. They completely forgot about storage of any kind and immediately started eyeballing my hard-won chart room for it.
They wound up putting all the supplies in the cabinets under the sinks in the public bathrooms. And, surprising to no one, all of it got stolen after our first week in the new building. All our spare keyboards and monitors and phones and even our paper towels just walked out of the building. Because the CEO who had never worked a lower level job in his life wasnât convinced closets were worth it.
I think a fundamental issue that much of this highlights is that businesses tend to be run by career managers. People who haven't worked in the lower levels for years, if ever at all. Who either get promoted internally or move to a higher paying job somewhere else (where they definitely haven't done the basic work).
Which shapes a bunch of corporate ideas about how jobs are supposed to work. The career manager is focused on promotion, of going up the ladder. That's their whole deal really. And they tend to think of that drive, that want, as a fundamental aspect of "what makes a good worker", because look at how successful they and all their little manager friends have been! They only want to hire people who have that same aspiration because, to them, that's the mark of Someone Worth Hiring.
Which is kinda fucking stupid. Because of how numbers work. I.e. there will always be way more employees than managers. You can't have everyone wanting to be promoted, because where the fuck are they going to go? It's the Infinite Growth fallacy in microcosm.
You don't want everyone to want to be promoted! To move up that ladder! You need a solid base of people who are perfectly fine washing pots or pouring drinks or whatever and being fucking excellent at it forever!
You need to be hiring people with no aspirations greater than "I want to do this job", because that's how you get experienced, talented staff who don't fuck off after a year meaning you need to hire and train someone new.
Because these people are worth 10 go-getters who aspire to managerhood. Because they're the ones who keep your business running.
what the hell is going on
i believe in you Binface. you can do it. this could be your moment.
Please god it would be so funny
there is no downside to voting for Count Binface. its not taking away from other candidates bcos they aren't any and the more votes he gets the stupider Farage looks.
for people out of the loop:
Nigel Farage is the leader of Reform UK, a far right party who are currently in the process of a serious bid to become the UK government. they are just straight up evil.
Count Binface is an intergalactic space warrior with a bin on his head. he likes to run as a novelty candidate in general and mayoral elections. a big thing he likes to do is run as a candidate against the incumbent prime minister:
(Also pictured: Boris Johnson, Elmo)
Anyway, in brief:
Nigel Farage is currently in the midst of a big scandal about his finances
He has decided to deal with this by 1) making a show of nobly resigning from parliament and then 2) immediately running in the resulting by-election
He has stated that he is letting 'the people' judge his actions and implied that if he wins that will prove that he has been exonerated in the court of public opinion
His goal was presumably to get a big resounding win over the other parties, proving that The People still love him.
the other parties have thus far decided that this is a 'vanity election' and, well, there is one very easy way to ensure that he will not beat any of them, and that is simply not to play.
and as a result the only person who has so far confirmed they are running against him is Count Binface. no matter the outcome this makes Nigel Farage look like, u know, a fucking clown.
So what happens if Count Binface actually wins? Does he join Parliament? Does he have to take the bin off his face?
I've seen some people saying he would have to give up his title but it would seem that is no longer the case as of 1999; so, no, he can keep his ceremonial bin if he wishes.
Important to note also that Count Binface is the alter ego of comedian & political satirist Jon Harvey who seems to be an intelligent individual with reasonable politics. As I said no real downside.
The no hats rule clearly does not apply to him. He is not wearing a hat. It's a bin.
My favourite part of this so far is that, owing to the BBC's charter of neutrality, they have to interview Count Binface and his representatives (he has none) on equal terms to Farage. So he has appeared on a very serious, very straight laced British News Show.
The two 'earthlings' in this video, Justin Webb and Nick Robinson, are known for being impeccably well read and well researched, for giving politicians really harsh, uncomprimising interviews, for reporting unflinchingly on massacres of civillians in Gaza, Sudan, and Iran, for speaking truth to power. And today they interviewed Count Binface. There are two possible outcomes here: 1) Farage wins and his investigation by the commons standards comission gets immediately reopened (and there's a motion in parliament at the moment to continue the investigation while Farage isn't an MP, and of course he didn't turn up to argue his point), and we're back where we started, or 2) Farage loses to a fecking bin. And I'm honestly not sure which is funnier